The Swamp

A co-worker just stopped himself mid-piss to pull out his wallet to try and pay me for the office bracket pool. I didn't have any change on me. Hope he washes his hands before he makes it down to my office later.

Maybe you should stop asking people for money in the men's room.

rass wrote:A co-worker just stopped himself mid-piss to pull out his wallet to try and pay me for the office bracket pool. I didn't have any change on me. Hope he washes his hands before he makes it down to my office later.

How do you stop yourself mid-piss? Once I start, I can't stop, although I guess I haven't really practiced.

What a completely insane thing to do.

I was about to leave.

Shirley wrote:

rass wrote:A co-worker just stopped himself mid-piss to pull out his wallet to try and pay me for the office bracket pool. I didn't have any change on me. Hope he washes his hands before he makes it down to my office later.

How do you stop yourself mid-piss? Once I start, I can't stop, although I guess I haven't really practiced.

Start working on your kegel exercises. Your wife will thank you.

Or his wife can just wait 45 seconds longer to borrow some cash.

JPoops wrote:Maybe you should stop asking people for money in the men's room.

Golf clap

mister d wrote:Or his wife can just wait 45 seconds longer to borrow some cash.

Nothing like some bathroom humor to get the swamp going.

I think we can all agree....toilet paper hangs OVER the roll.

One time I was taking a piss at work when one of our auditors came out of the stall, said hello, and proceeded to exit without washing his hands. Never shook his hand again.

ZMan wrote:I think we can all agree....toilet paper hangs OVER the roll.

Yea, but do you know why that's the correct answer?

Because the toilet paper is embossed in such a fashion that going under-roll takes away from the aesthetics of the tissue.

I read that in, appropriately enough, in an Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. It referenced one of the most discussed Dear Abby questions of all time.

Yea, I hate that I know stupid shit like that.

Johnnie wrote:

ZMan wrote:I think we can all agree....toilet paper hangs OVER the roll.

Yea, but do you know why that's the correct answer?

Because the toilet paper is embossed in such a fashion that going under-roll takes away from the aesthetics of the tissue.

I read that in, appropriately enough, in an Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. It referenced one of the most discussed Dear Abby questions of all time.

Yea, I hate that I know stupid shit like that.

The occasional post like that are the only thing that keep you from being banned.

That and a big fucking discrimination lawsuit.

I think that was just Abby and/or John rolling their eyes, and making some shit up so they don't have to insult dear reader.

Johnnie wrote: the toilet paper is embossed in such a fashion that going under-roll takes away from the aesthetics of the tissue.

Ain't nobody going to call Johnnie out on this?

Embossed? Well, some has a pattern, sure, but the pattern is meaningless. The only place in the world you will find "patterned" hoop wad is in a household in which a female dwells. Men don't give a damn if they are cleaning their anus with kittens or angels. In fact, it seems sort of wrong to us. Walk in to a poop parlor in any public building. Those industrial rolls do not have designs; it's pretty much the same paper you get as receipts at stores or ATMs.

Aesthetics? What . . . really? The sense of art, beauty, philosophy . . . of toilet paper?

Damn, Johnnie. You almost got away with that.

Almost.

I'm talking about it in terms of how the roll is spooled. The pattern on the paper looks better when unrolled from off the top. So, from what I gathered from the thing I read in that book which referenced an article from way back when (that sounds clear enough, right?), the intent of how you unroll should then be over the top -- from the way the manufacturer sees it.

Really, you can't call it "correct" because preference is subjective. There's no "correct" room temperature setting or what color the rug should be, so I should have clarified. That's where I fucked up. That and using aesthetics incorrectly. I guess I meant presentation. It's supposed to "look better."

In reality, I set my roll of toiler paper perpendicularly on the spool. I hate that the placement of toilet paper holsters on a wall makes me wrench my back in one direction or the next. I'd rather just grab the damn thing and unroll a couple sheets. So, again, who am I to say "correct"?

Sidenotes not related to the "over or under" debate:

I don't care if I'm using 3-ply, I'm still wrapping that stuff around my hand.

Finally: Quilted Northern > Charmin.

You're all a bunch of Sallys. When I was growing up in logging camps we just used our left hands and then rinsed off in the mighty Skagit.

Johnny Hotcakes wrote:You're all a bunch of Sallys. When I was growing up in logging camps we just used our left hands and then rinsed off in the mighty Skagit.

You pussies rinsed your hands? Back in the coal mines of Cape Breton we'd just find some unsuspecting N'Waterford greener and slap 'em on the back.

What a waste. My Great Grandfather used to store his leftover dingleberries in a spitoon, which he then traded to the Haida for oceanfront property. And that is how we acquired the family homestead back in 1908.

You two are from Yorkshire, aren't you?

You pussies stand up to pee?

Johnny Hotcakes wrote:What a waste. My Great Grandfather used to store his leftover dingleberries in a spitoon, which he then traded to the Haida for oceanfront property. And that is how we acquired the family homestead back in 1908.

There's where Grandpa screw'd up. Scanless, dat. Ya' doesn't give the Haida no spittoon. Some scurvy-infested blankets and a pisscutter stationwagon would have done 'er enough. That's how we got the mining rights to Lingan Colliery, back in the day. And all we had to do was convince the Mi'kmaq that they could skidoo across the frozen St. Lawrence to score Marlboros for us. This, as it is well know, gave rise to the now famous Aboriginal drum chant, born right outta that very same '77 Volare, of "Start the car-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar. Start the car-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar."

i clicked on this thread expecting to see some mspaint work.

disappointed.


<leavesroomwithoutwashinghands>

Fucker still hasn't paid me.

So now you're bitching about not taking money in a bathroom.

You must sit down to piss.

My wife and I were discussing shitter etiquette the other day. When Mrs. Bfj has to deuce in a public place, she will wait until the bathroom is cleared before releasing. She doesn't want to make loud deuce dropping noises while others are there for fear of embarrassment. I laughed at this. You're in a bathroom with the door closed. Everyone knows why you're there, so why hold back?

Gentlemen, do you hold back? I'm not talking about a work environment where you have to see the people who may be in there and they may recognize your shoes. I'm talking about a public bathroom.

bfj wrote:My wife and I were discussing shitter etiquette the other day. When Mrs. Bfj has to deuce in a public place, she will wait until the bathroom is cleared before releasing. She doesn't want to make loud deuce dropping noises while others are there for fear of embarrassment. I laughed at this. You're in a bathroom with the door closed. Everyone knows why you're there, so why hold back?

Gentlemen, do you hold back? I'm not talking about a work environment where you have to see the people who may be in there and they may recognize your shoes. I'm talking about a public bathroom.

My wife does the exact same thing. I dont hold back at work, its bombs away as soon as I take a seat.

bfj wrote:Gentlemen, do you hold back? I'm not talking about a work environment where you have to see the people who may be in there and they may recognize your shoes. I'm talking about a public bathroom.

You gotta go, you gotta go. And what happens happens. If it follows that there should be an accompanying soundtrack, so be it.

If you have decent musical pitch and can identify notes, this can be useful skill in enhancing your experience. Such as . . . "Ah, that was an F#, followed by a sequence of A-minor notes, arpeggio."

I just don't go in public places

Brontoburglar wrote:I just don't go in public places

Shocking*


*Please note that this should be read with extreme sarcasm.

The Sybian wrote:

Brontoburglar wrote:I just don't go in public places

Shocking*


*Please note that this should be read with extreme sarcasm.

I think we had this conversation in the green swamp and I'm pretty sure that if I was on an island, it sure as hell was heavily populated.

P.D.X. wrote:“Allah detests it when two people relieve themselves uncovered and have a conversation.”

“When you go to the restroom, take three stones with you to clean yourself. That will suffice.”

Rocks, huh? A bit rough on the arse, Mohammad.

- Oh, great. There's no boulders in this stall. Hey, Akbar, *knock knock* pass under a couple of slabs, eh?
- Sorry, Abdul, I'm down to my last handful of gravel over here. I must speak with the management! This call-center never has decent poopstones.

Brontoburglar wrote:I just don't go in public places

SHITBRICK!

Keg wrote:

bfj wrote:My wife and I were discussing shitter etiquette the other day. When Mrs. Bfj has to deuce in a public place, she will wait until the bathroom is cleared before releasing. She doesn't want to make loud deuce dropping noises while others are there for fear of embarrassment. I laughed at this. You're in a bathroom with the door closed. Everyone knows why you're there, so why hold back?

Gentlemen, do you hold back? I'm not talking about a work environment where you have to see the people who may be in there and they may recognize your shoes. I'm talking about a public bathroom.

My wife does the exact same thing. I dont hold back at work, its bombs away as soon as I take a seat.

My job before the current, a friend and I had a contest to see if we could sound so awful (naturally) that the guy right outside the bathroom asked if everything were ok. We tried hard and did some great stuff but he never did.

(I don't talk to Missus D about this sort of thing in specific terms. Pretty girls don't poop.)

If I know that someone in the bathroom knows that I'm in the stall, then I will hold back. Same with farting at the urinal.

rass wrote:Fucker still hasn't paid me.

And he'll win the pool if Michigan wins tonight.

Civilian friends, does your place of business post urine color charts to remind you how hydrated/dehydrated you are?

This might still be a thing in the Air Force. I remember in my previous maintenance squadron they were up everywhere. I found it equal parts amusing and absurd that you needed to print out a color chart for piss and then recommend how much water I should drink based off of it.

rass wrote:

rass wrote:Fucker still hasn't paid me.

And he'll win the pool if Michigan wins tonight.

Perfect. If he wins, give the prize money to the runner up. You gotta pay to play.