The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by ZMan » Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:22 pm

Courtesy of the NY Post's weird but true section...
A homless woman defecated in a xxxxxxxxxx front yard and then broke into the home's backyard where she took a dip in the pool, police said.
Cheryl Beauchamp, 35, was booked on suspicion of burglary and criminal mischief. A xxxxxxxxxx police report said: "Cheryl advised me that she was passing through xxxxxxxxxx on her way to Washington DC, to yell at President Obama"
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:25 pm

I'd guess Florida, as it would be pretty cold in Ohio this time of year to be both homeless AND swimming.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Jerloma » Tue Apr 02, 2013 4:25 pm

Yeah but would you ever have to pass through Florida to get to DC? Was she coming from the Bahamas?
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DSafetyGuy » Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:57 pm

Jerloma wrote:Yeah but would you ever have to pass through Florida to get to DC? Was she coming from the Bahamas?
There are places in northern Florida one might pass through if headed to Washington DC from someplace in southern Florida.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DC47 » Tue Apr 02, 2013 6:04 pm

ZMan wrote:Courtesy of the NY Post's weird but true section...
A homless woman defecated in a xxxxxxxxxx front yard and then broke into the home's backyard where she took a dip in the pool, police said.
Cheryl Beauchamp, 35, was booked on suspicion of burglary and criminal mischief. A xxxxxxxxxx police report said: "Cheryl advised me that she was passing through xxxxxxxxxx on her way to Washington DC, to yell at President Obama"
One of the new Republican congresswomen then. And she's already a part of the leadership group.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Wed Apr 03, 2013 1:52 pm

Jerloma wrote:Yeah but would you ever have to pass through Florida to get to DC? Was she coming from the Bahamas?

Maybe she was a crazy homeless lady shitting in yards who didn't really have her story or directions straight?
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Tue May 07, 2013 5:57 am

I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Tue May 07, 2013 7:49 am

We don't have basements.
"Enjoyed this one," Gunpowder told the Burlington Observer. "But it's back to work tomorrow."

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by ZMan » Tue May 07, 2013 8:20 am

How the fuck does this shit happen? 10 years? Were they in a well in the basement? That's just some dedication to keep that shit under wraps in the goddamned burbs. Not exactly a remote location.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Tue May 07, 2013 8:30 am

Not to make light of the situation, but this interview with the neighbor who helped rescue the women is fanfuckingtastic:

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Tue May 14, 2013 6:54 am

I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by kranepool » Wed May 15, 2013 8:47 am

In what might be the most American way to accidentally shoot oneself, a [redacted] man shot himself while bowling last night, after his bowling ball came into contact with the loaded gun in his pocket.

"The guy just stepped up to bowl," fellow-bowler Jim Miller told [redacted]. "I think he hit his leg on his back swing."

The man shot himself around 7:30 last night while bowling at [redacted] Lanes. Another bowler reported that "The ball hit him in the leg, which triggered the revolver."

Witnesses originally thought the gunshot was a firecracker, but after watching the bowler limp back to his seat, holding his leg, they knew it was a gun.

He was taken to a hospital shortly after, but the man's injuries are not considered to be life-threatening.
Link
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Keg » Wed May 15, 2013 10:25 am

Dammit I missed that one!
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo » Thu May 16, 2013 8:02 am

Mallards rule.

So do cassowaries.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by brian » Thu May 16, 2013 4:59 pm

XXXXX curses more than any other state (and is ranked in the top 5 least courteous.)
Image

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo » Thu May 16, 2013 5:08 pm

brian wrote:XXXXX curses more than any other state (and is ranked in the top 5 least courteous.)
So fucking easy.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Johnny Carwash » Thu May 16, 2013 6:06 pm

Proud to see that my native state and current home state are in both the most courteous and most cursing rankings. Have a nice day, you cocksucking motherfuckers.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by brian » Fri May 31, 2013 2:19 pm

Image


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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo » Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:36 am

Mallards rule.

So do cassowaries.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by cerrano » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:09 pm

"i'm just a middle-aged black woman trying to get into the senate."

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Mon Jun 24, 2013 12:51 pm

An excerpt from an article on the threat of sea-level rise in South Florida (specifically Miami):
"There is no serious thinking, no serious planning, about any of this going on at the state level," says Chuck Watson, a disaster-­impact analyst with longtime experience in Florida. "The view is, 'Well, if it gets real bad, the federal government will bail us out.' It is beyond denial; it is flat-out delusional."

Local governments, including Broward and Miami-Dade counties, have tried to compensate by forging regional agreements to cut carbon pollution and upgrade infrastructure to make their cities more resilient, but without help (and money) from the state and federal governments, it's pretty ineffective. Given how much Florida has to lose from climate change, the abdication of leadership by state and federal politicians is almost suicidal – when it isn't downright comical. Watson recalls attending a meeting on natural-hazard-response planning in South Florida, funded by the Federal Emergency Management Agency and the state: "I mentioned sea-level rise, and I was treated to a 15-minute lecture on Genesis by one of the commissioners. He said, 'God destroyed the Earth with water the first time, and he promised he wouldn't do it again. So all of you who are pushing fears about sea-level rise, go back and read the Bible.'"
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DSafetyGuy » Mon Jun 24, 2013 2:29 pm

I read that article an smiled. Miami being eradicated is a huge plus.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo » Tue Jun 25, 2013 7:19 am

A XXXXXXXXX man, high on mushrooms, rips off part of his penis.

Although, this might not technically qualify because the incident occurred in QQQQQQQQQQQ.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Tue Jun 25, 2013 7:30 am

YYYYYYYYYY??????
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Tue Jun 25, 2013 11:03 am

I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Fri Jun 28, 2013 1:02 pm

ugh
A XXXX man was arrested for strangling his mother's puppy, cutting it up and then cooking it, police said Friday.

...

On Thursday morning, he strangled the 5 to 6-month-old puppy, killing him, police said. Huggins then cut up the dog into quarters and put it in the freezer for future meals, XXXX Police said.

Later that night, a family member called police, and when authorities arrived they found the dog's ribs being cooked on the stove, and its head in the garbage, police said.
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by brian » Fri Jul 05, 2013 12:34 pm

Image

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Thu Jul 11, 2013 7:25 am

I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DSafetyGuy » Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:25 am

The link is from the paper in the town where I spent a large portion of my formative years. Fortunately, the serial raft fucker in question is not.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo » Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:34 am

DSafetyGuy wrote:
The link is from the paper in the town where I spent a large portion of my formative years. Fortunately, the serial raft fucker in question is not.
Both my wife and I used to work for the newspaper that wrote the original story.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:30 pm

Mallards rule.

So do cassowaries.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by howard » Thu Jul 18, 2013 4:19 pm

Sounds like a Digital Underground lyric
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.

Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by sancarlos » Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:29 am

Well, in defense of Ohio/Florida, I have to note that one actually occurred in Michigan.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:47 am

I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:14 am

Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
"Enjoyed this one," Gunpowder told the Burlington Observer. "But it's back to work tomorrow."

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:16 am

Icepenis wrote:Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
Fucking Sherlock Homes.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:18 am

rass wrote:
Icepenis wrote:Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
Fucking Sherlock Homes.

I get these correct at about a 90% clip.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo » Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:19 am

rass wrote:
Icepenis wrote:Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
Fucking Sherlock Homes.
Well, that and there aren't any Checkers restaurants in Ohio (at least I've never seen any).
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by GoodKarma » Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:25 am

Sabo wrote:
rass wrote:
Icepenis wrote:Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
Fucking Sherlock Homes.
Well, that and there aren't any Checkers restaurants in Ohio (at least I've never seen any).
There used to be...been replaced by Rally's...I believe they are the same ownership. Like how we have Hardee's here in the East and Carl's Jr. in the west.

It doesn't matter...they're all awful.
I would like expensive whiskey.
We only have beer & wine...
What am I, 12?

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