The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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ZMan
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The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by ZMan »

Courtesy of the NY Post's weird but true section...
A homless woman defecated in a xxxxxxxxxx front yard and then broke into the home's backyard where she took a dip in the pool, police said.
Cheryl Beauchamp, 35, was booked on suspicion of burglary and criminal mischief. A xxxxxxxxxx police report said: "Cheryl advised me that she was passing through xxxxxxxxxx on her way to Washington DC, to yell at President Obama"
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder »

I'd guess Florida, as it would be pretty cold in Ohio this time of year to be both homeless AND swimming.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Jerloma »

Yeah but would you ever have to pass through Florida to get to DC? Was she coming from the Bahamas?
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DSafetyGuy »

Jerloma wrote:Yeah but would you ever have to pass through Florida to get to DC? Was she coming from the Bahamas?
There are places in northern Florida one might pass through if headed to Washington DC from someplace in southern Florida.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DC47 »

ZMan wrote:Courtesy of the NY Post's weird but true section...
A homless woman defecated in a xxxxxxxxxx front yard and then broke into the home's backyard where she took a dip in the pool, police said.
Cheryl Beauchamp, 35, was booked on suspicion of burglary and criminal mischief. A xxxxxxxxxx police report said: "Cheryl advised me that she was passing through xxxxxxxxxx on her way to Washington DC, to yell at President Obama"
One of the new Republican congresswomen then. And she's already a part of the leadership group.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder »

Jerloma wrote:Yeah but would you ever have to pass through Florida to get to DC? Was she coming from the Bahamas?

Maybe she was a crazy homeless lady shitting in yards who didn't really have her story or directions straight?
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder »

We don't have basements.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by ZMan »

How the fuck does this shit happen? 10 years? Were they in a well in the basement? That's just some dedication to keep that shit under wraps in the goddamned burbs. Not exactly a remote location.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass »

Not to make light of the situation, but this interview with the neighbor who helped rescue the women is fanfuckingtastic:

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by kranepool »

In what might be the most American way to accidentally shoot oneself, a [redacted] man shot himself while bowling last night, after his bowling ball came into contact with the loaded gun in his pocket.

"The guy just stepped up to bowl," fellow-bowler Jim Miller told [redacted]. "I think he hit his leg on his back swing."

The man shot himself around 7:30 last night while bowling at [redacted] Lanes. Another bowler reported that "The ball hit him in the leg, which triggered the revolver."

Witnesses originally thought the gunshot was a firecracker, but after watching the bowler limp back to his seat, holding his leg, they knew it was a gun.

He was taken to a hospital shortly after, but the man's injuries are not considered to be life-threatening.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Keg »

Dammit I missed that one!
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo »

Birds don’t suck. They lack the necessary anatomical structures to do so.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by brian »

XXXXX curses more than any other state (and is ranked in the top 5 least courteous.)
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo »

brian wrote:XXXXX curses more than any other state (and is ranked in the top 5 least courteous.)
So fucking easy.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Proud to see that my native state and current home state are in both the most courteous and most cursing rankings. Have a nice day, you cocksucking motherfuckers.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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Bandwagon fan of the 2023 STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo »

Birds don’t suck. They lack the necessary anatomical structures to do so.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by cerrano »

Wade Boggs Carpet World Wade Boggs Carpet World Wade Boggs Carpet World Wade Boggs Carpet World Wade Boggs Carpet World
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass »

An excerpt from an article on the threat of sea-level rise in South Florida (specifically Miami):
"There is no serious thinking, no serious planning, about any of this going on at the state level," says Chuck Watson, a disaster-­impact analyst with longtime experience in Florida. "The view is, 'Well, if it gets real bad, the federal government will bail us out.' It is beyond denial; it is flat-out delusional."

Local governments, including Broward and Miami-Dade counties, have tried to compensate by forging regional agreements to cut carbon pollution and upgrade infrastructure to make their cities more resilient, but without help (and money) from the state and federal governments, it's pretty ineffective. Given how much Florida has to lose from climate change, the abdication of leadership by state and federal politicians is almost suicidal – when it isn't downright comical. Watson recalls attending a meeting on natural-hazard-response planning in South Florida, funded by the Federal Emergency Management Agency and the state: "I mentioned sea-level rise, and I was treated to a 15-minute lecture on Genesis by one of the commissioners. He said, 'God destroyed the Earth with water the first time, and he promised he wouldn't do it again. So all of you who are pushing fears about sea-level rise, go back and read the Bible.'"
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DSafetyGuy »

I read that article an smiled. Miami being eradicated is a huge plus.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo »

A XXXXXXXXX man, high on mushrooms, rips off part of his penis.

Although, this might not technically qualify because the incident occurred in QQQQQQQQQQQ.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass »

YYYYYYYYYY??????
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass »

ugh
A XXXX man was arrested for strangling his mother's puppy, cutting it up and then cooking it, police said Friday.

...

On Thursday morning, he strangled the 5 to 6-month-old puppy, killing him, police said. Huggins then cut up the dog into quarters and put it in the freezer for future meals, XXXX Police said.

Later that night, a family member called police, and when authorities arrived they found the dog's ribs being cooked on the stove, and its head in the garbage, police said.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DSafetyGuy »

The link is from the paper in the town where I spent a large portion of my formative years. Fortunately, the serial raft fucker in question is not.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo »

DSafetyGuy wrote:
The link is from the paper in the town where I spent a large portion of my formative years. Fortunately, the serial raft fucker in question is not.
Both my wife and I used to work for the newspaper that wrote the original story.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo »

Birds don’t suck. They lack the necessary anatomical structures to do so.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by howard »

Sounds like a Digital Underground lyric
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by sancarlos »

Well, in defense of Ohio/Florida, I have to note that one actually occurred in Michigan.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

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I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder »

Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass »

Icepenis wrote:Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
Fucking Sherlock Homes.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Gunpowder »

rass wrote:
Icepenis wrote:Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
Fucking Sherlock Homes.

I get these correct at about a 90% clip.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo »

rass wrote:
Icepenis wrote:Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
Fucking Sherlock Homes.
Well, that and there aren't any Checkers restaurants in Ohio (at least I've never seen any).
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by GoodKarma »

Sabo wrote:
rass wrote:
Icepenis wrote:Ours have outdoor tables, so I guess that's Florida.
Fucking Sherlock Homes.
Well, that and there aren't any Checkers restaurants in Ohio (at least I've never seen any).
There used to be...been replaced by Rally's...I believe they are the same ownership. Like how we have Hardee's here in the East and Carl's Jr. in the west.

It doesn't matter...they're all awful.
I would like expensive whiskey.
We only have beer & wine...
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