The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Shrew · Post by **Shrew** » Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:39 pm

Family installs surveillance video to determine why their dog is suddenly injured and fearful, only to discover son having sex with it

Hint

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Sun Jan 05, 2014 1:56 am

Hey, Shrew!

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Mon Jan 06, 2014 3:52 pm

Shrew wrote:Family installs surveillance video to determine why their dog is suddenly injured and fearful, only to discover son having sex with it

Hint

Sometimes you are better off not knowing.

Freeze warnings issued for central XXXXXXXX.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:06 pm

Retired cop shoots man in chest for texting in movie theater.

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:18 pm

Horrible story. I'm giving it away, but that's just up the road from me.

howard · Post by **howard** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:50 pm

I'm not saying he should've done it…

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:55 pm

. . . but I understand.

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:38 pm

Texting during the trailers?

Post by **brian** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:55 am

Yeah, now if he was texting during the movie, that's justifiable homicide right there. If you were allowed to kill people who text and talk during the movie, I might go to the theater a lot more often.

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:09 am

77 year old attacks person for having too many items in express lane

Post by **brian** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:10 am

Old people are totally carrying out all my revenge fantasies this year.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:55 pm

rass wrote:77 year old attacks person for having too many items in express lane

I spent 5 years as a cashier at WEGMANS!!! and I have seen the express lane almost come to blows on numerous occasions. Almost always elderly people losing their shit. Like they have anywhere to be. I once let a woman through the 7 or less with 12 or 15 items, as there was nobody in line. Old dude comes up behind after i started scanning her stuff and starts screaming at her. I told the coot I let her in, and he wouldn't let up. I actually had to physically restrain the dude, probably about 75 yo, because I think he was actually going to throw a punch. Meanwhile, he probably paid by check.

Post by **Sabo** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 2:03 pm

I was a cashier at a grocery store for a couple of years. I almost had a guy punch me because I kicked him out of the express lane because he had 13 items. The limit was 12. The funniest thing about it was there was no one else in line for the express lane but he had to wait while in the regular lane. The whole time he waited, he was yelling at me at the top of his lungs.

Yeah, I was a dick. But it was hilarious to me at the time.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 2:50 pm

I had someone in front of me once say it was 12 items...but neglected the fact that he had multiples of several of the items(Say, three 12 packs of Mountain Dew he counted as "one")brining his total to about 20 items total.

But then I made up for it the other day by accidentally going in the express lane with 14 or so items...but no one was behind me and the other lines were hella packed and the cashier waved me in.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 3:00 pm

So if that guy got 103 jars of peanut butter, he would count it as one item?

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 3:08 pm

Aspiring rapper mows down Walmart shopper with logic bullets

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 3:52 pm

rass wrote:Aspiring rapper mows down Walmart shopper with logic bullets

CIRCULAR REFERERENCE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 4:00 pm

Gunpowder wrote:So if that guy got 103 jars of peanut butter, he would count it as one item?

I once got kicked out of the express line. The only thing I was buying was 15 cans of cat food. I mistakenly thought that counted as one thing. I got sternly disabused of that by the cashier, and the lady behind me in line. Embarrassing.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 4:18 pm

When I was in high school, my mom doing that passive-aggressive thing where she talks to me loudly enough to where the other person can hear it. "I guess the sign for 12 items or less is in a bad spot." I just rolled my eyes and ignored her until it was our turn in line and I counted 14 items. I then said "14 items...I guess it is." The cashier got a kick out of that.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Jan 14, 2014 8:39 pm

sancarlos wrote:
Gunpowder wrote:So if that guy got 103 jars of peanut butter, he would count it as one item?
I once got kicked out of the express line. The only thing I was buying was 15 cans of cat food. I mistakenly thought that counted as one thing. I got sternly disabused of that by the cashier, and the lady behind me in line. Embarrassing.

You were in the clear in my book. You hit 15x and scan once. Unless you are at a crappy store with the multiple option on the register or have an idiot cashier. If they have to scan each can separately, you got 15 items.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Jan 15, 2014 8:46 am

The Sybian wrote:
sancarlos wrote:
Gunpowder wrote:So if that guy got 103 jars of peanut butter, he would count it as one item?
I once got kicked out of the express line. The only thing I was buying was 15 cans of cat food. I mistakenly thought that counted as one thing. I got sternly disabused of that by the cashier, and the lady behind me in line. Embarrassing.

You were in the clear in my book. You hit 15x and scan once. Unless you are at a crappy store with the multiple option on the register or have an idiot cashier. If they have to scan each can separately, you got 15 items.

This was probably back in the 70s or something.

rass · Post by **rass** » Fri Jan 17, 2014 7:05 am

sancarlos wrote:Retired cop shoots man in chest for texting in movie theater.

STAND YOUR GROUND!

For one, when Oulson threw popcorn, that was legally an assault. But was it reasonable to respond with deadly force simply because of the popcorn? No, Rose believes.

However, it becomes more complicated if Reeves considered it to be one step in an escalating response from Oulson. If he feared that Oulson would next come over the seats and physically attack him — and if Reeves felt he wouldn't be able to handle an attack from a younger man — jurors might consider deadly force reasonable, the lawyer said.

h/t

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Fri Jan 17, 2014 9:04 am

I need to start using some deadly force on mothafuckas

Post by **brian** » Fri Jan 17, 2014 11:17 am

That's a pretty sweet law if you're allowed to use psychic precognition to get yourself off the hook.

"Well, I knew this guy was going to attack me in 6 months, so I just went ahead and killed him now."

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Fri Jan 17, 2014 11:51 am

brian wrote:That's a pretty sweet law if you're allowed to use psychic precognition to get yourself off the hook.

"Well, I knew this guy was going to attack me in 6 months, so I just went ahead and killed him now."

Seriously. Prove beyond a shadow of doubt, Mr. Prosecutor, that if I didn't kill this guy he would not have attacked me. Without looking, I would assume the attack must be imminent. The Bush doctrine can only be carried so far. Then again, this is Florida...

howard · Post by **howard** » Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:09 pm

I am just hoping a nigga throws a popcorn kernel at me.

rass · Post by **rass** » Fri Jan 24, 2014 6:54 am

Do we have to give Florida any credit for arresting Bieber?

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 2:38 pm

Naked man on some kind of weird drug bites off someone's face....AGAIN

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Mar 06, 2014 9:02 am

Yup, that's the face of a dog fucker.

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Mar 17, 2014 11:15 am

Father arrested for solicitation had his 2-year old in the car at the time

Williams said he wasn't doing anything shady with the woman he believed was a prostitute on Ridgewood. In fact, he said, while on the way to buy his kids toys, he stopped to pray for the woman.

...

"He cried. Three-year-old son crying," Williams said. "We were on the way to go buy him some toys. It's causing so many problems. Soon to be ex-wife is pissed about it. It's just been a terrible situation."

Clark: Oh she's just a waitress. I was just ordering some fish for you and uh...
Rusty: Audrey, dad.
Clark: For you and Audrey. Swimming pool waitress...
Rusty: Do you think mom will buy it?
Clark: Good talk, son.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:57 pm

Background is probably a giveaway, but...

h/t (url is also a spolier)

howard · Post by **howard** » Mon Jul 07, 2014 5:48 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:Background is probably a giveaway, but...

Lake Erie? (oh wait, it ain't on fire)

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Mon Jul 07, 2014 8:37 pm

rass wrote:Father arrested for solicitation had his 2-year old in the car at the time

Williams said he wasn't doing anything shady with the woman he believed was a prostitute on Ridgewood. In fact, he said, while on the way to buy his kids toys, he stopped to pray for the woman.

...

"He cried. Three-year-old son crying," Williams said. "We were on the way to go buy him some toys. It's causing so many problems. Soon to be ex-wife is pissed about it. It's just been a terrible situation."

Clark: Oh she's just a waitress. I was just ordering some fish for you and uh...
Rusty: Audrey, dad.
Clark: For you and Audrey. Swimming pool waitress...
Rusty: Do you think mom will buy it?
Clark: Good talk, son.

This guy is too damned funny. Claims he told her he wasn't interested, then pulled over to pray for her, then the cops swooped in. Right. Now, if he said she was so ugly he felt bad for her and threw her a bone (ha!) out of pity, I'd think he was just paying it forward.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Jul 21, 2014 11:51 am

Fuckin' Florida, dude.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Mon Jul 21, 2014 11:53 am

I thought that was going to link to a very amazing news story that I don't feel like re-looking up just to post. But its amazing and everyone in the world should read it.

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:12 pm

I hate to rain on your "Yay Florida!" parade, but today's lead local news story puts all of this joy on the back burner. Fucking people, man.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:14 pm

Is it the double-BJ + murder story I'm referring to?

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:23 pm

govmentchedda wrote:I hate to rain on your "Yay Florida!" parade, but today's lead local news story puts all of this joy on the back burner. Fucking people, man.

Police KKK story?

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:41 pm

Four year old getting thrown from a moving car in the middle of the night, and dying early this morning.

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:41 pm

Yesterday was 4 year old getting mauled to death by two pit bulls.