The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Okay . . . let's try this again.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Fri May 11, 2018 6:38 am

rass wrote:
Fri May 11, 2018 6:22 am
What do you call it when she farts?
What?
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Fri May 11, 2018 7:46 am

HINT (and my current fave "dad" joke):

What do you call a cow with no legs?
[+] spoiler
ground beef
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Sabo » Fri May 11, 2018 8:23 am

Here's a terrible dad/cow joke.

What do you call a masturbating cow?
[+] spoiler
Beef Stroganoff
Mallards rule.

So do cassowaries.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by DSafetyGuy » Fri May 11, 2018 9:08 am

rass wrote:
Fri May 11, 2018 7:46 am
HINT (and my current fave "dad" joke):

What do you call a cow with no legs?
[+] spoiler
ground beef
[+] spoiler
Or an udder drag.
“All I'm sayin' is, he comes near me, I'll put him in the wall.”

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Fri May 11, 2018 12:27 pm

Did you hear about the cow that couldn't give milk?
[+] spoiler
It was an udder failure.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Tue May 22, 2018 10:25 am

"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by bfj » Mon May 28, 2018 3:18 pm

Enjoy every sandwich.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by brian » Fri Jun 29, 2018 4:28 pm

12-year-old black kid gets the cops called on him for mowing a neighbor's lawn.

Perhaps somewhat surprisingly the cops did NOT kill him.
Image

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Thu Aug 16, 2018 4:54 pm

"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Johnny Carwash » Fri Oct 26, 2018 10:28 am

Of course.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by govmentchedda » Wed Nov 14, 2018 5:05 pm

I took a two hour nap and cried during parks and Rec. it was awesome and terrifying.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Wed Nov 14, 2018 5:27 pm

"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by A_B » Wed Nov 14, 2018 9:45 pm

Honestly? I think a joker with a Batman tatttoo is kind of inspired.
The wife just accidentally called you. “Accidentally”. Sorry

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by brian » Thu Jan 03, 2019 12:51 pm

Image

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Thu Jan 03, 2019 1:08 pm

Astounding that she got her degree at that school.
a Jewish-sponsored independent institution of higher and professional education. The College was established primarily to enrich the Jewish heritage, and to serve the larger American community. Approximately 18,000 students are currently enrolled in the various schools and divisions of Touro.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Baloney » Tue Jan 08, 2019 9:44 am

Woman, 28, is charged after 'attacking her elderly parents and threatening to kill her father with a knife' when they refused to take her to Outback Steakhouse

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl ... house.html

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Giff » Tue Jan 08, 2019 10:19 am

I'd kill for those cheese fries.
Muh.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by brian » Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:01 am

Baloney wrote:
Tue Jan 08, 2019 9:44 am
Woman, 28, is charged after 'attacking her elderly parents and threatening to kill her father with a knife' when they refused to take her to Outback Steakhouse

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl ... house.html
Millennials are such snowflakes.
Image

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:20 am

"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Ryan » Thu Jan 24, 2019 2:36 pm

NH interlude.

Image

This guy called a suicide hotline because to tell someone he was stabbing himself. But when officers got there he wouldn't let them in, so they broke down the door and he started coming at them with a baseball bat. After taking a taser to the chest, he retreated to the bedroom and then completed the plate appearance when the officer followed him in there.
he’s a fixbking cyborg or some shit. The

holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by wlu_lax6 » Fri Feb 01, 2019 4:10 pm

Okay not fl or Ohio..but outstanding
https://thesiouxfallsheadliner.com/2019 ... OjQgWpyXwM

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Shirley » Sun Feb 03, 2019 3:16 pm

wlu_lax6 wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 4:10 pm
Okay not fl or Ohio..but outstanding
https://thesiouxfallsheadliner.com/2019 ... OjQgWpyXwM
Did he follow each pun with a literal explanation of the pun and why it might be considered funny?
Totally Kafkaesque

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Baloney » Mon Feb 04, 2019 9:38 am

A 69-year-old man was arrested Wednesday after deputies said he failed in back-to-back attempts to rob businesses.

The third time was the charm, though — and resulted in charges.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafe ... tE3ZywdXsA

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Baloney » Tue Feb 12, 2019 9:02 am

Detectives say Christian Nichols dressed up in a black and white Husky dog costume has sex with his pet Siberian Husky.

https://iontb.com/pinellas-county-detec ... O38I1cL75s

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Fri Feb 22, 2019 9:00 am

The SWAT team showed up at a ____ mayor’s door. Then he started shooting, police say.
The mayor (...) was arrested on Thursday after shooting at a SWAT team that had come to arrest him on charges of illegally practicing medicine, officials say.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by wlu_lax6 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 9:55 am


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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by A_B » Tue Mar 26, 2019 12:13 pm

The wife just accidentally called you. “Accidentally”. Sorry

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by govmentchedda » Thu Apr 11, 2019 8:11 am

I took a two hour nap and cried during parks and Rec. it was awesome and terrifying.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by sancarlos » Wed May 08, 2019 5:39 pm

"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian

I never shoulda punched that horse. - AB

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by govmentchedda » Wed May 08, 2019 10:53 pm

This state man, I don't know.
I took a two hour nap and cried during parks and Rec. it was awesome and terrifying.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Thu May 09, 2019 5:28 am

After issuing Webb a notice to appear ticket, the deputy asked him to alter the sticker so that it would “no longer be derogatory.” Webb declined the request, citing First Amendment speech protections.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by wlu_lax6 » Thu May 09, 2019 7:35 am

Pruitt wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 5:28 am
After issuing Webb a notice to appear ticket, the deputy asked him to alter the sticker so that it would “no longer be derogatory.” Webb declined the request, citing First Amendment speech protections.
ACLU takes this case right?

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by testuser2 » Fri May 10, 2019 8:40 am

wlu_lax6 wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 7:35 am
Pruitt wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 5:28 am
After issuing Webb a notice to appear ticket, the deputy asked him to alter the sticker so that it would “no longer be derogatory.” Webb declined the request, citing First Amendment speech protections.
ACLU takes this case right?
Charges dropped.

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Fri May 10, 2019 2:17 pm

testuser2 wrote:
Fri May 10, 2019 8:40 am
wlu_lax6 wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 7:35 am
Pruitt wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 5:28 am
After issuing Webb a notice to appear ticket, the deputy asked him to alter the sticker so that it would “no longer be derogatory.” Webb declined the request, citing First Amendment speech protections.
ACLU takes this case right?
Charges dropped.
A prosecutor noted that an evaluation of the evidence “through the prism of Supreme Court precedent” determined that Webb “has a valid defense to be raised under the First Amendment of our United States Constitution. Given such, a jury would not convict under these facts.”
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Baloney » Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:52 am

Is that a pistol or are you just pleased to see me

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/regi ... police-say

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by sancarlos » Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:24 pm

"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian

I never shoulda punched that horse. - AB

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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Thu Jun 13, 2019 6:28 am

Driver plows into crowd at Harley-Davidson concert and runs over singer, cops say

Headlines are great and all... but this is an article worth reading all the way through.
[+] spoiler
The condition of his foot is unknown.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Pruitt » Fri Jun 21, 2019 7:35 pm

[url=https://www.local10.com/news/local/miam ... }Defendant in ______ courtroom throws feces at judge during trial, misses[/url]
'It's protein! It's good for you,' defendant tells judge
Dude was acquitted too.
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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by Baloney » Tue Aug 20, 2019 3:59 pm


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Re: The OFFICIAL Florida -or- Ohio Thread

Post by rass » Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:13 pm

At least he had a towel.
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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