The Nostalgiaganza

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:01 am

mister d wrote:I can't decide if this or the "wow, _______ was really drunk last night" is my favorite swamp quarterly feature.

These are not mutually exclusive categories.

Steve of phpBB · Post by **Steve of phpBB** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:24 am

Ryan wrote:
bapo! wrote:Oh, and Steve, according to Wiki, He Hate Me is now a counselor for high school students in Charlotte.

Fantastic.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:36 pm

I want to jump ahead to Week 6, when ratings were in the tank, and McMahon was growing more desperate.

March 10, 2001, Las Vegas Outlaws at Orlando Rage.

The opening package shows replays of last week's game, when QB Jeff Brohm was injured and forced to leave the game on a stretcher. The invasive on-field camera shows Brohm lying on the ground, his helmet half-off, head turned awkwardly to the side. But he's ready to go tonight. He's interviewed on the sideline: 'Well, let me answer that question by asking you two questions. 1). Is this or is this not the XFL? Yes, it is. 2). Do I not currently have a pulse? Yes, I do. Let's play football.'

Matt Vasgersian, Jesse Ventura, and Mike Adamle talk football for a couple of minutes, but we're only here for the cheerleaders, so let's see what they're up to. Vasgersian actually introduces the segment like this: 'Well, those of you who thought we sold out a few weeks ago and hit rock bottom were wrong. To help us get there completely, let's check in with Fred Roggin.'

Roggin is standing on the field with the Orlando cheerleaders. 'Some have called it an unprecedented television event. Others have called it a desperate ploy to increase sagging ratings. In any event, XFL Founder, Chairman, and noted racketeer -- noted raconteur [raised eyebrow] -- Vince McMahon has ordered a camera into the locker room of the Orlando Rage cheerleaders at half-time to capture the essence of whatever it is they do.' Some awkward cheerleader banter, then Vince struts out to introduce the cameraman, Bruno.

Okay, you know what? I love this. One of the things that makes wrestling great is when reality interferes with the scripted universe. Like, a wrestler does something dumb or criminal backstage. The audience isn't supposed to know about it, but the gossip sites report it and news gets out. Suddenly, fans aren't responding to performers the way they're supposed to. So the writers and performers have to adapt on the fly, sometimes writing real-life messiness into onscreen storylines. It can get very meta.

That's what's happening here. We're at Week 6, and everybody knows that the XFL is a failure. So, minutes into the broadcast, they're openly referring to tanking ratings and scraping the bottom of the barrel. This certainly wasn't the plan, but these are the cards they've been dealt. Or that they've dealt themselves. Either way, they're leaning into this.

That said, anybody who is tuning into NBC in prime time for a porn fix is doing it wrong. Surely there was better masturbation material available. Had the Internet been invented by 2001? Scrambled cable porn? JC Penney catalogue?

Anyway, we still have a football game to play. No, I don't really care, either. Let's skip ahead to half-time.

Vince and Bruno stand outside the cheerleaders' locker room. Vince gives a visibly nervous Bruno a pep talk. Then, 'On the other side of that door is sheer paradise. Now, I want you to get in there, and I want you to get me some ratings.'

The segment is, to put it charitably, rather disappointing. But it's noteworthy because Rodney Dangerfield makes an appearance. Dangerfield #outtanowhere!

A number of years ago, a friend and I read his autobiography after Nathan Rabin wrote about it. As Rabin wrote, the book 'is in many ways a typical stand-up comic’s book except for one thing: It’s agonizingly sad. In between jokes recycled from his stand-up routine (one-liners fans already know by heart), anecdotes involving famous people, and career highlights come bracing moments where the literary equivalent of a fake smile subsides and the author’s self-hatred bubbles unabashedly to the surface.' So, yeah. Not long after M and I read this, I was watching XFL clips on YouTube and stumbled upon this. I showed it to M, who had always been a huge Dangerfield fan, and he was heartbroken.

I can't think of a way to segue from sad Dangerfield and back to the XFL, so I'm going to close this here. Orlando won, by the way, 27-15.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:45 pm

I've talked about my fascination with breaking-news stories before. I go back and watch a lot of old news events: shootings, terror attacks, plane crashes, earthquakes, etc. Not something I want to write about here, tho. It's a little macabre to say, 'Hey, remember that time 20 people were killed? Wasn't that fun?'

I've pretty much exhausted all of the disaster porn available on YouTube. But then I thought, What about planned breaking-news stories? Like elections! And since I'm so wrapped up in this year's election, and I spent the summer reading books about Nixon and '60s/'70s politics, I'm going to watch election-night coverage from long-ago campaigns.

NBC's Decision '80, broadcast locally on WRC-TV in Washington, DC.

John Chancellor and my spirit animal, Tom Brokaw, are sitting at the desk. Chancellor tells us that, based on polling, NBC believes that 'Ronald Reagan will win a very substantial victory tonight.' Thanks for spoiling that for me, John. NBC projects that Reagan will win Florida, and they show a rather stilted-looking map of the US. Florida is lit up in blue, but Chancellor tells us that, for those of us watching a black/white television, it will be dark-grey. Now NBC is calling Mississippi. There's the map. Chancellor corrects himself, says that the Reagan/blue states will be in light-grey for black/white viewers. Get your act together, John.

Chancellor introduces the other people sitting at the desk: Jessica Savitch to follow the House and Governor elections, and Garrick Utley to follow the Senate.

Jessica Savitch was 33 on this night. She was a star, one of the first women to anchor a network newscast. Three years later, she would die in an auto accident. After she died, biographies were written and made-for-television movies were produced. Of course they were. Savitch was a young, pretty, important woman with a messy personal life. (Anorexic, maybe a drug user, husband committed suicide, another partner physically abused her, etc.) Three weeks before her death, she stumbled and slurred her way thru a news update. It's a notorious video, but it appears that it has been scrubbed from the Internet. That's probably for the best. Her presence is going to be distracting enough; I don't need to see her worst on-air moment.

Utley informs us that the Dems hold 59 Senate seats. Ah, the good old days. Then he tells us that Dan Quayle is projected to beat Birch Baye in Indiana.

Judy Woodruff reports from outside the White House, saying the mood is 'sad' and 'grim' for the Carter family. Chris Wallace is outside the Reagan home in California. His report is more upbeat than Woodruff's.

Alabama and Virginia go to Reagan. Brokaw says that the Reagan states are dark-grey on a black/white television. Dark-grey again? I'm so confused. David Brinkley makes an appearance and cracks wise about the greys. Brokaw corrects himself, says that the blue states are light-grey. This is taking up an inordinate amount of time.

Hey, Carter wins his home state of Georgia. Good for him. He now trails in electoral votes, 83-12.

John Glenn wins an Ohio Senate seat. Sad that the first thing I think of whenever I hear John Glenn's name is the time he got punched. I remember being fascinated by this picture in USA Today.

There's a commercial for the Zenith System 3 television, where you can answer your phone on the tv. I guess satellites are involved, because they prominently show the 'Space' button you hit on your remote. Fantastic. Anything vaguely space-agey or technological is a big deal in the commercials. Lots of satellites and lasers flying all over the place. This Wang Technologies commercial is just the best thing.

It just dawned on me that I haven't seen Reagan or Carter yet. No old videos or photos, nothing. The graphics are, as you would expect, very basic. I feel like I need to see Reagan before his victory speech, just to get used to the idea of him a little bit.

It's 8:00 on the east coast now. A bunch of states are called at once. Reagan leads 252-12 in electoral votes. The map is now overwhelmingly some shade of grey. John Chancellor announces at 8:15 p.m. that Reagan wins. I was hoping for at least a little drama, but it's already over. Chancellor, Brokaw, and Brinkley talk about Reagan, wonder just how conservative he is. At 8:45, we get our first view of Reagan, as he and Nancy wave to a crowd of supporters from their limo.

Tom Pettit reports from Serb Hall in Milwaukee. Beer and chips are happening. A local labor leader won't concede defeat for Carter. It's still real to him, damn it! Pettit then interviews another Milwaukee labor guy named Rocco. There's always a Milwaukee labor guy named Rocco.

Garrick Utley talks a bit about Senators we've since forgotten. He also talks about some scandal in the George McGovern campaign. Something about promising food and a color television to the community center at a particular Native American reservation with the highest voter turnout. Can we please stop talking about color vs. black/white televisions?! McGovern would lose his South Dakota Senate seat to Jim Abdnor. Overall, Republicans would net 12 Senate seats, giving them the majority. They would also net 35 House seats, but would still be the minority.

Jimmy Carter gives his concession speech at 9:50 EST, before voting even ends on the west coast. Says kind things about Reagan. Asks his supporters to support the new President. Sounds hopeful and optimistic about the future. We need to come together to meet the challenges of the new decade, etc. As concession speeches go, this one's pretty great. I heart Jimmy Carter. Vice President Walter Mondale, in a quieter room somewhere else, gives his own concession speech. A little while later, John Anderson, who had run as an Independent, concedes. Funny and upbeat. Never had a chance, so there's no sadness hanging over this speech. He won 6.6% of the popular vote.

Whoa. A little after 11:00, we go to the local news, and WRC-TV sportscaster George Michael (!) is talking about college football. Mississippi State upset Alabama a few days earlier. Wait, the score was 6-3? What kind of SEC game is that? And we're still talking about it three nights later? News traveled slowly back then.

About 11:30 EST, Reagan appears at the Century Plaza Hotel in Los Angeles. Things get weird. He's talking about Carter, saying very kind and respectful things about him. But then he's interrupted when two guys walk onto the stage with a huge America-shaped cake. And then they almost drop it. Reagan makes a joke about it and brushes it off. But man, know your place, cake guys. Short speech, graceful and optimistic.

A few minutes later, George Bush speaks in Houston. He looks ridiculous talking about the hostages in Iran with confetti stuck in his hair. Do the Republicans know nothing about stagecraft? W and Jeb stand on-stage behind him.

It's about midnight on the east coast. There's another hour-and-a-half of video left, but I doubt that I'll be seeing George Michael again, so I'm only going to skip ahead for commercials now.

Oh, wow. There's that famous Calvin Klein Jeans ad featuring Brooke Shields. (You can probably find this commercial as a stand-alone video on YouTube, but I'll let you look for it. I have enough sketchy shit in my search history.) Legs spread, provocative pose, crotch close-up. 'You want to know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing.' She was 15 goddamned years old! Her early career is still mind-boggling. America would never let Brooke Shields happen today.

Okay, onto the next election. Here's hoping the good guys win.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:54 pm

CBS' Campaign '84, broadcast locally on KOLD-TV, channel 13 in Tucson, Arizona.

The recording starts around 7:30 EST, and Reagan already has a 94-0 lead over Walter Mondale. So much for that. Dan Rather is wondering out loud if Reagan can win all 50 states. Come on, where's the drama? I didn't tune in for a blow-out. As I type that, the electoral score jumps to 136-0. I hope the commercials are good tonight. Dan Rather is doing his best to tell people on the west coast that their vote still matters.

Susan Spencer reports from the Mondale camp. Says that his staffers made a scrapbook for him, collected favorable op-eds, etc. Aw, precious memories! Andy Rooney shows up to give a very Andy Rooney appearance. Talks about the staggering expense of CBS' broadcast, but he's going to be keeping tabs on his $5.95 miniature blackboard. You keep being you, Andy.

Okay, it's 8:00. Let's see what happens. Oh, CBS is already calling the election. Reagan currently leading 280-3. Mondale wins the District of Columbia. The bottom of the screen shows a map, with Reagan states in red this time (no word on what shade of grey this might be), and DC blinking in blue. It's blinking because 'it's small and you wouldn't be able to see it otherwise.' Thanks, Dan.

Rather is still kinda hoping that Reagan can win all 50 states. I probably was, too. I'm sure that I watched and cheered this on in 1984. I was 10 years old and a big Reagan fan. I had a picture of him on my bedroom wall, next to pictures of Larry Bird and Duran Duran. I've changed since then. Still a Celtics fan, tho.

Senate winners: John Kerry, Al Gore, Bill Bradley, and Joe Biden, 'who likes to think of himself as a future Presidential or Vice-Presidential candidate.' Bill Clinton wins re-election as Governor of Arkansas.

I just realized that this video will probably cut off before the concession and victory speeches. Meh. Historically important, sure, but I don't think I'm going to learn anything by watching them. (It's 416-3 as I type this.)

Also, I'm just not a fan of this broadcast. Rather seems a little too frenetic. And whereas NBC's 1980 coverage was two guys talking about the elections, with help from various contributors, this is more one guy lecturing, with occasional appearances from others. There's occasional good stuff, tho. Bill Moyers will talk about Reagan's conservative legacy, how he had lived up to his original campaign promises, etc. And then Diane Sawyer talks about the role of religion in this election. When she welcomes Jerry Falwell for an interview, I tune out.

Even the commercials have been lackluster, save for a network promo for 'The Toughest Man in the World,' a made-for-television movie starring Mr. T. Yup, it's 1984.

Oh, and there's Andy Rooney and his blackboard again, doing a segment about his 'entrance poll' of 3 that he conducted earlier. That's a fitting end.

Walter Mondale would submit in this 'Loser Leaves Town' match, but he later became the Ambassador to Japan during Clinton's first term. In 2002, he ran unsuccessfully for Senate as a last-minute fill-in for Paul Wellstone, who died in a plane crash 11 days before election day.

Post by **brian** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:55 pm

I still have a DVD copy of Election Night 2008 around here somewhere. Seemed like the kind of historic event you'd want to archive. If Trump wins, maybe I'll pull that out and watch it while getting drunk and weeping.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:01 pm

brian wrote:I still have a DVD copy of Election Night 2008 around here somewhere. Seemed like the kind of historic event you'd want to archive. If Trump wins, maybe I'll pull that out and watch it while getting drunk and weeping.

This stuff is fun. I watched the '68 and '72 results this summer and enjoyed them, even tho they were before my time and I didn't have a rooting interest.

I have fond memories of 2000, with sweaty Tim Russert and his dry-erase board. But I just don't know if I could watch that one again.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:20 pm

bapo! wrote:Jessica Savitch was 33 on this night. She was a star, one of the first women to anchor a network newscast. Three years later, she would die in an auto accident.

Even with that hairhelmet?

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:37 pm

FAscinating time capsules.

Hey, when did red states begun to be Republican? I zoomed forward in the '80 broadcast and saw a map that was almost entirely blue! Thought maybe someone had travelled back in time and changed history!

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:45 pm

A couple of minutes into the MSNBC coverage of Bush-Gore, Chris Matthews refers to "the socialist, Bernie Saunders"

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:51 pm

Pruitt wrote:FAscinating time capsules.

Hey, when did red states begun to be Republican? I zoomed forward in the '80 broadcast and saw a map that was almost entirely blue! Thought maybe someone had travelled back in time and changed history!

According to this and other sites, the terms became more defined in 2000. I thought it was even more recent than that. Before then, I guess it was a network's prerogative.

Ryan wrote:A couple of minutes into the MSNBC coverage of Bush-Gore, Chris Matthews refers to "the socialist, Bernie Saunders"

Not a slur!

Man, we should hold a viewing party.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:02 pm

Check this out

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:07 pm

Ryan wrote:Check this out

Sounds like Stephen Ambrose started celebrating early. Live television is magical.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:17 pm

2:00:00 of that clip is Hill the Thrill's acceptance speech

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:17 pm

2:01:10 is a pantsuit joke

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:23 pm

Man, it's been a long 16 years.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:24 pm

Ryan wrote:2:01:10 is a pantsuit joke

Play the hits!

I received mailings for that election, even tho I live in Western Pennsylvania. One of Hillary's fundraising letters was 6 pages long. My girlfriend at the time, a Republican, got a mailing from Rick Lazio a week later: 'I don't need 6 pages to tell you why your support is important. I only need 6 words: I am running against Hillary Clinton.'

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:32 pm

Forgot about this!

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:46 pm

^^^
That is so cringey. Kinda disappointed that Russert cut it off. I wanted to see it play out longer.

And of course Russert would make a 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' joke and talk about Buffalo.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 7:42 pm

I wasn't planning to do another one of these for a while, but what else am I going to do when I have pneumonia? So, let's go back to 1992. I tried to avoid tabloid stories back then, but sometimes the scandals penetrated my world. I knew all about Donald Trump's divorce, even tho I didn't really want to. But what did the tabloids cover when they ran out of Trump material?

Yeah! The Long Island Lolita! Inexplicably, this was a huge story in 1992. And because television networks will do anything for ratings, even if it means doing the exact same thing as the other networks, we were gifted three Amy Fisher made-for-tv movies in a week. I'm certainly not the first person to do this, but I want to watch all three of these movies. Why? Because I'm an historian of pop culture? Because I'm punishing myself for past wrongs? Because I'm delirious with fever? The reasons aren't very clear.

Lethal Lolita: Amy Fisher: My Story
Network: NBC
Original air date: December 28, 1992
Starring: Noelle Parker as Amy Fisher, Ed Marinaro as Joey Buttafouco, some very strong New Yawk accents

Casualties of Love: The Long Island Lolita Story
Network: CBS
Original air date: January 3, 1993
Starring: Alyssa Milano and Jack Scalia

The Amy Fisher Story
Network: ABC
Original air date: January 3, 1993
Starring: Drew Barrymore and Tony Denison

For the sake of clarity, I will refer to each movie by the lead actress' name. Here's what you need to know. The NBC movie (the one with Noelle Parker) is told with Amy Fisher's cooperation. The CBS movie (Alyssa Milano) is told from the Buttafouco's point of view. The ABC movie (Drew Barrymore) is more detached.

Oh, G-d, where to begin? I usually write these in real time, but I just have a mess of notes here. Can this really be worth it? What the hell am I doing?

The Noelle Parker movie is, not surprisingly, the most sympathetic towards Fisher. It's framed by her jail-cell narration. (Actually, it's her speaking into a tape recorder to her friend Paul.) She feels betrayed by everybody and sees herself as a victim.

We flashback to Amy and Joey meeting-cute at the garage. By meeting-cute, I mean that a middle-aged man is leering at an underaged girl. But whatever, she seems into it. Weeks later, she's back at the garage for detailing work on her car. He drives her home, then leads her right to the bedroom.

From there, we see the progression of their relationship: dinner at a fancy restaurant, a ride on his boat, and finally 'a deli sandwich and a motel.' Oh, well. At least the sex is good. A friend tries to warn her that she's being used. 'What do you see in him anyway?' 'He loves me. We have great sex. And he fixes my cahhhr!'

Then things start moving pretty fast. Joey is angry and controlling, Amy's father is abusive, some herpes happens, Amy lets Joey talk her into prostitution, she starts stalking Mrs. Buttafouco, etc. Also, Joey body-shames Amy and recommends a personal trainer, who she starts banging. This is the Paul to whom the movie is narrated.

Amy gives Joey an ultimatum: leave your wife or else. Joey's like, Seeya! So Amy hires a hitman, who drives Amy to the Buttafouco's home so that she can do the shooting herself? Is that what hitmen do? I thought that they were more hands-on than that. Anyway, Amy apparently only went there to talk until Mrs. B insulted her, so it became a shooting.

The Alyssa Milano movie opens with Joey banging away at a drum set. Not many movies open with extended drum solos over the credit sequence. I dig it. It's 1988. A coked-out Joey makes a late-night giggly visit to his mother's grave, then is forced into rehab by his wife. He comes out a changed man. A family man. A man who enjoys singing in the shower and fucking his wife, also in the shower.

We flash-forward a few years, when Amy visits the garage for the first time. Some leering happens, but nothing more than that. Soon, she starts wrecking her car on purpose so that she can keep visiting the garage. She's on a first-name basis with all of the mechanics, but it's Joey she has eyes for. She's doing the hard sell, trying desperately to seduce him, but he loves his wife too much.

This Rashomon effect is actually kind of fascinating. In the Noelle Parker movie, everybody is terrible, but Amy's terribleness is explained by the more terrible people around her. In the Alyssa Milano movie, Joey and his wife are American heroes. Milano's Amy is more of a supporting character here, and she's very thinly sketched: all sex and manipulation. There are also some variations in time-line and motivations. Did Amy already have the beeper, or did Joey give it to her? When did Paul enter the picture? Etc.

The murder happens about 1/3 of the way thru the Milano movie, and the rest plays out like a court-room procedural. It focuses a lot on Mrs. B's recovery, which can be pretty wrenching. (Phyllis Lyons, who plays Mrs. B, is actually very good here.) There are some wonderfully entertaining scenes, tho, like when Amy's friend refuses to shoot Mrs. B on the first visit to the house: 'You chicken. You coward. You used me. I've been giving you all this free sex. I gave you $600. Listen to me. If you don't find somebody else to do the shootin' or give me my money back, I'm going to have your legs broken. Do you understand me?'

The Drew Barrymore movie is the best of the three. It definitely has the most ambitious screenplay, with the timeline jumping all over the place. It's also the most tabloidy, with the 'Hard Copy' television program frequently mentioned. We hear the voices of radio personalities named Howard and Robin who sound, well, like Howard and Robin. And the movie's only decent person is a Journalist With Integrity who works for the New York Post. (It's a movie, so some suspension of disbelief is called for.) There's even a Rupert Murdoch-like character at the Post: 'We're all whores. We're just trying to make a buck.'

This movie also features a sex scene that is surprisingly graphic for an over-the-air movie in 1993. And, I'll say it, it's kinda hot. So it has Drew Barrymore's (or a body double's) bare ass going for it. That's something, right?

So, the Barrymore movie isn't bad as trashy made-for-tv movies go, aside from using a New York Post reporter as the viewer's surrogate. The Noelle Parker movie is fine, I guess, and Parker actually acts like a teenaged girl. The Milano movie features the only really bad performance in all three movies, and that's Milano's Amy. But the script really does no favors for her.

Fisher was sentenced for 5-15 years for assault. Buttafouco was investigated but never charged for statutory rape. I don't want to do any more research beyond that.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 7:47 pm

Okay, there's a coda. There's always a coda.

On May 22, 2002 (Morrissey's birthday), Joey Buttafouco appeared on the second episode of Fox's 'Celebrity Boxing.' He was originally scheduled to fight fellow tabloid star John Wayne Bobbitt. But Bobbitt backed out at the last minute. His replacement was Joanie Laurer, who had wrestled in the WWF under the name Chyna.

Yes, this was a male-vs.-female fight, but Laurer was a large, athletic woman, and her Chyna character was portrayed to be as strong as the men she wrestled against. She even held one of the more prestigious mens' championship belts for a time in WWF. But this was a boxing match, not a scripted wrestling match. And it proves that, just because a woman is young and strong, it doesn't mean that a middle-aged slob can't throw her around. It's depressing to watch.

It's especially hard to watch knowing what Laurer's life was like after that. She apparently had mental-health issues and a messy personal life. She died earlier this year at the age of 46.

And now I'm afraid I'm going to rewatch all of those 'Celebrity Boxing' matches. As if Manute Bol vs. Refrigerator Perry wasn't depressing enough the first time.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:37 pm

I want pneumonia

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Sat Nov 05, 2016 2:25 am

But I'm sure Alyssa Milano was the hottest Amy Fisher.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Sat Nov 05, 2016 7:46 am

I remember thinking Amy Fisher was hot but I just looked her up and ... yikes. Is that a product of growing up in NY or something?

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Sat Nov 05, 2016 9:15 am

Ryan wrote:I want pneumonia

You know, you don't need to be sick to watch 'Celebrity Boxing.' Or...wait, I should probably rephrase that.

Steve of phpBB · Post by **Steve of phpBB** » Sat Nov 05, 2016 11:51 am

Between Trump and the fact that I even remember the name Joey Buttafuoco, New York has an awful lot to answer for.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Sat Nov 05, 2016 2:53 pm

bapo! wrote:
Ryan wrote:I want pneumonia
You know, you don't need to be sick to watch 'Celebrity Boxing.' Or...wait, I should probably rephrase that.

I remember this bout.

rass · Post by **rass** » Sat Nov 05, 2016 3:04 pm

bapo! wrote:It's especially hard to watch knowing what Laurer's life was like after that. She apparently had mental-health issues and a messy personal life. She died earlier this year at the age of 46.

Same day as Prince. An afterthought in death, too.

Enjoy your pneumonia!

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Thu Nov 10, 2016 12:10 pm

Yes! ESPN just announced a '30 for 30' on the XFL! I've been waiting years for this. Set to air in February.

Also, my friend's hot take on the Amy Fisher movies: 'Ed Marinaro was the best Joey Buttafouco! This is the hill I will die on!'

Rex · Post by **Rex** » Sun Nov 20, 2016 10:14 pm

This guy is a treasure trove of weird shit that happened in football games in the '80s.

https://www.youtube.com/user/quirkyresearch

My favorite so far is the Colts' fair catch free kick in 1984. Charlie Jones nails this on the rule:

And the Eagles amassing so many penalties that they decide to punt on 2nd down:

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Nov 21, 2016 10:43 am

Thanks for the link, Rex. That's exactly the kind of stuff I love.

The Allegre clip is funny. Charlie Jones was marking out because he was able to show off his knowledge of obscure special-teams rules.

And that entire Eagles clip is a disaster. Jaworski and Cunningham getting swapped in and out like they're interchangeable. The Redskins player throwing the football at the ref's face. 2nd down and 40. Those Eagles unis are gorgeous, tho.

I had forgotten that Cunningham would punt occasionally. That clip made me yearn for old Cowboys games, when Danny White would stay on the field after a failed third-down conversion to punt the ball away.

Also noteworthy in those clips: 1) Tony Franklin, one of the era's barefoot kickers, and 2) Mark Mosely, one of the era's last straight-ahead kickers. I want the NFL Network to do a 10-part documentary on 1980s kickers.

Oh, and there's a second second-down punt video featuring the Eagles further down the page.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Mon Nov 21, 2016 10:57 am

bapo! wrote: I had forgotten that Cunningham would punt occasionally. That clip made me yearn for old Cowboys games, when Danny White would stay on the field after a failed third-down conversion to punt the ball away.

Good stuff! Also, the old ball coach Steve Spurrier was the 49ers punter (and backup QB) in the 1960s.

I with the NFL network or espn classic would show classic old, old games in their entirety. I'd watch Super Bowl II, or some such.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Mon Nov 21, 2016 11:24 am

I was going to say that Ben Roethlisberger punted occasionally early in his career, but he only has 5 career punts, and only 2 before 2010. Memory is a funny thing. I must have really been impressed by one of his 26-yard punts.

I wish the NFL network or espn classic would show classic old, old games in their entirety. I'd watch Super Bowl II, or some such.

I would like to think that there would be a market for it. There's certainly enough air time to fill. But if market research shows that FS1 viewers would rather watch Skip Bayless and Shannon Sharpe yell at each other all afternoon, who am I to argue?

I also want a cable network devoted to old news. Like, breaking-news stories and local newscasts from Minneapolis in 1988 or whatever. I might be alone on this one.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Sat Nov 26, 2016 2:16 pm

╣ The Cowboys did the Landry Shift at the end of their game on Thursday. It's always cool when they do that in Victory Formation.

I never knew the reason for the Landry Shift, so I looked it up. Apparently, the linemen would stand up like that to disguise/screen the running backs, who would reset or go into motion. All this time, I thought they were just trolling us. This clip demonstrates how it was used.

And this clip is old football porn. It shows all of the other teams from that era, and how they set up before the snap. A lot of teams did similar resets, tho they weren't as obvious.

╣ A Dallas Texans clip was included in that second video, and it sent me down the Internet rabbit hole. I knew that the AFL Texans became the Kansas City Chiefs. But I didn't know that there was an NFL Texans team a decade earlier. The Boston Yanks/New York Bulldogs/New York Yanks franchise moved to Dallas in 1952. They had no fan support, played their final two home games in Akron (naturally), then folded at the end of the season. The expansion Baltimore Colts used a lot of these players in 1953, but the Colts were technically a new franchise.

Two other things of note: 1) The owners wanted to name the team the Rangers, but settled on Texans instead. A decade later, the Dallas Cowboys were originally going to be called the Dallas Rangers. A minor-league baseball team of the same name was supposed to disband, but they stayed in business, so the owners went with Cowboys. 2) The NFL Texans, in addition to playing its late home games in Akron, moved its operations to Hershey, Pennsylvania. Was Hershey a pro sports hot spot back then? Wilt Chamberlain's 100-point game happened there, too.

Rex · Post by **Rex** » Fri Jan 13, 2017 11:29 pm

I have found the best fucking website!

This guy has collected recordings of decades of TV signoff protocols. FCC announcements, test patterns, invocations, Barnaby Jones promos, Star Spangled Banner montages, it's all there! This is 4 A.M. television in all its glory:

http://www.tv-signoffs.com/

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Sat Jan 14, 2017 6:41 am

Now THAT'S what the internet is meant to be - a treasure trove of bizarreness curated by well-meaning eccentrics.

Amazing.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Sat Jan 14, 2017 1:58 pm

Rex wrote:it's all there!

Yes! It's so nice to find people who share my specific geekeries. Thanks for this, Rex.

I stumbled upon something recently. If you count cold-war hysteria as something to feel nostalgia for, then I guess it belongs here. This is a 1971 radio broadcast that was interrupted by The Emergency Broadcast System. Some guy in the Air Force played the wrong fucking tape, and some poor broadcaster in Fort Wayne thought that the world was going to end.

It's amazing to listen to. The bulletin interrupts a Partridge Family song, it contains the code word 'hatefulness,' and then a Kent Brockman-sounding man tries to keep his shit together.

More digging brought up this recording of unaired emergency alerts that were to be played in the event of a nuclear attack. They were recorded in 1961. It's harrowing stuff.

'Do not attempt to cross town. Leave the city immediately by the shortest route. Absent members of the family will rejoin the family after they leave the city. Federal authorities have indicated an enemy air attack is probable...'

Rex · Post by **Rex** » Sat Jan 14, 2017 11:24 pm

Amazing stuff. As a kid, I was truly terrified by Emergency Broadcast System warnings. Something about that cricket they would play.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I spent a few minutes just now thinking about what would be the quickest route out of the city for me.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Sat Jan 14, 2017 11:44 pm

Rex wrote:And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I spent a few minutes just now thinking about what would be the quickest route out of the city for me.

Become a big stadium?

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:19 am

There's a guy on YouTube who makes it his mission to take stuff from Bill Burr's podcast and sync it up with what happened. Here's a vid of the Bears fan that leaped of the railing to catch the extra point. I had no idea the guy was interviewed by Lynn Swann and invited onto Letterman.