The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for anyone who can’t retire early and get a new MacBook thread

Okay . . . let's try this again.

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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

Post by rass »

Ivanka tweeted out "Happy Holidays!"
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Shouldn't that be in the War on Hanukah thread?
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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If the Pats win Sunday, you have to sign up on Twitter
he’s a fixbking cyborg or some shit. The

holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Ivanka tweets out family picture and says, "Happy Holidays". Funny guy re-tweets it and says, "the War on Christmas is coming from inside the house!"
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Trump hinted that a female senator blew him for campaign funds.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Bill O'Reilly wrote:Here’s the Tip of the Day: many clothing companies have stealthily cut back on material, so order your stuff one size larger than you are. I am 6’4”, 210 pounds and an XL used to do it. Not anymore. Now XXL.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Phil Collins @PhilCollinsFeed

If you play 'In The Air Tonight’ by Phil Collins on December 31st at 11:56:40 the drum break will play right as the clock strikes midnight. Start off your new year right.
11:12 AM - Dec 21, 2017
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Photo of the decade: Doug Jones being sworn in, while his openly gay son QUIETLY DISINTEGRATES THE SOUL OF MIKE PENCE.

(it's pretty great)
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Source: ESPN readying new hit piece on Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and Robert Kraft set to publish tomorrow morning at 8am. The topic will be a power struggle among the trio as to who deserves the most credit for the dynasty.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Scary marijuana stats:

1. 88,000 deaths are annually attributed to excessive use.

2. Every day, 30 people in the US die in car crashes that involve a marijuana-impaired driver.

3.Teen marijuana use kills 4,700 people each year

4. Lol jk those stats are about alcohol
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Philip Seymour Hoffman would have played a great Steve Bannon.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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sancarlos wrote:Philip Seymour Hoffman would have played a great Steve Bannon.


Probably still has the look down.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Until today, if you Googled “Trump” and “shithole” all you got were hotel reviews.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Ha!
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Jay-Z getting tweeted at by Trump means that for the first time ever, a bitch is one of his problems
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Catholic Church has “concern” about Larry Nassar-inspired Michigan bill that would retroactively give child sexual abuse victims until age 48 to sue.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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god i want to vomit
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Someone joked that Steven Seagal looks like Wilford Brimley in the witness protection program and then an unverified account that either really is Wilford Brimley or has REALLY committed itself to the role responded with "Shhhhhhh...".
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

Post by Jerloma »

Thanks Rass!
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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A guy tweeted, "My 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho."
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Nintendo tweeted:
Yay #MarioKart and #Toad are trending on Twitter!

Someone piled on that with:
"Hey, we're in the news! OH YEAH!!!"--Kool Aid, 1978

I think that's just a variation on the joke that Nintendo already made, and since they weren't doing something tone deaf like having Toad salute the fallen towers on 9-11 and this is the rare Trump administration sex scandal that involves fully consenting adults, it was a good joke from Nintendo to start with!


(to be fair to misterd Nintendo followed up with a covfefe joke at some point so fuck them)
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

Post by Jerloma »

Grazie.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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It's a cock. And balls.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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“A guy named Krishnan Patel quoted a Buzzfeed story and in a tweet” wrote:Famous evangelical Christian leader Jerry Falwell Jr. and his wife together had a tryst with a 21-year-old pool boy in Florida. Michael Cohen then used this information to blackmail Jerry Falwell Jr. into endorsing Donald Trump's campaign for President.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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I read the article and that’s not what it said.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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mister d wrote: Sun Dec 09, 2018 5:37 pm I read the article and that’s not what it said.
As did I. No Tryst alleged in the article at all.

(Much to my chagrin)
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Yeah that’s weird. But the tweet must have some basis?
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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sancarlos wrote: Sun Dec 09, 2018 6:12 pm Yeah that’s weird. But the tweet must have some basis?
No. The guy's pulling it out of his ass. In the comments people are rightly calling him out for it, but he's sticking to his assertion that the mention of the word "friendship" can only mean what he's saying. He's a dipshit.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Wait, are you guys saying that Falwell didn’t need to be blackmailed to support a right-wing fascist for President? Shocking.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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sancarlos wrote: Sun Dec 09, 2018 6:12 pm Yeah that’s weird. But the tweet must have some basis?
Well, if the President's tweets don't have any basis in fact, why should tweets attacking him?
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Bill Cassidy (R-LA) from Senate floor on Saints-Rams game: "What happened in my belief and the belief of many was the most blatant and consequential blown call in NFL history." Louisiana
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Isn't that arguably correct given the timing, the obviousness of the penalty and the stakes?
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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mister d wrote: Fri Jan 25, 2019 1:40 pm Isn't that arguably correct given the timing, the obviousness of the penalty and the stakes?
Sure, it is a reasonable point, but on the floor o the Senate during the shutdown and amidst the shitstorm of everything else going on with the Trump admin, probably isn't the tie or place for the discussion.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Need this for me, for like 1/2 of Johnnie's posts.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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rass wrote: Wed Feb 20, 2019 2:47 pm Need this for me, for like 1/2 of Johnnie's posts.
You mean how it cuts off the image, or "decipher all the porn/Barstool/Joe Rogan references I must be missing"?
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

Post by brian »

Johnny Carwash wrote: Wed Feb 20, 2019 5:47 pm
rass wrote: Wed Feb 20, 2019 2:47 pm Need this for me, for like 1/2 of Johnnie's posts.
You mean how it cuts off the image, or "decipher all the porn/Barstool/Joe Rogan references I must be missing"?
Instagram gets cut off for me too.
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Jerloma wrote: Thu Feb 21, 2019 12:42 pm A little help here?

http://www.sportsfrog.net/phpbb/viewtop ... 40#p226337
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Re: The transcribe/paraphrase tweets for Jerloma thread

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Game of Thrones is a cautionary tale about the importance of character actors. They killed off all the talented unconventionally attractive people and now we’re left with a boring show about cardboard cutout babes
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