Swamp Wrestling Federation 2021 - Gunpowder vs. GoodKarma (Featuring BFJ and DSafe on the mic!)

[duff]

bapo! Everyone's favorite part-time Swamper. Comes in and waxes nostalgia and everyone slobbers all over themselves. Well not me. I don't live in the past. My time is spent preparing everyday for the opportunity to kick some ass. Sure titles are nice, but the feeling of just knocking someone silly is much more satisfying. I don't need the adulation from all these so-called fake internet friends. I'm not here to bring smiles to their faces. I don't drink anymore because it dulls the senses. And I enjoy feeling a bit of pain. So keep sipping on your Yetis or whatever else you jabronis drink now days.

bapo. I know you enjoy your trips down memory lane. So how about you watch this clip:

You are gonna be the fan on the floor and I am gonna be Jermaine O'Neal knocking you on your ass. And I believe the video is grainy enough that you will have to go email your brother while watching it.

So whether you are driving to Eerie to watch some young boys play fight and skate or sitting all alone in your dump of a city. Just remember that time is up for you, bapo. We can add you to the long list of losers coming out of Pittsburgh. Starting with your favorite Mark Madden.

[bapo!]

I was having a difficult time getting into the proper mindset for this fight, but I've got my blood up now. I will not stand for this constant disparaging of Mark Madden. I only wish that I could represent my city as well as he does. (I do look slightly better without a shirt on.)

And I'm glad that you said that you enjoy a little bit of pain, because that's exactly what you're going to get. Insult Madden one more time, and I might ratchet it up to a moderate amount of pain. You've been warned.

[Johnny Carwash]

Taking suggestions for the name of duff's signature move. I tentatively have "Negative-Star Review" as a placeholder.

bapo!'s will be The Nostalgiaganza.

[duff]

A wooden drugstore Indian has more charisma than Mother Fuckin' Mark Madden. I've got a 141 2/3% chance of winning this match, them are the facts! bapo? you should stay home. Maybe watch some Dallas or Dynasty on the YouTubes. Those seem to be right up your alley.

Face the facts, bapo*, you have nothing on me. My whole life has been directed to get me here. I do nothing but train for my matches here in SWF. That is the Swamp Wrestling Federation in case you forget. Not Single White Female, which is another drive down memory lane for you. Been a long time, amirite, bapo#!

So go back to being a part-timer. Keep waxing your nostalgia. Bring up some piss poor excuse for music and beer. And one more thing, FUCK MARK MADDEN that no good piece of dogshit Yinzer.

[rass]

The Duff Miver

[Sabo]

I was having a difficult time getting into the proper mindset for this fight, but I've got my blood up now. I will not stand for this constant disparaging of Mark Madden. I only wish that I could represent my city as well as he does.

You pick some weird battles.

[bapo!]

It's funny you mention Dallas. I was just watching a 1978 Cowboys/Vikings game. That was the season when Staubach and Tarkenton were at the end, with White and Kramer waiting in the wings. Anyway, during a commercial break in the third quarter, this Budweiser ad aired...

[edited for length and clarity]

...and that's what I'm going to do to you, duff!

[Johnny Carwash]

[+] spoiler

mister d not commenting on/not watching his victory is peak mister d.

[Johnny Carwash]

Going to make Pittsburgh the venue for this match since it's devolved into that. What are some Pittsburgh things to make as the sponsors? I already got Primanti Brothers.

[rass]

Isaly’s Chipped Chopped Ham
Eat’n Park :)

[bfj]

Chlamydia testing center?

[Ryan]

Hoss’s Steakhouse

[A_B]

Hunts ketchup is big there I think.

[bapo!]

Going to make Pittsburgh the venue for this match since it's devolved into that.

Devolved? Devolved?! Pittsburgh is a great tahn. We've elevated the discourse here.

#notmycommissioner #freeagent #AEW

Anyway, Iron City beer is the most obvious sponsor. And I'm not sure if this is still the case, but Four Loko used to be brewed at Iron City's brewery in Latrobe. (Not to be confused with the bottling company in New Kensington. That's the one that made the fruit punch with the 'suspected penis' that turned out to be mold.)

[duff]

#TAINTEDBYPITTSBURGH. What a damn shame.

[Johnny Carwash]

I'm leaning toward making this a double-bill in Pittsburgh. Second half will be Gunpowder coming down from the announcer's booth to face GoodKarma.

Gunpowder's signature move is the Montana Hand Job (per his request a few years back) and GoodKarma's is the Pugheadaboutit.

[Ryan]

Steely McBeam Cage Match, please

[duff]

Yes to the cage match. No where for bapo! to run and hide. Excited to make the Shame of the Steel City bleed all over the mat. The thought of smashing bapo's face into the steel cage and knocking out his teeth makes me all giddy. With less teeth, maybe bapo> can run for the Mayor of the largest city in West Virginia.

[Sabo]

Eat’n Park :)

Winner winner.

[bapo!]

Yes to the cage match. No where for bapo! to run and hide. Excited to make the Shame of the Steel City bleed all over the mat. The thought of smashing bapo's face into the steel cage and knocking out his teeth makes me all giddy. With less teeth, maybe bapo> can run for the Mayor of the largest city in West Virginia.

It's in my contract that I'm not allowed to be punched or kicked in the face. Are you trying to circumvent that by asking for a steel cage? I need the commissioner to intervene here. I've been offered another tour of Japan, and I'm not going to let you jeopardize that.

[DSafetyGuy]

Yes to the cage match. No where for bapo! to run and hide. Excited to make the Shame of the Steel City bleed all over the mat. The thought of smashing bapo's face into the steel cage and knocking out his teeth makes me all giddy. With less teeth, maybe bapo> can run for the Mayor of the largest city in West Virginia.

It's in my contract that I'm not allowed to be punched or kicked in the face. Are you trying to circumvent that by asking for a steel cage? I need the commissioner to intervene here. I've been offered another tour of Japan, and I'm not going to let you jeopardize that.

Excited for bapo!'s Joshi Pro debut.

[bapo!]

Excited for bapo!'s Joshi Pro debut.

Bring me Akira Hokuto!

[Johnny Carwash]

Cage match unfortunately doesn't work well from the test I've done, so might need to nix it. It cuts out a lot of the through/over the ropes action that's a lot of the wrestlers' styles and bapo's in particular. The cage itself also doesn't look that great in game and gets in the way of the view.

[duff]

Then how about a Hardcore match. Lots of weapons and blood. I want bapo! to bleed like a stuffed pig.

[Ryan]

The cage itself also doesn't look that great in game and gets in the way of the view.

So Three Rivers Stadium

[Gunpowder]

I'm leaning toward making this a double-bill in Pittsburgh. Second half will be Gunpowder coming down from the announcer's booth to face GoodKarma.

Gunpowder's signature move is the Montana Hand Job (per his request a few years back) and GoodKarma's is the Pugheadaboutit.

I don't remember that but I don't doubt it.

[Pruitt]

Then how about a Hardcore match. Lots of weapons and blood. I want bapo! to bleed like a stuffed pig.

[Johnny Carwash]

So just wondering, what did you guys think of the Royal Rumble? If you liked it, I might see about having some future ones (Jewish, lawyers, New England, Pittsburgh, etc.)

[rass]

Disappointed that the guy who won hasn't even lived here long enough to transition from being a regular asshole to being a true NJ asshole. Other than that it was great.

[Pruitt]

So just wondering, what did you guys think of the Royal Rumble? If you liked it, I might see about having some future ones (Jewish, lawyers, New England, Pittsburgh, etc.)

If you are going to do Jews vs. Christians, it HAS to be held on Good Friday.

[Johnny Carwash]

Speaking of Royal Rumbles, if Mister D doesn't at least fuckin' acknowledge his win in the NJ one, I'm stripping his opportunity to challenge for the Swamp Title.

[duff]

I think BSF and I should form a tag team and call it Midwest Express in honor of all the Express teams of the past. And our first match should challenge for the belts.

[Sabo]

I think BSF and I should form a tag team and call it Midwest Express in honor of all the Express teams of the past. And our first match should challenge for the belts.

Crossroads Express is a better name since you're both from Indiana.

[duff]

I think BSF and I should form a tag team and call it Midwest Express in honor of all the Express teams of the past. And our first match should challenge for the belts.

Crossroads Express is a better name since you're both from Indiana.

I agree. Midwest stuck with me because of Midnight, but I like Crossroads Express better.

[Sabo]

I think BSF and I should form a tag team and call it Midwest Express in honor of all the Express teams of the past. And our first match should challenge for the belts.

Crossroads Express is a better name since you're both from Indiana.

I agree. Midwest stuck with me because of Midnight, but I like Crossroads Express better.

Plus, you'll instantly get hired by AEW to feud with Cody Rhodes and a mystery tag partner (probably a D-list celebrity who has a show on TBS) with the winner getting to keep the Crossroads name.

[serrano]

So just wondering, what did you guys think of the Royal Rumble? If you liked it, I might see about having some future ones (Jewish, lawyers, New England, Pittsburgh, etc.)

I woulda won if I didn’t lose.

[Johnny Carwash]

MATCH 10 - DUFF VS. BAPO!
CIVIC ARENA, PITTSBURGH, PA - brought to you by Iron City Beer and Primanti Bros.

Hey, "yinz!" That's all the Pittsburgh slang I know! Welcome back for another exciting double-bill, coming to you this time directly from the Steel City.

First up is recently-crowned Indiana champion duff taking to the road to face local son and fan favorite bapo!, haling from the nearby suburb of Parts Unknown. If you're looking for pre-match trash talk, see most of the last few pages of this thread.

BFJ is back in the broadcast booth, this time with notorious SWF heel DSafetyGuy, who is surprisingly capable of using his mouth for things other than biting opponents' faces. Take it away, guys!



Coming soon, the second half of our double bill, featuring Gunpowder vs. GoodKarma!

[duff]

The fix was in. Johnny Carwash, I have got some words for you! I thought we had an understanding with Team Cool. Am I to believe that you would rather team with that purple-haired yinzer! So slow with the counts on all of my pins. DonSafetyGuy was right on target (as usual) when he said you were coming from Erie. And then to allow bapo! to use an illegal airplane spin, not once, not twice, but three times. Just appalling. You have sullied to the good name of the SWF.

As far as the match, it gets 100% Fresh! Bapo! took a beating from my licensed hands. It is beyond comprehension how that man is still able to move. Maybe he had a freak accident at a steel mill and is truly a man of steel. Only way I can fathom his ability to withstand that ass stomping he received. And credit to bapo! for being able to pull off some big moves on the outside, including that beautiful Canadian Destroyer. Petey would be pleased to see it executed to such perfection.

All said and done I am pleased with my performance. If only we had a competent referee. Maybe I need to talk with Jimmy Carwash (Johnny's twin brother) on joining the SWF so he can officiate my matches. No one would be the wiser, and DSG would make sure that Jimmy's pockets were a bit heavier going into the match.

Just let this be known to all in the SWF. I will not rest until I have put you all down. I won't stop until this loss has been rectified with the carnage I am going to place on this federation. There will be blood!

P.S. DonSafetyGuy and Beefy Frank were great on the mic. Besides me, the announce team is the best thing in the SWF. Good work gentlemen.

[elflaco2]

Speaking of Royal Rumbles, if Mister D doesn't at least fuckin' acknowledge his win in the NJ one, I'm stripping his opportunity to challenge for the Swamp Title.

i woulda had a chance if Ms Elizabeth had been ringside

[Johnny Carwash]

Just a thought--because this match takes place in Pittsburgh, does it need its own separate thread from the one for the rest of the sport?