Not so funny real life Capt Trips thread

Post by **brian** » Fri Mar 13, 2020 11:10 pm

Honestly shouldn’t laugh at this but literally LOLed.

phxgators · Post by **phxgators** » Fri Mar 13, 2020 11:33 pm

Yeah, same here

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:32 am

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:51 am

Yup. And watch this to figure out just how much it’s not gonna work:

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:57 am

Seems like Brazil’s President might have tested positive and is lying about it.

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:02 am

It almost feels pre-destined to be an absolute goat fuck that will either finally literally end the Republican Party as it presently exists or hasten the real start of fascism here.

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:10 am

brian wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:02 am It almost feels pre-destined to be an absolute goat fuck that will either finally literally end the Republican Party as it presently exists or hasten the real start of fascism here.

You could easily plot out some realistic scenarios where Trump isn’t president by the end of the month. I could probably do it day by day.

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:22 am

All those scenarios depend on the public really turning on Trump, but people’s parents and grandparents starting to die en masse because of incompetence might do it. Of course, the cult of personality might still hold in that scenario.

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 2:57 am

On the other hand Millenials intentionally weaponizing themselves to kill as many boomers as possible is a pretty big balls move.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:19 am

Just watched a YouTube clip where 2 people shook hands and it was like seeing the Twin Towers

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:22 am

This toilet paper crisis is one of the strangest things I have seen in my entire life. It’s just bizarre. Hopefully psychologists are studying this because it is actually pretty interesting.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:28 am

degenerasian wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:22 am This toilet paper crisis is one of the strangest things I have seen in my entire life. It’s just bizarre. Hopefully psychologists are studying this because it is actually pretty interesting.

Places here will only let people buy one package at a time.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:35 am

Is it really that hard to just jump in the shower after you shit?

I'm deployed right now and I can't even flush toilet paper or baby wipes. I have to walk long distances to go to the bathroom tents. I'm in a much dumber asswiping scenario right now. (And that's not including redeployers! Ammiright?) But there's no hysteria.

It's so fucking weird.

rass · Post by **rass** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:39 am

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:40 am

Johnnie wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:35 am Is it really that hard to just jump in the shower after you shit?

I'm deployed right now and I can't even flush toilet paper or baby wipes. I have to walk long distances to go to the bathroom tents. I'm in a much dumber asswiping scenario right now. (And that's not including redeployers! Ammiright?) But there's no hysteria.

It's so fucking weird.

I don’t want to take 3 showers a day.

(Not all of us have healthy GI systems, Airman.)

rass · Post by **rass** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:44 am

Bad timing with St Pats around here (and presumably elsewhere). All of the pubs and bars and clubs (KoC, American legion, etc.) are still heavily advertising their events this weekend even with the parades cancelled.

Should have built a wall around Ireland.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:49 am

47 employees at the Washington nursing home test positive.

rass · Post by **rass** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 10:03 am

I’ve known about this one for awhile but it wasn’t public and I wasn’t supposed to say anything.

My wife works at a health department in a neighboring city, and has worked with this doctor in the past. She says he’s the best at his job and one of the nicest people in the business. He would be leading his hospital’s, if not the county’s, response if healthy.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 10:51 am

rass wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:39 am

Nah, I bet he just gave it a dumb name like Ted Cruz.

(But for real. James Comey and Mitt Romney be like 👀👀👀.)

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 11:34 am

Toronto is closed.

Libraries, day cares, schools, universities, city offices. Mayor is in self-isolation.

My big fear is that the municipal courses won;t open if the city workers are still off next month.

On a happier note, gas is now 83 cents a litre. Which is the equivalent of $3.15 Canadian per one of your gallons. (or about $2.40 US)

Last week gas was $1.19 per litre.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 11:56 am

rass wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 10:03 am I’ve known about this one for awhile but it wasn’t public and I wasn’t supposed to say anything.

My wife works at a health department in a neighboring city, and has worked with this doctor in the past. She says he’s the best at his job and one of the nicest people in the business. He would be leading his hospital’s, if not the county’s, response if healthy.

part of me wonders about the theory working in reality that society would be better off in the long run if the least vulnerable people were all getting the virus now (assuming that there is post-sickness immunity) and quarantining for 14 days

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 11:59 am

I also am going to try to play golf on Monday? Unless I'm missing something, it sure feels like something that has an extremely low risk if I pay online, don't hit any range balls and walk the course

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:37 pm

Trump said he was tested Friday but the result will take “days”.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 3:44 pm

A friend of mine who lives in Italy responded to my email asking how she was doing (she was born in the US, is a citizen, and the bulk of her family lives here):

I am doing fine & dandy in full lockdown! As someone who mainly works from home, it’s “easier” to adjust. Went out today to buy food (hadn’t gone out since Monday), we have to carry a sort of “hall pass” with us to justify why we're out IF the police stop us, nobody stopped me and I got everything I needed easily. There’s no shortage here, nobody’s stockpiling TP or whatever dumb shit. We know we will have access to necessities no matter what so we buy what we need (though some people went crazy buying masks and hand sanitizer).

I’m genuinely more concerned for you guys- everybody is going about their daily life normally and the virus will keep spreading. Most healthy people will be okay, the issue is the fact that any of us can be asymptomatic carriers and be spreading it around to elderly, sick, frail, etc. The issue is the hospitals will be overloaded and will not have resources or manpower to deal with all the sick people, which means they can't help people with non-virus emergencies either. I know lockdown is ROUGH on the economy (trust me, we are all suffering here and will continue to) but as China proved, it seems to be the only way to contain this mess.
I hope you are able to get home soon and STAY PUT!

Some things about my current travel...

Our client provides catering for lunch. The temporary catering area is a bunch of 8' tables and either six or eight folding chairs at each table. Just before the meal started yesterday, they asked one of our supervisors to instruct everyone to leave an empty seat instead of sitting next to another person. Meanwhile, the catering was self-serve where everyone opens and closes the chafing dishes, serves themselves with the same tongs/spoon, and picks unwrapped plastic flatware out of a common bin. What in the ever-loving fuck? They have mercifully switched some things now, but...

I went out to dinner last night, which I feel is very similar to ordering in (no room service at the hotel). Restaurant was at 1/3 capacity, bar pretty full, tables not. I sat at the end of the bar with an empty seat next to me, but I probably should have sat at a table by myself.

A part of my job is that I am responsible for distributing per diem to everyone in cash. So, bottle of hand sanitizer for everyone to use since they use the same pen to sign on the same sheet and I take a hit after each person/group of people comes and goes.

I honestly don't know what to do about all of this. Is it really better/that much of a difference to order in? I mean, I don't know who cleans my hotel room and how he/she does it. I don't know if everyone I am working with is healthy. I washed my hands so much in public restrooms yesterday, my knuckles are splitting open. I use a tissue to touch my face, use a paper towel to open the bathroom door when I leave, etc. I've told my wife to be ready for me to self-quarantine on an air mattress in my office when I get home.

I'm just trying to be reasonably smart, but don't have an ideal situation here.

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 4:16 pm

Great piece here in GQ about how we're failing.

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 4:23 pm

DSafetyGuy wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 3:44 pm I honestly don't know what to do about all of this. Is it really better/that much of a difference to order in? I mean, I don't know who cleans my hotel room and how he/she does it. I don't know if everyone I am working with is healthy. I washed my hands so much in public restrooms yesterday, my knuckles are splitting open. I use a tissue to touch my face, use a paper towel to open the bathroom door when I leave, etc. I've told my wife to be ready for me to self-quarantine on an air mattress in my office when I get home.

I'm just trying to be reasonably smart, but don't have an ideal situation here.

Doesn't sound like there's much you can do except take the proper precautions. Hope you're heading home soon and then when you do, yeah definitely plan on staying home non-stop for at least a week to see if you develop any symptoms.

From the data I've seen one of the blessings so far is that this doesn't seem to have any special ill-effects to children (relative to the seasonal flu) so you shouldn't have to worry about the scenario of bringing it home with you (other than you all getting the other relatively mild symptoms that suck when you have the flu).

Seeing your parents or in-laws is off the table for awhile though (which if I recall right isn't such a bad thing for you?)

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 4:31 pm

Pretty alarmist thread here (if this is even half right it will be the worst public health disaster in American history other than AIDS).

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 4:48 pm

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 5:15 pm

America’s got extortion!

DaveInSeattle · Post by **DaveInSeattle** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 5:19 pm

rass wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:44 am Bad timing with St Pats around here (and presumably elsewhere). All of the pubs and bars and clubs (KoC, American legion, etc.) are still heavily advertising their events this weekend even with the parades cancelled.

Should have built a wall around Ireland.

I have a friend in Chicago who owns an Irish pub. He just posted pictures of a super crowded bar, and I wanted to scream.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 5:50 pm

brian wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 4:23 pm
DSafetyGuy wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 3:44 pm I honestly don't know what to do about all of this. Is it really better/that much of a difference to order in? I mean, I don't know who cleans my hotel room and how he/she does it. I don't know if everyone I am working with is healthy. I washed my hands so much in public restrooms yesterday, my knuckles are splitting open. I use a tissue to touch my face, use a paper towel to open the bathroom door when I leave, etc. I've told my wife to be ready for me to self-quarantine on an air mattress in my office when I get home.

I'm just trying to be reasonably smart, but don't have an ideal situation here.
Doesn't sound like there's much you can do except take the proper precautions. Hope you're heading home soon and then when you do, yeah definitely plan on staying home non-stop for at least a week to see if you develop any symptoms.

From the data I've seen one of the blessings so far is that this doesn't seem to have any special ill-effects to children (relative to the seasonal flu) so you shouldn't have to worry about the scenario of bringing it home with you (other than you all getting the other relatively mild symptoms that suck when you have the flu).

Seeing your parents or in-laws is off the table for awhile though (which if I recall right isn't such a bad thing for you?)

Yeah, there's a meeting later today to determine some things that may result in heading home Wednesday (hopefully first thing in the morning) instead of Friday night (and not driving at all). I do have some regrets about sitting at the bar last night, feeling I should have sat at a table away from others instead. (Already thinking about tonight's dinner and asking for a much larger table than necessary if any co-workers join, just so we have a little more space.) I do take some solace in that hopefully, my tip will help someone whose income has almost certainly already taken a hit and will continue to do so.

I have pretty much resigned myself to staying at the house when I return (I don't leave for much aside from my basketball game and any driving the kids around) and am still debating about holing up in my office. There was a tweet I saw that half the critical cases in France are people under the age of 50, throwing some of what has been believed about age into question. It all just feels laced with futility.

And on the last bit, my mother-in-law (she's not a problem and is almost certainly the healthiest of any parent or -in-law we have) is currently at our house, slated to stay until a week from Tuesday (she came up because I was originally supposed to be in Germany for three weeks). My dad is tentatively planning on coming up in April, but there's plenty of time before that would happen.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 5:52 pm

brian wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 4:16 pm Great piece here in GQ about how we're failing.

I get what this person is trying to say about staying home from work when you're sick, but I have literally never been allowed to just "stay home" because I was sick these last 18.5 years while serving. Not even on deployment either when I'm working 70+ hours a week.

I have to go to sick call, which is only during a small window in the morning, say 0700 to 0830, wait quite a while to see my PCM, and when it's all said and done I get Robitussin or Motrin, get told to drink water, and get rest, but he/she leaves it up to my supervisor to let me go early. If I do get "quarters" it's for 24 hours. The walk in hours are a bit better when deployed, but missing a day of work is questioned like skating out of your job.

I remember when I first moved to New Mexico I was allergic to something in the air and was knocked out for a week and given meds to include an inhaler. I still had to go to work. So yeah. That would have to be a massive cultural change to suddenly allow folks to stay home.

Trust me. I'm all for it. But when the Air Force has been forcing us to operate in a constant burnout state with a "do more with less" atmosphere, just the amount of emails I come back to on a missed day with tasker after tasker forces me to come in even when sick. These next 18 can't fly by fast enough.

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 5:59 pm

That’s not unique to the military, brother. There’s a whole American ethos of overwork and it’s literally going to kill us in the next two months.

rass · Post by **rass** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:23 pm

brian wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 4:31 pm Pretty alarmist thread here (if this is even half right it will be the worst public health disaster in American history other than AIDS).

Yeah, that guy has scared the shit out of me a couple of times this week.

rass · Post by **rass** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:24 pm

Work is going all WFH (except for the receptionists which they’re working on) as of Monday.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:29 pm

The county I reside in has declared a state of emergency, will close schools Friday, which will last into April. The reason for the delay is to prep for the closings, including to help kids who only eat at school, allow parents an opportunity to set up child care, and the shift to online learning.

26 people tested, zero positive results. No cases within 60 miles of the county.

Steve of phpBB · Post by **Steve of phpBB** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 7:00 pm

DSafetyGuy wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:29 pmNo *known* cases within 60 miles of the county *yet*.

...

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 7:08 pm

A_B wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:40 am
Johnnie wrote: ↑Sat Mar 14, 2020 9:35 am Is it really that hard to just jump in the shower after you shit?

I'm deployed right now and I can't even flush toilet paper or baby wipes. I have to walk long distances to go to the bathroom tents. I'm in a much dumber asswiping scenario right now. (And that's not including redeployers! Ammiright?) But there's no hysteria.

It's so fucking weird.
I don’t want to take 3 showers a day.

(Not all of us have healthy GI systems, Airman.)

Just use the shower head to clean your ass.

Post by **brian** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 7:11 pm

Rex · Post by **Rex** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 7:18 pm

So you get it from taking it strong to the hole