The Swamp

Watched most of the first episode of the new sketch comedy show The Astronomy Club and it is horrible.

One funny idea, but in terms of execution, not even that worked well.

But the horribly titled animated film I Lost My Body is really good.

The Sybian wrote: ↑Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:05 pm And I tried watch Iliza Schlessinger's new special. Got 7 minutes in and couldn't take it anymore. Just over the top dramatic pauses, and fucking voices. I've come to realize I can't stand comedians who are nothing but stupid voices. I feel like her comedy is aimed towards women, and I hear a ton of female laughter, but fuck, she just isn't funny.

Patrice O'Neal was so fucking right about her.

And yes, I watched it with two women. They were laughing hard at it. I just couldn't get it. The jokes are very focused. I've seen parts of her previous specials before and at some point I'm like "Oh, the goat voice again" or "Oh, the squeeky voice again."

Yeah it was rough. Her wedding bit wouldn't be bad if she edited it down to less than 1/3 of the show (although not original in the slightest). I think her older stuff is better.

The new Michael Bay movie has an enjoyably and enthusiastically violent opening car chase and a couple of other good action set pieces wrapped around a bit too much Ryan Reynolds being Ryan Reynolds (and I generally like RR) and most damningly a complete and utter lack of Sneaker Pimps.

rass wrote: ↑Sat Dec 14, 2019 8:50 am The new Michael Bay movie has an enjoyably and enthusiastically violent opening car chase and a couple of other good action set pieces wrapped around a bit too much Ryan Reynolds being Ryan Reynolds (and I generally like RR) and most damningly a complete and utter lack of Sneaker Pimps.

So, on a scale of one to ten, it's not a one-two, a one-two?

Just watched the Michelle Wolf special, and it's pretty good. For some reason I always thought she was black or more likely mixed race, but she had a stretch where she was making fun of herself as a White woman, and it threw me. Turns out, she is 100% white. Weird.

The Sybian wrote: ↑Mon Dec 16, 2019 11:07 pm Turns out, she is 100% white.

Worst Lizzo lyric ever.

rass wrote: ↑Sat Dec 14, 2019 8:50 am The new Michael Bay movie has an enjoyably and enthusiastically violent opening car chase and a couple of other good action set pieces wrapped around a bit too much Ryan Reynolds being Ryan Reynolds (and I generally like RR) and most damningly a complete and utter lack of Sneaker Pimps.

Thanks for saving me the time to write this. Wouldn't call it a waste of time, but if planning to watch with Your Lady... Not going to go over very well, unless she really enjoys mindless violence and/or really likes RR turned up to 11.

Wouldn't that kinda be obvious based on it being a Michael Bay movie?

Giff wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2019 9:56 am Wouldn't that kinda be obvious based on it being a Michael Bay movie?

Yeah, the only review I ever need for a Michael Bay movie is four words - "a Michael Bay movie".

1) I honestly didn't know it was an MB production until I sat down to watch it.

2) That said, you kind of have to watch it to understand that even knowing it was an MB production, this is so over the top that it's still a bit stunning.

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2019 11:57 am 1) I honestly didn't know it was an MB production until I sat down to watch it.

2) That said, you kind of have to watch it to understand that even knowing it was an MB production, this is so over the top that it's still a bit stunning.

I sat through the first two "Transformers" movies with my son. The first one was fun-ish, but the second one was a relentless assault on both my senses and intelligence that seemed to take 4 hours. Needless to say, my 12 year old son loved it.

Fun fact - just learned from the Wikipedia that Michael Bay is Leonard Nimoy's cousin.

His filmography, with box office in parens. I didn't put the budget on here, but The Island, Pain & Gain and Benghazi would by almost all measures be pretty spectacular failures. Obviously pretty much evened out by his other hits. With that said, the trend is not good, AT ALL.


Bad Boys - Solid (144m)
The Rock - Solid (335m)
Armageddon - Starting to really push it with the pacing. Kind of annoying, still mostly entertaining. (553m)
Pearl Harbor - Garbage (449M)
The Island - Meh... Just kind of a weird mish mash of a sci-fi movie. Not the worst thing ever. (160m)
Transformers 1-2-3 - Started out pretty strong, landed at garbage. (709m, 836m, 1.1b)
Pain & Gain - I didn't know this movie existed. Actually seems like something I'll check out. (96m)
Transformers 4 - Garbage (1.1b)
Benghazi - Haven't seen it, won't see it = fuck you (67m)
Transformers 5 - Garbage (605m)
6 Underground - Whoa... Peak MB Garbage (??)

You left out Bad Boys II.

And The Rock is more than just solid!

And holy shit he directed this???

Yeah, I think The Rock is one of the best straight-up action movies of the 90s.

My wife went to bed early on Friday and after talking myself out of watching The Force Awakens in prep for this week I watched the Bay movie.

My wife stayed up on Saturday and we watched Let It Snow, and I'm definitely a sucker for the "takes place over the course of one day" movie concept, but we both thought it was pretty adorbs. It's not Can't Hardly Wait level, even though it also leans heavily on a quality mid-80s song reference, but fun.

Clearly worse movies were made in the decade, but there isn't a 90s movie I hate more than Armageddon. 23 year old me hated every second of it in the theater.

L-Jam3 wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2019 2:28 pm Clearly worse movies were made in the decade, but there isn't a 90s movie I hate more than Armageddon. 23 year old me hated every second of it in the theater.

"I'm not your little girl anymore, daddy!"

"Do you swear on your daughter's life, my family's life, that you can hit that mark?"

Oh, all so good. A treasure.

HARRY I LOVE YOU!!!

(so sweaty)

I've said it before on here, but do whatever you have to do to watch Armageddon with the commentary track from an obviously drunk Ben Affleck (might only be on the Criterion version?)

It's sublime. Makes the experience of watching the movie not only bearable, but borderline enjoyable. Highly recommended.

rass wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2019 2:14 pm And holy shit he directed this???

David Fincher directed "Janie's Got a Gun", which makes a ton of sense in retrospect.

L-Jam3 wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2019 2:28 pm Clearly worse movies were made in the decade, but there isn't a 90s movie I hate more than Armageddon. 23 year old me hated every second of it in the theater.

I didn't hate that movie overall, but the animal crackers scene is the single worst scene in movie history.

Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2019 4:27 pm

L-Jam3 wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2019 2:28 pm Clearly worse movies were made in the decade, but there isn't a 90s movie I hate more than Armageddon. 23 year old me hated every second of it in the theater.

I didn't hate that movie overall, but the animal crackers scene is the single worst scene in movie history.

The first hour is pretty decent -- it's pretty solid until they go into space (with the noted exception of the scene you indicated, which is vomit-inducingly bad).

It's almost like it was made by two different directors somehow because it goes way, way, way off the rails once the space shit starts. In fact, even a lot of the horrible space stuff is forced by the relationship between Harry (Willis) and AJ (Affleck). There's an argument to be made that a script/movie where Liv Tyler doesn't exist probably makes it a B+ movie. (The movie's failings aren't mostly her fault, more that the need was felt to shoehorn in a female lead character.)

Even though Liv Tyler is my hall pass, I have never seen the movie.

OTOH, Deep Impact is a movie I'll watch til the end if I catch it on cable.

duff wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2019 9:58 pm Even though Liv Tyler is my hall pass, I have never seen the movie.

It was jarring to see that Liv Tyler is now in a TV drama.

I don't think it's necessarily an MB pattern, but The Island was kind of two movies, as well. Pretty decent sci-fy (rip off of a bunch of movies in the Logan's Run genre) then you just get a whole raft of MB explosions and chase scene banality.

John Mulaney's "Sack Lunch Bunch" is one of the strangest things you'll see.

Liked it very much.

We watched Seth Myers' standup "Lobby Baby."

His delivery is great, but the material was pretty dull. Not bad, but not good.

[+] spoiler

And the last 5 minutes or so when he imitates his wife describing him was really weak.

Two episodes deep into The Witcher. We'll definitely stick with it.

I'll say this, all those folks trying to compare it, and some manner liken it to GOT are steering folks in the wrong direction. It's much more stylistically like LOTR, but really it's violent fantasy that's down the D&D path.

Just saying, the GOT stuff is waaaay off.

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Thu Dec 26, 2019 9:19 am Two episodes deep into The Witcher. We'll definitely stick with it.

I'll say this, all those folks trying to compare it, and some manner liken it to GOT are steering folks in the wrong direction. It's much more stylistically like LOTR, but really it's violent fantasy that's down the D&D path.

Just saying, the GOT stuff is waaaay off.

Not saying this isn't a reason to watch it, but got a rare F rating in Entertainment Weekly.

Is the sex as good as in the game?

So, we're now 4 episodes in. Episode 3 was almost entirely exposition, iow it sucked. More action and lots more boobs in episode 4, but it was still kind of problematic in terms of pacing.

I don't know if The Wife is up for sticking it out. She's starting to get confused by the increasingly difficult to follow plot/cast of characters.

I haven't played the game, but so far sex really hasn't played a big role. T&A with a few romps.

And I just read that review. Kind of fuck those two? One just watched the pilot and the other watched two episodes and skimmed through ep. 5 to view an orgy scene.

If something isn't for you (fantasy, D&D, LOTR) then just say it. I'm not saying the show is amazing or at the entertainment level of a GOT (it's not), but I wouldn't put this show on the shelf if you like that genre...

I wrote this in the Movie thread, but Klaus is an instant christmas classic. Very entertaining.

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Fri Dec 27, 2019 9:18 am And I just read that review. Kind of fuck those two? One just watched the pilot and the other watched two episodes and skimmed through ep. 5 to view an orgy scene.

Exactly. Anyone can pan a fantasy movie/series; the ridiculousness is baked into the genre. You can take their same critique angles and make LOTR sound laughable.

P.D.X. wrote: ↑Fri Dec 27, 2019 1:36 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Fri Dec 27, 2019 9:18 am And I just read that review. Kind of fuck those two? One just watched the pilot and the other watched two episodes and skimmed through ep. 5 to view an orgy scene.

Exactly. Anyone can pan a fantasy movie/series; the ridiculousness is baked into the genre. You can take their same critique angles and make LOTR sound laughable.

I might have to re-read the review but I didn't get the impression that's what they were doing. There was an acknowledgment that the genre is expected to not be realistic, but even given that the material was still kind of laughable (according to them). And if I understood correctly, I think that's fair.

In other words, you can invent a world, but that world still needs to have some rules. You can't spend five hours on the LOTR trilogy and then all of the sudden Frodo discovers he knows how to fly now and drops the ring in Mount Doom that way. (I haven't seen the show, so I'm not suggesting anything as ridiculous as that is happening), but the overall critique that you can still judge a fantasy show based on the world in the show is fair.