Rants 2?

Okay . . . let's try this again.

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Re: Rants 2?

Post by rass »

Going to find wlulax's favorite book store and replace Krasinski's face with Chris Pine on all of the books.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by wlu_lax6 »

rass wrote: Thu Nov 07, 2019 7:38 am Going to find wlulax's favorite book store and replace Krasinski's face with Chris Pine on all of the books.
Arlington County Library. Westover branch. However, I am pretty exclusive to picking up items I have put on hold. If I am buying it is used.

And I would not have a problem with putting Krasinski on the novelization of the Amazon series. But Krasinski's Ryan and Pierce's Greer is nothing like the books that they have put Jim from the Office on the cover.

And for you folks defending this practice.....shame shame.

And if you put Pine on a Star Trek novelization from the early days...that could be cause for justifiable violence in Seattle, Bay Area, or MIT.
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Re: Rants 2?

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The Sum of all Tears
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Re: Rants 2?

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Wlu_Lax = Jack Cryin'.
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Re: Rants 2?

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A fun rabbit hole...

Image

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Re: Rants 2?

Post by Pruitt »

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

God damn fuck.

Yes, I got some really bad news today. Only work-related so it could be worse, but FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Pruitt—not sure what it is, but genuinely sympathize.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by brian »

Definitely doesn't sound good. I just found out we're hiring back some kid I thought we had gotten rid of who I thought was a worthless employee, but I must have been in the minority on that one, so not sunshine and rainbows here either but guessing your news is worse than mine.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by Pruitt »

Ah, fuck!

Just a series that I've been developing for 4 years, and that was THIS close to getting greenlit.

Which means that I'd have a 2-5 year gig. And since it would be a French co-production, royalties for years to come...

And the plug was pulled today two months before production.

I know, we all have work disappointments, but this is a big one.

Fuck.

But - it isn't a health or kids thing, so it could always be worse.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by brian »

That really sucks. Sorry to hear it.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by Johnny Carwash »

That sucks, Pruitt. As someone who's toyed with the idea of doing creative work for a living but always hesitated for fear of the type a scenario you described, I can sympathize. You getting into and succeeding in a career where that type of thing is a constant is admirable.

Hoping you have enough other things going on that it's not too big a hit for your overall situation?
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Re: Rants 2?

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Johnny Carwash wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 6:55 pm That sucks, Pruitt. As someone who's toyed with the idea of doing creative work for a living but always hesitated for fear of the type a scenario you described, I can sympathize. You getting into and succeeding in a career where that type of thing is a constant is admirable.

Hoping you have enough other things going on that it's not too big a hit for your overall situation?
Thanks man.

It does suck.

Got enough other gigs to keep me working and earning, but I am so tired of working for others. This would have been a show where I was in near-complete control.

So, not fatal or critical, but very frustrating.

Just had to vent.

ETA: That's why I love this place.
Last edited by Pruitt on Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by Johnnie »

Fuck! That is awful. It really, really sucks to put your time and effort into something like that only to have it stopped.

Is there ever a possibility it could be picked up in the future?
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Re: Rants 2?

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Johnnie wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:02 pm Fuck! That is awful. It really, really sucks to put your time and effort into something like that only to have it stopped.

Is there ever a possibility it could be picked up in the future?
Actually, I just figured out that there could be.

BACKSTORY: I started working on this show for a Korean company in 2015. A year later was told that all the financing was in place and that I'd be spending the spring in Paris organizing the stories and supervising a bunch of French and Canadian writers. But then, the executive in charge at Netflix Asia was fired ( he was apparently doing more than just sexually harassing female workers). New execs wanted a clean slate so, buh-bye.

10 months later, a Chinese company was gung ho and I was told to get a crew of Canadian writers ready, because it was time to...

Oh, Chinese backed out. Show seemed dead... then a massive entertainment company (eOne) with offices in Toronto and Paris bought the series idea, and we've been developing it slowly since until today.

However, a reason that the French broadcaster decided to not finalize the deal was that it was a Boys (ages 7-10) action series and the market for that type of show was inundated.

So I sent a message to the head of Children's productions at the company saying that we could turn the female member of the team into the lead, and Hey! Presto! Girls action show. He just responded 15 minutes ago saying that we should discuss further.

Honestly, this show has broken my heart 3 times. But I'm so invested in it that I'll do whatever it takes to get it made.

Showbiz - it sucks. (But so do most businesses)

ETA: Thanks for listening. Seriously.
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Re: Rants 2?

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I will respectfully abstain from ... this one into something truly horrific. Good luck getting it picked back up.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by Johnny Carwash »

If they say no again, do you get back the rights, or is it a "No, but we still keep your stuff in perpetuity" scenario?
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Re: Rants 2?

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Johnny Carwash wrote: Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:27 pm If they say no again, do you get back the rights, or is it a "No, but we still keep your stuff in perpetuity" scenario?
That's one of the things that makes it particularly painful.

The initial concept was all from the Korean company. Over the years, I altered it, added a couple of characters etc., so eOne had me lined up for a "Co-Creator" credit.

Which means more royalties and even a small piece of merchandise rights.

In reality, the merch wouldn't have been huge, but it was promising enough to fuel early retirement fantasies.

And the concept is owned by eOne with 20% being retained by the Korean company. If it has in fact died, than I can;t peddle the concept unless there are major changes to it.

(Which there's no reason for me not to do. - With the major changes made.)
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by sancarlos »

Sorry bud. Hope it all works out.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by degenerasian »

Not just a female lead but an entire korean girl band!
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by govmentchedda »

Sorry, Pruitt.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by wlu_lax6 »

Pruitt...be a Jack Russell...keep fighting...hang on and be stubborn

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Re: Rants 2?

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wlu_lax6 wrote: Wed Nov 13, 2019 8:28 am Pruitt...be a Jack Russell...keep fighting...hang on and be stubborn

Thanks man.

I don't really have a choice, so a terrier I will be!
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by wlu_lax6 »

WTF Maryland? Auctioning off the banner from the rafters?
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Re: Rants 2?

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So, a little before 6:30 last night, as I was driving to my pick-up game, my wife texts me with "so, my dad just called". My immediate reaction is "this won't be good." And, while I feared worse, the follow-up was still plenty annoying: "He and (step-mom) are coming up tomorrow for the party" (our son's birthday party on Saturday). I waited until the next traffic light when I knew I would have about 90 seconds to respond and wrote back, "part of me wants you to call back and say, 'sorry, we can't host you this weekend with no notice, we have way too much going on.'"

After I got home, there was a full explanation that was part of a 25-minute mutual bitch session about the sudden visit. Seeing who was calling as she and the kids were wrapping up dinner, my wife answered the phone on speaker and her dad almost immediately announced they were coming up, so she was stuck. My wife expects that sometime after they arrive, she will have a brief discussion with the step-mom that will involve the latter saying, "I thought your dad had already worked it out with you."

Here's the thing: He did call and work it out with her almost two months ago that resulted in him deciding to come up for the weekend five weeks earlier (we try to be proactive about which grandparent(s) will visit for the kids' big events). And now, this.

He was stunned when told on the phone that they would have to watch our kids tonight because we already have plans. And, they probably can't really handle our son or at least we don't feel confident in their abilities to do so (he's useless, step-mother-in-law will fight the good fight).

So, my wife had to cancel our babysitter on less than 24 hours notice. Yes, she has probably already learned about disappointment being a part of life, but she was booked about a week ago and was probably looking forward to making a nice stack of cash in lieu of whatever she may have been able to do tonight (and may still possibly get to do, anyway). So, we feel guilty about that.

And, on top of my father-in-law's brain injury suffered in a motorcycle crash over 14 years ago ("the one time he didn't wear a helmet") and the multiple years of drinking that still followed (he's a guy who, when required to be on Weight Watchers by his wife prior to the accident, would basically starve himself all week so he could save "points" to get hammered with his friends in his basement bar on Friday nights) and additional medical issues that have come up in the interim, you can add his diabetes to the mix. So, we get to adjust on the fly to all meal plans for the weekend because Wilford Brimley. So, pizza tonight for the kids and babysitter can't fly with him.

And his hearing issues mean that he'll sit miserably in a corner by himself at Sky Zone, a cavernous warehouse full of trampolines that will feature a horde of screechingly happy five-year-olds at the birthday party.

And they'll be perpetually in the way at the house and the party, doing things they think are helpful, but are most likely not.

My wife at least got to joke that, due to our kids only having a half day of school today, she wouldn't be able to go to her Al-Anon meeting on a day that she really needs the meeting.

And my wife has to figure out plans for things for him to do with the kids all weekend long because, despite coming to see them, he simply will not interact with them otherwise. On one previous visit to see the kids, he arrived Friday afternoon with the plan to stay until Monday morning, then suddenly decided to leave late Saturday afternoon because the kids just do their thing and he won't involve himself. His last trip up, my wife figured out things for him to do ranging from going to the kids' soccer games to playing golf with him (she hadn't played in over 20 years) taking the kids to see some crappy movie.

Also during that last trip, he complained about not being about to watch "his news". You can guess the one television channel we have blocked in our house. After the 2016 election, he asked me if my wife was still miffed about election results (she is involved in the Democratic party locally and he was too scared to bring it up around her). That discussion later moved on to him telling me how he was going to get a concealed carry permit... at then-age 69... with his brain injury... "in case something happens." I asked him, "Have you ever met a Muslim?" Oddly, the conversation came to a halt. I can eventually see a situation where, during a visit, I ask him to get his things and leave our house.

This is also a guy who has been completely estranged from his other daughter for around a decade in large part over his failure to quit drinking after his brain injury and how that exacerbated other parts of his personality, although there is plenty of blame on both sides of that relationship.

And in case you think it is all post-brain injury, I'll never forget that special Friday night months before we got engaged. Phone rings in our apartment and DSafetyGirl answers. She brings the phone to me and looks confused, saying someone asked for me by first and last name, which is certainly unusual. When I get on the phone, the person who called hurriedly hands the phone to my future father-in-law, who eventually asks when I'm going to buy the cow instead of getting the milk for free. The added bonus was on Saturday when he called to apologize, while clearly having no idea what he was apologizing for.

When we moved back east from LA, part of the reason we chose this destination is that we would be a minimum five-hour drive from any parent, primarily this set, to avoid frequent visits. And, yet, here we are.

TL, DR: This weekend's going to be sub-optimal.
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Re: Rants 2?

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I'm fucking stressed just reading that.
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Re: Rants 2?

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mister d wrote: Fri Nov 15, 2019 10:43 am I'm fucking stressed just reading that.
Not my intent. Just don't travel north this weekend, for your own safety.

Added bonus - woke up around 3:40 this morning, so operating on around 3 1/2 hours sleep. There will be no nap.
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Re: Rants 2?

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Going to say possibly shitty stuff so please know this is in no way directed at anyone in particular here:
[+] spoiler
I hurt for people who can't cut toxic family out of their lives. I know so many people with problems like DSafe just posted above and it makes my heart hurt watching them scramble to try to pacify grown-ass adults who can't be bothered to have a modicum of common courtesy. I admire your restraint on behalf of your wife DSafe, I'm not sure I would have been OK with going with the flow like that. I would have been on the phone with a quick redirection on that one, probably damaging more relationships in the process. I cannot abide people who don't respect my time or home or relationships or life. I feel for the guy having a TBI and I'm sure it puts your wife in a terrible position, but rolled into all the other things you outlined, I'm sensing he's just a shitty human. If you can see a situation where you have to ask him to get up and leave, I'm pretty sure I can see where this lies

I think it hits close to home as my wife has struggled with her father for the entirety of our relationship. She puts in the effort and just gets nothing, completely ignored or worse. And then every so often he shows her a kindness and the cycle is back on. Being a blood relative does not give you a free pass to be a bad human and have your behavior shrugged off. I've got another friend who's mom is a complete leech on her. Same deal, won't cut her out because it's her mother. Leeching off a 34 year old woman with a family. Why?

Sorry you're dealing with it DSafe, hope it goes better than you expect and your folks kick the babysitter a little cash for the inconvenience.
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Re: Rants 2?

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Man, that sucks. You have my sympathies.

I won't add the story about my estrangement from my Father (not complete, but pretty damn close to it), but staying away from him and his wife has probably saved my sanity.
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Re: Rants 2?

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[+] spoiler
She just deals with it because she sees the alternative with her sister and, for several months about a decade ago, we were on the outs with him, as well. Her sister just sticks to her hard line (and I suspect she'll end up regretting it at some point).

When I got home and we were talking, I mentioned that I had to put restraint in my text response. She said she was right there with me. I couldn't have done anything other than called his house once I got to my basketball game. I would have ended up talking to the step-mom (for the sake of better coherence, and she always translates incorrectly when re-telling a story) and that would have went very poorly. She is a gossip and would have trashed us to her daughter, etc. before the night was over and that would have basically ended shit for a while.

Yes, we talk about the eventuality at the end of the road and that it will just make things simpler. It's easier for me to say it because it's not my parent, but we've talked about his eventual death and the scariest thing for both of us is that the step-mom goes before he does because the easiest solution at that point would be to move him in with us. That'll drive us insane and go to shit right quick.

I freely acknowledge that things are slowly getting worse with my dad, too, and our relationship had evolved from dad and favorite child to a combination of father-son and friends. He's just in better, albeit not great, health. I just worry about how, at some future date, with no compelling reason to visit the area where my dad and a lot of my extended family live, what will happen to my relationships with the extended family members I am close with.

BSF, I'm sorry for what the people you care about are going through and wish you the best. It sucks, but sometimes patience and tolerance are the answers that work best.

And there ain't no way they're kicking our babysitter some cash. This was going to be her first time sitting for us (the group going out tonight often pulls from the same pool of sitters and I think my wife ended up with the last draft pick), so I think we're just going to make a note to tip her heavily when she finally does end up sitting for us.
ETA: Dumped it all in spoiler, just in case.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by EdRomero »

EdRomero wrote: Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:52 am I went to a lecture on Play Deficit Disorder -- the basic argument is a gradual but extreme increase in academic time (since about 1960) and an increased fear of bad stuff happening to your kids (or being accused of being a neglectful parent) has decreased independent child playtime (which means play with no adult guidance). And this is connected to the increase in teen depression, decline in creativity, decline in children's health, decline of resiliency, and a bunch of other stuff. This blog is based on those beliefs: https://letgrow.org/

He also mentioned how children need to take risks and that broken arms are okay (children's bodies heal but if they never take risks while playing, their physical/social/mental development is hindered). So I asked about the legal aspect because if a student in my care takes a risk and breaks his arm, my program is getting in trouble and possibly sued. His answer was this is a problem caused by the costs of healthcare so I should work to get low cost universal healthcare. Very practical advice.
Here's a Ted Talk by the speaker I saw:

And I'm on two consecutive 3:30 wake ups without falling back to sleep. Waking up and looking at the clock to see it's between 2-4 AM is absolutely dreadful for me.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by BSF21 »

DSafetyGuy wrote: Fri Nov 15, 2019 3:24 pm
[+] spoiler
She just deals with it because she sees the alternative with her sister and, for several months about a decade ago, we were on the outs with him, as well. Her sister just sticks to her hard line (and I suspect she'll end up regretting it at some point).

When I got home and we were talking, I mentioned that I had to put restraint in my text response. She said she was right there with me. I couldn't have done anything other than called his house once I got to my basketball game. I would have ended up talking to the step-mom (for the sake of better coherence, and she always translates incorrectly when re-telling a story) and that would have went very poorly. She is a gossip and would have trashed us to her daughter, etc. before the night was over and that would have basically ended shit for a while.

Yes, we talk about the eventuality at the end of the road and that it will just make things simpler. It's easier for me to say it because it's not my parent, but we've talked about his eventual death and the scariest thing for both of us is that the step-mom goes before he does because the easiest solution at that point would be to move him in with us. That'll drive us insane and go to shit right quick.

I freely acknowledge that things are slowly getting worse with my dad, too, and our relationship had evolved from dad and favorite child to a combination of father-son and friends. He's just in better, albeit not great, health. I just worry about how, at some future date, with no compelling reason to visit the area where my dad and a lot of my extended family live, what will happen to my relationships with the extended family members I am close with.

BSF, I'm sorry for what the people you care about are going through and wish you the best. It sucks, but sometimes patience and tolerance are the answers that work best.

And there ain't no way they're kicking our babysitter some cash. This was going to be her first time sitting for us (the group going out tonight often pulls from the same pool of sitters and I think my wife ended up with the last draft pick), so I think we're just going to make a note to tip her heavily when she finally does end up sitting for us.
ETA: Dumped it all in spoiler, just in case.
Hope it goes better than you expect and I appreciate your sentiment. Patience and tolerance are always the best route. I’m just too weak to go that way most of the time. As for the sitter, I was unaware she was a draft pick and not a rostered player. She clearly deserves the signing bonus, but no guaranteed money.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by DSafetyGuy »

Our son put himself to bed last night without brushing his teeth or going to the bathroom. One of those turned out okay.

So glad I washed all the sheets yesterday.
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Re: Rants 2?

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Both asking each other “wait, did she ever go to the bathroom?” is the worst feeling. Bonus points if your kid comes into your bed most nights.
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Re: Rants 2?

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Some weekend highlights (I'll try to keep them brief):

Shortly after arrival, father-in-law announces (in a tone of voice that suggests he's proud of it) that he's on insulin. Subsequently, some things this diabetic man ate at various points of the weekend: pizza, a chocolate doughnut with chocolate icing, chicken fingers and fries (I did not see how much was eaten, but the basket was ordered by and in front of him), more pizza, a side of potatoes, french toast covered in syrup.

Saturday afternoon after the party, my wife told me they would be leaving on Sunday after breakfast because the birthday of one of her step-mother's grandkids is that day and they were going there for dinner. (So why plan to be up the whole weekend and not be around for her birthday in the first place?)

I had forgotten one of my favorite things my father-in-law does. Saturday morning, I set up my son with breakfast and he is sitting at the table, watching a cartoon while eating. I start doing the dishes that have to be hand-washed. He stands at the island the entire time I'm at the sink, completely silent for ten minutes. So unnerving. I get that whatever our son was watching is not for him, but just sit next to him at the table... or do anything fucking else.

Small talk is excruciating at times.

And the coup de grace - he/they always leave suddenly (driven by him). I forgot about it because we went out for breakfast and I knew they would be leaving for home from there, but it left me momentarily wondering, "did I/we do/say something" before remembering this is what he/they do every time.

We drove separately to the diner so they could leave straight from there, which makes perfect sense. They literally get up to go while my wife has half a plate of food still in front of her (she was done, but I didn't know it and I don't think they asked because they were busy rolling through the bathroom before getting in the car). Apparently, he was being antsy while I was still upstairs about going. I literally came downstairs from our bedroom and had to go straight to the coat rack to leave.
“All I'm sayin' is, he comes near me, I'll put him in the wall.”
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phxgators
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by phxgators »

BSF21 wrote: Fri Nov 15, 2019 10:58 am Going to say possibly shitty stuff so please know this is in no way directed at anyone in particular here:
[+] spoiler
I hurt for people who can't cut toxic family out of their lives. I know so many people with problems like DSafe just posted above and it makes my heart hurt watching them scramble to try to pacify grown-ass adults who can't be bothered to have a modicum of common courtesy. I admire your restraint on behalf of your wife DSafe, I'm not sure I would have been OK with going with the flow like that. I would have been on the phone with a quick redirection on that one, probably damaging more relationships in the process. I cannot abide people who don't respect my time or home or relationships or life. I feel for the guy having a TBI and I'm sure it puts your wife in a terrible position, but rolled into all the other things you outlined, I'm sensing he's just a shitty human. If you can see a situation where you have to ask him to get up and leave, I'm pretty sure I can see where this lies

I think it hits close to home as my wife has struggled with her father for the entirety of our relationship. She puts in the effort and just gets nothing, completely ignored or worse. And then every so often he shows her a kindness and the cycle is back on. Being a blood relative does not give you a free pass to be a bad human and have your behavior shrugged off. I've got another friend who's mom is a complete leech on her. Same deal, won't cut her out because it's her mother. Leeching off a 34 year old woman with a family. Why?

Sorry you're dealing with it DSafe, hope it goes better than you expect and your folks kick the babysitter a little cash for the inconvenience.
[+] spoiler
This is something I struggled with for a long, long time. I stopped talking to my sister after she walked out of my house on a Christmas night over something stupid, then ended that night after a long discussion/fight by telling my wife she could basically put up with her "as long as she lasts". Then my mother followed that up by trying for years to get *me* to apologize to my sister. There have been other comments to and about my wife, culminating in my mother, during a phone call in the car, wanting me to pull over because of how she was afraid of what my reaction was going to be to something she was going to tell me and she didn't want me driving. Turns out she wanted to tell me about how my wife wrote a letter to an older relative of mine saying that this relative was the only relative of mine she liked. What she didn't know is that I had read the letter in question and that was categorically not what the letter said. I told her that, then she changed the topic to how she put my sister in charge of all of her affairs (including any money (not much) that would be left to my kids). And that I'd have to go through my sister to get anything. But *that* I wouldn't be upset with?

I wrote her an email late that night saying this behavior needed to stop, after years of treating my wife like shit (there had been other comments over the years about how she was taking advantage of me (by quitting her job to stay home with the kids), etc. Her response was more attacks and saying if we things got worse between us, she was "now at peace knowing my conscience is clear". Direct quote.

So with that, I was done. I get passive aggressive texts from her occasionally, but other than that no contact. I can't express how much my mental health has improved as a result. I know cutting family out isn't for everyone, and I'm not saying everyone with problems should do it. But sometimes is really is the best option for yourself.
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The Sybian
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by The Sybian »

phxgators wrote: Mon Nov 18, 2019 3:26 pm
BSF21 wrote: Fri Nov 15, 2019 10:58 am Going to say possibly shitty stuff so please know this is in no way directed at anyone in particular here:
[+] spoiler
I hurt for people who can't cut toxic family out of their lives. I know so many people with problems like DSafe just posted above and it makes my heart hurt watching them scramble to try to pacify grown-ass adults who can't be bothered to have a modicum of common courtesy. I admire your restraint on behalf of your wife DSafe, I'm not sure I would have been OK with going with the flow like that. I would have been on the phone with a quick redirection on that one, probably damaging more relationships in the process. I cannot abide people who don't respect my time or home or relationships or life. I feel for the guy having a TBI and I'm sure it puts your wife in a terrible position, but rolled into all the other things you outlined, I'm sensing he's just a shitty human. If you can see a situation where you have to ask him to get up and leave, I'm pretty sure I can see where this lies

I think it hits close to home as my wife has struggled with her father for the entirety of our relationship. She puts in the effort and just gets nothing, completely ignored or worse. And then every so often he shows her a kindness and the cycle is back on. Being a blood relative does not give you a free pass to be a bad human and have your behavior shrugged off. I've got another friend who's mom is a complete leech on her. Same deal, won't cut her out because it's her mother. Leeching off a 34 year old woman with a family. Why?

Sorry you're dealing with it DSafe, hope it goes better than you expect and your folks kick the babysitter a little cash for the inconvenience.
[+] spoiler
This is something I struggled with for a long, long time. I stopped talking to my sister after she walked out of my house on a Christmas night over something stupid, then ended that night after a long discussion/fight by telling my wife she could basically put up with her "as long as she lasts". Then my mother followed that up by trying for years to get *me* to apologize to my sister. There have been other comments to and about my wife, culminating in my mother, during a phone call in the car, wanting me to pull over because of how she was afraid of what my reaction was going to be to something she was going to tell me and she didn't want me driving. Turns out she wanted to tell me about how my wife wrote a letter to an older relative of mine saying that this relative was the only relative of mine she liked. What she didn't know is that I had read the letter in question and that was categorically not what the letter said. I told her that, then she changed the topic to how she put my sister in charge of all of her affairs (including any money (not much) that would be left to my kids). And that I'd have to go through my sister to get anything. But *that* I wouldn't be upset with?

I wrote her an email late that night saying this behavior needed to stop, after years of treating my wife like shit (there had been other comments over the years about how she was taking advantage of me (by quitting her job to stay home with the kids), etc. Her response was more attacks and saying if we things got worse between us, she was "now at peace knowing my conscience is clear". Direct quote.

So with that, I was done. I get passive aggressive texts from her occasionally, but other than that no contact. I can't express how much my mental health has improved as a result. I know cutting family out isn't for everyone, and I'm not saying everyone with problems should do it. But sometimes is really is the best option for yourself.
Sorry you guys have to deal with this shit. Makes me feel less guilty about my lack of a relationship with my sister. We have no issues, we just see rarely talk, and see each other once every 5 years or so. It's a shame, as I'd like my kids to have a relationship with hers, and they got along great the 3 times they met. They twins, a year older than my daughter, 2 younger than my son. She calls on my kids birthdays and I call on her sons' birthday, and we call on each other's birthday. That's about it. Sometimes it's actually a decent conversation. We talked for 2 hours last summer, starting with her asking for legal advice (legit employment law questions, happy to answer for her) and getting into soccer stuff with both of us unsure how to proceed with our kids.

Keeping contact to a minimum, we are good, but if I had to spend any significant time with her, I think it would sour very quickly. When my wife first met my sister, they hit it off, and my wife encouraged me (along with my mother's pushing for years) to have more of a relationship. After spending more time with my sister, my wife gets it, and is good where we are. She is just loud, brash and obnoxious, and always negative about everything. I just don't need to be around that.

I love my in-laws, but I think it's for the best that they live 15 minutes away, so we never have long visits. FiL also gets antsy about leaving. It'll be mid activity, he'll stand up and announce to my MiL that's its time to go. No warning. MiL ignores him half the time, but its inevitable, and we don't get insulted by it. I couldn't imagine if they came for a visit and had to stay for several days. Actually, I'm sure they'd get a hotel...
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Nonlinear FC
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by Nonlinear FC »

I'm not going to spoilers:

* - My mom and dad divorced when I was young, he remarried to a wonderful woman.
* - He was an alcoholic, though I really didn't know that growing up.
* - At some point, he decided he wanted full custody. I was like, fuck no, I'm not moving from Ann Arbor to Kalamazoo... For both obvious reasons (fuck Kalamazoo) but mostly all my friends were in A2.
* - That was in the sixth grade. He cut off all contact at that point.
* - We reconciled when I was in my 20s, prior to me getting married. Without all the detail, I was living in MD at the time, drove to Chicago to visit with his side of the family (he wasn't there), and he called and asked if I could come see him in Madison. Sure I said.

Reconciliation.

* - About 5 years of halting and awkward relationship ensue. At one point, I got into a very serious money crunch (again, long story, but it was brought on by some bullshit my mother pulled.) Having really received nothing from this guy for decades, I asked if he could help me out. He said, sure, I'll draw up a loan agreement.

Well, fuck you dude. You're dead to me. Couldn't do ONE thing for me, after all the shit you pulled... the fuck outta here.
You can lead a horse to fish, but you can't fish out a horse.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by mister d »

The Sybian wrote: Mon Nov 18, 2019 3:58 pmShe is just loud, brash and obnoxious, and always negative about everything.
I didn't know you were from Long Island.
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by DSafetyGuy »

Probably should have this thread handy for this week, what with the holidays and all....

So, the aforementioned upthread father-in-law took a spill last week. Why?

Because his wife could not say no to her granddaughter's request that they dog-sit for her. He took the dog out for a walk and somehow ended up faceplanting. The exact details are lost to recorded history because he landed on his face and did not remember his name or where he lived when police and ambulance arrived.

Fortunately, the fears of broken leg, broken nose, and significant head injury were not to be (although I believe he got a concussion based on his inability to remember his name). At least the bruising on his face and raccoon eyes should be mostly gone when we arrive Christmas evening. He'll still have to get the stitches in his lip taken out while we're in town. That will hopefully minimize the scarring my kids suffer on the trip.

He'll turn 73 years old next month and fails my "go down the step into our family room without holding onto the railing" test, so it's easy to understand why they accepted the request to dog-sit. Seriously, why say yes? And why would the parents of the granddaughter even allow her to ask them to dog-sit? So much goddamn dumb. Can't wait to see the whole family on Friday!
“All I'm sayin' is, he comes near me, I'll put him in the wall.”
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Re: Rants 2?

Post by DSafetyGuy »

Can't believe that I forgot to mention that, after he was discharged by the hospital, the dog was brought back over so they could resume dog-sitting.
“All I'm sayin' is, he comes near me, I'll put him in the wall.”
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