Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

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Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by brian »

From Deadspin.

Was going to post in another thread and decided it was simply so awesome it needed it's own thread. A sample:
6. CrossFit enthusiasts

Imagine all the proselytizing of an annoying yoga person. Now make that person a frat bro. There you have it.
9. Deadheads

In the compiling of this bracket, Tommy Craggs argued that Deadheads are chill, but I spent my entire high school and college career arguing with shithead Dead fans who treat every volume of Dick's Picks like it's a fine Cabernet aging in their cellar. "You have to hear how Jerry transitions into 'Uncle John's Band' here. He only did this at that Akron show." No. Fuck you. All the drugs in the world aren't gonna convince me that this is anything but the boringest music on the planet. Rip on the Dead and these people will just shut right down before you. They'll look at you like you're a corpse.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Gunpowder »

Recently for me it's the hockey fans that paste those stupid toughness memes, that some pussy football player couldn't play through turf toe (a cute way to say the ligament connecting your big toe to your foot is torn) but a tough hockey player could play through getting cut by a skate, which, I guess, makes him look worse in beach pictures.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Rex »

I would say men's sports fans, followed by women's
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Was on the verge of posting this too. That's fantastic. I don't think I've ever been more eager to vote in a poll (including actual, real-world elections). Quick takes:

-Upper left bracket has 1-16 upset potential.
-What is Team Breezy? Have absolutely no idea, not even from the example in the article, and am afraid that googling will send me down an inescapable rabbit hole of misanthropy.
-Apple fanboys seeded too low. They should be treated like UNLV circa 1990.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by howard »

Obamafans must be moving up. Can't really blame 'em.

ETA: Boxing and RaiderFan in the same region? Not fair (although RaiderFan has a first round walkover--I'll let you guys look for yourselves. Trust me, give the points.)

Gun Nuts have the toughest road to the FF.

Dylan Lovers vs Deadheads is one of those classic 8v9 impossible to pick.

This is hilarious. I'm not sure how many memberships I can claim, but I think it is double-digits. (If I am granted Beer Snob emeritus status.)
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.

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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Gunpowder »

Team Breezy are Chris Brown fans, #NoMatterWhat.

St. Louis Cardinals "Cardinal Way" people v. Kobe fans is going to be the biggest mismatch of the first round. Should be a 1 v. 16 matchup.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by The Sybian »

Gunpowder wrote:Team Breezy are Chris Brown fans, #NoMatterWhat.

St. Louis Cardinals "Cardinal Way" people v. Kobe fans is going to be the biggest mismatch of the first round. Should be a 1 v. 16 matchup.


Shouldn't that read WORLD CHAMPION ST. LOUIS CARDINALS?
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Sabo »

The fact Browns fans are not listed proves this bracket is irrelevant.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Rams Fanny »

Boston Sports fans....most dangerous eight seed EVAH!
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by The Sybian »

Sabo wrote:The fact Browns fans are not listed proves this bracket is irrelevant.
Learned helplessness is pitiable, not considered bitchy. Boston sports fans have to be a #1 seed. Hands down. And the accent takes it over the top. Give them an automatic bid into the finals.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Johnnie »

He could have gone in so much more on Crossfitters and HQ in general. And I counted at least 8 groups I belong to.

My Final Four: Red Sox Fans, Gun Nuts, Beliebers, Apple Fanboys.

Red Sox fans over Gun Nuts, Apple Fanboys over Beliebers. Red Sox fans over Apple Fanboys.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by tennbengal »

Crying here. Whole thing is well done (as usual).

This one is perfect:
Cincinnati Chili Fans:

Seeded low here because you have to understand that these people have probably never been out of Ohio and therefore have ZERO understanding of what normal food actually tastes like, which is how they end up worshiping at the altar of Yangtze River sewage heaped onto a plate of cold Rotini spaghetti. It's like arguing with Nell. These are people of the woods. You can't expect them to be civilized.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by devilfluff »

4. New Jerseyites

I'm still of the mind that New Jersey natives are people who got stuck in traffic on the Turnpike and had no choice but to give up and settle in Perth Amboy. But if you rip on Jersey for all of its obvious shortcomings (dirty, ugly, gross people, dirty), people from that state respond with WILDLY misplaced pride, like they just survived eight decades of Balkan war conflict. They've been tryin' to keep Jersey down for year-uhs but we're still here-uh! We're survivuhs! FUCKIN' JERSEY RIGHT?!

Call a New Jersey person an asshole and he or she will immediately turn that into an admirable character trait. Hey, I'm not afraid to tell it like it is, namely that you have a cunt for a mouth.
The second half is right. Asshole is like the sheriff's badge around here. We wear it with pride and shine it up when it is pointed out.
12. Car enthusiasts

Oh, you don't like cars? Hmm. (Subtext: You're a pussy. You're not a man. What kind of man doesn't like cars? They're big and fast and look at this calendar I have of Carmen Electra humping a Porsche! What kind of man doesn't like to spend his Sunday lying on a dolly, working on the ol' Camaro? What kind of car do you drive? I bet you drive a Honda. That's a perfect pussy car. Automatic transmission, right? PUSSY. Pay to get your oil changed? PUSSY. The fuck happened to this country? Men in this country used to enjoy getting their hands dirty.)
I know that guy!! I'm only half that guy, though...

If you don't dig cars, its cool.

But if you can't change your own tire, or check your oil, or fill your washer fluid? PUSSY. Even my wife can do that....
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Jerloma »

tennbengal wrote:Crying here. Whole thing is well done (as usual).

This one is perfect:
Cincinnati Chili Fans:

Seeded low here because you have to understand that these people have probably never been out of Ohio and therefore have ZERO understanding of what normal food actually tastes like, which is how they end up worshiping at the altar of Yangtze River sewage heaped onto a plate of cold Rotini spaghetti. It's like arguing with Nell. These are people of the woods. You can't expect them to be civilized.
I love it. I never get to make it anymore because everyone I know hates cinnamon.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Brontoburglar »

Crossfitters are underseeded. Easily a 4, maybe a 3
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Jerloma »

I think Crossfit is a little over the top and kind of culty but they don't strike me as bitchy. What would they even be defensive about?
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Brontoburglar »

Jerloma wrote:I think Crossfit is a little over the top and kind of culty but they don't strike me as bitchy. What would they even be defensive about?
I'm viewing defensive in the sense of "THIS IS THE GREATEST WORKOUT EVAR" and that the kool aid is very strong. (So yes, I'm using bitchy and defensive as somewhat of a synonym for cultish)

It's found the exercise version of conservative Christian churches, basically. Hit that brain spot where you can get people to go "oh, this is how exercise is supposed to be!" by kicking their absolute asses to the point of addiction and go from there.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by P.D.X. »

Can't believe cyclists didn't qualify.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by DSafetyGuy »

P.D.X. wrote:Can't believe cyclists didn't qualify.
Maybe next year they add a play-in game... or just expand the field to 128.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by A_B »

Remember that time steve bitched about traffic not sharing the road. Man, what a gripefest.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by tennbengal »

P.D.X. wrote:Can't believe cyclists didn't qualify.
They are a 5th seed.
5. Cyclists

Not only are cyclists assholes who routinely ignore traffic signs and cause logjams on otherwise lightly traveled roads, but every response they have to criticism is underlined with the attitude that "I am a better person than you because I ride a bike." Oh, you're in a car? Well then you're a world-polluting dickhead. And why can't you be patient enough to go 15 mph for half a mile of pavement? You're lucky the cyclist gave you a few minutes to slow down and ENJOY life. Every cyclist has been nearly sideswiped by some car going 60 mph, and that is how they now view every other driver on the road now.

Special mention to "vehicular cyclists," who use the road even when there's a bike path right to the side where conflict can be easily avoided, on principle.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by degenerasian »

I vote hockey fans.. not just the fans but the NHL itself is defensive to their own detriment. Just look at fighting discussions.

Peter Gammons made one comment and hockey players (no fans) ripped him back. It's amazing the amount of "you've never played, you dont' understand" arguments that get thrown out there.

Sure soccer fans can be defensive (how can you not love this great game?) but it's just fans, you don't see Timmy Howard on twitter ripping people who rip MLS.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by The Sybian »

You know I am voting Christian Fundamentalists number 1. The Beer Snob hit a little close to home. Funny that they name Yuengling as the snob beer, as I constantly rail on it here. BTW, went to Atlanta, and Yuengling is everywhere.


ETA:
Maybe next year they add a play-in game... or just expand the field to 128.
So make it like a college Bowl game?
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by P.D.X. »

tennbengal wrote:
P.D.X. wrote:Can't believe cyclists didn't qualify.
They are a 5th seed.
5. Cyclists

Not only are cyclists assholes who routinely ignore traffic signs and cause logjams on otherwise lightly traveled roads, but every response they have to criticism is underlined with the attitude that "I am a better person than you because I ride a bike." Oh, you're in a car? Well then you're a world-polluting dickhead. And why can't you be patient enough to go 15 mph for half a mile of pavement? You're lucky the cyclist gave you a few minutes to slow down and ENJOY life. Every cyclist has been nearly sideswiped by some car going 60 mph, and that is how they now view every other driver on the road now.

Special mention to "vehicular cyclists," who use the road even when there's a bike path right to the side where conflict can be easily avoided, on principle.
Oops.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by brian »

Dawkins-style atheists vs. libertarians is quite the battle. Both at about 8,500 votes each right now.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Jerloma »

Libertarians would be what...Rand-style atheists? They're way fucking worse.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Gunpowder »

I know much more of the latter than the former.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Most people calling themselves "Libertarians" nowadays are just Republicans trying to sound intellectual and/or get laid. The term "Libertarian" gives a philosophical veneer to their rants against Obamacare and defense of corporate raiders, but they seem to miss the parts about foreign interventionism being bad and the government staying out of what consenting adults can do with their privates.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by brian »

Johnny Carwash wrote:Most people calling themselves "Libertarians" nowadays are just Republicans trying to sound intellectual and/or get laid. The term "Libertarian" gives a philosophical veneer to their rants against Obamacare and defense of corporate raiders, but they seem to miss the parts about foreign interventionism being bad and the government staying out of what consenting adults can do with their privates.
Yeah, all of the "Libertarians" I know are just Republicans who for whatever reason don't want to admit they're Republicans.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Jerloma »

brian wrote:
Johnny Carwash wrote:Most people calling themselves "Libertarians" nowadays are just Republicans trying to sound intellectual and/or get laid. The term "Libertarian" gives a philosophical veneer to their rants against Obamacare and defense of corporate raiders, but they seem to miss the parts about foreign interventionism being bad and the government staying out of what consenting adults can do with their privates.
Yeah, all of the "Libertarians" I know are just Republicans who for whatever reason don't want to admit their Republicans.
Because after the Tea Party hijacked the GOP, it started looking a little too much like a hate group for their comfort.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Johnnie »

And one of the main points of libertarianism is allowing gays to marry. All of the Republicans In Denial seem to forget that. Hey, Glenn Beck labels himself a libertarian these days, so basically it's a buzzword to make money off of.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by sancarlos »

Libertarian is supposed to mean liberal on social issues.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Johnnie »

Which basically means the Republicans In Denial are Ironytarians.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

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Johnny Carwash wrote:Most people calling themselves "Libertarians" nowadays are just Republicans trying to sound intellectual and/or get laid.
Libertarians used to be Republicans who wanted to smoke pot. Now its Republicans who are embarrassed to be called Republicans.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by DaveInSeattle »

That piece is perfect...

But Penn State fans are ridiculously underseeded at 14...
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Gunpowder »

I know a bunch of legit libertarians. For the most part, they don't give a fuck about what the gays do and they ask me where to get mollies.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by devilfluff »

I want a leave me the fuck alone, I don't care who you fuck, quit supporting people, lower my taxes, quit playing world police, small government party.

Sadly, Libtard is the closest fit. I'm 'publicanish in my money leanings and I don't give 2 shits about social reform...
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Sabo »

devilfluff wrote:I want a leave me the fuck alone, I don't care who you fuck, quit supporting people, lower my taxes, quit playing world police, small government party.

Sadly, Libtard is the closest fit. I'm 'publicanish in my money leanings and I don't give 2 shits about social reform...
This probably comes closest to my political outlook, although I don't have a major issue with "supporting people", and I don't think tax rates are a major problem facing the country. So, I guess in that sense, I'd probably be branded a socialist by those farther on the right.

ETA: And yes, I realize that social welfare programs go against everything Libertarianism is supposed to stand for, but every other political party has similar contradictions.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by Gunpowder »

Sabo wrote:
devilfluff wrote:I want a leave me the fuck alone, I don't care who you fuck, quit supporting people, lower my taxes, quit playing world police, small government party.

Sadly, Libtard is the closest fit. I'm 'publicanish in my money leanings and I don't give 2 shits about social reform...
This probably comes closest to my political outlook, although I don't have a major issue with "supporting people", and I don't think tax rates are a major problem facing the country. So, I guess in that sense, I'd probably be branded a socialist by those farther on the right.

You would. I'm probably in the same boat, in that yeah I get some of the points made but....the top tax rate under Eisenhower was like, 90%. It's just about as low as it's ever been. And welfare has been around for over 50 years.

Going back to an 1800s style economy would destroy Walmarts.
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Re: Who are the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America?

Post by devilfluff »

Gunpowder wrote:Going back to an 1800s style economy would destroy Walmarts.
I'm on a one man crusade to do just that. I irrationally hate Walmart.
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