Random Headlines

Okay . . . let's try this again.

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Ryan
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Ryan »

Alternate headline - Woman With Period Finishes 6th in Half-Marathon
he’s a fixbking cyborg or some shit. The

holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The
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rass
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by rass »

Ryan wrote:Alternate headline - Woman With Period Finishes 6th in Half-Marathon
But the rabbit died?
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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Pruitt
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Pruitt »

Man Was Watching Porn While Driving Before Fatal Crash

Luckily a one car accident only.

On Tuesday, FOX 2 was speaking with Michigan State Police troopers about a different story when MSP revealed the man had been watching pornography and masturbating while driving. MSP also said the 58-year-old man was not wearing pants at the time of the crash.
Gold! Comedy gold!
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Giff
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Giff »

I thought Eddie Griffin died a while back!
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
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Pruitt
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Pruitt »

Giff wrote:I thought Eddie Griffin died a while back!
Shout out to the pioneer!
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Giff
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Giff »

I did it once, but with an old fashioned magazine dammit!
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
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brian
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by brian »

Guessing the accident involved mostly trying to watch a video while driving. If you can't email your brother and operate a car at the same time you shouldn't be doing either.
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Pruitt
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Pruitt »

brian wrote:Guessing the accident involved mostly trying to watch a video while driving. If you can't email your brother and operate a car at the same time you shouldn't be doing either.
Guy was in his late 50s. Not really the age when the dick is all that demanding.

You know, death is something that we don't want to think about - it is the dark inevitability that awaits us all. The best that we can hope for is that when it comes, it is when our faculties have just started to decline, after a long life that has left us in a place where, when we do look back during our last days, we can be satisfied that our time on earth was not wasted. That we have made a difference, whether through our actions, or through the fact that we have created generations that will make the world a better place after we drift off (God willing, peacefully) into the final unknown.

The worst thing that could ever happen is to die in such a way that it makes people around the world laugh.

From the New York Daily News:
He should have kept his hands on the wheel.

A distracted Michigan driver was killed in a car wreck he caused by watching porn and masturbating instead of watching the road, Michigan State Police told FOX 2 Detroit.

Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was "beating" on Detroit’s Interstate 75 early Sunday when the skin-flick distraction on his smartphone caused him to roll out of control. Jones wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was ejected from the 1996 Toyota's sunroof.

Cops found the motor-masturbator without any pants on when authorities arrived around 3:30 a.m. at the scene of the crash.

Michigan State Police Lt. Mike Shaw said the porn-induced crash was one of the most bizarre things he had ever heard of.

“We see people putting on makeup, we see people doing different things as far as hygiene, as far as reading books, it’s almost to the fact there’s so much technology out there a lot of people are more paying attention to what they’re doing other than driving their cars,” Shaw told CBS Detroit.
I would pay to hear the eulogy at the "Motor-Masturbator's" funeral.
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howard
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by howard »

A pro is able to do that with the seatbelt on. Safety first!
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.

Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…
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rass
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by rass »

howard wrote:A pro is able to do that with the seatbelt on. Safety comes first!
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by rass »

This week in me noticing magazine covers in the checkout line:
Image
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by The Sybian »

But who is dumb enough to fuck a koala without a condom? Fuck, you don't know where she's been.
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by A_B »

Fuckin' koalas ain't hard.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
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Shirley
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Shirley »

The Sybian wrote:
But who is dumb enough to fuck a koala without a condom? Fuck, you don't know where she's been.
Hey when are you going to make it back to Australia?
Totally Kafkaesque
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Giff
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Giff »

Image
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by sancarlos »

The Sybian wrote:
But who is dumb enough to fuck a koala without a condom? Fuck, you don't know where she's been.
But, the guys figured, "I'm never going back to Australia, so what do I care if she's pregnant!"
"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian
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brian
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by brian »

Garfield porn drives God off Twitter.

Frontrunner for headline of the year, 2016.
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Pruitt
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Pruitt »

Blue Jays fan threatens to toss Ted Rogers statue into harbour, prompting police response

Rogers was the much loathed owner of a media/cable empire who bought the Jays a while ago. He's dead, and in his honour, there's a laregr than life statue outside the stadium.

A hilarious overreaction, but not sure how safe I feel when it took the police 3 weeks to respond to this threat.
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Fanniebug wrote: P.S. rass! Dont write me again, dude! You're in ignore list!
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govmentchedda
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by govmentchedda »

Until everything is less insane, I'm mixing weed with wine.
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brian
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by brian »

Never would have happened if they left the factory in Battle Creek. Just desserts (pun intended).
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Johnny Carwash »

If you find out you've had one of the tainted treats, make sure to wash it down with a nice Corona.
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Pruitt »

govmentchedda wrote:Dictionary getting bigger
Can't wait for my next scrabble game!
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by sancarlos »

"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian
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rass
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by rass »

I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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The Sybian
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by The Sybian »

An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
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BSF21
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by BSF21 »

Dances with Wolves (1) - BSF

"This place was rockin'," said BSF21.

"There is nothing ever uncommon about BSF21."
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Ryan
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Ryan »

Ryan wrote:Alternate headline - Woman With Period Finishes 6th in Half-Marathon
I really liked this one.
he’s a fixbking cyborg or some shit. The

holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by The Sybian »

Ryan wrote:
Ryan wrote:Alternate headline - Woman With Period Finishes 6th in Half-Marathon
I really liked this one.
Yeah, that was a gold star comment for sure.
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brian
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by brian »

Nurse gives up license after taking photos of patient's penis.

Guessing it was either ridiculously huge or ridiculously small.
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by The Sybian »

brian wrote:Nurse gives up license after taking photos of patient's penis.

Guessing it was either ridiculously huge or ridiculously small.
I'd let her take my picture,


Image
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by sancarlos »

"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian
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mister d
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by mister d »

(... unless you're lurking, Hood.)
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
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Shirley
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Shirley »

I'm always amazed at just how many people have violently shat themselves.
Totally Kafkaesque
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rass
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by rass »

I don't think it gets much more random than this:
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
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A_B
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by A_B »

Shirley wrote:
I'm always amazed at just how many people have violently shat themselves.
I had to pull off the interstate and hop a fence and shit in a cow field not 20 feet from a heifer one time. Came back missing a sock.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
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Rex
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by Rex »




They rejected my idea: Horse Good At Sex
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sancarlos
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by sancarlos »

"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian
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sancarlos
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Re: Random Headlines

Post by sancarlos »

Somebody's watched some Monty Python.

"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian
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