Fast Food Thread: Not just about assholes anymore

Okay . . . let's try this again.

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Fast Food Thread: Not just about assholes anymore

Post by Johnny Carwash » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:20 am

Feel free to add rankings of your own. Might make this into a series if there's interest.

Ranked in ascending order of assholishness (#1 is worst):

15. Talks/doesn't pay attention in line, leaving a gap as the people in front move up.
Not a major annoyance in the end, but still.
Type species: Two overweight female community college students.

14. Hovers around pickup counter, thinks every order announced is theirs and lunges forward, regardless of the number called.
--Employee: Number 51!
--Asshole: Is this Number 55?
--No, that's Number 51. I believe it belongs to the person currently trying to wrench it out of your hands.
--So when does Number 55 come?
--Most likely after Numbers 52, 53, and 54.
--(mumbling) ...fucking bullshit...
--Number 52!
--Is this number 55?
Type species: Middle-aged male with a baseball cap and a mullet; heavy smoker.

13. Holds up line at drink machine, repeatedly hitting the tab and then waiting for foam to subside lest they walk away with a cup any less than 100% full. Let it fucking go. A few less sips each outing and you might even delay the onset off your Type 2 diabetes by a couple days.
Type species: Overweight male IT professional, late 20s/early 30s.

12. Asks staff for recommendations on what to order.
--So, what's good here?
--Great question! All but two of our menu items taste like monkey shit, but I'll clue you in to the good ones since you asked.
Type species: Upper-middle-class male entrepreneur; divorced with a much younger girlfriend.

11. Asks staff for information clearly posted on the menu.
--Hey, what's on the Santa Fe Fiesta Wrap?
--See that board directly in front of you that says Santa Fe Fiesta Wrap? Now, see the dozen or so words that come after it?
--Yeah...so what's on it?
Type species: Early 40s suburban male who just picked up his kid from practice.

10. Doesn't eat meat/dairy/gluten/etc. and expects no menu items to contain them.
--Does that roast beef and cheddar sandwich on rye contain any meat, dairy, or gluten?
--Actually, I think it does.
--Really? So...can you make it without?
Type species: Late 20s/early 30s hot chick with a Journalism or Communications degree.

9. Makes an elaborate special request on their order. Rule of thumb: you're allowed one reasonable modification to a fast-food order. No onions on your hamburger—that's fine. Anything beyond that and you're being a schmuck.
Type species: Middle-aged Human Resources manager; schmuck.

8. Goes into a Mexican restaurant, immediately declares that they don't want anything "spicy." Baskin-Robbins is across the street, puta.
Type species: Thirtysomething soccer mom with a kid yanking on her arm.

7. Has already ordered and been served, subsequently decides they want something else and feels entitled to re-enter the line at the front.
Type species: Female high school senior who lip-syncs Rihanna songs on her YouTube channel and/or her gay male friend.

6. Reaches front of line, does not know what they want, but won't let the person behind go ahead of them.
Type species: Twentysomething female professional wearing capri pants with stiletto heels.

5. Asks for something not on the menu.
--So, do you have lasagna?
--This is a Thai restaurant.
--(smoldering condescension) So...you don't?
Then proceeds to become Person #6 above.
Type species: Twentysomething female professional wearing capri pants with stiletto heels.

4. Pays with credit card on an order less than $10.
Type species: Mid-40s housewife on the way to meet her life coach.

3. Group of people that order together, then insist on paying separately. These individuals almost invariably fall under #4 as well, and frequently #5 or #6.
Type species: Four twentysomething female professionals wearing capri pants with stiletto heels.

2. Not actually in line. Sole person standing between you and the counter; allows just enough time to pass before turning to inform you they're “not actually in line” as a half-dozen people materialize in the “real” line in front of you.
Type species: Blue-collar tradesman with hands in pockets, wearing sweatshirt of a sports team that has since changed its logo.

1. Asks for samples of menu items before deciding what to order. Hey, not sure whether you'll like something? Try this: fucking order it, then if you don't like it, see if you have the fortitude to sweat out the five hours before the next meal when you can try something else. Bonus points for tilting your head back with each taste like you're meditating on the meaning of life, like the fucker in front of me at the Indian restaurant in the mall food court a couple years ago. Congratulations, asshole—you're our champion!
Type species: Middle-aged traveling sales rep who puts most of his disposable income into his boat.
Last edited by Johnny Carwash on Mon Jan 09, 2017 6:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by rass » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:48 am

I'm a consistent #4 (in general, not just FF). In fact, CC transactions are probably quicker than cash. I definitely get pissed at the supermarket when the person in front of me pulls out cash instead of a card.

I'm also probably a #13 on the rare occasions I get soda, though I think I'd let it go if there was a line waiting behind me.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by A_B » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:53 am

rass wrote:I'm a consistent #4 (in general, not just FF). In fact, CC transactions are probably quicker than cash. I definitely get pissed at the supermarket when the person in front of me pulls out cash instead of a card.
Yeah, fuck that one being assholish. Way easier than some 16 year old kid digging around for the change.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Gunpowder » Fri Mar 28, 2014 8:13 am

I don't understand why it's harder to count $11.25 than $7.64.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:31 am

Unless you're talking about digging around for pennies for exact change when paying cash, there is NO planet on which credit cards are faster than cash. That's one of my biggest pet peeves is #4. How is it so hard to carry around some cash so you can give the checkout guy a $5 bill when your mocha grande foam super latte or whateverthefuck costs $4.79? That transaction should take about 5 seconds.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:33 am

(That said, my bigger pet peeve is the aging housewives who still pay for groceries with checks -- apparently the last group of people on the planet who still pay for goods in public with checks.)

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by A_B » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:34 am

brian wrote:Unless you're talking about digging around for pennies for exact change when paying cash, there is NO planet on which credit cards are faster than cash. That's one of my biggest pet peeves is #4. How is it so hard to carry around some cash so you can give the checkout guy a $5 bill when your mocha grande foam super latte or whateverthefuck costs $4.79? That transaction should take about 5 seconds.
Do they not have high-speed internet connected credit card machines in vegas? I paid with a credit card at mcdonalds Wednesday and it took 3 seconds, max, for the approval.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by sancarlos » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:38 am

The more appropriate variation of #4 may be the person ahead of you in line at the grocery store who has to write a check. Which takes too much time. In 2014. Rather than a card or cash.

A variation of #5 - a woman I used to work with used to always order something on the menu, but always want a variation not on the menu. So, she would explain exactly what she wanted to the server, usually with a bit of condescension. She had gone to culinary school, so apparently wanted everybody to see that she understood variations that could be made to any order. So pretentious.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:42 am

AB_skin_test wrote:
brian wrote:Unless you're talking about digging around for pennies for exact change when paying cash, there is NO planet on which credit cards are faster than cash. That's one of my biggest pet peeves is #4. How is it so hard to carry around some cash so you can give the checkout guy a $5 bill when your mocha grande foam super latte or whateverthefuck costs $4.79? That transaction should take about 5 seconds.
Do they not have high-speed internet connected credit card machines in vegas? I paid with a credit card at mcdonalds Wednesday and it took 3 seconds, max, for the approval.
Those machines are ALMOST as fast as cash I'll grant you, but no way they're faster. I've seen them in action. My bigger issue with #4 is anywhere where you need to sign a receipt, so less fast food (who all seem to have the no signature necessary machines) than gas stations where there always seems to be some dirt poor piece of shit buying a $3 pack of generic smokes with a credit card.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Gunpowder » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:42 am

brian wrote:Unless you're talking about digging around for pennies for exact change when paying cash, there is NO planet on which credit cards are faster than cash. That's one of my biggest pet peeves is #4. How is it so hard to carry around some cash so you can give the checkout guy a $5 bill when your mocha grande foam super latte or whateverthefuck costs $4.79? That transaction should take about 5 seconds.

It's pretty hard when you don't live around your bank.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Jerloma » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:43 am

If someone's been waiting in line for 10 minutes and then they get to the counter and have absolutely no idea what they want to order, I think you should legally be allowed to murder them.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:43 am

Gunpowder wrote:
brian wrote:Unless you're talking about digging around for pennies for exact change when paying cash, there is NO planet on which credit cards are faster than cash. That's one of my biggest pet peeves is #4. How is it so hard to carry around some cash so you can give the checkout guy a $5 bill when your mocha grande foam super latte or whateverthefuck costs $4.79? That transaction should take about 5 seconds.

It's pretty hard when you don't live around your bank.
So then take out a few hundo at a time. Straight cash, homey.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Giff » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:45 am

I rarely carry cash. The other day I had $2 and took my little girl for ice cream after school. Instead of using my card like I always do, I used my $2 to pay. I had my change three minutes later after the lady had to go to the back to find more rolls of quarters. I can't remember the last time that happened when I paid with my card.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:47 am

Maybe I'm just used to things out here where everything seems to be cash. You can pay for your shizz at fast food joints with a $100 bill.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by A_B » Fri Mar 28, 2014 10:04 am

brian wrote:Maybe I'm just used to things out here where everything seems to be cash. You can pay for your shizz at fast food joints with a $100 bill.
I think this is probably a bigger part than you realize. I don't carry cash for two main reasons: 1) Every time i get cash it inevitably ends up getting sent to school for a field trip or something else like that 2) I don't like paying ATM fees if I am not close to my bank.

It can be more aggravating at places like gas stations as you mentioned, I suppose, but I rarely go inside to those places anyway.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by P.D.X. » Fri Mar 28, 2014 11:13 am

Yeah, not seeing cash being faster than CC theses days. So many places have the foursquare set-up or swipe-and-go systems that you don't even sign.

Vegas though… not shocked it would be more of a nuisance to use anything but cash.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by P.D.X. » Fri Mar 28, 2014 11:23 am

Jerloma wrote:If someone's been waiting in line for 10 minutes and then they get to the counter and have absolutely no idea what they want to order, I think you should legally be allowed to murder them.
And then they ask about everything on the menu and need an explanation of each ingredient. Oh, how it rankles. (The Portland twist on this is interrogating the minimum-wage counter boy on where their ingredients are sourced and all relevant ethical questions. All for a $5.99 chicken wrap.)

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by howard » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:18 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote: 12. Asks staff for recommendations on what to order.

Type species: Upper-middle-class male entrepreneur; divorced with a much younger girlfriend.
HEY! I skipped the divorce step(s).

(I rarely do this. Only slightly less manly than asking a stranger for directions when lost.)
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:46 pm

How'd I miss this thread first time around?

Anyway, this'll suffice as a random fast food thread as well, but I had Whataburger for the first time last week. Pretty damn good. Reminds me a lot of a SoCal/SoNev chain called Tommy's. Next time I'm in Phoenix I'll have to get another burger.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by A_B » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:47 pm

brian wrote:How'd I miss this thread first time around?
Based on the fours responses you had I'd say you didn't.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:48 pm

Also, apparently I didn't.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:48 pm

Damn you, AB!

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by sancarlos » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:50 pm

brian wrote:How'd I miss this thread first time around?

Anyway, this'll suffice as a random fast food thread as well, but I had Whataburger for the first time last week. Pretty damn good. Reminds me a lot of a SoCal/SoNev chain called Tommy's. Next time I'm in Phoenix I'll have to get another burger.
I think both Bronto and TT have posted love for Whataburger in other threads.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:53 pm

Now that we're getting Chick-Fil-A (opening in a couple months!), we're pretty spoiled with fast food options. This is already the only city in America where you can get Shake Shack, In-N-Out and White Castle. Add Chick-Fil-A to the mix and there's almost nothing I can't get. Whataburger being about the only exception.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by HaulCitgo » Wed Feb 17, 2016 3:10 pm

the new chipreaders on cards makes transactions 3-4x longer

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by govmentchedda » Wed Feb 17, 2016 3:13 pm

HaulCitgo wrote:the new chipreaders on cards makes transactions 3-4x longer
This baffles me. Shouldn't technological advances make things faster? I guess the time is the cost of increased security, but it all seems the same to the consumer.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Nonlinear FC » Wed Feb 17, 2016 3:14 pm

The credit card discussion is quite a throwback. Amazing how ubiquitous fast cc transactions are these days.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Giff » Wed Feb 17, 2016 3:39 pm

brian wrote:Now that we're getting Chick-Fil-A (opening in a couple months!), we're pretty spoiled with fast food options. This is already the only city in America where you can get Shake Shack, In-N-Out and White Castle. Add Chick-Fil-A to the mix and there's almost nothing I can't get. Whataburger being about the only exception.
I'm way too excited about White Castle in September. We're getting a Shake Shack across the street from my office.
Muh.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by DaveInSeattle » Wed Feb 17, 2016 4:50 pm

Jerloma wrote:If someone's been waiting in line for 10 minutes and then they get to the counter and have absolutely no idea what they want to order, I think you should legally be allowed to murder them.
I have a mate who owns a bar/lodge at a local ski area (Snorting Elk...awesome place) that gets absolutely jammed pack during the Apres-Ski time. People will stand in line for 10-15 minutes, with the 25 tap handles staring them right in the face, and then get to the front of the line and go "Hmmmm....what kind of beer do you have on tap?".

My friend will then tell them to go to the back of the line to decide and takes the next person's order.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by sancarlos » Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:10 pm

HaulCitgo wrote:the new chipreaders on cards makes transactions 3-4x longer
Mainly because the cashier has to tell the purchaser, "No, you don't swipe it, please insert it into the chip reader." "Ha, ha. Yes, I forget all the time, too." "No, don't pull the card out yet." "I'm sorry, you removed your card too soon, so we have to start over."...
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Nonlinear FC » Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:15 pm

DaveInSeattle wrote:
Jerloma wrote:If someone's been waiting in line for 10 minutes and then they get to the counter and have absolutely no idea what they want to order, I think you should legally be allowed to murder them.
I have a mate who owns a bar/lodge at a local ski area (Snorting Elk...awesome place) that gets absolutely jammed pack during the Apres-Ski time. People will stand in line for 10-15 minutes, with the 25 tap handles staring them right in the face, and then get to the front of the line and go "Hmmmm....what kind of beer do you have on tap?".

My friend will then tell them to go to the back of the line to decide and takes the next person's order.

The best way to deal with this is to just list out the beers on a chalkboard or something. Especially if you've got a decent amount of out-of-town folks, they're not going to be able to identify beers by the often impossible to decipher ornate taps arrayed before them.

ETA: Not saying those people still won't get to the front of the line and hem-and-haw... Just speaking from recent experience up in VT, where I didn't know a bunch of the beers on tap, but they helpful listing made it easy to figure out what to order.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by mister d » Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:55 pm

This was a good topic, I don't get why it sank the first time. Also, capri pants. Sooo 2014!
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by sancarlos » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:24 pm

mister d wrote:This was a good topic, I don't get why it sank the first time. Also, capri pants. Sooo 2014!
Oh, but, they look good on you! Hey-yo!
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by DaveInSeattle » Wed Feb 17, 2016 7:15 pm

sancarlos wrote:
mister d wrote:This was a good topic, I don't get why it sank the first time. Also, capri pants. Sooo 2014!
Oh, but, they look good on you! Hey-yo!
Image

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Shirley » Wed Feb 17, 2016 7:58 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote:The best way to deal with this is to just list out the beers on a chalkboard or something. Especially if you've got a decent amount of out-of-town folks, they're not going to be able to identify beers by the often impossible to decipher ornate taps arrayed before them.
Yeah, I hate when I'm supposed to be able to recognize and identify all of the myriad fucking taps. Similarly, most of the cute names don't mean much by themselves either. Give me a name and a type.
Totally Kafkaesque

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Johnnie » Thu Feb 18, 2016 6:43 am

When I received my updated USAA credit card and it had a chip on it I was pleasantly surprised. These have been standard in Europe for a while. In fact, swiping a credit card is foreign (heh) to them.

Also, Brian, do you have Smash Burger in Vegas? They're in Arizona and they're delicious.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Giff » Thu Feb 18, 2016 9:25 am

The worst is when there are a lot of taps, but you're at a table. No beer menu and the server has no clue what is available.
Muh.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by brian » Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:48 am

Johnnie wrote:When I received my updated USAA credit card and it had a chip on it I was pleasantly surprised. These have been standard in Europe for a while. In fact, swiping a credit card is foreign (heh) to them.

Also, Brian, do you have Smash Burger in Vegas? They're in Arizona and they're delicious.
Yeah, there's a few over town. I've had it, but it didn't do much for me relative to Five Guys, Shake Shack, In-N-Out, etc.

I didn't think it was bad or anything, I just don't remember much about it. I might have to try it again.

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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by A_B » Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:50 am

I hate Smash Burger.
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Re: Asshole Power Rankings: Fast Food Edition

Post by Shirley » Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:57 am

sancarlos wrote:
HaulCitgo wrote:the new chipreaders on cards makes transactions 3-4x longer
Mainly because the cashier has to tell the purchaser, "No, you don't swipe it, please insert it into the chip reader." "Ha, ha. Yes, I forget all the time, too." "No, don't pull the card out yet." "I'm sorry, you removed your card too soon, so we have to start over."...
Even when you do it right, it take at least 3x longer to complete the transaction. And that's even without using a pin, like they do in Europe. I'm not sure why the process is so (relatively) slow. Hopefully it will improve.
Totally Kafkaesque

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