The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Okay . . . let's try this again.

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The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by ZMan » Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:41 pm

Dating fucking sucks.

Had my first "post-bitch" date on Sunday. Wonderful time, wonderful conversation, talked for hours, and killed two bottles of wine.
Only problem is, she's the type of girl I would never have walked up to had I seen her first. It's 15 years later, but still the same fucking story. They either have the body I want, or the brain I want, but never both simultaneously.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by brian » Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:51 pm

Hope you weren't expecting to knock it out of the park on your first batting practice swing (to torture an analogy).

Just try to enjoy it for what it is for now. You're probably not ready for a serious relationship right now anyway. Just get out there and see people.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:52 pm

That doesn't sound so horrible. You might have to lower your standards a bit. I mean sure there are a bunch smoking hot rocket scientists who like to get high and play video games that also happen to really want to have sex with you out there, but statistically speaking, I'd be patient.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:55 pm

Ok, middle-aged Bronto.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by FredRomero » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:01 pm

I don't think the male/female ratio is to our advantage if we want to get dates here.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by DC47 » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:34 pm

I don't know your age. But based on what I've heard from people dating in their 30s and 40s, that sounds like a pretty pleasant date as these things go. Raw disaster is not uncommon.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:43 pm

FredRomero wrote:I don't think the male/female ratio is to our advantage if we want to get dates here.
Yeah, especially considering our appalling low number of gay Swampers. We need to an incredibly sudden influx of bi-curiosity to sweep through this joint if this thread is ever going to go anywhere.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:44 pm

The Sybian wrote:
FredRomero wrote:I don't think the male/female ratio is to our advantage if we want to get dates here.
Yeah, especially considering our appalling low number of gay Swampers. We need to an incredibly sudden influx of bi-curiosity to sweep through this joint if this thread is ever going to go anywhere.
We need more fashion talk! NTTAWWT.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Johnny Hotcakes » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:44 pm

That actually sounded pretty decent, as these things go. At the very least, you had a fun night out with somebody, right? Trust me, once you start dating more regularly you'll end up having some real doozies. In my single days, I once ended up on a date with somebody who turned out to be such an annoying bitch that I cut the date off after about half an hour and got the hell out of there. I never thought I would do that, but she was such an awful human being that I could not stand even being in her presence. If you date enough, that sort of shit is bound to happen. Don't give up, keep swinging away and eventually you'll end up finding somebody who checks more of the boxes that you're loooking for.


And don't forget to report back here with all of your stories.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:45 pm

AB_skin_test wrote:
The Sybian wrote:
FredRomero wrote:I don't think the male/female ratio is to our advantage if we want to get dates here.
Yeah, especially considering our appalling low number of gay Swampers. We need to an incredibly sudden influx of bi-curiosity to sweep through this joint if this thread is ever going to go anywhere.
We need more fashion talk! NTTAWWT.

Not going to be difficult with all of you fashholes.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by FredRomero » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:46 pm

or we could invite all the swampers' ex-wives here.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:46 pm

Grasspenis wrote:

Not going to be difficult with all of you fashholes.
Says our resident jersey designer.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:53 pm

AB_skin_test wrote:
Grasspenis wrote:

Not going to be difficult with all of you fashholes.
Says our resident jersey designer.

Right, I make beautiful jerseys while yinz guys wear socks with your jorts. Hence, fashholes.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d » Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:00 pm

The Sybian wrote:Yeah, especially considering our appalling low number of gay Swampers. We need to an incredibly sudden influx of bi-curiosity to sweep through this joint if this thread is ever going to go anywhere.
I was going to suggest the same. Girls like a guy who is good at having sex so, in the dating downtime, all you single guys should practice with each other then give feedback and encouragement.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d » Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:01 pm

Grasspenis wrote:Right, I make beautiful jerseys while yinz guys wear socks with your jorts. Hence, fashholes.
Yeah, Z, this might be a good time for you to think back to every article of clothing you've mocked here, then go buy one. Except the bolo.
rass wrote:
Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:20 am
I'm definitely known as "the boy who cried penis" in town.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Gunpowder » Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:02 pm

Zman, were you all that she was looking for? Are you a rich male model who only wears brand name jorts?
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:24 pm

Grasspenis wrote:Zman, were you all that she was looking for? Are you a rich male model who only wears brand name jorts?
Z Cavaricci cutoffs, M-Fer!
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Scottie » Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:29 pm

The Sybian wrote:Yeah, especially considering our appalling low number of gay Swampers. We need to an incredibly sudden influx of bi-curiosity to sweep through this joint if this thread is ever going to go anywhere.
Well, we did have a lengthy K-Pop thread. If that doesn't produce your desired result, nothing will.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:01 pm

Scottie wrote:
The Sybian wrote:Yeah, especially considering our appalling low number of gay Swampers. We need to an incredibly sudden influx of bi-curiosity to sweep through this joint if this thread is ever going to go anywhere.
Well, we did have a lengthy K-Pop thread. If that doesn't produce your desired result, nothing will.
Cute Asian girls in short skirts dancing lamely to horrible music? Made me want to do a lot of things, but mostly to myself. And the people who felt the need to produce the dreck in the first place.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d » Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:21 pm

Ha. That implies something funny.
rass wrote:
Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:20 am
I'm definitely known as "the boy who cried penis" in town.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by govmentchedda » Tue Mar 19, 2013 5:09 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Grasspenis wrote:Zman, were you all that she was looking for? Are you a rich male model who only wears brand name jorts?
Z Cavaricci cutoffs, M-Fer!
That would kind of defeat the purpose, no?
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Johnny Hotcakes » Tue Mar 19, 2013 5:15 pm

So, is there going to be a second date?

If not, do you have anything else lined up for the weekend?


Gotta get that pussssssayyyyy, ZMan.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Johnnie » Tue Mar 19, 2013 6:01 pm

I've given up here in Korea. With no car, no off base residence, and this place having the general "we're only here a year so let's party!" attitude, it just doesn't bode well for me. Plus the ratio is skewed heavily and the girls have their pick of the litter.

Plus, I'm not without my own faults: I put myself in the friend zone every damn time. I know it sounds like the awful thing to do, but the next time I meet a girl I'm going to just say "I have too many friends and not enough fuck buddies. And I don't want to be your friend." or some variation of that.

I honestly don't care what people say about being nice to women, it doesn't fucking work. Being nice makes me friends with the girls I want to fuck to then end up as the guy she asks why the dude she's fucking doesn't want to fuck her anymore. (And note: she looks a little bit like the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls and has bolted on tits. Plus she does Crossfit, so she's in shape.)

Our exchange:

Her: "Why the fuck doesn't this guy want to fuck me anymore? We had fun the first time and a couple days later we hooked up again. And I just sent him the 'Hey, want to come over and watch a movie text' and I get no response. I obviously don't want to watch a movie."
Me: "Let me guess. You gave up the ass on the 2nd date, didn't you?" (I ask this because she previously told me she's into anal.)
Her: ::shakes her head yes::
Me: "Sounds like he has options and you were an easy lay."
Her: "No! It's not that! I mean, c'mon! Dude has to be gay. Guys don't just give up having sex."
Me: "And this makes you want to fuck him more, huh?"
Her: "YES!"
Me: "Well, he knows that too. He has options. Poor you, though. I wonder what it's like to be ignored by the opposite sex." ::said with the Condescending Wonka face::

/scene

Yea. Germany. Can't wait.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by ZMan » Tue Mar 19, 2013 6:08 pm

It's not that I was expecting to hit it out of the park. My mistake was talking too much to her via messaging before we met. We chatted for like a week. Long conversations back and forth. Plus, I have a bad habit of getting smitten quick, and building things up in my head. Stupid and naive, yeah. But that's the ole social ineptness shining through. So I was working on one pic, and lots of really cool writing, and then she looked pretty different than the pic. Not 10 years ago different, but you can tell she was having a really good day that day.

Honestly, these kind of dates scare me more than the disasters. At least with a disaster I can simply leave, laugh, then forget about. These kind of dates I feel like I'm leading them on, and if/when it's time to make the break I need to figure out a way to tactfully exit. Not my strong point at all. I've been known to just "disappear" to avoid all that shit. I'd like to think I'm done burning bridges like that.

As for a second date...man. See this is what shows I am mental about this shit. I want to, because why not? Right? It's a night out, nothing more, and she was good conversation the first time. But otoh, then I feel like I'm getting in deeper. I don't know why I put this pressure on myself, but I do. Which is why I am dreading this whole dating thing to begin with. I wish I could be Mr. Out on a Date with a Different Girl Every Weekend, but I'm not, never have been. I get too involved and am unable to let things slide off.

Nothing else lined up, except the Islanders/Lightning on Friday night. That's with J (f.k.a. Princess Z), though, who trumps all dates.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by FredRomero » Tue Mar 19, 2013 6:28 pm

Johnnie wrote:Yea. Germany. Can't wait.
Her: "No! It's not that! I mean, c'mon! Dude has to be gay. Guys don't just give up having sex."
Me: "And this makes you want to fuck him more, huh?"
Her: "JA!"
Me: "Well, he knows that too. He has options. Poor you, though. I wonder what it's like to be ignored by the opposite sex." ::said with the Condescending Wonka face::

/scene

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by P.D.X. » Tue Mar 19, 2013 6:35 pm

Johnnie wrote: Plus, I'm not without my own faults: I put myself in the friend zone every damn time. I know it sounds like the awful thing to do, but the next time I meet a girl I'm going to just say "I have too many friends and not enough fuck buddies. And I don't want to be your friend." or some variation of that.
You just need to make a move earlier. Girls are putting you in the friend zone because you're probably waiting for a green light rather than being the aggressor. At least if you make an early, bold move, you know where you stand, rather than being dragged along as a "friend."

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Tue Mar 19, 2013 7:32 pm

Johnnie wrote:I've given up here in Korea. With no car, no off base residence, and this place having the general "we're only here a year so let's party!" attitude, it just doesn't bode well for me. Plus the ratio is skewed heavily and the girls have their pick of the litter.

Plus, I'm not without my own faults: I put myself in the friend zone every damn time. I know it sounds like the awful thing to do, but the next time I meet a girl I'm going to just say "I have too many friends and not enough fuck buddies. And I don't want to be your friend." or some variation of that.

I honestly don't care what people say about being nice to women, it doesn't fucking work. Being nice makes me friends with the girls I want to fuck to then end up as the guy she asks why the dude she's fucking doesn't want to fuck her anymore. (And note: she looks a little bit like the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls and has bolted on tits. Plus she does Crossfit, so she's in shape.)

Our exchange:

Her: "Why the fuck doesn't this guy want to fuck me anymore? We had fun the first time and a couple days later we hooked up again. And I just sent him the 'Hey, want to come over and watch a movie text' and I get no response. I obviously don't want to watch a movie."
Me: "Let me guess. You gave up the ass on the 2nd date, didn't you?" (I ask this because she previously told me she's into anal.)
Her: ::shakes her head yes::
Me: "Sounds like he has options and you were an easy lay."
Her: "No! It's not that! I mean, c'mon! Dude has to be gay. Guys don't just give up having sex."
Me: "And this makes you want to fuck him more, huh?"
Her: "YES!"
Me: "Well, he knows that too. He has options. Poor you, though. I wonder what it's like to be ignored by the opposite sex." ::said with the Condescending Wonka face::

/scene

Yea. Germany. Can't wait.
You have to follow up with something to the effect of, "I don't know what his problem is, I'd not watch a movie with you any time." Just make sure it isn't said in a cheesy or creepy way, but a kind of concurring way and also saying "yeah, I totally want to fuck you." You can't leave subtle hints that you want out of the friend zone. You either need to make physical move within the first 2 or 3 times hanging out, ask her on a formal date within that time frame, or blatantly state that you want to fuck her in that time frame, or girls assume that you don't. It's that simple. For black girls or girls that are used to getting hit on by black guys, the time frame shortens significantly to, say, 10 minutes. If you don't blatantly state that you want to fuck her within 10 minutes, your fate in the friend zone is confirmed, and it will take months to crawl out, and that is a long shot.

When she asked why the guy wouldn't fuck her again, you need to ask her to show you how she fucked him in order to give a valid response. Maybe she was doing something wrong. As a friend, it is only right that you help her out here and evaluate her techniques.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Tue Mar 19, 2013 7:42 pm

ZTest wrote:
As for a second date...man. See this is what shows I am mental about this shit. I want to, because why not? Right? It's a night out, nothing more, and she was good conversation the first time. But otoh, then I feel like I'm getting in deeper. I don't know why I put this pressure on myself, but I do. Which is why I am dreading this whole dating thing to begin with. I wish I could be Mr. Out on a Date with a Different Girl Every Weekend, but I'm not, never have been. I get too involved and am unable to let things slide off.
I feel for you, man. The thought of dating again scares the fuck out of me. I had no problem jumping around, especially when I moved to NYC. Dating there was great, I was usually juggling 5 girls at a time constantly rotating new ones in and losing old ones without a worry or a care. Even if I really liked one and she never called back, fuck it, go out and meet 3more tomorrow night. I know it can't be that way at our advanced age with a kid, but even still, don't get hung up on locking in on one girl. This will probably become easier with time as well, but when you have multiple girls in early stages, you don't get hung up or analyze any one girl, and it takes away all the anxiety and over analysis bullshit, or putting too much stock in one girl. Plus, when you don't care too much, you act a lot cooler, have more fun, and are more desirable.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Johnnie » Tue Mar 19, 2013 7:46 pm

Oh trust me, I was dropping hints both subtle and not subtle before and after this chick decided on some dude. She's also a teaser, so I knew she wouldn't be offended. I'd make side comments and she'd respond positively. And when it got to the point where subtlety wasn't working, I flat out told her. She laughed it off. Total bitch move -- she likes the attention. The worst part is she's 39. Right in the Swamp's wheelhouse. So you think she'd have grown up by now. Nope. Just as stupid as a teeny bopper.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by P.D.X. » Tue Mar 19, 2013 7:52 pm

39? You shoulda just whipped it out.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by sancarlos » Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:08 pm

ZTest wrote:It's not that I was expecting to hit it out of the park. My mistake was talking too much to her via messaging before we met. We chatted for like a week. Long conversations back and forth. Plus, I have a bad habit of getting smitten quick, and building things up in my head. Stupid and naive, yeah. But that's the ole social ineptness shining through. So I was working on one pic, and lots of really cool writing, and then she looked pretty different than the pic. Not 10 years ago different, but you can tell she was having a really good day that day.

Honestly, these kind of dates scare me more than the disasters. At least with a disaster I can simply leave, laugh, then forget about. These kind of dates I feel like I'm leading them on, and if/when it's time to make the break I need to figure out a way to tactfully exit. Not my strong point at all. I've been known to just "disappear" to avoid all that shit. I'd like to think I'm done burning bridges like that.

As for a second date...man. See this is what shows I am mental about this shit. I want to, because why not? Right? It's a night out, nothing more, and she was good conversation the first time. But otoh, then I feel like I'm getting in deeper. I don't know why I put this pressure on myself, but I do. Which is why I am dreading this whole dating thing to begin with. I wish I could be Mr. Out on a Date with a Different Girl Every Weekend, but I'm not, never have been. I get too involved and am unable to let things slide off.

Nothing else lined up, except the Islanders/Lightning on Friday night. That's with J (f.k.a. Princess Z), though, who trumps all dates.
Damn, I feel for ya, Z. I'm happy I'm not single. Fun dating trick - maybe you've already heard this one, but I heard of this one from my single sister-in-law, who has lots of first dates, because she is A) single, B) not bad looking. But not as many 3rd and 4th dates, because she is C) insane. She told me that whenever she has a 1st date that she is not sure about, she has a friend phone her on her cell about 45 minutes into the date. If it's not going well, she tells the date that the call is for friend in need, an emergency, and she has to leave. Seems like a decent ploy, if the date doesn't catch on.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by DC47 » Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:22 pm

Even I've heard of this one. I'd like to be there to see when both parties get this kind of call at the same time.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by howard » Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:28 pm

Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.

Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by testy boxcar » Wed Mar 20, 2013 7:20 am

maybe if you stopped using terms like "friend zone" she wouldn't think you were gay and would lick your balls.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass » Wed Mar 20, 2013 7:55 am

P.D.X. wrote:39? You shoulda just whipped it out.
testy boxcar wrote:maybe if you stopped using terms like "friend zone" she wouldn't think you were gay and would lick your balls.
Yeah guys, Johnnie really puts the "demasculinized" in DMZ!

Perhaps when dealing with these women, if you stopped concentrating so much on their Seouls, you might be able to get up in their Pyongyangs.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B » Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:03 am

rass wrote:
P.D.X. wrote:39? You shoulda just whipped it out.
testy boxcar wrote:maybe if you stopped using terms like "friend zone" she wouldn't think you were gay and would lick your balls.
Yeah guys, Johnnie really puts the "demasculinized" in DMZ!

Perhaps when dealing with these women, if you stopped concentrating so much on their Seouls, you might be able to get up in their Pyongyangs.
His problem is when he gives them a chance to see the Donghae, instead of a hardon, it's an Incheon.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by kranepool » Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:41 am

AB_skin_test wrote:His problem is when he gives them a chance to see the Donghae, instead of a hardon, it's an Incheon.
Sorry, Johnnie. South Korean women aren't into Daegus.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Ryan » Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:54 am

You want a Sun Woo Kim on the streets but a Jin Ho Cho in the bed, is that it?

Also, I'm assuming nobody has used Pusan yet only because it's now officially called Busan which just isn't vagina enough, and not because you didn't know it was a city in the first place.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass » Wed Mar 20, 2013 9:20 am

Ryan wrote:You want a Sun Woo Kim on the streets but a Jin Ho Cho in the bed, is that it?

Also, I'm assuming nobody has used Pusan yet only because it's now officially called Busan which just isn't vagina enough, and not because you didn't know it was a city in the first place.
Hey look, it's Mr Jeopardy Suwon-off his geography skills again.
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Ryan
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Ryan » Wed Mar 20, 2013 9:27 am

I admit to looking up the facts about half that post.
he’s a fixbking cyborg or some shit. The

holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The

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