The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Okay . . . let's try this again.

Moderators: Shirley, Sabo, brian, rass, DaveInSeattle

User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

The Sybian wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:41 pm
Jerloma wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:35 pm Oh my god, you're insane, Syb. I could never do that.
It's so much easier than trying to come up with a line. If you need a line, tell her if she liked your huge dick in her dream, you are ready to disappoint the fuck out of her.

Or you could just say, "hey, have you heard I'm now single? Want to grab a drink Saturday night?"
Well, I'm not technically single and she's still here for another couple of weeks anyway but again...what if I'm wrong? When did you nerds gather up all this confidence?
If you need a clever line how about something simple like “I bet you were fantastic and HUGE too”?
I don't get it.

Also, even though that 100k in the market should be able to beat a 3.5% mortgage rate, I really don't think I have the income right now to pay two mortgages and not be strapped.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

It was a “big vagina” joke.

And you might not have the income, but you do have the savings, so you have to figure out if the projected market gains outpace the interest payments you’d be making if you dipped in.
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

(I could model that out for you tomorrow if it’s of interest. Consider it a prepayment for the content you’ll be providing?)
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
User avatar
The Sybian
The Dude
Posts: 18869
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:36 am
Location: Working in the Crap Part of Jersey

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian »

Jerloma wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:00 pm When did you nerds gather up all this confidence?


As soon as I was married and advising other people. Actually, when I moved to NYC and the fish started jumping into the boat. Swinging and missing like Rob Deer doesn't hurt when you have dates with 4 girls already lined up.

Unless you work with this woman or she is a close relative you'll have to see at Christmas, if you are wrong, so what? She already told you she dreamed that you were fucking her with your huge cock. Asking her out is 1000 times less awkward/embarrassing then saying you dreamed about fucking her if it is shot down.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

mister d wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:16 pm (I could model that out for you tomorrow if it’s of interest. Consider it a prepayment for the content you’ll be providing?)
Thanks. I'll let you know after I get a rate quote from the Quickens. I'm guessing that would be a significant piece of your analysis.
Unless you work with this woman or she is a close relative you'll have to see at Christmas, if you are wrong, so what? She already told you she dreamed that you were fucking her with your huge cock. Asking her out is 1000 times less awkward/embarrassing then saying you dreamed about fucking her if it is shot down.
Neither of those things. I haven't even seen her in years other than Facefuck, and when you lay it out that way it makes all the sense, and yet I'm still terrified.

Never gonna sleep tonight.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
Johnnie
The Dude
Posts: 16733
Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 7:31 pm
Location: TUCSON, BITCH!

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Johnnie »

Jerloma wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:01 pm
mister d wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:16 pm (I could model that out for you tomorrow if it’s of interest. Consider it a prepayment for the content you’ll be providing?)
Thanks. I'll let you know after I get a rate quote from the Quickens. I'm guessing that would be a significant piece of your analysis.
Unless you work with this woman or she is a close relative you'll have to see at Christmas, if you are wrong, so what? She already told you she dreamed that you were fucking her with your huge cock. Asking her out is 1000 times less awkward/embarrassing then saying you dreamed about fucking her if it is shot down.
Neither of those things. I haven't even seen her in years other than Facefuck, and when you lay it out that way it makes all the sense, and yet I'm still terrified.

Never gonna sleep tonight.
That's kind of a thing on the first date too, btw.

Dating has really changed from when you were 22.
mister d wrote:Couldn't have pegged me better.
EnochRoot wrote:I mean, whatever. Johnnie's all hot cuz I ride him.
User avatar
A_B
The Dude
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:36 am
Location: Getting them boards like a wolf in the chicken pen.

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B »

So two things:

1) Don't fuck anyone til your papers are signed. You'd hate for something to go sideways, lawyers get involved and now you got infidelity on there.

2) This would require a number crunch as well, but what about the possibility of not only taking the money out of the brokerage to buy her out, but also to pay off the remaining balance of the house. Then be SUPER-disciplined and pay your mortgage amount back into a retirement account(s) as fast as possible. That way you don't risk cash-flow issues associated with two mortgages and if things got really bad you'd have a free and clear house to liquidate and move into soemthing smaller. Obviously the interest rate considerations will apply since earning 1% a month on $1000 is worse than on $100k, but in my experience often cash flow is a more pressing matter than the interest rate differentials. So long as you're not retiring in less than 100 months (I'm assuming 1000/month mortgage in this scenario but your mileage will vary) - you may end up coming up just the same as you would if you take out a second mortgage. Especially if every once in a while you chucked a bit more into the savings/investment accounts to cover some of that interest loss. There are also tax considerations since there are limits on what you can put in an individual IRA-type account.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
User avatar
testuser2
Brandt
Posts: 493
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:53 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by testuser2 »

Sounds like the line is already forming for 'loma. I think a simple.... "Wanna Netflix and Chill after I get the papers signed?" will get the point across.
P.D.X.
The Dude
Posts: 5281
Joined: Wed Mar 13, 2013 12:31 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by P.D.X. »

testuser2 wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2018 11:13 am Sounds like the line is already forming for 'loma. I think a simple.... "Wanna Netflix and Chill after I get the papers signed?" will get the point across.
"After I get the papers signed" is a golden, once-in-a-lifetime (hopefully) play. It's safe but communicates DTF-ness. I'd go for 'celebratory drinks' but whatever.
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

But maybe don't try to talk like a teen?
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

1) Don't fuck anyone til your papers are signed. You'd hate for something to go sideways, lawyers get involved and now you got infidelity on there.
Buzzkill. I know, but she's already got that and I won't use it for leverage or ever let the kids find out so I'm certain she wouldn't...especially at this point.

Your financial plan is actually what I wanted to do, so you could imagine my surprise at the suggestion to not only pay off my mortgage (80), but take out a second to pay her. But again...what do I know. I am worried about the income though. She was the bread winner. I'm just happy I don't have to dissolve her debt. That's why I'm not asking for child support but she'd get killed in this scenario.
But maybe don't try to talk like a teen?
Or Jewish Paulie V up there.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
User avatar
sancarlos
The Dude
Posts: 18063
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:46 pm
Location: NorCal via Colorado

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by sancarlos »

The Sybian wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:23 pm
Jerloma wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 8:51 pm Lives with someone but can't stand him.
That settles it, she was totally throwing you a green light. Don't worry about a witty line, just say you are DTF. She has a boyfriend, she isn't looking to be romanced or date, she just wants to fuck, and a witty line isn't going to open that door.
Life is so much easier when we are doing it for someone else.
"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

Out of curiosity, why do you want to keep the house?
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
User avatar
A_B
The Dude
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:36 am
Location: Getting them boards like a wolf in the chicken pen.

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B »

mister d wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2018 12:34 pm Out of curiosity, why do you want to keep the house?
That nostalgic skunk smell.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

mister d wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2018 12:34 pm Out of curiosity, why do you want to keep the house?
Maintain a sense of normalcy for the kids and I just spent over 30k on renovating downstairs and it's super-nice.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

I meant why you over her but I guess that makes sense.

Did you consider having the parents switch in and out of the house rather than the kids go back and forth? Our nextdoor neighbors are going through the same thing and we decided that would probably make a lot of sense. Completely unrealistic?
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

She's inundated with debt so buying me out of the house is not an option.

Yeah...kinda unrealistic.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

Because once you're in a divorce situation an ongoing cohabitation isn't realistic? We figured that might be the flaw in the logic.
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
User avatar
A_B
The Dude
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:36 am
Location: Getting them boards like a wolf in the chicken pen.

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B »

mister d wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2018 1:09 pm Because once you're in a divorce situation an ongoing cohabitation isn't realistic? We figured that might be the flaw in the logic.
I'm guessing that's basically been the case for a while now and that's why they're doing what they're doing.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

That might be part of the genesis as well. We've only been in our house for 1.5 years and these people bought after us. Weird situation.
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

Yeah, and where she's gonna be, I could still hit her with a football from my front yard, so I'm even a little worried about that, but again, so much better for the kids.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
User avatar
sancarlos
The Dude
Posts: 18063
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:46 pm
Location: NorCal via Colorado

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by sancarlos »

Jerloma wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2018 1:23 pm Yeah, and where she's gonna be, I could still hit her with a football from my front yard, so I'm even a little worried about that, but again, so much better for the kids.
That could still be a fair distance, Uncle Rico.
"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

Ooo, I have another question, this one applies to a family member in the same situation. How did you determine the basis for splitting the house? Appraisal? Realtor assessment?
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
User avatar
A_B
The Dude
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:36 am
Location: Getting them boards like a wolf in the chicken pen.

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B »

mister d wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2018 1:31 pm Ooo, I have another question, this one applies to a family member in the same situation. How did you determine the basis for splitting the house? Appraisal? Realtor assessment?
For your sake, hopefully an outdated county assessment. For the fairest, a true appraisal (which will include your 30k upgrades, probably).
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

mister d wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2018 1:31 pm Ooo, I have another question, this one applies to a family member in the same situation. How did you determine the basis for splitting the house? Appraisal? Realtor assessment?
Mortgage assessment.

Yeah, you know what though, AB, some people have told me that losing a garage actually decreases the value of a house, but I can't for the life of me think that I what I did decreased the value of my house. I also turned a half bath into a full and the office has two windows and a closet so could technically be sold as a 4th bedroom. I mean, I completely gutted 900 square feet. Nothing isn't brand new.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
User avatar
A_B
The Dude
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:36 am
Location: Getting them boards like a wolf in the chicken pen.

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B »

I'm not saying you lost value, I'm saying you probably gained value. Adding a full bath and an additional BR is probably a wash vs. a garage.

Assessments are usually a few years old, and unless you bought at the top of the bubble you'd usually be better off using an old number that is usually lower. If you bought at the height of the bubble, counties are pretty bad about never decreasing the tax assessment to fair market value due to tax base.

(ETA: If you've refinanced in the past couple of years it's probably a pretty fair assessment anyway)
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

No, I know you weren't saying that. I was arguing with the people about the garage thing.

Now, I have a question and then I'd like to get back to talking about the future of my penis. The assessed value on my mortgage did in fact go up about 30k since they assessed it for the refi. Is that just because of the market? They never came back and did another one.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
User avatar
A_B
The Dude
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:36 am
Location: Getting them boards like a wolf in the chicken pen.

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B »

Probably based in large part on comps in the neighborhood I suppose.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
User avatar
Jerloma
The Dude
Posts: 7050
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:10 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma »

We told the kids yesterday. They thought we were going to tell them that we're going on vacation, so that was a little anticlimactic.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
User avatar
The Sybian
The Dude
Posts: 18869
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:36 am
Location: Working in the Crap Part of Jersey

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian »

Jerloma wrote: Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:11 pm We told the kids yesterday. They thought we were going to tell them that we're going on vacation, so that was a little anticlimactic.
Oh, man. How did that go? I can't imagine having that conversation. But, if things weren't good, they might be relieved in some ways. Hope things work out.

Feel free to tell me to fuck off, but I'm curious why your wife has so much debt not tied to you. Is she carrying debt that predates your marriage?
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
User avatar
Nonlinear FC
The Dude
Posts: 10744
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 2:09 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Nonlinear FC »

brian wrote: Mon Feb 05, 2018 5:11 pm
degenerasian wrote: Mon Feb 05, 2018 5:04 pm let's vote, profile pick should in a Steelers jersey or not?
Yes.

Image
That's really poor eye-black placement.
You can lead a horse to fish, but you can't fish out a horse.
User avatar
Nonlinear FC
The Dude
Posts: 10744
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 2:09 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Nonlinear FC »

The Sybian wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:41 pm
Jerloma wrote: Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:35 pm Oh my god, you're insane, Syb. I could never do that.
It's so much easier than trying to come up with a line. If you need a line, tell her if she liked your huge dick in her dream, you are ready to disappoint the fuck out of her.

Or you could just say, "hey, have you heard I'm now single? Want to grab a drink Saturday night?"
1) I am practically a monk, having married my high school girlfriend.

2) I've been a fairly successful wing man, mainly because it's well understood I'm not looking to hook up. Not something I have had to say, it is either already known or it's a vibe I tend to kick off.

3) That said, I can tell you that women almost can't help flirting with men that are in a relationship. I've had a bunch of instances where I've had to deal with highly uncomfortable situations. I haven't personally been in "coming out of a long-term" but I'm pretty sure this a variant of that. I've read that part of this comes down to "some woman thought this guy was worth marrying or being with for years, so he's marked as desirable." Not saying it's solid logic, but we're talking about relationships, so...

4) So, I have very little game in the sense of hooking up, but I've been involved in a lot of transactions. That girl wants to fuck you. There's not even really a question in my mind. She probably is well-aware of your situation and knows you're now on the market. Even if she doesn't, she might have had some intuition kick in.

But the bottom line is that just mentioning she dreamed about you is a slam dunk invitation. The follow-up message? C'mon, man. And I agree with Syb, you basically just have to say you're newly single* and ask her out for a drink.

* If she says, "Yeah, I know," you can just invite her to your house for a drink.
Last edited by Nonlinear FC on Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
You can lead a horse to fish, but you can't fish out a horse.
HaulCitgo
Walter Sobchak
Posts: 4444
Joined: Wed Mar 20, 2013 3:07 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by HaulCitgo »

Wrote and deleted this a while back but PDX is right... My divorce finalized today is a bat signal. Whomever you convince to hang with you that day is morally obligated to give you action. Merely mentioning such a date says all you need it to. If you are really too anxious to hook that up, just hang around the courthouse and strike up a convo with the paperwork in your hands. Discussion will inevitably turn to why you are there and what's in your hands. Walk out with her and find a drink.

Also, zero judges here will allow you to waive child support. So pick a number and incorporate into your negotiating.
User avatar
bfj
Walter Sobchak
Posts: 3960
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:08 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by bfj »

Is that the smoke show on FB, J-Lo?
BFJ is the town wizard who runs a magic shop. He also has a golem that he has trained to attack anti-Semites.
User avatar
rass
The Dude
Posts: 20209
Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:41 am
Location: N effin' J

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass »

Missed that. Good luck HaulCitgo.
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.
User avatar
Giff
The Dude
Posts: 10798
Joined: Mon Mar 25, 2013 3:26 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Giff »

bfj wrote: Sat Feb 24, 2018 12:03 am Is that the smoke show on FB, J-Lo?
Was wondering that too.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
TT2.0
The Big Lebowski
Posts: 1339
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:06 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by TT2.0 »

Giff wrote: Sat Feb 24, 2018 9:14 am
bfj wrote: Sat Feb 24, 2018 12:03 am Is that the smoke show on FB, J-Lo?
Was wondering that too.
if you guys are talking about celery gumby woman fb says shes married
Gunpowder wrote:you transcend douchedom.
MOTHERFUCKING 2017 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS!!!
P.D.X.
The Dude
Posts: 5281
Joined: Wed Mar 13, 2013 12:31 pm

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by P.D.X. »

TT2.0 wrote: Sat Feb 24, 2018 11:58 am
Giff wrote: Sat Feb 24, 2018 9:14 am
bfj wrote: Sat Feb 24, 2018 12:03 am Is that the smoke show on FB, J-Lo?
Was wondering that too.
if you guys are talking about celery gumby woman fb says shes married
Boy she must have some freakish physical characteristics.
User avatar
mister d
The Dude
Posts: 29047
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:15 am

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d »

Celery gets all bendy when its stale?
Johnnie wrote: Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
Johnnie
The Dude
Posts: 16733
Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 7:31 pm
Location: TUCSON, BITCH!

Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Johnnie »

mister d wrote:Couldn't have pegged me better.
EnochRoot wrote:I mean, whatever. Johnnie's all hot cuz I ride him.
Post Reply