The Sybian wrote:I hear what you are trying to say, but how does Bronto continue to date a 32 year old woman-child who sulks in a bedroom because she felt slighted, then continues to hide from Bronto's brother, who he is obviously very close to, and expects him to choose her over his brother. After only dating for 3 months. I know there are a lot of families a lot more dysfunctional than the scene Bronto laid out, but I see nothing wrong with advising Bronto to walk away from someone who can't or won't deal with a minor conflict, instead choosing to blow it up into an enormous deal by hiding like a petulant child. Are some families extremely fucked up? Yeah, and I would strongly advise a friend not to get entangled in the mess.
First, you assume that Bronto is an objective reporter.
Second, you assume that he truly understands what was going on in a potentially very complex multi-party emotional situation.
I wouldn't hold either assumption with much certainty. I wouldn't even if I was Bronto.
For example, much of this may be about the relationship between Bronto and GF. The family situation may just be the place that the relationship tension was expressed. Just as an example, as I know nothing about the people involved, it is possible that this is largely about how the GF perceives she is treated by Bronto. Could it be that she sees herself as less respected than she'd like? And that she sees him as having ties to his family that are so strong as to be child-like, requiring submission to the family dynamic from a serious GF? That's just one scenario. I can imagine dozens in which the fiancee v. GF battle is really a secondary factor in what's going on.
Further, no one has a clue as to how Bronto feels about the GF, prior to the family conflict. I don't see him expressing anything particularly revealing about this. Does everyone who comments believe they just intuitively know, even so? Shouldn't this play a role in figuring out how quickly to cut bait rather than fish (e.g., time plus couples therapy)?
Finally, is it actually hard to imagine that Bronto may not have actually approached the upset girlfriend in an open, supportive manner? "Open" would include being open to criticisms of his family, and even his treasured brother? This is real life. Many of us are less than perfect. Sometimes a lot less than that. The dynamic I'm describing above is an extremely common case. There are others that may be in play.
A group of males who know so little about the situation and who so quickly declare the girlfriend to be a crazy drama queen who should be dumped pretty much perfectly fits the cliche of emotionally-constricted males who fear complex relationships and complex emotional situations. It might be fun to give off-the-cuff advice from this point of view. But it doesn't strike me as being all that kind to Bronto. I wouldn't approach a 'real person' this way -- and despite the internet mediation, he's real to me. I wouldn't take this approach even if, in the short term, it made Bronto feel good to have others endorse a 'dump the crazy girlfriend' impulse.
People struggling to become mature about romantic relationships shouldn't be impulsive, even if internet bros are all about this. Perhaps especially if they are.
