degenerasian wrote:yeah i dont think this can end well.
I have a friend whose story is similar to the one sancarlos told. But instead of cancer it was pregnancy. He was going to break up until she said she was pregnant. So he felt he had to marry her. Shotgun wedding. Turns out she never was pregnant and he still tried to keep the marriage going for a few more years. Then she really had a baby and then she cheated on him.
Fuck, I can't imagine jumping into a shotgun wedding with someone you don't want to be with. I have several friends who had girlfriends pull the "I'm pregnant" defense during a breakup conversation. All faked. One fell for it, and stayed with the girl for a few more months. None of us believed her, and she copped to it a few weeks later, and he still stayed with her. This was in college, so it was more of a balance between regular sex and dealing with a psycho. I had this happen to me, except the girl actually was pregnant. I didn't believe her at first, as it felt like a desperate attempt to keep the relationship. What I don't get is why women want to guilt a guy into staying in the relationship because of a lie. A huge lie.
Bronto, the fact she is being vague and won't tell you what the scare is or the diagnosis strongly suggests she is playing on your sympathies and guilt. Saying she won't tell you what she is alluding to unless you are back in BF status is crazy. You should feel absolutely no guilt. If she wants to tell you, tell you. What are the possibilities here? She tells you it is cancer or something horrible, then you really feel guilty for breaking it off, or worse, stay with her because of that. You get back with her and it is nothing, what then, immediately end things again? Run the fuck away, don't let yourself feel guilty because she is clearly playing for sympathy and guilt to get you back. Fucked up. If there is this much drama this early, and she refuses to see your family, end it.
Side note, a friend fell into this situation recently. He started dating a close childhood and HS friend, never dated her before. After a year or so, he decided to end the relationship, but before he actually did, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. He felt he couldn't break up with her then, and as her BF and longtime friend, he went through the whole treatment process with her, which was more than a year of roller coaster swings in prognosis. He has known her family since he was a kid, so he is that much more tied in with her family at hospital stays, chemo treatments and the like. I'm a lot closer with this friend's brother, so I have all of this second hand. Last time I saw the brother, the GF was in the hospital with no expectation of making it out. He was spending pretty much all of his time in the hospital with this girl, keeping up the BF front. He bought an engagement ring and was planning on proposing, knowing she had maybe a week left, because he felt so guilty wanted her to die thinking was in a relationship leading to marriage. Going through this for more than a year had to destroy his psyche, and it doesn't help that he is diagnosed as schizophrenic. Meds supposedly stabilized his condition, but that still can't be good.
Moral of the story, don't get suckered in out of guilt. Hell, if she doesn't even tell you what is going on, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
