The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Okay . . . let's try this again.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by BSF21 » Thu Feb 21, 2019 2:35 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Thu Feb 21, 2019 1:37 pm
I've actually been hanging out with a girl in my tennis circles that's almost suspiciously perfect for me. She's an evolutionary anthropology teacher, liberal, sciencey, cute, awesome tennis and ping pong player, plays guitar, loves weed, and just oozes cool. Terrified to make any sort of move though.

I get the whole regret is worse than rejection thing but not really when you still have to see the person all the time. I also don't want to make it weird and throw away a beneficial friendship.
Can I get her number if you're just gonna stand in the corner and look sad?

(get it son)
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Thu Feb 21, 2019 3:17 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Thu Feb 21, 2019 1:37 pm
I've actually been hanging out with a girl in my tennis circles that's almost suspiciously perfect for me. She's an evolutionary anthropology teacher, liberal, sciencey, cute, awesome tennis and ping pong player, plays guitar, loves weed, and just oozes cool. Terrified to make any sort of move though.

I get the whole regret is worse than rejection thing but not really when you still have to see the person all the time. I also don't want to make it weird and throw away a beneficial friendship.
As long as you don't ask in a completely creepy way, she'll be flattered even if she isn't interested. And if she does reject you, it doesn't have t be awkward, just act the same way around her that you do now, and the potential for awkwardness will disappear.

ETA: My post assumes she isn't married and is an appropriate dating age for you.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Fri Feb 22, 2019 9:30 am

do we need to teach JLo about half plus seven?
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by tennbengal » Fri Feb 22, 2019 9:33 am

Brontoburglar wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 9:30 am
do we need to teach JLo about half plus seven?
What now?

Oh, the dating age thing.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d » Fri Feb 22, 2019 10:00 am

7.5 seems young even for Missouri.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Fri Feb 22, 2019 12:49 pm

39 and single so I'm good there. You need to teach me how to grow some fucking balls.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by sancarlos » Fri Feb 22, 2019 2:20 pm

mister d wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 10:00 am
7.5 seems young even for Missouri.
Image
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:23 pm

The girl has these awesome purple leggings that just have pictures of Biggie's head all over them. So I texted her, "Be your best friend if you wear the Biggie leggings at tennis tonight." She texted back, "Haha, I don't know if I can deal with not having pockets but I could totally use some new best friends."

Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out if she was hinting that she just wants to be friends even though she was clearly just playing off of what I said. I'm a god damn disaster.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B » Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:24 pm

Obviously you need a pair of the same tights.
The wife just accidentally called you. “Accidentally”. Sorry

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by tennbengal » Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:28 pm

A_B wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:24 pm
Obviously you need a pair of the same tights.
That’s galaxy brain stuff.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by EdRomero » Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:29 pm

Text back
"Tell your friends to get with my friends
And we can be friends
Shit, we can do this every weekend, aight?
Is that aight with you?
Yeah… keep bangin'"

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:40 pm

just ask her if she wants to get a beer sometime and if she says yes, go enjoy each others' company for a couple hours at a bar
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:49 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:40 pm
just ask her if she wants to get a beer sometime and if she says yes, go enjoy each others' company for a couple hours at a bar
The Swamp has officially come full circle. Bronto is the one breaking down dating advice into the simplest, no-nonsense form.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:50 pm

SHUT IT DOWN
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Rush2112 » Fri Feb 22, 2019 5:08 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:49 pm
The Swamp has officially come full circle. Bronto is the one breaking down dating advice into the simplest, no-nonsense form.

Image
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by EdRomero » Fri Feb 22, 2019 5:19 pm

Anyway, I hope she tells you to "Just Get it In." (That was the logo on my coed naked tennis shirt that we wore in high school).

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by degenerasian » Fri Feb 22, 2019 6:31 pm

There's coed naked tennis?

Where?
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by duff » Fri Feb 22, 2019 8:05 pm

There is a bunch of co-ed naked activities. The one I remember the best was poker or cards. Liquor up front, poker in the rear.
To quote both Bruce Prichard and Tony Schiavone, "Fuck Duff Meltzer."

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d » Fri Feb 22, 2019 8:12 pm

Get a pair of Tupac tights and next time she wears her start aggressively slamming your crotch and ass into her while yelling “whoa its seems they still really don’t like each other huh?” and see if she seems into it.
rass wrote:
Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:20 am
I'm definitely known as "the boy who cried penis" in town.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by EdRomero » Fri Feb 22, 2019 9:13 pm

The 90's were a wild time. The coed naked firefighters showed up when they were wet and left them wet.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by wlu_lax6 » Sat Feb 23, 2019 2:39 am

Had a great coed naked sailing shirt my sister bought me from Washington College. Wore it under my soccer jersey for my junior season. A mom was upset when she saw it at the Maccabi games.. but it is true about sailing...if it does not blow it sucks.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:00 pm

mister d wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 8:12 pm
Get a pair of Tupac tights and next time she wears her start aggressively slamming your crotch and ass into her while yelling “whoa its seems they still really don’t like each other huh?” and see if she seems into it.
How about I go with "That's why I fucked your bitch you fat motherfucker?"
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:04 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:49 pm
Brontoburglar wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:40 pm
just ask her if she wants to get a beer sometime and if she says yes, go enjoy each others' company for a couple hours at a bar
The Swamp has officially come full circle. Bronto is the one breaking down dating advice into the simplest, no-nonsense form.
Doesn't make an awful lot of sense. We already hang out at each other's places. Hell, I was over there for 5 hours last night just getting high and listening to records. Getting her from one of our couches to the bar seems counterproductive.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by sancarlos » Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:10 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:04 pm
The Sybian wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:49 pm
Brontoburglar wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:40 pm
just ask her if she wants to get a beer sometime and if she says yes, go enjoy each others' company for a couple hours at a bar
The Swamp has officially come full circle. Bronto is the one breaking down dating advice into the simplest, no-nonsense form.
Doesn't make an awful lot of sense. We already hang out at each other's places. Hell, I was over there for 5 hours last night just getting high and listening to records. Getting her from one of our couches to the bar seems counterproductive.
Then all you have to do is make a move.
"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian

I never shoulda punched that horse. - AB

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Sat Feb 23, 2019 6:49 pm

it was just the two of you?
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Sat Feb 23, 2019 11:03 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:04 pm
The Sybian wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:49 pm
Brontoburglar wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:40 pm
just ask her if she wants to get a beer sometime and if she says yes, go enjoy each others' company for a couple hours at a bar
The Swamp has officially come full circle. Bronto is the one breaking down dating advice into the simplest, no-nonsense form.
Doesn't make an awful lot of sense. We already hang out at each other's places. Hell, I was over there for 5 hours last night just getting high and listening to records. Getting her from one of our couches to the bar seems counterproductive.
Getting high, for me anyways, would be super counter productive for making a move. I get so inside my own head, I'd over think the fuck out of it, and be paralyzed to physical make a move after mentally deciding to, which would take 10 times longer than it would sober, and 100 times longer than if I was drinking. Getting high at a party, I'd sit in a corner convinced everyone was laughing at me. Then my crotch would feel warm, and I'd think I pissed myself 10 times a night.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:03 am

Brontoburglar wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 6:49 pm
it was just the two of you?
Yes. Three times, now! Completely empty houses all night.

I know.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by bfj » Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:08 am

The Sybian wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 11:03 pm
Jerloma wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:04 pm
The Sybian wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:49 pm
Brontoburglar wrote:
Fri Feb 22, 2019 4:40 pm
just ask her if she wants to get a beer sometime and if she says yes, go enjoy each others' company for a couple hours at a bar
The Swamp has officially come full circle. Bronto is the one breaking down dating advice into the simplest, no-nonsense form.
Doesn't make an awful lot of sense. We already hang out at each other's places. Hell, I was over there for 5 hours last night just getting high and listening to records. Getting her from one of our couches to the bar seems counterproductive.
Getting high, for me anyways, would be super counter productive for making a move. I get so inside my own head, I'd over think the fuck out of it, and be paralyzed to physical make a move after mentally deciding to, which would take 10 times longer than it would sober, and 100 times longer than if I was drinking. Getting high at a party, I'd sit in a corner convinced everyone was laughing at me. Then my crotch would feel warm, and I'd think I pissed myself 10 times a night.
Jesus, you’re a fucking party.
Enjoy every sandwich.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Sun Feb 24, 2019 8:40 am

Jerloma wrote:
Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:03 am
Brontoburglar wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 6:49 pm
it was just the two of you?
Yes. Three times, now! Completely empty houses all night.

I know.
dude
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by degenerasian » Sun Feb 24, 2019 1:40 pm

dude
Kung Fu movies are like porn. There's 1 on 1, then 2 on 1, then a group scene..

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Sun Feb 24, 2019 7:53 pm

I don't really get the whole "Netflix and chill" thing anyway. Words means things. If there's supposed to be some sort of implication behind, "Wanna come over, get high, and listen to records," it's completely lost on me.

As always, I blame religion.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Sun Feb 24, 2019 8:30 pm

I really want to use your bumble/tinder accounts for 48 hours and get you seven dates in seven days
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d » Sun Feb 24, 2019 9:00 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Sun Feb 24, 2019 7:53 pm
I don't really get the whole "Netflix and chill" thing anyway. Words means things. If there's supposed to be some sort of implication behind, "Wanna come over, get high, and listen to records," it's completely lost on me.
“... in conclusion we both know you wouldn’t be literally blowing on it so why make the offer using that phrasing?”
rass wrote:
Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:20 am
I'm definitely known as "the boy who cried penis" in town.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by degenerasian » Mon Feb 25, 2019 12:39 am

"Wanna come over .... " is all you need.
Kung Fu movies are like porn. There's 1 on 1, then 2 on 1, then a group scene..

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Pruitt » Mon Feb 25, 2019 8:12 am

Offer to make her dinner.
"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Tue Feb 26, 2019 10:38 am

So I asked her if it'd be cool if I bought a pair of Tupac pants, walked in her house and screamed "THAT'S WHY I FUCKED YOUR BITCH YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER," proceeded to violently rap "Hit 'em Up" at her in her kitchen, then drop the mic, walk out the door, and go home.

She said not only would she be into it, but nothing would make her happier. Then admitted that she's actually more of a west coast girl at heart and sent me a picture of her and Snoop Dogg.

I think I'm in love. Watching me screw this up is going to be gut-wrenching for you guys.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Tue Feb 26, 2019 10:42 am

Jerloma wrote:
Tue Feb 26, 2019 10:38 am
So I asked her if it'd be cool if I bought a pair of Tupac pants, walked in her house and screamed "THAT'S WHY I FUCKED YOUR BITCH YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER," proceeded to violently rap "Hit 'em Up" at her in her kitchen, then drop the mic, walk out the door, and go home.

She said not only would she be into it, but nothing would make her happier. Then admitted that she's actually more of a west coast girl at heart and sent me a picture of her and Snoop Dogg.

I think I'm in love. Watching me screw this up is going to be gut-wrenching for you guys.
If you can say what you said, and get that response, you CAN'T fuck this up. Seriously. Worst case scenario, she just wants to be friends, this doesn't sound like a woman who is going to get offended by you making a move. She might be offended if you don't make a move, and the longer you wait, the worse your chances, so fucking go for it!
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Pruitt » Tue Feb 26, 2019 10:45 am

She really sounds great.

Seriously...
"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Tue Feb 26, 2019 11:17 am

Pruitt wrote:
Tue Feb 26, 2019 10:45 am
She really sounds great.

Seriously...
I know. I really hope it works out because she may have ruined other women for me.

You guys keep telling me to make a move. What is a move? Seriously. I don't think I have a move. Would that be like trying to kiss her or announcing that I'd like to kiss her or just telling her I want to be more than friends? I think I'm trying to figure out what would cause the least amount of shame if it backfired.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B » Tue Feb 26, 2019 11:22 am

A simple "you tryin' to get that pipe?" should suffice.

But seriously, it might be time to just admit you're an awkward divorcee and you haven't done this in a while, and while you may be misreading, you hope you aren't and you were wondering if maybe you could take her out on an "official" date.

I don't know, I ain't done this in forever what are you asking me for?
The wife just accidentally called you. “Accidentally”. Sorry

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