The Swamp

That 2pac scene needs to be an SNL digital short with Michael Cera as Jerloma and the love interest is Scar Jo with the correct hair color.

So here's what I finally had to do when it came to getting laid: fake confidence and say what you want without sounding like an asshole. If your presence isn't "Brad or Chad, college shitbag" you'll be ok.

At some point I'd turn the conversation to sex and literally ask "What are your limits?" You're at the age where time is important and the women you're going for aren't into all that small talk, buildup, and "the chase."

The dumbest relationships (well, encounters) I had were of the 18-24 year old set as a 30+ dude. There's nothing there socially because of the age gap and the sex was boring because there wasn't much experience/imagination.

But those girls in my age bracket were like "Just fuck my shit up, fam." Fun times.

A_B wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 11:22 am
But seriously, it might be time to just admit you're an awkward divorcee and you haven't done this in a while, and while you may be misreading, you hope you aren't and you were wondering if maybe you could take her out on an "official" date.

This is the answer right here. She ain't 25. Give her the honest side and give yourself a small limb to crawl back on in the very unlikely event that she's inviting a single guy over to her house on multiple occasions because she must be the loneliest cooler than hell chick in the world that has no other people to hang out...jeez dude, this is too good to be true. Jump on it and tell her if it's actually something then you aren't just trying to fuck and if it ain't then yea you're DTF.

BSF21 wrote:Jump on it and tell her if it's actually something then you aren't just trying to fuck and if it ain't then yea you're DTF.

It's funny, we have this inside joke that she's dead to me. So the other night I texted something like, "Well being DTM..." She said "I'm not familiar with that acronym. Did you mean DTF? I know that one."

In hindsight, that was probably a decent opening.

Anyway, I really appreciate the feedback you guys. I know it probably sounds like I'm being intentionally obtuse but I'm really not. I think I might be broken from being married to the worst person ever for 19 years.

Good luck, man. Seriously.

Jerloma wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 12:55 pm

BSF21 wrote:Jump on it and tell her if it's actually something then you aren't just trying to fuck and if it ain't then yea you're DTF.

It's funny, we have this inside joke that she's dead to me. So the other night I texted something like, "Well being DTM..." She said "I'm not familiar with that acronym. Did you mean DTF? I know that one."

In hindsight, that was probably a decent opening.

Anyway, I really appreciate the feedback you guys. I know it probably sounds like I'm being intentionally obtuse but I'm really not. I think I might be broken from being married to the worst person ever for 19 years.

Jerloma wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 12:55 pm

Anyway, I really appreciate the feedback you guys. I know it probably sounds like I'm being intentionally obtuse but I'm really not. I think I might be broken from being married to the worst person ever for 19 years.

I can't imagine having to go back into the dating pool, but it's a lot easier to call from the sidelines. Just don't overthink it. Also realize this isn't like high school, where everyone finds out you have a crush on someone and it changes social dynamics. As long as you aren't totally rapey, she will be flattered if not interested. And with the dynamic you have with her, even if you were rapey, she would probably laugh thinking you are joking.

Making a move could be asking her on a date or simply touching her arm while laughing at her joke. Just anything to move the ball forward.

The DTF line was a huge opening.

I don't talk about it much on here (if ever?), but I married my high school girlfriend. I'm 48 and we've been together since we were 16.

She's an amazing woman and I'm just incredibly lucky.

I have nightmares about dating. I, literally, have no idea what I'd do if thrown back into the pool. I'm told that I'm incredibly clueless, but part of that is that I'm just not thinking of hooking up all the time, so my radar is pretty much broken.

Anyways, I'd be in the same boat as J-lo, so, dude, not judging you at all for asking these questions.

Jerloma wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 12:55 pmShe said "I'm not familiar with that acronym. Did you mean DTF? I know that one."

This is known as the Reverse Roethlisberger.



(Also I'm with NLFC, nearly half my life in this relationship and have no idea how to date / wouldn't want to find out. This is all in good fun.)

Jerloma wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 12:55 pm

BSF21 wrote:Jump on it and tell her if it's actually something then you aren't just trying to fuck and if it ain't then yea you're DTF.

It's funny, we have this inside joke that she's dead to me. So the other night I texted something like, "Well being DTM..." She said "I'm not familiar with that acronym. Did you mean DTF? I know that one."

In hindsight, that was probably a decent opening.

Anyway, I really appreciate the feedback you guys. I know it probably sounds like I'm being intentionally obtuse but I'm really not. I think I might be broken from being married to the worst person ever for 19 years.

"LOL - it means dead to me, but, on the other, since its come up, I am also most definitely DTF"

Can you check if she knows what DTW is?

Ryan wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 1:40 pm Can you check if she knows what DTW is?

Ha!!!! Of course, everyone knows DTW!

A_B wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 11:22 am I don't know, I ain't done this in forever what are you asking me for?

I'm in the same boat...

But I used to say something along the lines of "I would really like to kiss you." I could say that I was #metoo sensitive - which I guess I was - but it was largely because I could take the verbal rejection much better than the horribly embarrassing experience of physical rejection.

Pruitt wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 2:20 pm

A_B wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 11:22 am I don't know, I ain't done this in forever what are you asking me for?

I'm in the same boat...

But I used to say something along the lines of "I would really like to kiss you." I could say that I was #metoo sensitive - which I guess I was - but it was largely because I could take the verbal rejection much better than the horribly embarrassing experience of physical rejection.

A_B wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 2:23 pm

Pruitt wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 2:20 pm

A_B wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 11:22 am I don't know, I ain't done this in forever what are you asking me for?

I'm in the same boat...

But I used to say something along the lines of "I would really like to kiss you." I could say that I was #metoo sensitive - which I guess I was - but it was largely because I could take the verbal rejection much better than the horribly embarrassing experience of physical rejection.

See? It's a smooth move.

"Just fuck my shit up, fam."

Fam?

It's slang.

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/fam

That's kind of a weird thing to call someone that you're asking to fuck you.

The quote was hyperbole. But it conveyed the point of "Fuck me as hard as possible in whatever way you want." (Also not an exact quote, but please tell me you get the point now.)

Jerloma wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 3:06 pm That's kind of a weird thing to call someone that you're asking to fuck you.

Roll tide y’all

Square Rob wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 10:43 pm

Jerloma wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 3:06 pm That's kind of a weird thing to call someone that you're asking to fuck you.

Roll tide y’all

Mike Price wrote:IT'S ROLLING BABY, IT'S ROLLING!

Square Rob wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 10:43 pm

Jerloma wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 3:06 pm That's kind of a weird thing to call someone that you're asking to fuck you.

Roll tide y’all

ha

if that video wasn't sent to her within 30 seconds of it going live on youtube I can no longer offer advice in this thread

Brontoburglar wrote: ↑Wed Mar 06, 2019 9:00 pm if that video wasn't sent to her within 30 seconds of it going live on youtube I can no longer offer advice in this thread

It was. She actually gave me the opening lyric in the chorus and then told me I should be the one to record it so it made sense.

Her response was "Hahaha. I'm not gonna lie, I like that I told you to do something and then you did it."

Not sure if that's encouraging or humiliating.

I'm out of words

Dude!

Are you messing with us?

If you don't show up at her workplace wearing a trench coat with a fucking boombox blaring this song, you're dead to all of us I think.

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:28 am Dude!

Are you messing with us?

This post goes perfect with your Ovy avatar.

I'm really not though. Explain to me like a 5 year old what I'm missing.

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:39 am

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:28 am Dude!

Are you messing with us?

This post goes perfect with your Ovy avatar.

I'm really not though. Explain to me like a 5 year old what I'm missing.

You're missing her hitting you over the head with a frying pan of interest. I can't understand why you're blind to it but it just ain't hitting you. If you dig her the way you have put forth to the court, you're going to need to act on it or she's going to assume you're not into her or hitting from the other side of the plate. You're a grown ass man, stop being afraid of rejection and respond to one of the 80 signs she has given you that she would like you to engage in a dialogue. If for some .01% reason you have misinterpreted and then miscommunicated here all of these little notes you've been handed, then you dust off and move on. Either that or enjoy the last few visits with her before she grows weary of it and finds someone else she likes.

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:39 amI'm really not though. Explain to me like a 5 year old what I'm missing.

You're between one and three posts away from "guys ... she's saying I should come over tonight so we can hook up but given the lack of a formal written invite I can't tell if she's serious".

"Hahaha. I'm not gonna lie, I like that I told you to do something and then you did it."

This is clearly NOT a half-joking but probably at least half-serious reference to you being able to follow instructions in bed, and that she might like that dynamic.

And a huge hint.

At this point, if you don't try, she's gonna assume you are not interested.

mister d wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:54 am

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:39 amI'm really not though. Explain to me like a 5 year old what I'm missing.

You're between one and three posts away from "guys ... she's saying I should come over tonight so we can hook up but given the lack of a formal written invite I can't tell if she's serious".

Aye.

mister d wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:54 am

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:39 amI'm really not though. Explain to me like a 5 year old what I'm missing.

You're between one and three posts away from "guys ... she's saying I should come over tonight so we can hook up but given the lack of a formal written invite I can't tell if she's serious".

A raven lands on the windowsill of Ser Jer of House Loma. Ser Jer unrolls the small scroll, which reads:

"Ser Jer of House Loma, I write to you in a time of need. It has come to pass that my loins require much massaging and do duly ask that you first mount a noble steed and proceed post haste to such a place where your mount might be more suitable and fulfill the needs of both Ser Jer of House Loma and myself. It is of the greatest urgency that our uglies commence the bumping.

Signed and sealed, Lady Smoking of House Hot & Also Cool"

Fascinating shit. I honestly don't see that as anymore than a light ribbing let alone an invite to Poundtown.

Take it less as "lets go fuck right now" unless that's where she wants to pull it afterwards. It sounds like you guys are on the edge of something meaningful, at least you you. Chicks don't make passing remarks about "you did what I told you to and I like that" to guys at the gas pump. She's vibing man, shit or get off the pot.

BSF21 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:27 am Take it less as "lets go fuck right now" unless that's where she wants to pull it afterwards. It sounds like you guys are on the edge of something meaningful, at least you you. Chicks don't make passing remarks about "you did what I told you to and I like that" to guys at the gas pump. She's vibing man, shit or get off the pot.

Or else someone else will "shit on" (have sex with) "the pot" (this woman you like).

Fully agreeing with everyone else's comments, definitely throwing obvious signs. Just curious does she have kids? If she has kids and is spending this much time talking to you, that's a huge sign. Single mothers ain't got time for that unless they are interested.

The Sybian wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 12:00 pm Fully agreeing with everyone else's comments, definitely throwing obvious signs. Just curious does she have kids? If she has kids and is spending this much time talking to you, that's a huge sign. Single mothers ain't got time for that unless they are interested.

Married mothers on the other hand, are always DTF.

The Sybian wrote: ↑Thu Mar 07, 2019 12:00 pm Fully agreeing with everyone else's comments, definitely throwing obvious signs. Just curious does she have kids? If she has kids and is spending this much time talking to you, that's a huge sign. Single mothers ain't got time for that unless they are interested.

No kids. Doesn't date. Spends most of her time working on her dissertation.