The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Okay . . . let's try this again.

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Giff
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Giff » Thu Mar 07, 2019 12:51 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:39 am
Nonlinear FC wrote:
Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:28 am
Dude!

Are you messing with us?
This post goes perfect with your Ovy avatar.

I'm really not though. Explain to me like a 5 year old what I'm missing.
She's wants you to put your tallywacker in her special place.
Muh.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by A_B » Thu Mar 07, 2019 1:04 pm

Dissertation? How bout a dick for tastin'!
The wife just accidentally called you. “Accidentally”. Sorry

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by HaulCitgo » Thu Mar 07, 2019 3:29 pm

Dating advice from this group? You gonna consult Steve Harvey next? U be u just get a bankroll (or at least a room and kitchen) and hit the highway. Even if the game remains weak sounds like she will take the reins and handle the biz for you.

Had some better advice but fear of guys like chedda have my tongue tied on an anonymous message board.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by govmentchedda » Thu Mar 07, 2019 3:46 pm

Me?
I took a two hour nap and cried during parks and Rec. it was awesome and terrifying.

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Brontoburglar
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Thu Mar 07, 2019 3:48 pm

I fear you
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by HaulCitgo » Thu Mar 07, 2019 3:53 pm

Employment. I don't put it beyond the lady that sleeps next to me to dig this up later.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Mulligan » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:02 pm

I'll fuck her for you....

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:07 pm

HaulCitgo wrote:
Thu Mar 07, 2019 3:29 pm
Dating advice...? ...U...just l.i.c..k...the...but...tongue...on...a.ss...
Mrs Citgo isn't going anywhere...
Last edited by rass on Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by tennbengal » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:51 pm

This thread took a turn.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:58 pm

tennbengal wrote:
Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:51 pm
This thread took a turn.
What can I say, I miss Rimworld.
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Thu Mar 07, 2019 5:54 pm

"Hey do you wanna play Rimworld?"
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Fri Jul 05, 2019 6:54 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:
Sun Feb 24, 2019 8:30 pm
I really want to use your bumble/tinder accounts for 48 hours and get you seven dates in seven days
I'm rocking a pretty decent tan right now, and I've been in worse shape. I'm still a cauldron of social awkwardness but fuck it...let's do this. Just one is plenty though.

We can document it for these jabronis.

(If anyone was wondering, I screwed up the hot, weed-loving, evolutionary biologist, tennis player thing by never giving her any indication whatsoever that I was interested. You didn't see that coming.)

Also, if Bronto picks up my soulmate if soulmates were a thing, we're gonna need to burn this thread to the ground so it doesn't end like twelve movies I can't think of right now.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:02 am

I'm in. we'd have to figure out how to get my location to show up as yours, but that's probably possible. and don't be surprised if you get a date for within 24 hours of when I match with someone
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by P.D.X. » Mon Dec 16, 2019 9:56 pm

I just voice-called a girl to get a date for like the first time in about 5 years. The voicemail was probably as awkward as the last time I tried that.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Mon Dec 16, 2019 10:49 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:02 am
I'm in. we'd have to figure out how to get my location to show up as yours, but that's probably possible. and don't be surprised if you get a date for within 24 hours of when I match with someone
I assume J-Lo was so busy on an endless string of dates that he couldn't find time to update...
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by P.D.X. » Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:42 am

P.D.X. wrote:
Mon Dec 16, 2019 9:56 pm
I just voice-called a girl to get a date for like the first time in about 5 years. The voicemail was probably as awkward as the last time I tried that.
Just got back from a few pints and a brief make-out sesh. Old school strategy ftw!

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d » Thu Dec 19, 2019 9:16 am

Next stop: Handjob thread
rass wrote:
Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:20 am
I'm definitely known as "the boy who cried penis" in town.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Pruitt » Thu Dec 19, 2019 10:45 am

P.D.X. wrote:
Mon Dec 16, 2019 9:56 pm
I just voice-called a girl to get a date for like the first time in about 5 years. The voicemail was probably as awkward as the last time I tried that.
I got sweaty palms just reading that.
"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:48 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Mon Dec 16, 2019 10:49 pm
Brontoburglar wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:02 am
I'm in. we'd have to figure out how to get my location to show up as yours, but that's probably possible. and don't be surprised if you get a date for within 24 hours of when I match with someone
I assume J-Lo was so busy on an endless string of dates that he couldn't find time to update...
we gotta get this show on the road because my swiping skills are undoubtedly getting rusty!
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Brontoburglar
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:50 pm

P.D.X. wrote:
Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:42 am
P.D.X. wrote:
Mon Dec 16, 2019 9:56 pm
I just voice-called a girl to get a date for like the first time in about 5 years. The voicemail was probably as awkward as the last time I tried that.
Just got back from a few pints and a brief make-out sesh. Old school strategy ftw!
given all the screenshots that I see posted by women about how idiotic and stupid men are while trying to date/get her to go out on a dating app, I gotta think the phone call immediately elevated your status even if you stammered the entire time
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Thu Dec 19, 2019 1:20 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Mon Dec 16, 2019 10:49 pm
Brontoburglar wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:02 am
I'm in. we'd have to figure out how to get my location to show up as yours, but that's probably possible. and don't be surprised if you get a date for within 24 hours of when I match with someone
I assume J-Lo was so busy on an endless string of dates that he couldn't find time to update...
Yeah, I came to the conclusion that I just don't want to. I think I only wanted to because it's such a novelty after being married for 19 years. The idea of getting to know someone under the guise of dating just seems exhausting right now. Also, my anxiety meds while helping, don't exactly do wonders for my libido.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass » Thu Dec 19, 2019 1:30 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Thu Dec 19, 2019 1:20 pm
The Sybian wrote:
Mon Dec 16, 2019 10:49 pm
Brontoburglar wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:02 am
I'm in. we'd have to figure out how to get my location to show up as yours, but that's probably possible. and don't be surprised if you get a date for within 24 hours of when I match with someone
I assume J-Lo was so busy on an endless string of dates that he couldn't find time to update...
Yeah, I came to the conclusion that I just don't want to. I think I only wanted to because it's such a novelty after being married for 19 years. The idea of getting to know someone under the guise of dating just seems exhausting right now. Also, my anxiety meds while helping, don't exactly do wonders for my libido.
It’s not that hard.
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by HaulCitgo » Thu Dec 19, 2019 1:48 pm

Nah thats a different problem. Hes just scared to step out there.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Tue Apr 28, 2020 1:28 pm

Can I get a ruling on if this is flirting?
hey is it your birthday? facebook is blowing up your spot with a little cake emoji thing next to your name. happy birthday (if you are into that sort of thing)!
It may not surprise you that I don’t really care about it but nonetheless seeing you conform to social conventions does a lot for me.
it doens't surprise me in the least. i typically ignore all of the cake emoji's and deliberately avoid saying happy birthday to people who advertise birthdays with cake emojis.
but you know, you have a way of bringing out sides of my personality are in fact warm and pathetic (that's the opposite of a pathetic, right?), and then punish me for these displays with snarky remarks.
that's really cute, kyle.
what a hot mess of grammatical errors i am today. meh. figure it out yourslef. mostly i just want to know if pathetic is the true opposite of apathetic (not empathetic).
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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rass
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass » Tue Apr 28, 2020 1:31 pm

No one is wasting that much time on you unless they are flirting with you (or mocking you).
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Tue Apr 28, 2020 1:34 pm

rass wrote:
Tue Apr 28, 2020 1:31 pm
No one is wasting that much time on you unless they are flirting with you (or mocking you).
I'm going to say both are clearly flirting.
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rass
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass » Tue Apr 28, 2020 1:36 pm

/wink
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Tue Apr 28, 2020 2:37 pm

seeing you conform to social conventions does a lot for me


assuming she was the one that posted it, you missed a giant flashing (and weird) red light below the label "flirting alarm"
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by mister d » Tue Apr 28, 2020 2:40 pm

J-Lo's entire post-divorce life is the perfect opposite of "this stripper is into me".
rass wrote:
Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:20 am
I'm definitely known as "the boy who cried penis" in town.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Tue Apr 28, 2020 3:07 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:
Tue Apr 28, 2020 2:37 pm
seeing you conform to social conventions does a lot for me


assuming she was the one that posted it, you missed a giant flashing (and weird) red light below the label "flirting alarm"
No that was me. OMG, I was flirting? Look at me.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Tue Apr 28, 2020 3:51 pm

so she is 1-3-4?
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Wed Apr 29, 2020 8:56 am

Brontoburglar wrote:
Tue Apr 28, 2020 3:51 pm
so she is 1-3-4?
Yes.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Giff » Wed Apr 29, 2020 10:06 am

Yeah, she wants you.
Muh.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Brontoburglar » Wed Apr 29, 2020 11:34 am

the date should have happened last night
"We're not the smartest people in the world. We go down the straightaway and turn left. That's literally what we do." -- Clint Bowyer

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:05 pm

Can I get another flirting ruling here?

"Hey how'd you make out with your kitchen drain? Has your car stereo fixed itself yet? Just hanging around on a Friday night thinking about your gadgets."
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:09 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:05 pm
Can I get another flirting ruling here?

"Hey how'd you make out with your kitchen drain? Has your car stereo fixed itself yet? Just hanging around on a Friday night thinking about your gadgets."
I know you already know the answer to this. If you are even remotely interested, step up!
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by duff » Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:10 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:05 pm
Can I get another flirting ruling here?

"Hey how'd you make out with your kitchen drain? Has your car stereo fixed itself yet? Just hanging around on a Friday night thinking about your gadgets."
Quit over thinking it.
To quote both Bruce Prichard and Tony Schiavone, "Fuck Duff Meltzer."

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by Jerloma » Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:27 pm

She actually took me camping in the Catskills Labor day weekend which is not really a thing I do but my buddy lent me this setup that made it seems like I was travelling with a harem. By comparison, that's hers next to me. :-)

Image
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by rass » Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:33 pm

Jerloma is Tom Hanks in Big, right down to being too fondly remembered for his piano playing.
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.

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Re: The Official Swamp Dating Thread

Post by The Sybian » Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:36 pm

rass wrote:
Mon Sep 14, 2020 1:33 pm
Jerloma is Tom Hanks in Big, right down to being too fondly remembered for his piano playing.
This is like a slow-building laugh. The longer I think about it, more meaning comes from it. And picturing J-Lo as a 12 year old trapped in a man's body trying to navigate sex is hilarious.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
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