CUBE LIFE! Office Etiquette

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 11:41 am

It is with heavy heart I announce that, after almost 7 years of couch sitting in two different states, I will be returning to the office life and showering in the AM and talking to real people in real life who aren't ringing me up. Your thoughts are requested during this difficult time.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 11:47 am

mister d wrote:It is with heavy heart I announce that, after almost 7 years of couch sitting in two different states, I will be returning to the office life and showering in the AM and talking to real people in real life who aren't ringing me up. Your thoughts are requested during this difficult time.

Devastating.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 11:49 am

mister d wrote:It is with heavy heart I announce that, after almost 7 years of couch sitting in two different states, I will be returning to the office life and showering in the AM and talking to real people in real life who aren't ringing me up. Your thoughts are requested during this difficult time.

I don't know how you did it. Working from home is driving me insane. When I do go into the office, I don't know half the people there, due to some turnover and a bunch of new hires. I go in once a week, and had a guy welcome me to the company. I've been there 2 years, he's been there 2 months.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 11:51 am

Changing my hair and aging has lead to one Delaware employee who I worked with in person for 3+ years and still work with via email to not recognize me in person anymore when I show up.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 11:58 am

I worked from home (mostly) for five years, and loved it. Now, my company's been acquired, and I received my final paycheck last Friday. Pretty soon here, I need to start looking for a job, and when I find one, it will probably force me to go to an office. So, I feel your pain, D.

Post by **Sabo** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 11:59 am

mister d wrote:It is with heavy heart I announce that, after almost 7 years of couch sitting in two different states, I will be returning to the office life and showering in the AM and talking to real people in real life who aren't ringing me up. Your thoughts are requested during this difficult time.

Gah! I'm very sorry to read this.

The Sybian wrote:I don't know how you did it. Working from home is driving me insane. When I do go into the office, I don't know half the people there, due to some turnover and a bunch of new hires. I go in once a week, and had a guy welcome me to the company. I've been there 2 years, he's been there 2 months.

I've been telecommuting since 2000, and I wouldn't change it for anything. I feel I'm more productive at home because I don't have people constantly bothering me because they happen to see me. I concentrate on my work much more easily when I'm not distracted by office noises, random co-workers asking me how my weekend was or by others who are having an emergency when in fact it's not. I also save a lot of money this way because I don't drive a car for my daily commute, I don't have to buy a ton of business casual clothing, my company pays for my Internet connection and I rarely leave my home office for lunch.

I'll admit it was hard at first, but once you build the discipline to work during your allotted office hours, it becomes much easier.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:00 pm

I think I could handle working from home 100% of the time, but I'd rather just go into the office 99% of the time instead of mixing it up. I'm too used to my set-up here to really get in a groove at home.

Post by **Sabo** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:01 pm

mister d wrote:Changing my hair and aging has lead to one Delaware employee who I worked with in person for 3+ years and still work with via email to not recognize me in person anymore when I show up.

We used to have one of our IT guys based in Dallas because that was where our colo was located, and I would only see him if I happened to be in the Dallas office (which is probably once every 2-3 years). When they moved the colo to Delaware to share some space with Advance Publications (!!!), he moved to Charlotte. The first time I saw him I thought he was a vendor. He'd completely changed his look, and it took me several seconds to figure out who he was.

Post by **brian** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:05 pm

Every time I go back to the office for a week (like last week) they try to convince me to move to Saint Louis. I try not to laugh. I think I might not mind working from an office again, but I can't see many scenarios where I'd willingly move to Saint Louis (no offense, it's not horrible there or anything, but it's just not happening).

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:06 pm

My only qualm with it (and a relatively minor one) is that in a job that doesn't always have set hours, it can be a little tough. But at the same time, that's the line of work that I'm in.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:09 pm

brian wrote:Every time I go back to the office for a week (like last week) they try to convince me to move to Saint Louis. I try not to laugh. I think I might not mind working from an office again, but I can't see many scenarios where I'd willingly move to Saint Louis (no offense, it's not horrible there or anything, but it's just not happening).

The union requirements for Midwestern Swampership are ridiculous. You have to play golf with Sabo/AB at least once every 5 years, read Bronto's driving in circles articles, go to SportsDoc when you've got a toothache, call papaduff when you need....whatever it is that duff does.

Stay in Vegas, nothing but paperwork and misery out here.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:33 pm

Sabo wrote:Gah! I'm very sorry to read this.

I'm actually not that upset, I'm a bit bored of just being at home and its a pretty cool building in Jersey City, so it definitely has upside. Of course, I was bored at the end of college and I always think a car trip will be fun, so who knows.

Post by **brian** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:37 pm

mister d wrote:
Sabo wrote:Gah! I'm very sorry to read this.
I'm actually not that upset, I'm a bit bored of just being at home and its a pretty cool building in Jersey City, so it definitely has upside. Of course, I was bored at the end of college and I always think a car trip will be fun, so who knows.

The lack of a commute is reason number 1A and 1B why I'd rather not work out of an office. If by some crazy sequence of events I did end up having to move to Saint Louis (which in 99 percent of scenarios would probably involve my no longer being married) I'd just live downtown so I could walk or bike to work.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:40 pm

BSF21 wrote:
brian wrote:Every time I go back to the office for a week (like last week) they try to convince me to move to Saint Louis. I try not to laugh. I think I might not mind working from an office again, but I can't see many scenarios where I'd willingly move to Saint Louis (no offense, it's not horrible there or anything, but it's just not happening).

The union requirements for Midwestern Swampership are ridiculous. You have to play golf with Sabo/AB at least once every 5 years, read Bronto's driving in circles articles, go to SportsDoc when you've got a toothache, call papaduff when you need....whatever it is that duff does.

Stay in Vegas, nothing but paperwork and misery out here.

And making sure drunk Swampers are safely in a cab back to their hotel.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 12:49 pm

brian wrote:The lack of a commute is reason number 1A and 1B why I'd rather not work out of an office. If by some crazy sequence of events I did end up having to move to Saint Louis (which in 99 percent of scenarios would probably involve my no longer being married) I'd just live downtown so I could walk or bike to work.

This will be a nice little train ride, so not a big deal. If I had to drive, I imagine I would be looking at this much differently.

Post by **brian** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:31 pm

Giff wrote:
BSF21 wrote:
brian wrote:Every time I go back to the office for a week (like last week) they try to convince me to move to Saint Louis. I try not to laugh. I think I might not mind working from an office again, but I can't see many scenarios where I'd willingly move to Saint Louis (no offense, it's not horrible there or anything, but it's just not happening).

The union requirements for Midwestern Swampership are ridiculous. You have to play golf with Sabo/AB at least once every 5 years, read Bronto's driving in circles articles, go to SportsDoc when you've got a toothache, call papaduff when you need....whatever it is that duff does.

Stay in Vegas, nothing but paperwork and misery out here.
And making sure drunk Swampers are safely in a cab back to their hotel.

A small price to pay for having gotten out of that Midwestern Swamp union. Though watching MAC title games and US Soccer games in Columbus with Swampers was worth it.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:37 pm

Giff wrote:
BSF21 wrote:
brian wrote:Every time I go back to the office for a week (like last week) they try to convince me to move to Saint Louis. I try not to laugh. I think I might not mind working from an office again, but I can't see many scenarios where I'd willingly move to Saint Louis (no offense, it's not horrible there or anything, but it's just not happening).

The union requirements for Midwestern Swampership are ridiculous. You have to play golf with Sabo/AB at least once every 5 years, read Bronto's driving in circles articles, go to SportsDoc when you've got a toothache, call papaduff when you need....whatever it is that duff does.

Stay in Vegas, nothing but paperwork and misery out here.
And making sure drunk Swampers are safely in a cab back to their hotel.

He's going to get another crack at that next week when I'm in Vegas.

Post by **brian** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:40 pm

Send me a PM and remind me when you're here again. I think it's before I leave for New Orleans weekend after next but I'll be out of town that Saturday through Tuesday (19th through 22nd).

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 3:27 pm

BSF21 wrote:
Giff wrote:
BSF21 wrote:
brian wrote:Every time I go back to the office for a week (like last week) they try to convince me to move to Saint Louis. I try not to laugh. I think I might not mind working from an office again, but I can't see many scenarios where I'd willingly move to Saint Louis (no offense, it's not horrible there or anything, but it's just not happening).

The union requirements for Midwestern Swampership are ridiculous. You have to play golf with Sabo/AB at least once every 5 years, read Bronto's driving in circles articles, go to SportsDoc when you've got a toothache, call papaduff when you need....whatever it is that duff does.

Stay in Vegas, nothing but paperwork and misery out here.
And making sure drunk Swampers are safely in a cab back to their hotel.
He's going to get another crack at that next week when I'm in Vegas.

Enjoy! Brian's good people.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 3:34 pm

Working at home is awesome.

Now, I'm off to finish making the beds. Doing household chores while on the clock is a bonus.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 3:28 pm

Heard on a call today: "I haven't seen Dick in two years."

Post by **brian** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 7:07 pm

Customer asks for data. I warn them that it's going to be a lot of data.
"No, that's OK we need it."
I spend the better part of the afternoon running and sending the data.
"This is a lot of records. How come you didn't tell us how much this was going to be?"

Head. Desk. Head. Desk.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 9:36 pm

Today I got to question one employee about a coworker's complaint that he whipped out his cock in front of a male and female employee outside a bar following the company holiday party. The complaint was from the male employee, 11 months after the incident, and the female employee told me she thought it was hilarious and wasn't offended at all.

I followed that up by interviewing several people regarding a harassment complaint which included spraying "Liquid Ass" on her desk several times and on a cookie she started to eat. I love writing reports to clients and our legal team using phrases like "Liquid Ass," and quoting the most disgusting misogynistic sexual advances. I try to walk the line of getting in a laugh for the attorneys without the client being able to see through the sarcasm or gratuitous inclusion of extraneous facts. My coworkers miss listening in to my phone conversations.

The other day a sales guy was on the phone with a prospect. Like most of the sales people, he is loud as fuck on the phone. He was discussing health care options we provide. You could tell he was discussing maternity care, then there were a lot of questions like "are you the father? Is he the father? Do you know who the father is, because that can affect medical coverage." It got more confusing and strange, but it turned out the CEO of the prospect company is gay, and he and his husband hired a surrogate to carry a baby for them, and were trying to scheme a way to have the uninsured surrogate covered. If only there was an option for everyone to have medical insurance...

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 3:24 pm

More of a work gripe today. Just got off a 90 minute call that could have been resolved with one sentence, and in the end the employee was looking for something so far outside of my sphere, I don't even know who has access to the information she is requesting. A little over an hour into the call, she noted that she is still trying meet the required steps for the mental hospital to release her. Fuck me, I want my 90 minutes back.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 4:35 pm

Received an e-mail from a co-worker at a different office at 1:45 asking what my group needs to confirm everything is up and running as expected after an upgrade this weekend. An upgrade we didn't know was happening until we received an e-mail at 1:45 asking what my group needs to confirm everything is up and running as expected after an upgrade this weekend. After some pissed off responses and letting them sweat it out a bit, come to find out they need me tonight. Right at the same time our location's Holiday Party. I'm seriously contemplating going radio silent except he'd just e-mail my boss who would either do it himself, but then I'd just feel bad. Fucker.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Mon Dec 21, 2015 4:43 pm

Not the right thread, but found out that my manager is moving departments and I'm the preferred replacement. I've never managed anyone before and would be responsible for about 20 employees. That part's a little intimidating, but FUCK THIS CUBE, MUTHERFUCKER!

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Mon Dec 21, 2015 6:25 pm

Congratulations!

Too bad this didn't happen a couple of months ago - think of the Christmas gifts your underlings would have had to bring you.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Tue Dec 29, 2015 3:43 pm

Pruitt wrote:Congratulations!

Too bad this didn't happen a couple of months ago - think of the Christmas gifts your underlings would have had to bring you.

Finally saw my current manager today who confirmed that I'm the recommended candidate and said it was a formality. He was already talking to me about the stuff to look out for from each employee and what not. Sounds like it could be about a 40% pay jump which is nice.

Goodbye 90-minute lunches and leaving at 3:45 everyday, I guess.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Tue Dec 29, 2015 5:05 pm

Giff wrote:Not the right thread, but found out that my manager is moving departments and I'm the preferred replacement. I've never managed anyone before and would be responsible for about 20 employees. That part's a little intimidating, but FUCK THIS CUBE, MUTHERFUCKER!

Is there anyone you want to fire immediately? I went through what you are going through about 3 years ago (granted I only have to supervise 5 people) and I fired a useless lady immediately. As immediately as possible which was still 6 months. Hired a really cool guy in her place and the department runs much smoother.

and I'm still in a cube, we have a fairly open concept.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Wed Dec 30, 2015 10:12 am

degenerasian wrote:
Giff wrote:Not the right thread, but found out that my manager is moving departments and I'm the preferred replacement. I've never managed anyone before and would be responsible for about 20 employees. That part's a little intimidating, but FUCK THIS CUBE, MUTHERFUCKER!
Is there anyone you want to fire immediately? I went through what you are going through about 3 years ago (granted I only have to supervise 5 people) and I fired a useless lady immediately. As immediately as possible which was still 6 months. Hired a really cool guy in her place and the department runs much smoother.

and I'm still in a cube, we have a fairly open concept.

Nope, which is a good thing. Now, I wouldn't have hired some of these people in the first place, but no one that I'd get rid of.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Fri Jan 15, 2016 11:54 am

That time of year when everyone has drastically changed their diet, has to let everyone else know of their new restrictions, and are all grumpy because their new diet is making them miserable.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Fri Jan 15, 2016 12:38 pm

Plus all the farting.

people change their diets and their digestive system completely rebels, and the next thing you know there's a green haze hanging just below the ceiling.

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Feb 01, 2016 9:21 am

I was washing my hands, as most but not all people do after using the bathroom, when a co-worker walked in and tried both stall doors only to find them locked. He looked at me, said "full house" and walked out. I was a couple of steps behind him, and expected to see him heading downstairs to use the second floor restroom, but instead he apparently sucked it in and walked back to his office and sat down at his desk. I...I don't think I c/would do that?

Post by **Shirley** » Mon Feb 01, 2016 3:54 pm

He'll just masturbate later.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Mon Feb 15, 2016 9:50 am

Does every office feature a group of middle-aged women who pronounce Target like it's French (Tar-ZHAY) as an in-joke?

Post by **brian** » Mon Feb 15, 2016 11:14 am

Johnny Carwash wrote:Does every office feature a group of middle-aged women who pronounce Target like it's French (Tar-ZHAY) as an in-joke?

Sounds about right.

GoodKarma · Post by **GoodKarma** » Mon Feb 15, 2016 3:52 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:Does every office feature a group of middle-aged women who pronounce Target like it's French (Tar-ZHAY) as an in-joke?

Definitely yes. They are also the same group that will add an "s" at the end of every store name...e.g. I'm going to "Wal-Marts" or "Krogers" to pick up my prescription.

Post by **brian** » Mon Feb 15, 2016 4:15 pm

GoodKarma wrote:
Johnny Carwash wrote:Does every office feature a group of middle-aged women who pronounce Target like it's French (Tar-ZHAY) as an in-joke?
Definitely yes. They are also the same group that will add an "s" at the end of every store name...e.g. I'm going to "Wal-Marts" or "Krogers" to pick up my prescription.

That's actually a general upper Midwest (especially Michigan) thing and not something most people do on purpose. It's a recognized linguistic quirk. I still catch myself doing it all the time.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Mon Feb 15, 2016 5:29 pm

brian wrote:
GoodKarma wrote:
Johnny Carwash wrote:Does every office feature a group of middle-aged women who pronounce Target like it's French (Tar-ZHAY) as an in-joke?
Definitely yes. They are also the same group that will add an "s" at the end of every store name...e.g. I'm going to "Wal-Marts" or "Krogers" to pick up my prescription.
That's actually a general upper Midwest (especially Michigan) thing and not something most people do on purpose. It's a recognized linguistic quirk. I still catch myself doing it all the time.

I heard that all the time growing up on the West Coast. Lucky's. Sav-On's. Sizzler's. None of which actually had an "s" at the end. I think it's more of a generic dipshit thing than anything regional.

Also, the third-favorite activity for this group: gathering around one person's computer to look at internet memes of animals and cackling loud enough to be heard at the opposite end of the office.

rass · Post by **rass** » Fri Mar 18, 2016 11:37 am

Bringing together a couple of former subjects, the older male receptionist who can't keep names straight and sometimes wears a manatee-print belt was observed this morning leaving a bathroom stall, exiting the bathroom without washing his hands, then entering the office and making a beeline for a communal bowl of M&Ms.