Socializing with Co-Workers

[bfj]

This has come up recently at my job. There have been a number of events that are social events that I'm not required to go to, but I'm invited. Most (75%) of the staff attend. I really have no desire to hang out with the people I work with. They are lovely people and I really enjoy working with them, but I have no desire to see them outside of a work environment. I always come up with a good excuse (previous plans, no sitter, kid stuff), but my boss did comment that "you never come out with us". I feel bad because I don't want them to think that I'm being dickish, but I don't get a whole lot of free time and I'd rather spend it with friends or my wife.

Do I suck it up and go out one night even though I don't want to? I'm not going out drinking and I hate forced small talk.

Anyone else deal with this?

[A_B]

This happend to me more at lunchtime. I almost always bring in my lunch or already have plans. And I get the "you never hang out with us" comments too. Truth is i'd rather spend my lunch hour watchign a show or something.

But I do play with a few of them in a weekly golf league once a week, plus I have a couple that I will watch ballgames with occasionally. So I guess I have a decent mix or hanging out and not hanging out.

I would say go every once in a while, because you don't want that to be a reason a promotion gets handed to someone else. Hopefully that wouldn't be an issue but it does matter to some people. So the occasional appearance but nothing regular might make some sense.

[P.D.X.]

We rage all the time.

[Sabo]

When I'm at our corporate office, I'll try to arrange a get-together with my colleagues (usually at a bar for a post-work drink). But I'd say only 1/3 of my department will actually come out for them. But this is a pretty rare occurrence since I'm only down there twice or three times a year.

[bfj]

I hear that. There's a dinner tonight that a restaurant is holding to benefit the org I work for. I don't have to work at the event, I can just go with my family and have dinner. That my be a good buffer for me, I can be dad and no have to socialize the whole time with workmates.

I work with all women. So, there are no golf outings or ball games to watch together.

[bfj]

We rage all the time.

Your life and my life are a bit different though. If I remember, you're single and kid free, right? Apologies if that is incorrect.

[P.D.X.]

We rage all the time.

Your life and my life are a bit different though. If I remember, you're single and kid free, right? Apologies if that is incorrect.

No you're right.

[Sabo]

I hear that. There's a dinner tonight that a restaurant is holding to benefit the org I work for. I don't have to work at the event, I can just go with my family and have dinner. That my be a good buffer for me, I can be dad and no have to socialize the whole time with workmates.

I work with all women. So, there are no golf outings or ball games to watch together.

I once worked in an office that was all women (except for the sports editor, who was very rarely in the office). When I was in that office, we *never* went out after work.

[mister d]

Pre-kids: All in (assuming it was a bar or something equally fun)

Post-kids: "Yeah ... kids ..."

With a few exceptions for people I know well, I don't even like having to go to lunch or (gasp) out to dinner if traveling with anyone else. Alone time is so precious.

[bfj]

With a few exceptions for people I know well, I don't even like having to go to lunch or (gasp) out to dinner if traveling with anyone else. Alone time is so precious.

Yes, I'm acutely aware.

[Johnnie]

This has fluctuated over time with me in the military, mostly due to the size of the organization and the amount of people I'm around during the day.

At my first base when I was 18-24 and I worked with 20+ people in my section and in a squadron of over 200 and later when multiple squadrons combined and there were nearly 600+ people? I was a roommate to one and later two people I worked with (and were still friends to this day.) We had lots of get togethers and we all deployed together too. So...absofuckinglutely.

When I retrained, moved to Arizona, and worked in a unit far, far smaller? Eh, not as much, but there were a few. There were holiday parties, squadron fun days, and the like that I went to, but my "off duty" friends were a mix of civilian/military. Some I worked with, others not.

In Korea? Well, you're living in a dorm with everyone in your squadron for a year. No car, no kids, and excellent opportunities both work and non work related. I still made civilian friends via my CrossFit channels, but I went hard in the paint with military friends most of all.

In Germany things get squeaky. I hated my squadron and did my damnedest to keep people away. I couldn't trust anyone. I made friends elsewhere. They were mostly still military, but not co-workers.

Here, I'm new to the squadron and the area. I've made a few friends that are co-workers, but I literally only work with about 11 people total. My friends are from outside the squadron, but I'm always down for a lunch thing with everyone.

[mister d]

With a few exceptions for people I know well, I don't even like having to go to lunch or (gasp) out to dinner if traveling with anyone else. Alone time is so precious.

Yes, I'm acutely aware.

Man, between this and NLC blasting your wife for decades, its been a rough hour.

[mister d]

Now I'm thinking about the gap between the last time I made a real friend and present day. I assume once the kids start making their good friends, some more people will be added, but its been a long while.



(Somehow, a guy from my hometown who I've been in fantasy baseball leagues with moved a few towns over and our oldest kids paired up as BFFs before we even knew the other was in the same daycare. That's saved me a bunch of effort.)

[sancarlos]

Now I'm thinking about the gap between the last time I made a real friend and present day. I assume once the kids start making their good friends, some more people will be added, but its been a long while.

The friends thing is funny. My wife and I are both from out of state, so we only had a few close local friends, for years. But, when my daughter got into school, our social circle expanded greatly. A bunch of parents with kids two years older than ours had already formed a fairly tight-knit group. Many of them also had kids in my kid's class, so a few more of us started socializing with this group when our kids got into school. Somebody hosts a party on a fairly regular basis, so you see the folks somewhat regularly.

[The Sybian]

Now I'm thinking about the gap between the last time I made a real friend and present day. I assume once the kids start making their good friends, some more people will be added, but its been a long while.

This is completely true. Between sports, school events and stuff around town, you start to get to know a lot of people. Once you get into travel sports, I'm sure that really escalates. My parents social life today is largely with parents from my travel soccer team. Every year they go to Europe with one group of soccer parents, rent a couple vans, and drive around for a couple weeks. They go on a cruise with another group of soccer parents almost every year. Cool thing there, additional couples have been invited in, so they have a group of about 12 couples, and most of them go each year. I can't wait to get my kids out of the house.

[A_B]

We don't really socialize with any of our kids' friends' parents.

[bfj]

We don't really socialize with any of our kids' friends' parents.

Same

[Brontoburglar]

when I worked in an office it happened fairly regularly, but I didn't mind it too much.

now, all the time. we go to the dog park, on walks, hang out in the back yard...

[HaulCitgo]

Always hated the imposed work socialization as it was basically marketing except you were supposed to pretend to like them and I was never comfortable enough to be myself. Dont do the kids parents things either. Mostly boils down to race. I do have one new friend but its gonna end badly. No new friends, no new friends... no, no, new. Kids, wife, clients, sports, grill. Need to move to the country and take up long walks.

[sancarlos]

Mostly boils down to race.

Could you elaborate? (Not being a wiseass. Genuinely curious.)

[P.D.X.]

Can't pick a sentence out of that that doesn't need elaborating.

[HaulCitgo]

I just prefer to hang with black folks. Not that I won't be cool with others it's just that I'm biased and tend to hang with my own. Predisposed to interact with black people from a first impression unless I have reason to get to know someone else. Far from the only one. People tend to self segregate. I live in a majority black town but my immediate neighborhood is almost entirely white. So my kids school and sports friends are also almost always white. They tore down the apartments so the Latinos are gone now. Zero white folk at my church. Can count the white folk on my Facebook on two hands and almost all of those are past life lady friends. Is what it is.

On the topic, spent all day at an international law firm with my best client. The brothers (and the fact that there were brothers plural is in and of itself very abnormal as well as the reason I live here) were clean shaven. No black man in his right mind would shave everyday voluntarily. Causes serious face irritation. But they felt the need to do so. In my life experience not to alienate white folks who might view a bearded brother as hostile. I get that this may have changed over the past few years but the memo never made it to these bros trying to make it.

Mostly though trying to use you all for free psych help. Struggling with 40 for the time being. Feeling like 20 but hating myself for it... Except when I'm happy as hell.

[Pruitt]

Mostly though trying to use you all for free psych help. Struggling with 40 for the time being. Feeling like 20 but hating myself for it... Except when I'm happy as hell.

I had an Aunt who lived with my family for many, many years. She used to say that she hated getting older, but it was better than the alternative.

She made it to 91 (approximate).

So you know where I'm coming from - I'm 52.

I HATED turning 40. But it was a hell of a lot easier than turning 30. That to me was the big one.

50? Shrug.

I do feel like I'm in my 20s at times, sometimes even younger. I avoid the mirror at those times.

What Im trying to say is fuck it. Are you happy more often than not? Body still working? Friends? Supply of good beer and a quality cable package?

You're set. Don't over analyze getting older. Keep yourself as healthy and as happy as you can.

And that is one good thing about aging, you do realize that no point worrying about the things you can't control.

[howard]

No black man in his right mind would shave everyday voluntarily. Causes serious face irritation.

This was exhibit A in my ex brother-in-law's long running argument to his ex wife, 'your brother isn't really black.'

Gotta plead guilty; I shave every work day, never had to use this stuff:

[HaulCitgo]

Respect brother. Not all of us. Just 70%

[sancarlos]

Funny, you've been in the Swamp all this time and I don't remember you mentioning it. I thought we only had Howard, Hood, Oil Can, and Johnnie.

[Johnnie]

Seriously waiting for Jerloma to record scratch Gin and Juice and say "HaulCitgo, you're black?"


(For the record, I had no idea.)

[mister d]

You guys are weird. I guess I just don't consider race when I read message board posts.



(I thought you were a nascar fan and citgo sponsored some driver.)

[Shirley]

No black man in his right mind would shave everyday voluntarily. Causes serious face irritation.

Man, I have never heard that before. I finally learned something today.

BTW, I can sympathize with getting old. I turned 46 on Sunday. That said, I played basketball for 1.5 hours last night and while I'm stiff and sore today, it's not THAT bad.

[HaulCitgo]

(I thought you were a nascar fan and citgo sponsored some driver.)

Dave Henderson and Sam Horn once said something like that for HRs over the monster cause the sign was out there.

[mister d]

Best was Joe Carter saying the first time he saw it he read it as C-It-Go. Joe Carter was cool for an overrated OF.

[A_B]

No black man in his right mind would shave everyday voluntarily. Causes serious face irritation.

Man, I have never heard that before. I finally learned something today.

BTW, I can sympathize with getting old. I turned 46 on Sunday. That said, I played basketball for 1.5 hours last night and while I'm stiff and sore today, it's not THAT bad.

I played baseball for about 2 hours on the weekend and other than a slight thumb blister from the controller I'm fine.