Adderall?

[The Sybian]

Okay, that makes sense. Thanks. I never got like tired or cranky when I came down from it like you said either. I'm not sure I even noticed.

I didn't get tired, just had a strong craving for coffee and energy drinks. The crankiness wasn't so much from coming down, as being edgy from the stimulant. I never noticed a coming down effect at all. I haven't missed a dose, but have taken the pill late without noticing anything. The first couple of weeks, and then a week or so after upping the dosage, I lost my appetite. Then in the evenings I'd become extremely hungry.

[sancarlos]

Nyquil gives me Stephen King Level Dreams.

Melatonin gives me the technicolor vivid dreams.

[Jerloma]

So after not much deliberation, I've decided to deep-6 the great Adderall experiment of 2016. Shit is the devil. Being medicinally-focused has it's advantages but I never considered that you don't get to pick what you focus on. Sometimes there are things that normally I'd brush off with batting an eyelash, on the drug, it just turned dark and got a hold of me. Even the work stuff...I'd spend so much time on one thing that I know that nobody cared about but it gave me this sense of foolish pride and I would have to stay on it. I lost 25 pounds but that's fake. It makes me smoke like a fiend and drink way too much but my body never had to suffer the consequences because I'd just take an Adderall and feel great again. Looking back on the year, I know it changed my personality. If I have anything that could be considered a soul, at the heart of it was my ability to not take myself or life too seriously. It sucks being perennial disengaged but it beats the shit out of being spastic and irritable. My complete and utter indifference was the core of my personality and it took that away from me. I guess I'd rather be a happy underachiever at the end of the day.

[sancarlos]

Well, at least you checked it out, so you know both sides and can make an informed choice going forward. Just being nosy, but did your family voice opinions, pro or con?

[Jerloma]

Yes, I talked to my wife and kids and they said that they had noticed a change for the worse. That I've been a little short and impatient and over serious. I also have a close friend at work and a few weeks ago I was going off over something trivial and taking it way too seriously and in a brutal shot of honesty, she basically said "Ya know what...I've neither the time nor the inclination for your shit right now." That made me start realizing that maybe I've changed and when I started trying to look at myself from the outside...it became so evident.

I actually didn't sleep one night because I thought my wiffle ball buddies were hooking me on spots (and they were but that's besides the point). I stayed up for an entire night and then RETIRED from a toy fucking baseball game because I managed to convince myself that my friends were conspiring against me. It's insane.

[rass]

What does it mean to be "hooked on spots"? Wiffle-ball term?

[Jerloma]

There are only invisible runners and you have to force a run home. So let's say I have two guys on base. If the ball lands past the tree in the air, it's a double. Every time that it matters where the spot is, nobody ever gets a spot and then when I ask for one it's ben so long that everyone just plays fucking dumb and spots it wherever the hell they want.

[EnochRoot]

I was diagnosed with major depression/social anxiety disorder a few years ago. Which is fucking horse shit, and had I been to a more competent headshrinker, they may very well have just Dx'd me with episodic depression. So yeah, I was prescribed Paxil and Adderall.

Having said that, I have always had a hard time staying focused on something that doesn't already have my interests. The Adderall helped very much in that regard, but it also helped me not to give a fuck about people. I became too indifferent. Too aloof, glib, etc. But damn I could write code on it. And comment the shit out of it, too. The combination of it and Paxil also seemed to lessen any hangovers I'd have, and if I did some psychedelic drugs, I'd actually be in much more control of my faculties during said highs. Those would be fun if I were 20 years younger when I was taking it, but yeah...I think the drug alters your brain's chemistry to juxtapose your ability to stay focused.

Oh, and I'd sweat like a pig when taking Adderall. As in..."Dude? Are you OK?" type sweat.

[mister d]

J-Lo, if you retired via email or some other written format, would you mind posting it here for us?

[Jerloma]

J-Lo, if you retired via email or some other written format, would you mind posting it here for us?

It's very subtle and passive-aggressive. These guys don't need my legacy spelled out for them.

[Ryan]

"I came from North Providence with an attention disorder and a dream to become a major league wiffle ball player...

[flash bulbs] [murmuring] [tears being dabbed]

...I thank myself that dream came true"

[The Sybian]

Worst angry retirement note ever. I expect so much more from you, J-Lo. Clearly the Adderall wasn't making you nearly enough of a dick.

I switched off Adderall several months ago. My original prescribing doc told me to take it every day. My new doctor, several months after she continued prescribing, told me I shouldn't have been taking it every day, but just 5 days a week, otherwise it loses effectiveness, and only maintains a normal state. This seemed to work better, but man was I an irritable cunt by the end of the weekend. She told me I may need to add a cup of coffee to my day, but should otherwise be fine. Around 5:00, I was physically unable to stay awake.

I found the irritability and fits of anger in the evenings were way too much, so she switched me to Vyvanse. Vyvanse has a slower, more even release, so I don't get the 3:00 crash or evening irritability. I also didn't have that weird appetite suppression feeling or the evening binge cravings. This is a much better drug. Then again, I've been medicated for so fucking long, I have no idea what is working anymore. I really want to go clean for a year and figure out what my normal is, but I'm concerned about the potential consequences of a deep depression while trying to work a grownup job and maintain a household.

[Giff]

Sounds like Adderall would turn me into a monster.

[Shirley]

"I came from North Providence with an attention disorder and a dream to become a major league wiffle ball player...

[flash bulbs] [murmuring] [tears being dabbed]

...I thank myself that dream came true"

upvote

[The Sybian]

Sounds like Adderall would turn me into a monster.

Only one way to find out!