Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2017 - The Final Countdown

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 1:24 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote:You say "we" eat the emu... I'm correct in assuming I go my own route in this scenario, right?

I mean, that's fresh manmeat sittin' right there.

FWIW, I *seriously* considered directing you to eat your ex-wife's corpse, but with the social health of the colony already in a precarious state thought it would be too risky.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 1:34 pm

Lunch update:

With two Swampers (plus a dog and an ex-wife) now gone, we manage to stabilize things a bit and a few relatively quiet days pass. I'd like to get Gunpowder a bionic or at least a peg leg, but the operation would require anesthetics that we don't currently have, so for now he'll just have to get accustomed to doing his daily tasks hopping around on one foot.

Now here comes another raid, the first one in a while. We take our fighting positions.

Johnnie drops one raider as he charges our position. Nonlinear is hit from the side by a thrown spear that penetrates both his lungs at once and kills him! Another thrown spear "destroys" Johnnie's stomach but this, is apparently not a major problem. Gunpowder rushes Nonlinear's killer and stabs him to death, but another attacker closes in and clubs him repeatedly. Johnnie drops another attacker from afar and they flee. Ryan, who stays out of the fight, proceeds to smoke a joint.

We're now down to just three. Our survival from this point likely hinges on new joiners, but who would want to join this shitstorm?

Post by **brian** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 1:38 pm

Who indeed? Art imitates life.

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 2:06 pm

Is Ryan sharing that weed? I'm just saying.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 2:48 pm

I'm just merc'ing fools. And my stomach is never a problem. If you've ever eaten lunch or dinner with me you'd know that.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 3:31 pm

I just realized that giving Nonlinear a cowboy hat proved eerily prescient, as his story arc ended up mimicking a country & western song:

- His wife leaves him
- His dog dies
- A couple of his friends die
- His wife comes back but then promptly dies
- He dies

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 3:32 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:I just realized that giving Nonlinear a cowboy hat proved eerily prescient, as his story arc ended up mimicking a country & western song:

- His wife leaves him
- His dog dies
- A couple of his friends die
- His wife comes back but then promptly dies
- He dies

and I appreciate the fact that it is real country theme not that New Country

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 3:39 pm

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to fight emus.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 4:45 pm

Somebody had better get me a damn prosthetic foot.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 4:46 pm

Hot Take: Tonight is the end of Swampville III.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:02 pm

Gunpowder wrote:Somebody had better get me a damn prosthetic foot.

impressive that you rushed the attacker and killed him on one leg. maybe you still can dunk.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:10 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:
Gunpowder wrote:Somebody had better get me a damn prosthetic foot.
impressive that you rushed the attacker and killed him on one leg. maybe you still can dunk.

I was damn close this summer but then my foot did kinda explode and hurt for like a week. Stupid Lisfranc

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:41 pm

Carwash didn't write about this, but I'm assuming that Swampville III is still observing the Nine Days of Mourning following my death, right? Either that, or Gunpowder just used my body for stabbing practice.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 6:04 pm

You died?

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 6:07 pm

Ryan, lifting his head from a fluffy purple pillow, wrote:You died?

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 8:14 am

Down to our last three colonists, our base is struck by lightning and catches on fire! Johnnie, who for some unexplained reason refuses to participate in firefighting, is indifferent and calmly eats breakfast. Ryan is woken out of bed and spends a few seconds putting out flames before going back to sleep as the fire rages next door. Gunpowder frantically does his best before passing out from the heat. Johnnie carries him from the infirmary, then goes back to planting crops.

Ryan is woken from bed by the flames and finally realizes their severity shortly before burning to death.

In the infirmary, Gunpowder succumbs to an infected wound from the earlier battle as the fire rages around him. Meanwhile Johnnie plants crops.

A rain finally comes and extinguishes the fire. Maybe this was Johnnie's plan all along?

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 8:14 am

So, now it's a matter of seeing if Johnnie can survive on his own. Let's see what Masshole Robinson Crusoe can do. He is capable of performing most basic tasks at least moderately well (except firefighting), and we have decent stocks of food and basic supplies, so it's not necessarily a lost cause. Unless we get attacked by raiders.

Here's an instance where Johnnie's psychopathy is actually an asset. The death and despair around him do not affect his mood in the least, and he has a clear mind to get to work.

Within a short time, Johnnie has done an admirable job making essential repairs to what remains of the base, fixing the refrigerated food storage area so the supplies won't spoil. He just might be able to pull this out!

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 8:49 am

Fucking Crossfit

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:32 pm

So, remember when I said Johnnie might be able to pull this out as long as we weren't attacked by raiders? Guess what.

Just two of them, but that's still double what we have. One with Molotov cocktails, the other with a shotgun.

Johnnie manages to drop Molotov cocktail guy, but the other catches him with a shotgun blast to the chest and he dies.

Swampville III lasted 56 days. Here's a recap:
bapo - shot and killed by robotic centipede
sancarlos - pecked to death by emu
Nonlinear - killed by thrown spear in battle with tribespeople
Ryan - burned to death in base fire
Gunpowder - died of infection in burning hospital
Johnnie - shot and killed by pirate raiders

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:40 pm

Raise the Jolly Roger!

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:42 pm

Was that dude's name "Starl" as in rhymes with "Carl"?

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:42 pm

https://vine.co/v/eP62Qx1wvYB

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 1:01 pm

Can I nominate a long-absent swamper round?

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:35 pm

tennbengal wrote:Can I nominate a long-absent swamper round?

Seconded.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:41 pm

BSF21 wrote:
tennbengal wrote:Can I nominate a long-absent swamper round?
Seconded.

Thirded.

Also, damn near spit out my lunch at "Masshole Robinson Crusoe."

I gotta plant my crawps, kid. These dead people ahhh good for nuthin.

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 5:04 pm

Some of us are still waiting our turn, patiently. Although, watching a particular Canuck threaten everyone in the village before burning the settlement to the ground could be entertaining.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 5:49 pm

tennbengal wrote:Can I nominate a long-absent swamper round?

Are you talking about people whose activity levels have declined, or those who straight-up haven't been around in years?

I'm kind of hesitant here because we'd be getting into the territory of people I'd never interacted with, and would feel kind of awkward pretending I knew them. So far I've been trying to include those who've shown an interest in this thread are at least active posters. I had another group slotted for the next game, if you guys would like to see this keep going.

Post by **brian** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 6:05 pm

Oh, please. More games. Hoping to see some Swamper on Swamper cannibalism here at some point.

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 6:27 pm

"Zaz finds a menstruating woman on the field, he eats it. Then he shits himself."

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 6:40 pm

"BillCross has contracted a deadly virus. That's a virus that can kill people, namely BillCross because he contracted it."

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 7:01 pm

"RBaller3 plants a field of candy and nuts. He is also met by a roving horde known as UrbanYouthCult. He talks like them and is immediately accepted."

"A capsule containing a computer fixer from Iowa named edwzipper crashes near the house. He wanders drunkenly inside and becomes RBaller3's twink."

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 7:49 pm

"Pleath help me, Rick! I've been chathed through the forretht by monthters!"

Post by **Shirley** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 10:42 pm

Ryan wrote:"BillCross has contracted a deadly virus. That's a virus that can kill people, namely BillCross because he contracted it."

Ryan made a joke that was funny, because BillCross liked to go back and explain everyone's jokes and why they are funny.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 11:23 pm

Car wash, don't stop what you have ready to go on my suggestion, just at some point maybe a long lost swampers round. Bobpents too.

EnochRoot · Post by **EnochRoot** » Thu Dec 15, 2016 11:44 pm

Might I suggest a [Bot] join each group?

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:08 am

Swampville IV
Next up...

P.D.X. grew up as a street urchin but later became a successful entrepreneur. He enjoys brawling but is also quite sociable. He has no other skills of notable merit. He is ugly and is a pyromaniac.

degenerasian spent his youth exploring wrecked starships on his backwater planet, sort of like the girl from the new Star Wars. As an adult, he stayed home to do housework and take care of the kids while his wife worked. He has a "green thumb" and is also kind of good with cooking, crafting, and research. What a dork!

Moreta grew up in a military family before going on to become a veterinarian. This makes her the primary medic for the group by default, though she is not particularly fond of animals. She is also good at shooting and construction. She dislikes men.

Giff grew up in a family of nomadic space traders before devoting his life to humanitarian work. He is good with cooking and animals. Like Syb, he is a teetotaler. He is described as "staggeringly ugly." I'll set the over/under on "is Giff OK?" jokes in this thread at 46.

A_B wrote fiction as a hobby growing up and later became a medieval lord. This background gave him good social and fighting skills, but he absolutely refuses to engage in labor of any kind. He is described as ugly, but not as bad as Giff.

As requested, I'll start making this more interactive by putting decision points up to a poll. See the first one above. And seriously, please don't pick Extreme Desert or Ice Sheet. They're there for informational purposes only. Picking one of them will result in everyone dying before anything interesting can happen.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:12 am

Awesome.

C'mon people, vote jungle. Wild animal danger is good Friday reading.

Post by **Sabo** » Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:13 am

Selecting boreal forest would make this Swampville like a futuristic Game of Thrones. Just sayin'.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:14 am

Sabo wrote:Selecting boreal forest would make this Swampville like a futuristic Game of Thrones. Just sayin'.

Perfect for a Medieval lord!

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Fri Dec 16, 2016 10:30 am

I like that PDX is dressed like Timber Joey..fitting

Best moment of Swampvilles I-V