Swamp Rimworld 2021: New Poll

[rass]

Also, I can just make out the disappearing bubble in that last full screenshot. Think it says

Bengal and Pruitt chatted about hunky blacksmiths

[The Sybian]

chedda should have had the lentils

That's what I was saying!

[govmentchedda]

Just like Swampcrash, Pruitt saves my bacon.

[Johnny Carwash]

chedda has a moment of inspiration and crafts a masterwork-quality sniper rifle. See the detailed description below:

...which nobody remembered until rass quoted a post about it in 5792

This was really good by the way.

[tennbengal]

“Bengal explained his shortcomings” is very eerily on brand…

[tennbengal]

Also, after a long day away from internet, this thread was a delight to read. Thanks again Carwash.

[Johnny Carwash]

This just in...a passing research ship tells us that if we are willing to fight three more groups of insectoids, they will give us the technology to make jet packs. Are we down?

[tennbengal]

Hells yes.

[rass]

You promising them?


And depending on how proud I was of myself I might have mentioned that horseshoe win prior to 5792.

[Johnny Carwash]

Hells yes.

[tennbengal]

Hells yes.

See under “Bengal explained his shortcomings”

[Johnny Carwash]

As the later part of fall sets in, we're hit by an unexpected cold snap, sending temperatures into the single digits. This catches us unprepared as the weather up to this point had been mild year-round. After grinding through the chill for a day or so, we get a basic heating system in place and are able to manage.

Nature wasn't as kind to the "wild men" who had been roaming the area, unfortunately. First SpongeLikeNinja is attacked by a wolf-like creature called a warg that mauls him to death and eats his head. Then Hood is struck with frostbite from the bitter cold and dies of exposure. Finally garyclark succumbs to malnutrition after the food supply of local plants freezes. We didn't know them, but we bury them in our base as a show of humanity.


Within a few days the temperature returns to normal and we celebrate with another Airing of the Grievances.


The event is such a hit that another Swamper shows up to join us. Hey look, it's DSafetyGuy!


Jackie 'DSafetyGuy' Stoessel grew up as the son of a noble family housed on a massive spaceship, leaving him unfamiliar with planet-bound life. He then went on to be a skilled army medic, which will provide us with some well-needed medical support. He likes to take his time to aim carefully while shooting, yet manages to still suck at it. He also is a gourmand who will randomly pig out on our food supply.

[Johnny Carwash]

We get raided a couple times by primitive tribes, but our superior weaponry and tactics make the battles relatively easily. Our only casualty in one of the fights is duff losing his right second toe.


Here's how our skullspike collection is shaping up after the supply provided by the latest raids:


As alluded to late Friday, a passing research ship offers us a deal. Allow them to trigger an infestation of more insectoids at our base for their research purposes, and they'll provide us with the technology to create jet packs! On bengal's suggestion, we quickly agree to the deal.

This time around we don't have a red panda to fuck up our plans, so the fight is less dire, but some injuries are still sustained along the way. Here's bengal potentially regretting his earlier enthusiasm:


With that done, the ship sends us the technology blueprint for the jet packs, but getting them created will likely be some time away due to the short supply of required resources.

[Johnny Carwash]

So a while back we had gotten the next quest step in our search for the legendary Front Page. The village in question is just a half day's journey away, so now that we're in a relative lull it would be a good time to send out our expedition group again.


And here we are. The base is a relatively simple construction with just a few lightly-armored villagers on guard.


rass slips into the terminal room while the villagers are looking away. Hopefully we can keep a low enough profile that we can complete the hack while avoiding detection without having to resort to violence.


Or not...


And then reinforcements show up. We take the opportunity to slip away and return to our base.


Mission accomplished, though maybe not as cleanly as we would have wanted. Our quest will continue at a later date.

[rass]

smoooooooooooooooth

[wlu_lax6]

and did we learn if the front page has scores?

[Johnny Carwash]

We're into spring of our third year when another transport pod crashes nearby with an injured passenger. Hey look, it's brian!


Barga 'brian' Troo grew up in a primitive society and would often run off to spend long periods of time in the wilderness, away from human contact. This left him devoid of conventional social skills, though he still made himself useful as a healer and craftsman for his tribe. He is exceptionally good at hand-to-hand fighting and actively dislikes using guns. Contrary to what these other traits might lead you to think, he is also described as "pretty."

Brian is actually a member of one of our enemy factions, The Iogola Pact, so to get him to join us we'll have to take him prisoner and recruit him to join.

One more thing about brian—like the other members of his faction, he follows an ideology that combines an esoteric form of Catholicism with tree-worship. The latter part will cause him to become angry if we cut down trees, which is bound to happen as we regularly do so for building and fueling purposes. We'll see how this plays out.

chedda uses his psychic powers to lower brian's resistance, and then Sybian has a casual chat that convinces brian to join. Syb sure has a way with words.

[Johnny Carwash]

We hadn't heard from the Space Taliban in a while...well, here they are again. This time they're not fucking around, sending a larger force and setting up a mortar to bombard our base from afar. We'll need to rush out and take the fight to them.


A ferocious firefight erupts, but we prevail. A woman in a burka makes a mad charge toward our lines, but brian runs out and shivs her. They leave behind their mortar, which we take back to our base.


After losing our pet red panda Houdini a while back, we decide it's time for a replacement. Sabo tames a nearby badger named Smoocher, which now follows him around.


Welp, it didn't take long for our practice of tree-felling to send brian into a mental break. He goes on an insulting spree around our base, with some rather original comments, including going full anti-semite on BFJ for the last one here:


Finally he cools down...for now.

[Johnny Carwash]

brian continues to go off the deep end and takes it upon himself to change up his appearance.


Not long after, brian starts another insulting spree, but this time bengal nips it in the bud. We may need to do an intervention with brian.


Speaking of bengal and speaking of mental breaks, it's not long before bengal has one of his own, triggered again by being a night owl working during the day. bengal must really, really hate the daytime, since he's decided to straight up start attacking people with his rifle. He sets his eyes on rass as his first victim, but rass isn't having any of it, and quickly unloads with his machine gun, blowing bengal's right leg completely off!


We get bengal to the hospital and prevent him from dying of blood loss, but still, holy shit! I think that's the first time one Swamper has dismembered another, unless you guys know something I don't.

[rass]

I call that the "von Oelhoffen".

[The Sybian]

What am I, Joe Biden?

I love Brian's Jerry Garcia costume. Octobruary 5562 must be near.

[tennbengal]

I call that the "von Oelhoffen".

TOO FUCKING SOON

[brian]

I'm really just more of a Joyce Kilmer fan.

[GoodKarma]

I call that the "von Oelhoffen".

TOO FUCKING SOON

Came on to say the same thing...

[bapo!]

What's in the water that could make Brian's hair/beard grow that quickly? And turn grey? (His leg hair is exquisite, tho.)

[A_B]

What's in the water that could make Brian's hair/beard grow that quickly? And turn grey? (His leg hair is exquisite, tho.)

Obviously.

[brian]

That's exactly how gray it would be if I grew my hair/beard out.

[govmentchedda]

What's in the water that could make Brian's hair/beard grow that quickly? And turn grey? (His leg hair is exquisite, tho.)

Obviously.

He will survive.

[Johnny Carwash]

For those wondering how bengal fared after the last update, you'll be happy to learn that our technology has advanced to the point where we are able to provide him with a prosthetic leg that restores most of his original mobility. Time will tell what other appendages we'll have to replace after he gets them blown off by his fellow colonists.

So anyway, now this happens:


This sounds ominous to begin with, and since the degree of the threat isn't clear, we'll send a slightly bigger expedition team than before to be safe: bengal, rass, wlu_lax, Pruitt, duff, and DSafe. The rest will stay behind and try to cope without electricity in the meantime.

After a journey of about a day, here we are at the site of the threat. Luckily it doesn't look too bad, just a single mechanoid, currently dormant, and a small turret. We carefully take cover and prepare our attack.


Our first shots activate the mechanoid and it opens fire, but luckily we're able to bring it down in a sustained barrage without taking any damage on our end. The small turret is dispatched shortly thereafter. Inside the structure we find the large device causing the disruption, and Pruitt whacks it to pieces within a few minutes.


bengal, however, takes no pleasure in our victory and instead wanders off in a daze, sad because his clothes are wet from the rain. rass can be heard to mutter, "At least you've still got your legs..."


Anyway, mission accomplished. We're able to drag bengal back to our once-again fully powered base.

[Johnny Carwash]

Remember "ancient danger" rooms, the ominous structures containing unknown threats that could be found on the map? Well, we have another one on the far outskirts of our base zone, daring us to come inside. With our increased numbers and battle experience, we're feeling confident, so we set up a temporary barricade outside and prepare our assault. Pruitt volunteers to breach the wall.


Oh shit, two mechanoids with giant scythe blades rush out, mauling Pruitt with numerous wounds, then stomp over him as they rush the rest of our crew. Luckily we're able to take them down before they do much more damage. Pruitt is alive, but suffering heavy blood loss. brian shuffles him away from the battlefield to the medical bay.


So that was just the first part. Inside the structure are several cryptosleep caskets, which may or may not contain multiple individuals who have been hibernating for centuries and who may or may not want to kill us if we let them out. We take our positions behind cover, hoping we can quickly neutralize any emerging threats in a hail of bullets. P.D.X. moves in to activate the first casket...


...and instantly, four attackers burst forth. Out of the first coffin leaps a naked guy with 1700's hair named Tony, who begins pummeling P.D.X. DSafe blows off Tony's right leg with a shotgun, allowing P.D.X. to slip out of the crossfire to safety. For around 20 seconds the room is filled with a ferocious exchange of bullets, but once the dust has cleared, we've downed the remaining three attackers with all of our guys still standing. They leave behind a wealth of loot including weapons, drugs, and what appears to be a cell phone from 1985.

[Johnny Carwash]

Well, it looks like our foe Tony is still alive, writhing on the ground with blood gushing from his missing leg. Probably against our best judgment, we'll get him healed and take him prisoner in an attempt to recruit him. A closer look reveals that "Tony" is in fact...Ryan!


Jude 'Ryan' Carney grew up on a violent urban world and was trained as a soldier, later specializing as a medic. He has an abrasive personality, which tends to rub people the wrong way, along with the fact that he is a cannibal. On the positive side, he requires less sleep than most people.

I should also mention that Ryan, despite being naked, was somehow carrying a package of cocaine. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Okay, buckle up. Ryan follows an ideology called "Fundamental Archotechnics" which believes that the destiny of humanity lies in merging with technology, and as such will expect us to provide him with extensive body modification and provide him with a special hibernating pod that will reduce his aging process. We'll see how well he manages to get on.

Syb once again puts his expert conversational skills to use, and we successfully recruit Ryan to our side.


And now the latest update on the ongoing art wars between BFJ and P.D.X.:

BFJ
- self-portrait of BFJ "polishing his sculpture" with a gleam in his eye
- chedda sitting under a maple tree and smiling
- duff running frantically from a group of cannibals
- an empty top hat

P.D.X.
- Pruitt running from a group of beavers
- an abstracted representation of hunger
- chedda being incapacitated in battle (this one is titled "A Chedda of White," so it must have come from Vermont)
- a clown covered in gore

[Pruitt]

Thanks Brian... I owe you.

[The Sybian]

Seems like Chedda is our civilizations muse. I hope BFJ and PDX don't challenge each other for a duel over Chedda

[Ryan]

Hell yeah Peg Bundy hair

[brian]

Thanks Brian... I owe you.

I might be a crazy maniac, but I'm not letting my homies die on the battlefield.

[Johnny Carwash]

Thanks Brian... I owe you.

I might be a crazy maniac, but I'm not letting my homies die on the battlefield.

Well actually, now that you mention it...I had left it out since there was so much else going on, but in the midst of attending to Pruitt, brian had another mental breakdown and decided to go around stabbing inanimate objects. The other doctors had to scramble to Pruitt's aid and barely saved him.

[tennbengal]

I do genuinely dislike being wet. This also tracks.

[wlu_lax6]

So any stats on performance..i mean out of the park wlu_lax6 had some great stats....figure the game would track kills, assists, art output, trees cut.. Arbitration and free agency is hard without my WAR.

[Johnny Carwash]

So any stats on performance..i mean out of the park wlu_lax6 had some great stats....figure the game would track kills, assists, art output, trees cut.. Arbitration and free agency is hard without my WAR.

Here are the kill count rankings so far (only including people, no animals, robots, etc.):

bengal - 18
chedda - 16
duff - 10
rass - 4
Pruitt - 4
Sabo - 3
Syb - 3
BFJ - 2
P.D.X. - 3
wlu_lax - 3
dsafe - 2
brian - 1

There are a ton of stats, but some are hard to understand without the context. Here are a few more:

most mental breakdowns - bengal (7)
most food eaten - chedda (319)
most things constructed - Sabo (1023)
most damage taken - bengal (363)
most time on fire - Pruitt (0.5 hours)

[Ryan]

most mental breakdowns - bengal (7)
most damage taken - bengal (363)

Now do the game