Swamp Travel Guide

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 10:45 am

mister d wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 10:28 am Just call her cousin and say while you'd love to be in NYC with her and the rest of the family when _______ proposes, you can't swing it with work/money/desire.

Yeah, this seems pretty obvious. Unless they get upset if they don't go, I don't see the issue here.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 11:05 am

1) How big is the invite list? If you are part of a sea of folks, I just don't think this is a big deal to say no.

2) Echo all other thoughts, though I think I'd temper the presumptuousness of it all. It's nice to be invited and they are likely being expansive (? - see #1). Some of this comes down to what you two are internalizing as negative, when there's a strong possibility the invite is out of generosity and not out of obligation (on your part to go.)

I have an old man rant teed up about these being in the vicinity of gender reveal parties, but I'll keep it holstered.

ETA - To be a little more succinct: While they would be thrilled if you showed up, I highly doubt anyone is going to be offended that the KC cousin can't burn upwards of $2000 on a fairly late notice invite. A lot of factors (timing, cost) make this very close to a no brainer.

I obviously don't know family dynamics, but I read enough Caroline Hax (advice columnist) to know this is kind of an easy one for you guys.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 11:52 am

Giff wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 10:45 amYeah, this seems pretty obvious. Unless they get upset if they don't go, I don't see the issue here.

(I had assumed it was a surprise and the proposer was arranging everything. If its a planned proposal, this is even dumber.)

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 11:58 am

mister d wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 11:52 am
Giff wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 10:45 amYeah, this seems pretty obvious. Unless they get upset if they don't go, I don't see the issue here.
(I had assumed it was a surprise and the proposer was arranging everything. If its a planned proposal, this is even dumber.)

If it's not s surprise, that might be even dumber, unless he is damn sure she is saying yes. Could you imagine? I might be rooting for that scenario.

I'm on board with the consensus. They should at least have the decency to move the event a few miles West so you can join a NJ Swampmeet. Do we have anyone in NYC anymore? When I joined around 2005 we had a ton of NYC guys (Hood, Howard, DaveinNYC, BTTG and I'm sure several more) and a lot more in Jersey City and outskirts of NYC. When we had the NYC meetup when Tom came to town, there had to be 15-20 of us there.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:05 pm

fwiw we are on different pages when it comes to it. she thinks it's nice and great that he's doing it and I'm like "I agree but this is a ridiculous ask."

I also don't know how many have been invited and that was a point of contention when I asked LA who was invited because she said it didn't matter who else was going. I just wanted to know if parents were also invited, because we're basically keeping this secret from her parents and aunt and uncle in case they don't know. it's also complicating things that her sister and brother in law are going, so there's that perception issue if we don't go.

also, as I understand it, it's a surprise. he's doing the inviting.

(and to chedda's question, he is a couple years younger than me and in between us in age. she is the youngest of the six of us I believe (me, LA, her sister and BIL and cousin and BF))

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:10 pm

Is he also an only child?

DaveInSeattle · Post by **DaveInSeattle** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:11 pm

Brontoburglar wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 10:21 am they are a thing. a lot of guys now propose and then have the families waiting at a restaurant/space for a gathering immediately afterwards (or they do it at the party itself)

At the risk of sounding like a cranky old dude, inviting a bunch of people for your proposal smacks of performative social-media nonsense.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:11 pm

mister d wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:10 pm Is he also an only child?

affirmative

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:12 pm

DaveInSeattle wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:11 pm
Brontoburglar wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 10:21 am they are a thing. a lot of guys now propose and then have the families waiting at a restaurant/space for a gathering immediately afterwards (or they do it at the party itself)
At the risk of sounding like a cranky old dude, inviting a bunch of people for your proposal smacks of performative social-media nonsense.

to an extent I would agree, but I've learned in the month/years since mine that the women really like it too

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:13 pm

unrelated: new KCI is the nicest airport I've ever been in. holy shit this is amazing.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:15 pm

That was the rant I had teed up, fwiw.

b-money - I thought you guys were on the same page and you were looking for advice on gracefully declining. Now?

You gotta do the relationship math that none of us can do for you. Is the strife worth it? I'd suck it up and go if my significant other was into going. I'm not into confrontation, so take it from that baseline, but still... Family stuff can get you very behind the 8 ball.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:17 pm

oh totally. I'm not going to be the one who says we're not going, even though that's also a massive work weekend for me and i'm already committed to being on-site on Friday and Sunday (y'all can figure out what that is).

(I also would feel this way about the same situation if it was a sibling or cousin of mine who did something like this. it's something that I cannot even fathom doing a half a country away and inviting people to attend)

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:24 pm

The more I think about this, the more self-centered and narcissistic it seems to plan something like this and expect people to go. Well, maybe he doesn't expect, but it sure puts people in an awkward position and imposes on them. Plus, IIRC, Bronto doesn't have a good record at travelling with the families of his significant others.

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:39 pm

Somehow i skimmed over the fact that they live 3.5 hours away. Doesn't change my opinion on whether or not you should go, (similar to NLFC's last post), but holy shit that's some balls on this kid.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 1:00 pm

I'm already excited for the destination wedding.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 1:02 pm

Wait, hold on. Like chedda, I had RIF situation going on here.

They are having destination fucking proposal party????!!!

Fuck. That.

Now I'm angry.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 1:02 pm

Are they going to also have a destination engagement party, wedding shower and bachelor party... Then, like Dsafe... Where the fuck are they gonna have this wedding.

Holy shit, man.

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 1:33 pm

Just pass their contact information on, Mister D will give the gal a call, ruin the surprise. Then you don't have to go.
wlu_lax6 probelm slover

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 1:36 pm

That's option 1. Option 2 is telling them you heard on the news that 80% of people who visit NYC are murdered or worse.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 1:48 pm

I keep writing up a rant and deleting it.

Let me put up the watered down version: Not every moment in life needs to be accompanied by a group hug and look-at-me session. The night I proposed to my wife was one of the best in my life. I won't go into all the details, but I planned it out, brought in a few folks to help with logistics, and it played out beautifully. But it was just the two of us, in the moment.

That we were able to celebrate the next day by ourselves (tooling around "Virginia Wine Country and listening to our favorite music)... That's a shared bonding moment that is priceless for us.

I don't doubt that this dude (and others going the proposal party route) are going to have fond memories. But once you've started in with the wedding showers, bachelor/bachelorette stuff, rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Yes, it's about the couple, but as anyone that's gone down that route knows... It's about a whole mess more of OTHER people's thoughts/feels/bullshit... It's unavoidable.

Enjoy the moment... Be in the moment, with each other.

/lawn, get off

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 4:37 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 1:48 pm
Enjoy the moment... Be in the moment, with each other.

Preach on brother, especially this last line. That was such a special, private moment, I can't imagine having the concerns of friends and family flying across the country to join in. Maybe times have changed, but this was unheard of 20 years ago. Never occurred to me to consider a gender reveal either, but I do suspect viral videos and social media made that more common. I get the sentiment that it's nice to have friends and family share the moment, but that's what the wedding is for.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 4:56 pm

It’s almost as if people experience and enjoy their lives in different ways!

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 4:57 pm

Giff wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 4:56 pm It’s almost as if people experience and enjoy their lives in different ways!

Yeah, the ones who agree with me and the ones who live life the wrong way.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 5:31 pm

And that's why I watered it down. And why I deleted a few versions.

It's just my opinion. No right or wrong.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 5:41 pm

DiS and NLFC already covered the old man territory, so I didn’t have to… but my thoughts have evolved as Bronto added more context… if you have the means and the time, I think this falls in the category of things you do just to keep your partner and her family happy. Going along to get along once in awhile is time and money well spent.

EnochRoot · Post by **EnochRoot** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 6:02 pm

Proposal reveal parties.

Man. What a time to be alive.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 6:18 pm

sancarlos wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 5:41 pm DiS and NLFC already covered the old man territory, so I didn’t have to… but my thoughts have evolved as Bronto added more context… if you have the means and the time, I think this falls in the category of things you do just to keep your partner and her family happy. Going along to get along once in awhile is time and money well spent.

I completely agree with this, but that makes it even worse that the the guy put Bronto in this position.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 6:29 pm

The Sybian wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 6:18 pm
sancarlos wrote: ↑Tue Feb 28, 2023 5:41 pm DiS and NLFC already covered the old man territory, so I didn’t have to… but my thoughts have evolved as Bronto added more context… if you have the means and the time, I think this falls in the category of things you do just to keep your partner and her family happy. Going along to get along once in awhile is time and money well spent.
I completely agree with this, but that makes it even worse that the the guy put Bronto in this position.

That doesn't even take into account the dangerously high blood pressure level of posters on a small message board he caused by having the audacity to suggest something Bronto's wife wants to attend! How. Fucking. Dare. He.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Feb 28, 2023 7:22 pm

Is Bronto's wife's cousin a Biggio or something?

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:35 am

It wouldn't surprise me if Bronto snagged a Hall of Famer wife.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:45 am

Giff wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:35 am It wouldn't surprise me if Bronto snagged a Hall of Famer wife.

I had him pegged as more a Ford Frick type.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:58 am

A_B wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:45 am
Giff wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:35 am It wouldn't surprise me if Bronto snagged a Hall of Famer wife.
I had him pegged as more a Ford Frick type.

Was Ford Frick a looker?

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:00 am

I think I am gonna make a goal for the summer of '24 to go on an extended series of hikes through Labrador/Newfoundland.

It just looks amazing.

https://www.newfoundlandlabrador.com/th ... nd-walking

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:05 am

tennbengal wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:58 am
A_B wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:45 am
Giff wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:35 am It wouldn't surprise me if Bronto snagged a Hall of Famer wife.
I had him pegged as more a Ford Frick type.
Was Ford Frick a looker?

Most assuredly not, but I think Bronto's best chance at the hall of fame might be in the sportswriting wing. I assume there's a NASCAR analogy I don't know.

Reaper · Post by **Reaper** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:08 am

A_B wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:05 am
tennbengal wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:58 am
A_B wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:45 am
Giff wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 8:35 am It wouldn't surprise me if Bronto snagged a Hall of Famer wife.
I had him pegged as more a Ford Frick type.
Was Ford Frick a looker?
Most assuredly not, but I think Bronto's best chance at the hall of fame might be in the sportswriting wing. I assume there's a NASCAR analogy I don't know.

Squier-Hall

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:41 am

tennbengal wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:00 am I think I am gonna make a goal for the summer of '24 to go on an extended series of hikes through Labrador/Newfoundland.

It just looks amazing.

https://www.newfoundlandlabrador.com/th ... nd-walking

Oh yeah, absolutely stunning. Having vacationed in Maine a number of times, Newfoundland has been on our radar for years. It's a bit of a haul, but I'm told it's worth it.

Random stuff:

1) Having spent time with friends and family from Ontario, I was made aware that ppl from Newfoundland are called Newfies and are, um... Thought of as kind of dumb/backwards.

2) One of my favorite bands back in the day was Great Big Sea, who are from Newfoundland. Lots of fun. Kind of an Irish, sea shanty on steroids type of deal.

/fin

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:49 am

tennbengal wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:00 am I think I am gonna make a goal for the summer of '24 to go on an extended series of hikes through Labrador/Newfoundland.

It just looks amazing.

https://www.newfoundlandlabrador.com/th ... nd-walking

From what I can tell, that does look amazing. BUT...they need a better photog for their pictures. Or maybe Newfoundland is just kind of out of focus.

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:49 am

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:41 am 2) One of my favorite bands back in the day was Great Big Sea, who are from Newfoundland. Lots of fun. Kind of an Irish, sea shanty on steroids type of deal.

Oh me, oh my, I heard me old wife say
"I wish I could go to New York to see what my cousin will say"

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:54 am

Their live stuff is better than studio. I love that one of the cuts on their most popular live album has the lead singer having to restart the song because he fucked it up mid-verse.

MaxWebster · Post by **MaxWebster** » Wed Mar 01, 2023 10:07 am

has been on my list for goddamn ages as well - i'm definitely gonna make it happen in the next few years as we're empty-nesters next year (wut)

related aside: ages ago when i lived outside Boston I was friends w a group of Newfies who all came down together to work at a tech company in Cambridge. Awesome group of guys - went to a few Hip concerts together and played a shittonne of fairly serious summer road hockey. I don't *know* that they were alcoholics ... but I've never been around a bunch of ppl who could down a <ahem> two-four in an hour and *need* to get more. Terrifying and impressive all at once. This was during games.

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:41 am
tennbengal wrote: ↑Wed Mar 01, 2023 9:00 am I think I am gonna make a goal for the summer of '24 to go on an extended series of hikes through Labrador/Newfoundland.

It just looks amazing.

https://www.newfoundlandlabrador.com/th ... nd-walking
Oh yeah, absolutely stunning. Having vacationed in Maine a number of times, Newfoundland has been on our radar for years. It's a bit of a haul, but I'm told it's worth it.

Random stuff:

1) Having spent time with friends and family from Ontario, I was made aware that ppl from Newfoundland are called Newfies and are, um... Thought of as kind of dumb/backwards.

2) One of my favorite bands back in the day was Great Big Sea, who are from Newfoundland. Lots of fun. Kind of an Irish, sea shanty on steroids type of deal.

/fin