MaxWebster wrote: ↑Wed Mar 15, 2023 5:11 pm
oy Syb. I'm so sorry, truly.
I can unfortunately empathize with a lot of this - i think trying everything <the collective you; family> can to keep your dad from spiralling as much as you can is so important. I've seen it first-hand and you *can* make a difference - you absolutely can (it's fking hard though), and it makes so much difference.
Thanks guys. I've been trying to call more often, but when he isn't feeling good he gets annoyed talking, but he's always been this way. Just trying to support my mom as much as I can. Good news is their doctor is 15 minutes from my house, so I was able to see them when he first met the doctor, and will meet them for breakfast on Friday before they head home. My wife has been calling with the kids almost every day, but my father didn't want us telling the kids, so that makes it tough. My daughter is incredibly intuitive and knows something is up and I hate lying to her, but I also want to respect my father's wishes. Been chiseling away at him to agree to let us tell the kids. My mother asked the oncologist and she told them she has teenagers and guarantees they will be too caught up in their own lives to get too upset.
My sister just feeds my anxiety, as she is always making things seem much worse than they are. She blows things up in her head and gets facts wrong. Always been that way, convincing me of family secret scandals and shit that she just flat out got wrong. She kept trying to convince me my mother is in denial and walking on sunshine. I guessed she was being overbearing and my mom didn't want to deal with her. I brought that up and my mom said my sister kept saying she would quit her job and move back home temporarily and my mom said that sounded like hell and she promised to let me know if they need help. Not sure she will, as she doesn't want to be a burden, but we'll see.
Other "good" news is the oncologist and surgeon ok'd plans for surgery following chemo. Local docs said he wasn't a candidate for surgery. Without surgery, this type of cancer always comes back after chemo. Surgery in NYC, which makes me feel better. Their hospital used to be good, but it's gone to shit like everything else in Binghamton.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
bfj wrote: ↑Wed Mar 15, 2023 5:28 pm
So sorry you’re going through this. If it’s me, I’d go home. Help if you can and get a feeling for how they’re doing and if they need help. Hope things get better.
Agree. Get there, stock the fridge, prep some meals for reheating, etc.
That's sounds terrible. All you can do is be strong for them. Some hospital staff are so bad. I fought countless times with various people when my twins were there.
Kung Fu movies are like porn. There's 1 on 1, then 2 on 1, then a group scene..
Sorry Syb. I don’t have a lot of direct experience with this but when my FIL was in the hospital off an on the last year of his life my wife and her sisters had to be more involved with his care than a caring and reasonable system would require.
(also imagining your son being asked to all of a sudden talk to your parents every night and happily doing so because he lacks the intuition to wonder why while your daughter gets more worried and also more annoyed by him because he’s not worried)
Get my number from Rass if you want to talk. some real similarities from when my mom was going through this. I didn't have to worry about the second parent aspect, but don't undersell the fact that her memory issues may be stress related.
It's tough, but you have to straddle the line between patience and insistence sometimes.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
Sorry to hear this, Syb. If I can give you my .02 regarding your father's wishes that you not tell your kids...I understand that puts you in a tough spot. While I understand wanting to abide by your father's request it is your decision to decide the best thing to do for your kids. Even when I was young I appreciated my parents not hiding or sugar-coating things. Obviously you don't have to go into detail but if you think it's better to tell them something then by all means do so.
I would like expensive whiskey.
We only have beer & wine...
What am I, 12?
elflaco2 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 16, 2023 9:25 am
so sorry to hear this Syb -- hang in there -- lots of similarities w my dad -- he's very stubborn and won't share anything..
He's normally emotionally walled off, but he is talking to everyone about the cancer, except the grandkids. At first he said he just wanted normal conversations with them and didn't want them to feel weird around him. Then it turned into him bringing up my daughter hysterically crying when she was 5 and we left Disney World when we went with my parents. I'm not even sure the real reason and I don't think he knows either.
He was at his oncologist this morning and she cleared him for chemo, so he is getting that done now. She wants him to stay nearby in case he has more issues, so my parents are staying in NJ for 3 weeks, so I'll get to see them. Not sure if he is willing to stay at our house or get an extended stay hotel, we'll see. Either way, I think that forces his hand in letting me tell my kids.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
Sorry to hear all this, Syb. I know more than I'd like to about WBC/platelet counts and might have a doctor recommendation in Philadelphia if you're ever looking for one.
As for the kids, I'd err on the side of being honest, even if you have to lie to your dad about them figuring things out on their own and you just confirmed it or whatever. My concern was always that if we don't tell them, the next time someone is sick they're not going to trust what you're saying and/or just fear the worst at all times.
Johnnie wrote: ↑Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
Syb, we haven't talked in a few years, but you're still one of my favorite people in the world. It's devastating to read what you're going thru. I've already gone thru it with my father, and now I'm watching my mother's slow decline. It's excruciating and heartbreaking. Beyond that, I have nothing to say. Just deal with it as best as you can and lean on others as much as you can.
bapo! wrote: ↑Thu Mar 16, 2023 6:14 pm
Syb, we haven't talked in a few years, but you're still one of my favorite people in the world. It's devastating to read what you're going thru. I've already gone thru it with my father, and now I'm watching my mother's slow decline. It's excruciating and heartbreaking. Beyond that, I have nothing to say. Just deal with it as best as you can and lean on others as much as you can.
Thanks, Bapo! Always enjoy when you are around. And all the music you shared with me is still the majority of what I play. The weird thing is how quickly people adjust to new situations. First week or two was devastating, now this is the new norm and it's what I'm used to. I just didn't expect all the bullshit infections and blood clots and shit. Looks like my parents are staying in a hotel in my town all weekend, while I'm in Virginia with my family. I think I am driving them to their house on Monday to pack up their shit as they are staying for 3 weeks, then driving them back to NJ on Tuesday. Still not sure if they are staying at my house or in an extended stay hotel. Get opposing answers depending on which parent I speak to.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
I got to meet my parents for breakfast this morning and they seemed much better than I would have imagined. My father said every doctor and nurse he saw yesterday said they were shocked at how good he seems after reading his chart. If a stranger saw him, they'd never guess he was just in the hospital or had chemo yesterday. He even housed breakfast which surprised me as my mom said he hasn't been eating at all. They found the cancer when he went in for a gall bladder surgery and he lost about 30 pounds in the hospital and being forced on an almost zero fat diet.
My parents are staying at a hotel 5 minutes from my house, but we are away this weekend. I'm driving them home on Monday to pack up. Planned on staying a night, but the old man is terrified of needing to go back to the hospital in Binghamton, so we are loading the car and heading right back. Gonna be putting on a lot of miles the next 3 days.
Was going to put it in the pot thread, but while I'm ranting... On top of all this shit, I was bombarded with soccer tryout stress. Invited to a few teams' training that are all conflicts and a friendly reminder from her current coach that everyone needs to respond immediately to the early offers he sent out. I was hoping to get through the tournament this weekend without addressing that. I was on the verge of a panic attack so I hit the vape to mellow out, and man was that the exact wrong idea. Mind started racing on everything all at once at triple speed and the deep paranoia and fear kicked into overdrive. The cartoon episode of House Party did the trick to bring me down, but that was really bad.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
The Sybian wrote: ↑Fri Mar 17, 2023 11:23 am
I got to meet my parents for breakfast this morning and they seemed much better than I would have imagined. My father said every doctor and nurse he saw yesterday said they were shocked at how good he seems after reading his chart. If a stranger saw him, they'd never guess he was just in the hospital or had chemo yesterday. He even housed breakfast which surprised me as my mom said he hasn't been eating at all. They found the cancer when he went in for a gall bladder surgery and he lost about 30 pounds in the hospital and being forced on an almost zero fat diet.
My parents are staying at a hotel 5 minutes from my house, but we are away this weekend. I'm driving them home on Monday to pack up. Planned on staying a night, but the old man is terrified of needing to go back to the hospital in Binghamton, so we are loading the car and heading right back. Gonna be putting on a lot of miles the next 3 days.
Was going to put it in the pot thread, but while I'm ranting... On top of all this shit, I was bombarded with soccer tryout stress. Invited to a few teams' training that are all conflicts and a friendly reminder from her current coach that everyone needs to respond immediately to the early offers he sent out. I was hoping to get through the tournament this weekend without addressing that. I was on the verge of a panic attack so I hit the vape to mellow out, and man was that the exact wrong idea. Mind started racing on everything all at once at triple speed and the deep paranoia and fear kicked into overdrive. The cartoon episode of House Party did the trick to bring me down, but that was really bad.
I’m happy things look as positive as possible at the moment for your dad. His spirit is key!
And yeah, I learned a long time ago there is no weed on the planet that will mellow me out if I have something lurking in the back of my mind. It just never worked that way for me.
The Sybian wrote: ↑Fri Mar 17, 2023 11:23 am
I got to meet my parents for breakfast this morning and they seemed much better than I would have imagined. My father said every doctor and nurse he saw yesterday said they were shocked at how good he seems after reading his chart. If a stranger saw him, they'd never guess he was just in the hospital or had chemo yesterday. He even housed breakfast which surprised me as my mom said he hasn't been eating at all. They found the cancer when he went in for a gall bladder surgery and he lost about 30 pounds in the hospital and being forced on an almost zero fat diet.
My parents are staying at a hotel 5 minutes from my house, but we are away this weekend. I'm driving them home on Monday to pack up. Planned on staying a night, but the old man is terrified of needing to go back to the hospital in Binghamton, so we are loading the car and heading right back. Gonna be putting on a lot of miles the next 3 days.
Was going to put it in the pot thread, but while I'm ranting... On top of all this shit, I was bombarded with soccer tryout stress. Invited to a few teams' training that are all conflicts and a friendly reminder from her current coach that everyone needs to respond immediately to the early offers he sent out. I was hoping to get through the tournament this weekend without addressing that. I was on the verge of a panic attack so I hit the vape to mellow out, and man was that the exact wrong idea. Mind started racing on everything all at once at triple speed and the deep paranoia and fear kicked into overdrive. The cartoon episode of House Party did the trick to bring me down, but that was really bad.
I’m happy things look as positive as possible at the moment for your dad. His spirit is key!
And yeah, I learned a long time ago there is no weed on the planet that will mellow me out if I have something lurking in the back of my mind. It just never worked that way for me.
Normal end of a workday, watching TV on the coach, it mellows me out. I should have known better. In my younger days, it always made me paranoid and focused on the bad stuff my sober brain tried to bury.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
Drove my parents home and back last week so they could pack up, planning on staying indefinitely in NJ so they are close to his doctors and a decent hospital. Fun times going through their house to show me where they keep the will, keys to the safe deposit box etc... Oh, and where he keeps his gun. I realized I don't know what to do with the gun, as nobody else in the family is licensed to own one. Also realized he should show me how to remove the clip and empty the chamber. So that was fun. He instilled a deep fear of guns into me rather than keeping his guns in a safe.
My parents were going to stay with us, but they decided to get an extended stay hotel so they can be on their own. My wife doesn't want to tell the kids, which is making this difficult as my parents want to see the kids every weekend. My son is clueless, but my daughter knows something is wrong. My parents came over this weekend and my father barely moved off the couch and was pale and kind of yellowish. He didn't eat, which clearly set off my daughter. Next day he went to a scheduled checkup and his white blood cells are extremely low, so he is back at the hospital. My mother called me around noon saying she needs me to pick her up. It's 30 minutes away and the hospital is 15 minutes away in the opposite direction. Then I had to take her 45 minutes back to the hotel to check in, and she is a mess. I don't know if she has ever checked into a hotel by herself, or if she is really in decline, but she looked like a lost child when they handed her the printout to review.
She was planning on driving herself back to the hospital but went into a panic because she couldn't remember the directions. I had to remind her 5 times she has a navigation system built into the car and she doesn't need to memorize directions. I have to be in my office today, and she wasn't sure if she could drive herself, so I set up an Uber account on her phone. She was terrified by the idea, but she did it this morning and it sounds like she had a great ride and bonded over musical tastes with the driver.
For some reason the doctors can't explain, my father's white blood cell levels won't go up. They gave him several infusions in the hospital and it isn't moving. I'm still more worried about my mom. She is breaking down, and I don't know if she is capable of living on her own.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
If I can throw one piece of unsolicited advice out there, it's tell your kids. They need to be able to trust you. I delayed telling my son about my mother's recurrence, and then he found out from my sister accidentally, and that really upset him.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
And his one problem is he didn’t go to Russia that night because he had extracurricular activities, and they froze to death.
Steve of phpBB wrote: ↑Tue Mar 28, 2023 11:23 am
Oh good lord, Syb, that sounds so rough.
If I can throw one piece of unsolicited advice out there, it's tell your kids. They need to be able to trust you. I delayed telling my son about my mother's recurrence, and then he found out from my sister accidentally, and that really upset him.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
I agree with telling the kids, but my wife changed her mind when my son had a meltdown over school stress last weekend. On the plus side, my wife still has clout at the hospital. Got my Dad on the "VIP list" under the hospital President's name, my Mom can get a free massage and my father is first on the list for therapy dog visits. I think a dog visit will go a long way for him right now.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
Fuck, that's rough. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I hope he gets better, man.
As to the gun: safety-magazine-chamber-safety
It sucks that you have a fear of guns, but be assured that as long as it's properly 'safed,' unloaded, and locked up, you're fine.
If you do need to handle it, just follow those 4 steps and you'll be ok. Also, if you don't squeeze the trigger, a bullet won't fire.
Yes, it's a weapon of death, but handled properly and it's a dumb looking paperweight. If you're really, really worried about it, you can get a locking mechanism for it.
mister d wrote:Couldn't have pegged me better.
EnochRoot wrote:I mean, whatever. Johnnie's all hot cuz I ride him.
Johnnie wrote: ↑Tue Mar 28, 2023 9:07 pm
Fuck, that's rough. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I hope he gets better, man.
As to the gun: safety-magazine-chamber-safety
It sucks that you have a fear of guns, but be assured that as long as it's properly 'safed,' unloaded, and locked up, you're fine.
If you do need to handle it, just follow those 4 steps and you'll be ok. Also, if you don't squeeze the trigger, a bullet won't fire.
Yes, it's a weapon of death, but handled properly and it's a dumb looking paperweight. If you're really, really worried about it, you can get a locking mechanism for it.
I'm good with unloading the gun now. He is keeping it loaded and racked. His agency switched from a revolver to a Glock when I was in high school. He told me about their training. The trained removed the magazine, got everyone to agree it was unloaded, they pulled the trigger and fired the chambered round to scare them. It worked well enough that him telling me that stuck with me. I'd like to go shooting sometime, but it's such a hassle getting a gun license in NJ, and my wife freaked out when I mentioned it a few years ago. About 5 years ago my dad asked if I wanted his gun when he dies. I floated that to my wife and let's just say she had a strong opinion on me having a gun in the house. When I turned 18 he wanted me to get a license, actually brought home the application. It took about 18 months back then, and it seemed like an eternity so I didn't bother filling it out.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
Syb would be coming from the west so would have to pass both Popeye's and the dispensary on the way to the range, so either he eats beforehand, eats cold sandwiches after getting his rounds off, or leaves the range and heads east then makes a u-turn to go west and then makes another to get back to Popeye's and then eventually makes one last one to head home.
as for NJ license..
lot easier to get a shotgun or rifle than a handgun
need three letters from locals and your PD to sign off on you -- then its 3+ months.
found out from the borough clerk that more than 2/3s of residences in town own firearms (or are licensed)
elflaco2 wrote: ↑Wed Mar 29, 2023 9:40 am
Syb, no license needed for the gun range..good place on 22 - RTSP in Union. our whole family's been there on outings. The missus will enjoy it!
I assume that's if you are using their guns? Bigger issue is storing the old man's gun. I do like the idea of hitting the dispensary before the firing range. Hitting Popeye's first might be too dangerous, though.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
elflaco2 wrote: ↑Wed Mar 29, 2023 9:49 am
see, i like the burgers and drinks a bit farther down the road - Echo Tap & Grille is where we fuel up afterwards
I keep meaning to try this place and keep forgetting to whenever its time to pick a spot.
Johnnie wrote: ↑Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
elflaco2 wrote: ↑Wed Mar 29, 2023 9:49 am
see, i like the burgers and drinks a bit farther down the road - Echo Tap & Grille is where we fuel up afterwards
I keep meaning to try this place and keep forgetting to whenever its time to pick a spot.
Every member of my family has been there on separate occasions, I haven't been yet.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
Dogs. I don't know if there are more dog owners and/or more inexperienced dogs owners but I've been lunged at/attacked 3 times in the last 6 months, Was bitten on the side of the knee yesterday, I've lived in this same neighborhood 10+ years, never happened. I even stop to pet friendly dogs on my walks. Before COVID and kids, my wife and I would walk all the trails in the neighborhood.
Yesterday, I was walking alone, coming home from work but now as I take the twins out more on their walk, Im scared a dog might lunge at their stroller. I'm an adult so I'm can dodge and get away, at least have some awareness, but kids and/or babies this could be dangerous.
Kung Fu movies are like porn. There's 1 on 1, then 2 on 1, then a group scene..
Its absolutely a new phenomenon. A lot of people who wouldn't have gotten dogs did during the pandemic so there's more volume and more that aren't well trained or have owners who can't handle them. We haven't noticed any violence (outside of our own dog), but where most people seemed to know you keep dogs between the road and sidewalk before, now there are dogs being walked all over front lawns. Not a life-threatening issue, but if you have kids who play in the grass, its just kinda gross.
Johnnie wrote: ↑Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
degenerasian wrote: ↑Tue Apr 18, 2023 10:19 am
Dogs. I don't know if there are more dog owners and/or more inexperienced dogs owners but I've been lunged at/attacked 3 times in the last 6 months, Was bitten on the side of the knee yesterday, I've lived in this same neighborhood 10+ years, never happened. I even stop to pet friendly dogs on my walks. Before COVID and kids, my wife and I would walk all the trails in the neighborhood.
Yesterday, I was walking alone, coming home from work but now as I take the twins out more on their walk, Im scared a dog might lunge at their stroller. I'm an adult so I'm can dodge and get away, at least have some awareness, but kids and/or babies this could be dangerous.
Amen. I think Covid made it worst. My school field has been taken over by dog owners, so I've had leashless dogs running up to kindergartners. Luckily the only results so far are crying kindergartners and tons of discolored grass because of dog piss, oh and some dog crap where our kids were supposed to eat lunch. I told one dog owner to leash her dog because there are 100 kids outside and it's a law and so on, and after she leashed her dog, she looked back and told me, "you know dogs have to run too." (and there is a dog park about a mile away.)
degenerasian wrote: ↑Tue Apr 18, 2023 10:19 am
Dogs. I don't know if there are more dog owners and/or more inexperienced dogs owners but I've been lunged at/attacked 3 times in the last 6 months, Was bitten on the side of the knee yesterday, I've lived in this same neighborhood 10+ years, never happened. I even stop to pet friendly dogs on my walks. Before COVID and kids, my wife and I would walk all the trails in the neighborhood.
Yesterday, I was walking alone, coming home from work but now as I take the twins out more on their walk, Im scared a dog might lunge at their stroller. I'm an adult so I'm can dodge and get away, at least have some awareness, but kids and/or babies this could be dangerous.
This has been a rant of mine for the past few years. I think the shift in lifestyles and working from home due to COVID caused the increase in dog/pet ownership. No question. And now they're likely returning to their old lifestyles and their dogs are penned up inside all day.
When you live in a city/row-house living situation is when you walk your dog, block to block, you cede the side of the street to the person walking their dog ahead of you. That means you either cross the street to continue along the street, or change directions (either the way you came, or if you're at a four way intersection, take another street).
What happens now is douche-bros 25 years younger than me walk their dog past my dog sniffing a tree, pissing on a tree, or me picking up dog poop. I'd like to think that if my dog responds with aggression towards the approaching dog that a judge would find the other owner at fault for actually causing a confrontation to occur, but life never works like that.
Well, we’ve got the dog discussion going. Now all we need are some posts about loud teenagers and dangerous drivers, and the Swamp can convert and become a site included in the NextDoor app.
I'm so sorry, truly.
