CUBE LIFE! Office Etiquette

[mister d]

Dogs that bark should not be treated like dogs that don’t. There was one in the Apple Store at the rich people mall and I was annoyed by it within about 15 seconds.

[The Sybian]

Dogs that bark should not be treated like dogs that don’t. There was one in the Apple Store at the rich people mall and I was annoyed by it within about 15 seconds.

Short Hills?

[Shirley]

I love dogs - and dogs in offices - but I can't stand people who just let their dogs bark. It's the same people who ignore their screaming kids in public. If you want to let that shit happen in your house, fine, but don't subject the public to it.

[degenerasian]

Working from home perks. I worked probably an hour today.

Logged in at 8am but within 10 minutes my girls were going a bit crazy so I took them for a one hour walk in the double stroller. Got back home and bathed them and fed them, logged back in at 10am. Then had lunch at 11am, then tried to put the girls to bed but one of them (Sophia) is teething badly and just wouldn't settle. Couldn't get her into her crib so she ended up sleeping beside me in my bed and I dozed off too. Until almost 2pm! Logged back in to see an email, the office is closing today at 2pm, enjoy your long weekend! Done!

[sancarlos]

Score!

[Shirley]

Just signed out of my various apps and closed all my tabs. Last day at the job...

[HaulCitgo]

How about forever. You're halfway there now just don't show up

[brian]

Anyone ever have to get a hair follicle drug test for a job. I know they try to take 1.5 inches to get a 90-day sample but anyone with shorter hair than that?

[Johnny Carwash]

Anyone ever have to get a hair follicle drug test for a job. I know they try to take 1.5 inches to get a 90-day sample but anyone with shorter hair than that?

Does it have to be from your head?

[brian]

Anyone ever have to get a hair follicle drug test for a job. I know they try to take 1.5 inches to get a 90-day sample but anyone with shorter hair than that?

Does it have to be from your head?

No though the head is preferable because the hair there turns over most often.

Here’s the situation/my plan.

I didn’t realize everyone hair tested and took some edibles July 31/August 1. I’ve been clean since then and will be going forward. I was not a regular user before that. I’m going to get an in-home hair test when I finish my schooling in mid-Sept and if I pass that (possible, given my relatively light use) then no worries. If I fail I’ve already shaved my armpit and chest hair so that will all be “clean” and growing back for the next 2 months. Then I’m going to continue to cut my hair to its current style (about 1.5 inch long) until mid-October and get a haircut to about 1.25 inches. Also going to grow a goatee starting today as well.

My hope is they’ll just take the hair off my head figuring “close enough”. If they need more hair they can take my goatee or chest/armpit hair. With those and my head hair at “normal” lengths it shouldn’t look like I’m trying to beat the test. In that way I can hopefully take a 90-day window down to about 70.

[brian]

NOTE: Your hair typically grows about half inch per month. I might be a little lucky in that I think mine grows a touch faster than that.

[mister d]

I’m reading this high but … you can’t just cut your external hair to reset the clock, right? That’s not the solve?



(But good luck!?)

[mister d]

I just reread and maybe ignore me? I think I had the testinf times a bit off.

[brian]

I’m reading this high but … you can’t just cut your external hair to reset the clock, right? That’s not the solve?



(But good luck!?)

You’re not wrong. We’re on the same page. These companies are attuned to the “scams” to beat the tests but hoping they don’t give a shit if they’re getting 1.25-inch of hair instead of 1.5.

[brian]

Couple other notes (for anyone who cares):

- The only positive test that completely fucks me is a urine test. Companies test hair AND urine. If you fail a urine test you go into the national database and your career is basically done. But urine only goes back 30 days at most so no worries there. If I still somehow fail a hair test just means I don’t get that job but can go get another one somewhere else a likely pass the hair test a month or so later.

This whole thing is part of the bullshit of cannabis still being a Schedule I drug because Congress sucks balls and refuses to de-schedule it. If you get pulled over and blow a .03 BAC in a truck you have to take a 24-hour break (.04 for CMV drivers is impaired and that’s a year suspension). If you test positive for smoking weed 89 DAYS AGO your career is over.

[The Sybian]

Fuck, forgot about that aspect. I ain’t driving trucks. Nevada was the first state to pass a law preventing employers from firing or not hiring employees for a positive marijuana test, but trucking is covered by the Federal
DOT regs, so if DOT won’t let you drive, Nevada employers can fire you. So fucking stupid, but Biden wouldn’t force this issue.

[Ryan]

Wait have the Yankees been dodging hair-based drug tests all this time?

[duff]

[brian]

New woman in my class is named Abcde.

[L-Jam3]

And it’s pronounced “KRISS-ten”.

[The Sybian]

New woman in my class is named Abcde.

Do people call her AB for short?

[degenerasian]

New woman in my class is named Abcde.

I had to look this up.

According to the Social Security Administration, as of 2017, there were 373 people named Abcde in the United States, all girls. This unique name first made the Social Security Administration's name list in 1990.

[brian]

New woman in my class is named Abcde.

Do people call her AB for short?

Pronounced “Ab-CEE-dee”

[Nonlinear FC]

hijkl

HI-Jackal.

lmnop

lemon-op

Shit, this is awesome.

[Ryan]

qrstu definitely advertises

[The Sybian]

qrstu definitely advertises

This might be the funniest thing you've ever typed, and I almost missed it. I was on a 10 second delay trying to make my own Disco Stu joke when it fully sank in.

[Giff]

That feeling when you finally leave a meeting mid-meeting because all the arguing and dumbassery has been too much. I was just a bystander and too dumb on the subject to have an opinion, but now I know who I want to win the argument!

[Johnnie]

Getting real tired of these of these 'financial advisors' reaching out to me on LinkedIn because they 'have a really great offer' that I should look into.

I thought this website was supposed to be different.

[Giff]

Why is someone asking for a monetary donation for someone who is not retiring, just moving divisions in our company in what is basically a promotion? And who drives a $60k SUV?

[wlu_lax6]

Why is someone asking for a monetary donation for someone who is not retiring, just moving divisions in our company in what is basically a promotion? And who drives a $60k SUV?

Big cake or lunch?

[Giff]

There's already a goodbye lunch planned which the company is paying for. This is just a cash gift.

[P.D.X.]

The workplace equivalent of "buy these wealthy newlyweds a present".

[Ryan]

"Hit up my Patreon - buy me a coffee" - YouTuber with 50,000,000,000 subscribers

[Jerloma]

Best review ever...

Customer: When I put "Tres leches" in team name it says it could violate community standard. The translation is 3 milks. Can you please explain why?

Me: Hey David,

I was not aware of this myself, but I'm guessing it has something to do with the urban dictionary definitions.

I hope this helps and feel free to reach back out if you have any questions!

Best Regards,

[rass]

Probably asking the wrong guy but is nothing sacred?

[govmentchedda]

They both sound pretty sacred to me.

[rass]

They both sound pretty sacred to me.

Having sex three times is great but have you ever had that cake made by someone who takes it super seriously because it’s like a treasured family tradition?

[The Sybian]

JLo answering customer complaints has to be a TV show. On a streaming platform with no censoring. If you can’t use a name with a disgusting urban dictionary definition, there is nothing left! I love that you forwarded a link and gave him the info.

[sancarlos]

JLo answering customer complaints has to be a TV show. On a streaming platform with no censoring. If you can’t use a name with a disgusting urban dictionary definition, there is nothing left! I love that you forwarded a link and gave him the info.

I agree. And, that is some 5 star customer service!

[DaveInSeattle]

Speaking of customer service, I've been asked to take over managing our Tier3/Tier4 customer support process.

As part of this, I now have access to our company's Salesforce account, which frightens me.