The Official Swamp Dating Thread

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:12 am

The Sybian wrote:Interesting take. I would think women are more attracted to a guy in great shape rather than Seth Rogen shape, but I don't doubt for a second that they would be more self conscious in bed with a fit guy. Partially because they are insecure with a guy with a better body than them, and partially because a ripped guy is clearly concerned with how his body looks, and likely more cognizant of imperfections on the woman he is with. I would also think a fat guy has a harder time getting the first date.

The evo-psych explanation would be that the less desirable males would be less of a cheat risk and thus be more committed to and provide more resources for child-rearing. High-testosterone, desirable male types are much more likely to pump and dump.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:15 am

AB_skin_test wrote:
rass wrote:
The Sybian wrote:BTW, what does ICGYWYD mean? Google was not helpful.
GCGYWYD
LOLZ

Yes, literal laughs here.

The Sybian wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote:
I got the busy weekend excuse! This is a hilarious stretch that I've never been in before. It's got to be because of this.

Interesting take. I would think women are more attracted to a guy in great shape rather than Seth Rogen shape, but I don't doubt for a second that they would be more self conscious in bed with a fit guy. Partially because they are insecure with a guy with a better body than them, and partially because a ripped guy is clearly concerned with how his body looks, and likely more cognizant of imperfections on the woman he is with. I would also think a fat guy has a harder time getting the first date.

I have a better body than any girl I could ever date! (this is clearly a joke...)

I really don't know what it is. And it's not at all the self-loathing "I can't get a date!" thing. I'm way past that to the point of fascination with the factors that are going into this.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 9:22 pm

Brontoburglar wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote:
Brontoburglar wrote:Had a good date tonight (like that recovery, Syb?) with a girl I messaged last week who was friends of a girl I went to Mizzou with.

Apparently, the two are best friends, and our mutual connection had (has?) a crush on me for a while. And I definitely had a crush on her in college and after. But as we all know, I was too scared to actually do something in college.
Survey time!

My friend wants me to ask mutual crush girl out. (To save the looking back in the thread, this is the friend of the girl who told me she couldn't give me what I deserved or whatever nonsense.)

Is this fair game? I feel like it can be but I haven't seen her for about five months. And it was for the birthday of said ICGYWYD girl. I'm not crossing any wires if I went this direction, am I?

(ICGYWYD girl and I were never serious if this makes a difference)
I got the busy weekend excuse!

The real reason is because of ICGYWYD girl and our history and she doesn't want to make her uncomfortable. SWAMP YOU WERE WRONG.

(Do I even explain that there's no history?)

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 12:04 am

She is wrong. Swamp is never wrong.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 8:34 am

degenerasian wrote:She is wrong. Swamp is never wrong.

This guy gets it.

The ideas. Not the pussy.

TheHumanComa · Post by **TheHumanComa** » Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:19 pm

Starting to see a girl I went to high school with for about 5 months, 19 years ago, I barely remembered her and she barely remembered me. She contacted me on facebook a couple weeks ago, we chatted a bit for a few days and then two weeks later she gave me her number and said she wanted to hang out because she thought i was a 'cool' guy. And then I took her to comic con for our first meet up. Not as bad as it seems, she was a huge Doctor Who and Star Trek fan and had said she had never been to one, so it went well. Anyway, she's got two kids, a 15 year old son that was partially raised by her parents and a 3 and a half year old daughter, whose father took off on them over a year ago. Plus she's still officially married. My question is, should i follow through with this? It seems like we have a lot in common, but my friends are telling me she's just saying what i want to hear so i'll sleep with her. I guess what i'm asking is how should I approach this? I'm totally going to go visit her in the city to sleep with her but how do i treat it?

howard · Post by **howard** » Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:21 pm

TheHumanComa wrote:…she wanted to hang out because she thought i was a 'cool' guy. And then I took her to comic con…

Irony thread thataway>>>>>>>>>>>>

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:46 pm

TheHumanComa wrote:Starting to see a girl I went to high school with for about 5 months, 19 years ago, I barely remembered her and she barely remembered me. She contacted me on facebook a couple weeks ago, we chatted a bit for a few days and then two weeks later she gave me her number and said she wanted to hang out because she thought i was a 'cool' guy. And then I took her to comic con for our first meet up. Not as bad as it seems, she was a huge Doctor Who and Star Trek fan and had said she had never been to one, so it went well. Anyway, she's got two kids, a 15 year old son that was partially raised by her parents and a 3 and a half year old daughter, whose father took off on them over a year ago. Plus she's still officially married. My question is, should i follow through with this? It seems like we have a lot in common, but my friends are telling me she's just saying what i want to hear so i'll sleep with her. I guess what i'm asking is how should I approach this? I'm totally going to go visit her in the city to sleep with her but how do i treat it?

I think it all depends on how you feel about being involved with a teenager, a child and a couple of ex-husbands.

My two cents.

TheHumanComa · Post by **TheHumanComa** » Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:49 pm

howard wrote:
TheHumanComa wrote:…she wanted to hang out because she thought i was a 'cool' guy. And then I took her to comic con…
Irony thread thataway>>>>>>>>>>>>

Yeah, haha, that's why i explained it further. She said she wanted to go when she saw my Facebook profile picture of me in a Boba Fett mask and she ended up enjoying it more than I did! This was the first year in 6 years I wasn't working my own booth at it so the experience I was used to (vip parking, no lines, and easy access everywhere), was replaced by line after line and way too many people. I think i complained the whole time she was enjoying herself. But yes, the sequence in which I worded those sentence was quite ironic.

I'll have you know though, Comic cons are probably 50/50 female/male these days, if not leaning more towards the female side. And at least half those females are hot as shit and half naked.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:56 pm

I'm not a huge fan of the genre but comic-cons are extremely popular these days. They sell out the following year the day after it ends. It's definitely the cool thing to do nowadays. Most moves/shows have some element of sci-fi now.

All the discussion at work today was about new shows like Agents of SHIELD and Gotham. These types of shows would have never been on tv even 10 years ago. The big movie this Christmas is Part 3 of The Hobbit. It's everywhere.

TheHumanComa · Post by **TheHumanComa** » Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:10 pm

Pruitt wrote:
I think it all depends on how you feel about being involved with a teenager, a child and a couple of ex-husbands.

My two cents.

Yeah, I gotcha. that's my problem. I'm 36 now, chances are most of the ladies I want to date will have kids. Me not having kids at this point makes me the weirdo. I'm fine with them having children, but one that is almost half their age bothers me. The father of her first child is still unknown to me but her husband and father of her second child seems like a deadbeat who will never come back. I'm still moving ahead... see what happens.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:47 pm

TheHumanComa wrote:
Pruitt wrote:
I think it all depends on how you feel about being involved with a teenager, a child and a couple of ex-husbands.

My two cents.
Yeah, I gotcha. that's my problem. I'm 36 now, chances are most of the ladies I want to date will have kids. Me not having kids at this point makes me the weirdo. I'm fine with them having children, but one that is almost half their age bothers me. The father of her first child is still unknown to me but her husband and father of her second child seems like a deadbeat who will never come back. I'm still moving ahead... see what happens.

really? you're in Montreal, there must be tonnes of single girls in their late 20s early 30s if that's what you prefer. I'm 38 and I meet many single women and I'm in a much smaller city.

TheHumanComa · Post by **TheHumanComa** » Wed Sep 24, 2014 11:20 pm

degenerasian wrote:
really? you're in Montreal, there must be tonnes of single girls in their late 20s early 30s if that's what you prefer. I'm 38 and I meet many single women and I'm in a much smaller city.

I'm not in Montreal, I'm 45 minutes outside of it. I live in the middle of nowhere, huge property, very few neighbours. Trust me I know what my options would be if i lived closer to the city but I prefer the country life. Ain't no single late 20s to early 30 year old girls roaming my neck of the woods. I guess I should find an excuse to head into the city more often!

Post by **Sabo** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 5:53 am

TheHumanComa wrote:
degenerasian wrote:
really? you're in Montreal, there must be tonnes of single girls in their late 20s early 30s if that's what you prefer. I'm 38 and I meet many single women and I'm in a much smaller city.
I'm not in Montreal, I'm 45 minutes outside of it. I live in the middle of nowhere, huge property, very few neighbours. Trust me I know what my options would be if i lived closer to the city but I prefer the country life. Ain't no single late 20s to early 30 year old girls roaming my neck of the woods. I guess I should find an excuse to head into the city more often!

Sounds like you need the Canadian version of FarmersOnly.com!

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 7:18 am

ranchersonlyeh?.com

Post by **Shirley** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:46 am

TheHumanComa wrote:Starting to see a girl I went to high school with for about 5 months, 19 years ago, I barely remembered her and she barely remembered me. She contacted me on facebook a couple weeks ago, we chatted a bit for a few days and then two weeks later she gave me her number and said she wanted to hang out because she thought i was a 'cool' guy. And then I took her to comic con for our first meet up. Not as bad as it seems, she was a huge Doctor Who and Star Trek fan and had said she had never been to one, so it went well. Anyway, she's got two kids, a 15 year old son that was partially raised by her parents and a 3 and a half year old daughter, whose father took off on them over a year ago. Plus she's still officially married. My question is, should i follow through with this? It seems like we have a lot in common, but my friends are telling me she's just saying what i want to hear so i'll sleep with her. I guess what i'm asking is how should I approach this? I'm totally going to go visit her in the city to sleep with her but how do i treat it?

My gut instinct is that she really wants/needs a stable dude in her life. Single mom, two kids. She must not have been able to handle the first kid by herself, and I'm sure he's not too easy now that he's 15 and sees her as his part-time mom.

That doesn't mean she's not honestly interested in you, but I bet a lot of the attraction is your stable life and money.

Approach carefully.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:26 am

Sabo wrote: Sounds like you need the Canadian version of FarmersOnly.com!

FarmoursOnly.com

This has disaster written ll over it. She clearly doesn't make good decisions, child at 18, marrying a deadbeat who walks out on her. Johnnie would know much better than I do about dating a woman with a 3 yo, but the 15 yo is going to be rough. Where is BobbyPentz? For her to arrange to go on a date is going to be a big production, so it is naturally going to have much bigger expectations than it will for you. Then again, maybe the 15 yo can babysit, but even still, it's going to be a bigger deal to her. Reaching out to someone you barely knew in HS 18 years later and to go out on a date with is a red flag to me. Sure, the Boba Fett helmet is a panty melter, but even still. I just get the feeling you are going to want to pull away, and she is going to become a stalker you can't get away from. Proceed with extreme caution.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:30 am

Oooo, that child at 18 line needs some comebacking assuming most here were unprotected sexing at/around/before that age.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:41 am

mister d wrote:Oooo, that child at 18 line needs some comebacking assuming most here were unprotected sexing at/around/before that age.

I am probably in the minority here, but I was very strict on requiring condoms. If that wasn't an option, I resort to other activities. A friend once lectured me never to go bareback so I wouldn't know what I was missing. I took that to heart. First time I broke the rule, I put myself in the worst position imaginable. For years. And she almost cost me my (eventual) wife. Nightmare. You are right though, I am a bit harsh to judge there, as many, many people did the same thing, but just got lucky. I probably shouldn't judge someone for their decision to keep the baby.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:14 am

I'm the same as you, I got that same advice as a teenager and have never gone bareback. Even in my longest relationship I used condoms cause I'm really afraid of pregnancy. Girls may say they can't get pregnant this time of the month or are on the pill but you can't really trust that 100%. I've been with some really manipulative girls.

Also, I come from a pretty conservative family. Not to the point of no sex before marriage but I know if I impregnated a girl out of wedlock, my mom would be really disappointed in me.

I actually like condoms some of them feel nice (maybe I really don't know what I'm missing). Perhaps I'm a more visual guy and get turned on by her eyes, her skin, her boobs and foreplay etc so it doesn't matter as much? I think some of the girls I've been with got turned on as well because I'm showing power and responsibility. I make the decision immediately to have condoms with me and when I use them, they feel safe instead of them having to talk me into it.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:58 am

Meh. It's not an either/or. You can rawdog for a while and then wrap up, assuming you have some kind of self-control.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:09 am

Plus, if you're actually with someone for a while, don't you go without? Maybe not?

(Not saying its the best idea, or a good idea, but I thought that was the default practice.)

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:19 am

P.D.X. wrote:Meh. It's not an either/or. You can rawdog for a while and then wrap up, assuming you have some kind of self-control.

Nope, once I start, I talk myself into thinking it is alright to keep going. A lot of my experience was short term dating and one night stands, so I had some concerns about STDs. Once hooked up with a really hot girl who was a summer sublet living with a friend of mine. He warned me that she mentioned having 2 abortions with her boyfriend. When I pulled out a condom, she said she doesn't use them. Thinking about her 2 previous conceptions and the fact that she had a boyfriend at the time, I held firm (pun!) and didn't go beyond oral. She kept pushing it and I almost gave in. Glad I don't have to worry about these things. I ditched condoms pretty early when dating my wife, as she was on the pill, and I put faith in that.

I had 2 incidents (that I know of) where the girl missed her period the first month after sexing me. I ran into one a couple months later, as I was surprised she stopped calling me back. She explained that she had a scare on Easter while visiting her parents. Her Catholic guilt at Easter Mass with her parents made her pull away. Any time I look back wistfully at my single days, I need to remind myself of these situations. So glad I don't have to worry about this shit. Or wear a condom.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:25 am

The Sybian wrote:
P.D.X. wrote:Meh. It's not an either/or. You can rawdog for a while and then wrap up, assuming you have some kind of self-control.
Nope, once I start, I talk myself into thinking it is alright to keep going. A lot of my experience was short term dating and one night stands, so I had some concerns about STDs.

Well, yeah. Gotta be judicious. I'm not rawdogging any one night stands or high-mileage types.

TheHumanComa · Post by **TheHumanComa** » Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:45 pm

Shirley wrote: My gut instinct is that she really wants/needs a stable dude in her life. Single mom, two kids. She must not have been able to handle the first kid by herself, and I'm sure he's not too easy now that he's 15 and sees her as his part-time mom.

That doesn't mean she's not honestly interested in you, but I bet a lot of the attraction is your stable life and money.

Approach carefully.

Thanks for the advice. And I will approach carefully, seeing her tomorrow night, kids are out of the house. That might not be considered carefully...

And as for everyone else, Farmoursonly.com is a great idea expect we spell farmer the same way. Except love is amour in french, so you're close to something good!

And yeah, I was a stupid teenager too, very rarely used a condom in my teenage years but have smartened up since then.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:19 pm

TheHumanComa wrote:
Shirley wrote: My gut instinct is that she really wants/needs a stable dude in her life. Single mom, two kids. She must not have been able to handle the first kid by herself, and I'm sure he's not too easy now that he's 15 and sees her as his part-time mom.

That doesn't mean she's not honestly interested in you, but I bet a lot of the attraction is your stable life and money.

Approach carefully.
Thanks for the advice. And I will approach carefully, seeing her tomorrow night, kids are out of the house. That might not be considered carefully...

And as for everyone else, Farmoursonly.com is a great idea expect we spell farmer the same way. Except love is amour in french, so you're close to something good!

And yeah, I was a stupid teenager too, very rarely used a condom in my teenage years but have smartened up since then.

Just go in realizing she is probably expecting a lot and has big potential for being a clingy stalker. Or maybe she just needs to get banged.

I'd like to say I thought of the amour play on words. I do realize you Canucks don't spell it farmour.

TheHumanComa · Post by **TheHumanComa** » Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:40 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Just go in realizing she is probably expecting a lot and has big potential for being a clingy stalker. Or maybe she just needs to get banged.

I'd like to say I thought of the amour play on words. I do realize you Canucks don't spell it farmour.

Yeah, i thought about both scenarios, I'm hoping number 2 plays out with no number 1 to follow. But I also hope she's normal and something could happen. but just in case, I live far enough away, it'll only be mild stalking if anything.

And I knew you knew it wasn't farmour, like i know you Americans don't spell it farmor. I think we only add u's to words ending in -or. i just repeated it to show how close you were to a French Canadian goldmine! Famour would probably work, but not sure how much money would be in it. at least a handful of twonies and loonies.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:50 pm

TheHumanComa wrote:Yeah, i thought about ...a... number 2 ... with no number 1 to follow... in ... a French Canadian goldmine! ... at least a handful of two...

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:25 am

ughh more dating woes

Over the last couple of weeks, a co-worker set me up with a girl. We exchanged pictures, contacts etc..
Then a string of emails followed which showed we had quite a lot in common. We were supposed to meet last Wednesday but the weekend before she twisted her ankle walking her dog. So it was delayed. Then more emails. She writes long emails, she's a big nerd.

She calls me yesterday morning to meet her for lunch right away. So I go. She's cute and I thought it went well.

Today I get THE email (not even a phone call).

"It was nice meeting you finally but I don't think we are what each other are looking for"

How does it change so fast? I guess she just wanted to see me to get me out of the way? I can't think of a thing I did wrong.

L-Jam3 · Post by **L-Jam3** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:35 am

Bitches be crazy, DeGen. Bitches be crazy.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:49 am

degenerasian wrote: How does it change so fast? I guess she just wanted to see me to get me out of the way? I can't think of a thing I did wrong.

You need to create an exit interview form and have every girl fill it out after they say they aren't interested.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:50 am

The Sybian wrote:
degenerasian wrote: How does it change so fast? I guess she just wanted to see me to get me out of the way? I can't think of a thing I did wrong.
You need to create an exit interview form and have every girl fill it out after they say they aren't interested.

They'll lie.

L-Jam3 · Post by **L-Jam3** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:52 am

Reply back. Say something like:

"Really? Because I was looking for someone to fuck. I guess I misread the signs."

At this point, what's the worst that can happen?

Post by **Shirley** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:39 am

degenerasian wrote:How does it change so fast? I guess she just wanted to see me to get me out of the way? I can't think of a thing I did wrong.

Did it really change? You guys hadn't actually met before. You can only tell so much from a carefully selected pic or two and a few emails.

I feel like your critical and exasperated attitude has got to be making an impression during all of these failed dates where you "did nothing wrong."

DC47 · Post by **DC47** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:51 am

degenerasian wrote:I can't think of a thing I did wrong.

I'd guess it's this.

Or possibly a confusion of doing with being.

Of course, there is height. Many women don't consider a man under 5'10" to be attractive.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:53 am

Shirley wrote:
degenerasian wrote:How does it change so fast? I guess she just wanted to see me to get me out of the way? I can't think of a thing I did wrong.
Did it really change? You guys hadn't actually met before. You can only tell so much from a carefully selected pic or two and a few emails.

I feel like your critical and exasperated attitude has got to be making an impression during all of these failed dates where you "did nothing wrong."

The critical and exasperated attitude only occurs in the post-mortem analysis. When approaching and being on the date, I'm very friendly and enthusiastic.

Yes you can only tell so much from pictures and email but she also seemed enthusiastic (answered all emails quickly) and she made the call to meet. So I'm surprised it changed so much on a 45 minute date.

I might not be "doing nothing wrong" but I follow all the advice given to me and from past experiences.

For example:
Only lunch/coffee in a finite period of time.
I dress nice (coming from work anyways)
I get there early.
Have normal conversion (about common interests but nothing too specific)
I pay.

It can't be more difficult/complex than that for a first meeting.

DC47: hah, she was not tall.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:59 am

Too friendly? Too enthusiastic?

It's probably a fine line. Best just to let it go.

DC47 · Post by **DC47** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 12:07 pm

The critical and exasperated attitude only occurs in the post-mortem analysis. When approaching and being on the date, I'm very friendly and enthusiastic.

Yes you can only tell so much from pictures and email but she also seemed enthusiastic (answered all emails quickly) and she made the call to meet. So I'm surprised it changed so much on a 45 minute date.

This may just be her personal style when a man meets her basic criteria. Not a sign of anything else.

I might not be "doing nothing wrong" but I follow all the advice given to me and from past experiences.

For example:
Only lunch/coffee in a finite period of time.
I dress nice (coming from work anyways)
I get there early.
Have normal conversion (about common interests but nothing too specific)
I pay.

It can't be more difficult/complex than that for a first meeting.

This all seems quite reasonable.

But what do you make of the evidence that most people make strong evaluations of others in the first minute or less after meeting them?

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 12:10 pm

I learned this fairly quickly. When you hit it off in every form except in person, it sets a false precedent that when you both finally meet everything will click.

Ever get told that you need to visit a certain place by your friends? They show pictures. They share stories. They do everything to hype it up. Then when you actually visit you're like, "Oh, that's it?"

That's what is happening -- except with the girls you're meeting. You can let your imagination run wild and then you'll meet someone and something will be off.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 12:16 pm

DC47 wrote: But what do you make of the evidence that most people make strong evaluations of others in the first minute or less after meeting them?

Hard to say, I'm probably over 50% on getting a 2nd date but less than 25% getting a 3rd.

Stage 1: Am I ugly
Stage 2: Am I weird

Bengal: I've let it go (not much choice other than stalking), just having conversation here.

Johnnie: I agree. Usually I don't know much about the girl going into the first meeting but this girl started it. She wrote the long emails and then she got injured and wrote more long emails. I am guilty of feeding her questions to answer in those emails. But that's a fine line too, you want to show interest without showing interest.