In Which I Tell Every Swamper Why They Suck

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Mon Sep 21, 2015 12:30 pm

Love you buddy.

L-Jam3 · Post by **L-Jam3** » Mon Sep 21, 2015 12:38 pm

So you're saying I need to be more controversial and abrasive? Got it, you fucking dickwad.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Sep 21, 2015 12:55 pm

That takes care of half of it

Rush2112 · Post by **Rush2112** » Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:04 pm

Jerloma wrote:
I bet you're a fan of the Dalai Lama too. I'd bet my life on it. Of course you are.

What can I say, you know your raping QBs, and getting tickets to see the Dalai Lama tomorrow.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:24 pm

L-Jam3 wrote:So you're saying I need to be more controversial and abrasive? Got it, you fucking dickwad.

Ryan wrote:That takes care of half of it

This was brilliant and should not go unnoticed.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:25 pm

I'll facebook it

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 9:57 am

Sean

- "I know so much about the NFL draft and my analysis of talent is thoroughly researched and accurate." You know dick. Granted, I haven't tracked every player that you've either talked up or down through the years but all I can remember is that you said something in regards to Antonio Brown not being able to translate to the NFL and it had something to do with speed. The reason I don't remember exactly is because you probably said it ambiguously enough to cover your ass if you were wrong but in light of what Antonio Brown is doing, you'd be best to just hang it up.

- Releases new music like once every never. Did Garage Band go down or something? Holy shit. XTC has released more music in the past decade than GPJ.

- The pictures of him and his boys on Facebook...kind of bro-ey, amirite? Also, he looks a little too much like this d-bag for my liking.

- Routinely goes to Boston; never calls me. Because...50 minutes!

- Knows with absolute certainty that religion is made-up nonsense yet still identifies as a Christian. This is probably to appease his super-hot, super-rich, super-religious girlfriend and fair enough but just don't expect any spots on "Great Moments in Intellectual Honesty" anytime soon.

- Left the greatest city in the world for the tackiest.

- Hates manatees. Seriously...who hates manatees? People that suck; that's who.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:03 am

That pic link better be to Tyler Kennedy.

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:04 am

mister d wrote:That pic link better be to Tyler Kennedy.

Man. I think that's meaner than anything loma has written in this thread (so far).

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:11 am

Jerloma wrote:- Hates manatees. Seriously...who hates manatees? People that suck; that's who.

I'll come to Sean's defense on this. Fuck manatees. Stop telling me what "magnificent," "beautiful" animals they are. They look like giant gray floating turds, just begging to be put out of their misery. Plus, if the gravest threat to your survival is being killed by a speedboat motor, that's a sign you aren't meant to exist. (This also applies to drunk bros who fall off a yacht. Also everyone in Florida.)

e: Dugongs are cool tho.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:13 am

I don't like the inference that "Sean" and GPJ are the same person

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:18 am

Johnny Carwash wrote:
Jerloma wrote:- Hates manatees. Seriously...who hates manatees? People that suck; that's who.
I'll come to Sean's defense on this. Fuck manatees. Stop telling me what "magnificent," "beautiful" animals they are. They look like giant gray floating turds, just begging to be put out of their misery. Plus, if the gravest threat to your survival is being killed by a speedboat motor, that's a sign you aren't meant to exist. (This also applies to drunk bros who fall off a yacht. Also everyone in Florida.)

e: Dugongs are cool tho.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:30 am

rass wrote:Man. I think that's meaner than anything loma has written in this thread (so far).

Our boy is certainly prettier, but there's something about Kennedy that looks like "really fucked up GPJ".

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:31 am

Yeah, fuck manatees and fuck you!

I released a CD earlier this year, don't know who that dude in the speedo is, and I said "Antonio Brown is too athletically limited to become a top flite NFL WR", which was hilariously wrong and I've never claimed that it wasn't.

My record on NFL picks may be good or it may be spotty - I'll do some searching. I don't remember claiming to be infallible, but I do think Ryan Grigson sucks asses and balls.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:36 am

Let us never forget that Jerloma would have passed on Adrian Peterson because he had Willie Parker.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:38 am

The pubescent boy in the speedo is like a Glee thing, right?

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:40 am

It's the kid from Fault In Our Stars...hence the video.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:41 am

Ahhh. I'm way down on my pop culture though I did win trivia by myself last night.

CONS: I went to trivia by myself last night

Stillernation search is down so I can't confirm my super awesomeness at draft picking.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:42 am

Fault In Our Stars.

(God dammit, this isn't the "stuff I don't know about" thread.)

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:46 am

Seriously? You guys never heard of Fault In Our Stars? It was like this huge book and movie.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:48 am

Only one huge book I care about.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:52 am

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:05 pm

Jerloma wrote:Seriously? You guys never heard of Fault In Our Stars? It was like this huge book and movie.

The target market was young teens and old women. I saw the movie with my daughter, a young teen. Probably the same for you. But, I don't expect the 30/40ish guys to know much about it.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:18 pm

wlu_lax6

This is weird because for as long as he's been around and as many posts as he has, I know basically nothing about this person. Here's what I think I know...

- Likes Lacrosse
- Lives in the DC area
- Soccer, maybe?

Like, that's it. It's almost creepy. I suppose that him and I, if it's even a him, just don't post in the same threads hardly ever. Logically, one might determine that we're simply not interested in the same shit. So there's the #1 reason that you suck. I'm obviously awesome and if we have nothing in common, you must suck.

- Doesn't know how to fucking hyperlink.

- Username is cryptic and stupid

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:19 pm

BSF21 wrote:

I'm going to put this in the things I don't know about category. Magic, the Gathering? Seems like a really lame card/creature/whatever.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:19 pm

In the spirit of the thread, here are some NFL players I was dead wrong about and analyzed in a sucky manner:

- CJ Mosley
- Antonio Brown
- Alec Ogletree
- Julian Edelman
- Dontari Poe
- Stephon Tuitt
- Mark Barron
- Justin Gilbert, kinda
- Probably a ton of others

Though I think I can back up the contention that my three favorite players going into the 2014 draft were Khalil Mack, Aaron Donald and Odell Beckham.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:22 pm

Jerloma wrote: - Username is cryptic and stupid

Washington & Lee Lacrosse, #6. Spoooooky.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:22 pm

The Sybian wrote:I'm going to put this in the things I don't know about category. Magic, the Gathering? Seems like a really lame card/creature/whatever.

It's definitely not a Pokemon, that much I know

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:25 pm

They really toss paralyzed around in a cavalier manner.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:35 pm

Gunpowder wrote:They really toss paralyzed around in a cavalier manner.

Do you prefer Motility Deprived?

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:42 pm

Jerloma wrote:wlu_lax6
Doesn't know how to fucking hyperlink.

At least I did not get called out for only opening new threads and hyperlinking. I must be changing.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:44 pm

Jerloma wrote:This is weird because for as long as he's been around and as many posts as he has, I know basically nothing about this person.

I have a stronger real life connection to him than I do to any other poster here.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:44 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Jerloma wrote: - Username is cryptic and stupid
Washington & Lee Lacrosse, #6. Spoooooky.

Should've gone with name closest to HWNSNBM or whatever.

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:54 pm

mister d wrote:
Jerloma wrote:This is weird because for as long as he's been around and as many posts as he has, I know basically nothing about this person.
I have a stronger real life connection to him than I do to any other poster here.

Careful, that is the mother of my children you are talking about

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:25 pm

I'm pretty certain we've never spoken.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:37 pm

Speaking of wlu_lax, how does everyone vocalize his handle in their head? For me it's approximately "wuh-LOO-lacks" (the 6 is dropped).

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:39 pm

woo-lacks

I know.

Post by **Shirley** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:40 pm

Jerloma wrote:Seriously? You guys never heard of Fault In Our Stars? It was like this huge book and movie.

I've heard the title. Never seen/read it or realized it was "huge."

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:46 pm

Yeah...sancarlos probably has it right. It was huge in my house.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:46 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:Speaking of wlu_lax, how does everyone vocalize his handle in their head? For me it's approximately "wuh-LOO-lacks" (the 6 is dropped).

I spell it out each time. W-U-L-A-X.