In Which I Tell Every Swamper Why They Suck

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:46 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:Speaking of wlu_lax, how does everyone vocalize his handle in their head? For me it's approximately "wuh-LOO-lacks" (the 6 is dropped).

howard · Post by **howard** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:51 pm

rass wrote:woo-lacks

I know.

me too.

Gunpowder wrote:In the spirit of the thread, here are some NFL players I was dead wrong about and analyzed in a sucky manner:

Are we doing that, compiling our missed predictions? I don't think we have the bandwidth. Warm up the next version of the swamp, because if I do that, this version will surely break.

Sean's girlfriend is rich too? Now I'm really in love with her (even though we've never met.)

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:54 pm

I don't think she's full white, Howard.

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:58 pm

Shirley wrote:
Jerloma wrote:Seriously? You guys never heard of Fault In Our Stars? It was like this huge book and movie.
I've heard the title. Never seen/read it or realized it was "huge."

The Author John Greene sponsors AFC Wimbeldon via Nerdfighters

He had a long running story about his career mode soccer video game team.
http://nerdfighterfc.tumblr.com/faq" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:00 pm

Waloo Lacks

howard · Post by **howard** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:06 pm

mister d wrote:I don't think she's full white, Howard.

The joke aside (and it was a nice one, d) that light brown skin/brown eyes/brunette or black hair is my sweet spot. And practical; crosses many ethnicities, including full white.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:13 pm

howard wrote:
mister d wrote:I don't think she's full white, Howard.
The joke aside (and it was a nice one, d) that light brown skin/brown eyes/brunette or black hair is my sweet spot. And practical; crosses many ethnicities, including full white.

She's full out of 99% of anyone's league. I know that much.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:18 pm

BSF21 wrote:
howard wrote:
mister d wrote:I don't think she's full white, Howard.
The joke aside (and it was a nice one, d) that light brown skin/brown eyes/brunette or black hair is my sweet spot. And practical; crosses many ethnicities, including full white.
She's full out of 99% of anyone's league. I know that much.

And apparently only dates Christians, so that's like half of us that need not even apply.

Steve of phpBB · Post by **Steve of phpBB** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:22 pm

wlu_lax6 wrote:
Shirley wrote:
Jerloma wrote:Seriously? You guys never heard of Fault In Our Stars? It was like this huge book and movie.
I've heard the title. Never seen/read it or realized it was "huge."
The Author John Greene sponsors AFC Wimbeldon via Nerdfighters

He had a long running story about his career mode soccer video game team.
http://nerdfighterfc.tumblr.com/faq" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

John Greene also was responsible for the Crash Course video series on YouTube, which was a series of lessons on all kinds of subjects, like history, science, psychology, even intellectual property law. I've watched or listened to hours of that with my son.

And my daughter just picked up Fault in our Stars yesterday to read.

Basically, John Greene is the only part of modern culture that I know anything about.

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:24 pm

He's a big Liverpool FC fan, and has been on Men In Blazers a few times.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:40 pm

Jerloma wrote:Seriously? You guys never heard of Fault In Our Stars? It was like this huge book and movie.

I have a 13 yo daughter, so I was fully aware, but I can see how folks without a connection to the tween demographic could've missed this one...

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:44 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote:
Jerloma wrote:Seriously? You guys never heard of Fault In Our Stars? It was like this huge book and movie.

I have a 13 yo daughter, so I was fully aware, but I can see how folks without a connection to the tween demographic could've missed this one...

Is she obsessed with Slolz Jr there, too?

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 3:26 pm

Stop tryna f my b, frogs!

She doesn't only date Christians (or at least didn't), but it makes everything easier...her family's really into ol' JC. Middle Easterners seem to generally be really into religion. I wouldn't just pretend for her and I don't - I make comments on the reg about the double standards of many typical conservative viewpoints and what Jesus would think about, say, talking health insurance away from poors. She certainly knows that I am not a fan of religion in general. But I'm no atheist.

She's also not "rich", especially not by today's standards, but makes a very very nice salary. It would be hard for us to leave SW Florida, because the large majority of Phys. Assistants make about half that at best.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 3:30 pm

Sig'd

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 4:01 pm

Jerloma wrote:
Nonlinear FC wrote:
Jerloma wrote:Seriously? You guys never heard of Fault In Our Stars? It was like this huge book and movie.

I have a 13 yo daughter, so I was fully aware, but I can see how folks without a connection to the tween demographic could've missed this one...
Is she obsessed with Slolz Jr there, too?

I don't think so? She's not the type to have heartthrob posters up and I tend to not be involved in these discussions (she has them with mom*). This is likely a result of my swooning every time One Direction (New Direction in my house... because I'm HILARIOUS) shows up on the tellie. She's come to understand there's little gained by self IDing the current crush.

* It's a weird double standard, isn't it? If I got all hot under the waistband about whatever the latest version of Who's the Boss-era Alyssa Milano is trotting around on Disney Channel or NickTV, I'm a pervert. But barely pubescent werewolves and/or boy band types are fair game for the mom-set (at least around my neck of the woods.)

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 4:11 pm

Is it "oh, he's cute" or "I want his D in my V"? Odds are, the difference lies there.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 4:19 pm

mister d wrote:Is it "oh, he's cute" or "I want his D in my V"? Odds are, the difference lies there.

They might say the latter when husbands aren't around... this crew likes to throw back the wine.

Let me give you another example: At our neighborhood pool a couple years back, there was a cute/pretty female lifeguard. (Surprisingly rare, as it turns out.) Of course the guys were doing the obvious--the range of subtle, to completely not subtle amount of ogling.) Which was met with a range of boys will be boys to outright disgust and sometimes anger by the wives.

Now, at that very same pool that summer, a very handsome swim coach was hired. This guy liked to walk around shirtless, as you do at a pool I guess, and he was suitably dreamy. And the women had no qualms talking about it in mixed company. (Most of the guys were smart enough to keep suggestive comments about the lifeguard out of ear shot of the ladies.)

But it doesn't end there. The women trip over themselves inviting this guy to share dinners (we eat a lot of meals at the pool during swim team.) And it's all just really kind of over-the-top and, frankly, a little gross. As the years go by, he and his friends are invited to happy hours, occasionally not at the pool and often when husbands aren't around.

Flip that around. Can you imagine inviting a 20-something hottie to a happy hour that your wife wasn't going to attend? I mean... C'mon.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 5:28 pm

BSF21 wrote:
howard wrote:
mister d wrote:I don't think she's full white, Howard.
The joke aside (and it was a nice one, d) that light brown skin/brown eyes/brunette or black hair is my sweet spot. And practical; crosses many ethnicities, including full white.
She's full out of 99% of anyone's league. I know that much.

Hey, I've seen your pics on facebook, and your girl looks pretty much out of your league, too, but she's with you anyway. So, there's that.

Rams Fanny · Post by **Rams Fanny** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 5:54 pm

If you're going to go all Charlie-Sheen-on-a-crack-bender on us, the least you could do is post your rants in video form.

howard · Post by **howard** » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:27 pm

Gunpowder wrote: She's also not "rich", especially not by today's standards…

That's ok. You tell her I love her anyway.

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:09 am

howard wrote:
Gunpowder wrote: She's also not "rich", especially not by today's standards…
That's ok. You tell her I love her anyway.

Oy, Howard, a shiksa? It's a shonda.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Mon Sep 28, 2015 10:09 am

Gunpowder wrote:In the spirit of the thread, here are some NFL players I was dead wrong about and analyzed in a sucky manner:
- Mark Barron

Always liked him

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Mon Sep 28, 2015 7:26 pm

Can I just admit I suck and you can skip me?

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:11 pm

bfj wrote:Can I just admit I suck and you can skip me?

We already know you suck. It's more about the why than the if.

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:29 pm

Jerloma wrote:
bfj wrote:Can I just admit I suck and you can skip me?
We already know you suck. It's more about the why than the if.

I'm pretty sure I know why.

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 7:55 am

bfj wrote:
Jerloma wrote:
bfj wrote:Can I just admit I suck and you can skip me?
We already know you suck. It's more about the why than the if.
I'm pretty sure I know why.

I know why you suck this week.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 9:41 am

Delaware

I like Delaware. Unlike Ryan, he’s more than just snark. He’s got takes and he’ll defend them. He’ll defend them miserably and piss all over everything that resembles solid logic, but at least he’s not a giant pussy.

- In a scenario whereby Person A is explicitly stating right in front of Person B that Person B isn’t raising his children with the right values and Person B asks Person A what values that they are espousing to instill in their children that they presume Person B is not…he thinks Person B is the asshole.

- In light of that, he probably thinks Charlie Hedbo deserved it.*

- Thinks that only half-assedly paying attention to the NFL provides him with some sort of moral edge over everyone else

- Seems to get weirdly excited over the possibility of Ben R having raped someone. Like if some evidence came out that these accusations were completely false, I think he’d be disappointed. In other words, if he could choose between being able to rag on his internet friends for having to root for a rapist or one less woman being raped, I’m pretty sure he’d go with the former.* There…I said it.

- Thinks you have to retire from a message board instead of simply not posting

- I didn’t really feel like he showed me the proper level of gratitude for making him #1 in my last power rankings

*Don't really think those things.

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:13 am

Jerloma wrote:*Don't really think those things.

Speaking of giant pussies...

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:21 am

I never actually filed the paperwork.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:24 am

"More than just snark" = "Actually a legit asshole"

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 12:52 pm

Ryan wrote:"More than just snark" = "Actually a legit asshole"

Yep, he's got the goods to back it up.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 5:47 pm

The Sybian wrote:Yep, he's got the good...s...ack...

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 5:57 pm

Jerloma wrote:Delaware

I like Delaware...he’s more than just...piss...he’s...a giant pussy...

I...really think those things.

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 6:09 pm

Jerloma wrote:
I like.. to root for a rapist...There…I said it.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 6:45 pm

bfj couldn't be more obviously begging to be next.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 7:20 pm

I guess I'm supposed to counter? I think even more plausible than "Mister D really wants those rapes to be real" is the assumption that Ben could call J-Lo and say "I raped both those women and a couple others" and, after breathlessly expressing his gratitude for the call, J-Lo would continue to cheer his hypocritical little heart out right up until the day Roethlisberger leaves Pittsburgh.

TT2.0 · Post by **TT2.0** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 7:51 pm

why jerloma sucks:

1) in his person A) person b) metaphor on delaware i got so bored i literally fell asleep. you write like old people fuck, painfully and it hurts my eyes.

2) delaware is obviously the biggest asshole in history this side of 2004 me threatening reggie bush with my nissan sentra, yet he throws a disclaimer at the end.

3) he gets free reign to rip on everyone despite the 4 things anybody knows about him being 1) very bad karaoke singer 2) drinks shitty beer 3) is among the least funny people when posting about religion and 4) will forget everything i've said above if i say something nice about the steelers so....yeah. go steelers. losing rothy totally didn't kill your season. the patriots always cheated you. etc. etc. im bored with this game.

also fuck your piece of shit cat.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 8:20 pm

Strong finish.

(I did expect and hope for much worse. Some of the stuff he said earlier felt actually mean or close to mean and I just got "what I can remember from the past week" and one throwback poke. Lazy.)

SportsDoc · Post by **SportsDoc** » Wed Sep 30, 2015 8:06 am

rass wrote:
Jerloma wrote:*Don't really think those things.
Speaking of giant pussies...

...hey, he's on a roll, let him go.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Wed Sep 30, 2015 8:12 am

mister d wrote:Strong finish.

(I did expect and hope for much worse. Some of the stuff he said earlier felt actually mean or close to mean and I just got "what I can remember from the past week" and one throwback poke. Lazy.)

Yeah, this might surprise you, but you weren't easy at all. Like, I know that you regularly set out to antagonize me, but clearly it's not working.