Re: Depression is awful, awful, awful....
Posted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 5:43 pm
thank you guys. im in a better headspace today.
It's the sixth version of The Swamp. What could possibly go wrong?
http://www.sportsfrog.net/phpbb/
Is this just phrasing or a hit the brakes comment?degenerasian wrote: ↑Fri Jun 07, 2019 3:49 pmAnd she wants one more than me, so i think the pressure is getting to her.
thanks sancarlos.sancarlos wrote: ↑Sat Jun 08, 2019 11:09 am So, Degen, my wife had a really hard time getting pregnant. Tried for three years, took fertility shots, etc. Nothing seemed to work. They checked me out and determined I had live bullets, and they assumed the only thing wrong with her was that she wasn't young. But then she got a complete physical exam, and because she had bad cramps, they thought she might have something called endometriosis and she had a procedure called a laparoscopy done to correct it. Shortly after that, got her knocked up - even without fertility aids. My point to this story being - has your wife had a complete physical exam to ensure there isn't a medical reason she hasn't gotten pregnant?
Both TT and Degen - I'm really pulling for you guys and sending good vibes to you.
Thanks TT. That means a lot to me.
Just having a guy who helps your wife feel more comfortable and relaxed is probably worth it, even if he can't provide much medical help. Good luck!degenerasian wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:37 am So we saw the black magic doctor (as I will refer to him) and it was very informative. 1 hour session turned into nearly 2 hours because he had so many questions. He's given her some preliminary medication to help with the surgery in July and then will treat her accordingly afterwards depending on the result. He's also trying to get her previous lab tests back but that's like pulling teeth.
So wife feels better because someone is finally listening to her concerns, whereas family doctors just say you're fine, go home. I wish I had found this guy a year ago. I feel like I'm always a step behind in everything, it's frustrating.
Entire subgenres, I mean fields of medicine, are based on this idea!sancarlos wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:11 amJust having a guy who helps your wife feel more comfortable and relaxed is probably worth it, even if he can't provide much medical help. Good luck!degenerasian wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:37 am So we saw the black magic doctor (as I will refer to him) and it was very informative. 1 hour session turned into nearly 2 hours because he had so many questions. He's given her some preliminary medication to help with the surgery in July and then will treat her accordingly afterwards depending on the result. He's also trying to get her previous lab tests back but that's like pulling teeth.
So wife feels better because someone is finally listening to her concerns, whereas family doctors just say you're fine, go home. I wish I had found this guy a year ago. I feel like I'm always a step behind in everything, it's frustrating.
This was brilliant. And Degen, happy to hear your wife found a medical professional who is helping her.Ryan wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:27 amEntire subgenres, I mean fields of medicine, are based on this idea!sancarlos wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:11 amJust having a guy who helps your wife feel more comfortable and relaxed is probably worth it, even if he can't provide much medical help. Good luck!degenerasian wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:37 am So we saw the black magic doctor (as I will refer to him) and it was very informative. 1 hour session turned into nearly 2 hours because he had so many questions. He's given her some preliminary medication to help with the surgery in July and then will treat her accordingly afterwards depending on the result. He's also trying to get her previous lab tests back but that's like pulling teeth.
So wife feels better because someone is finally listening to her concerns, whereas family doctors just say you're fine, go home. I wish I had found this guy a year ago. I feel like I'm always a step behind in everything, it's frustrating.
Vent away. Let it all out.TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Jul 11, 2019 4:00 pm Today is a really rough day for me. it seems stupid to bitch when things are going well, but my thoughts are brutal. This is what it sounds like in my head right now.
Too soon. its too fast. 125 days ago you were borrowing money for pills. Now youve almost completely changed careers. booked in vegas. paid gigs. new friends. aa meetings. so many people know me.
Right now im scared of the future, regretful of my past, afraid im not good enough to take advantage of the doors that have opened..i just...fuck you guys. i wasnt supposed to be here yet. i wanted more time. i wanted to help other people get sober so i talked about my shit. i wonder if the choice i made to fight this openly and plainly was the right one. i miss anonymity a little. what happens if i fail? everyone is watching me.
my brain is also telling me that im not funny and im not even good enough to make anybody laugh, and that i should stop now before everyone finds that out.
My brain wants me to burn every joke i ever wrote and delete social media.
its not a good day. thanks for letting me vent
Here for you bud. Head up, keep going. You're destined for great things.TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Jul 11, 2019 4:00 pm Today is a really rough day for me. it seems stupid to bitch when things are going well, but my thoughts are brutal. This is what it sounds like in my head right now.
Too soon. its too fast. 125 days ago you were borrowing money for pills. Now youve almost completely changed careers. booked in vegas. paid gigs. new friends. aa meetings. so many people know me.
Right now im scared of the future, regretful of my past, afraid im not good enough to take advantage of the doors that have opened..i just...fuck you guys. i wasnt supposed to be here yet. i wanted more time. i wanted to help other people get sober so i talked about my shit. i wonder if the choice i made to fight this openly and plainly was the right one. i miss anonymity a little. what happens if i fail? everyone is watching me.
my brain is also telling me that im not funny and im not even good enough to make anybody laugh, and that i should stop now before everyone finds that out.
My brain wants me to burn every joke i ever wrote and delete social media.
its not a good day. thanks for letting me vent
$10 says you are talking about RB. My wife loves him and his pod.Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Thu Jul 11, 2019 4:12 pm Listening to a podcast the other day, actor guy who I won't name because it might undercut the message.
His big mantra is that nothing is permanent, including the negative space your head might be in at the moment. Even though I don't deal with depression, I tell myself this when I'm things are shitty. It helps. It's cliche (this, too, shall pass) but there's truth in cliches.
And like we were saying yesterday... No matter what self-doubt you experience, and I know it's real and impossible to shake... That dude picked YOU, and he has no other incentive than he wants a funny motherfucker opening up and getting his crowd going. There's just no other explanation, no matter what your brain is trying to fuck you up with.
I read every word of that wiki and i just...thats me. objectively thats me. i read the treatment. i just need to literally tell myself im funny. i just...wow. thats the shit i go through.Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Thu Jul 11, 2019 9:07 pm Hey TT, what you're experiencing is a very real thing experienced by all creative people, at least the ones who are actually good.
For what it's worth, your Facebook posts as a body of work have made me laugh more than most every new movie, show, comedian, etc. I've seen in the last few years, and I've thought "this guy is a remarkably funny dude" even before I knew you had actual professional aspirations.
i giggled. fortunately my anxiety puts itself in my life as "you have to overprepare" so at least i have everything written and rehearsed...i could go up now. i just have to not destroy myself in the meantime. writing shit here helps. today is a better headspace. thank you all
That same self doubt is what drives a LOT of successful people. Hell, maybe most of them. The fear of failing or being exposed as a fraud drives them to work hard and over prepare so they are always ready for whatever comes. It may not be a lot of fun to experience, but it can be really effective. (my wife has this problem too)TT2.0 wrote: ↑Fri Jul 12, 2019 11:33 ami giggled. fortunately my anxiety puts itself in my life as "you have to overprepare" so at least i have everything written and rehearsed...i could go up now. i just have to not destroy myself in the meantime. writing shit here helps. today is a better headspace. thank you all
Did you forward to Sponge? I think he's still around those parts.brian wrote: ↑Sat Dec 21, 2019 3:39 pm Not sure where else really to put this, but found out yesterday a very good friend of mine from back home went missing last week and yesterday her car was found abandoned in southern Oregon.
Probably not anything anyone can do, but maybe spare a positive thought or two. It's not hopeless -- I'm trying to stay positive and it's possible maybe she's in a facility somewhere, but that fact that a police report was filed and it didn't match up with anyone in custody in mental health or similar facilities in OR means that's probably not the case. If you happen to know anyone in southern Oregon (especially Grants Pass area near where her car was found, maybe asking them to post on Facebook or something. Thanks.
I just can't imagine the level of desperation they are at to put this out in the world, asking for help.We are writing this to help save our sweet son Owen. The boy that Jeff and I adore with all our hearts, a beautiful spirit and bright mind, and the loving older brother and hero of Tate.
Owen is 16 now and has been suffering and we are doing our best to save his life.
Owen was hospitalized in an Italian hospital for three and a half weeks where he was in a room where he was unsupported despite needing medical aid and therapy. Because we are civilians instead of military attached to a base, we are not eligible for mental health care at the American facility. Owen was diagnosed with major depressive disorder with suicidality and we were advised to come to the states immediately. We chose to bring him to Seattle where he was hospitalized again. During the months of January and February he tried to begin school and outpatient treatment, but it wasn't enough and he began to worsen. He has changed medications multiple times with no improvement and this has compounded his despair. Jeff and I have been trying desperately for the past 6 months to get Owen the help he needs, to keep him alive, and presently he is in a wilderness therapy program in Colorado. We have poured all of our savings into this program in the hopes that it will help bring him to a place where he can begin to heal.
Reading back through old posts in this thread, and I found this interesting to read back on. I'm still with the new therapist, and realize I never should have stuck with any previous therapist I ever had. She digs deep for the reason behind the way I think, not just focusing on what I think or listening to my problems. She floated some batshit theories, and I went along for the ride some times, but she has the ability/willingess to say "no, I was wrong there, let's try something else." I've learned that to change the way you perceive or react to life, you need to understand why you developed the coping mechanisms you use, then you start recognizing when you are using the mechanism, and you can stop it. It takes a lot of work and time, but you can completely change the way you interact with the world and respond to everything.The Sybian wrote: ↑Thu Feb 16, 2017 11:20 pm
Since I've already made this about me... Finally got around to going to a new therapist since my old guy retired at 92. Fucking quitter. After a couple sessions, she pauses and says, "your brain isn't normal. You don't operate the way most people do." As we continued to discuss the way my mind works, she just kept saying, "this is fascinating! I've never dealt with this before!" This should be a fun ride.
This is great to hear, Syb. Thanks for posting it.The Sybian wrote: ↑Mon Mar 16, 2020 9:13 amReading back through old posts in this thread, and I found this interesting to read back on. I'm still with the new therapist, and realize I never should have stuck with any previous therapist I ever had. She digs deep for the reason behind the way I think, not just focusing on what I think or listening to my problems. She floated some batshit theories, and I went along for the ride some times, but she has the ability/willingess to say "no, I was wrong there, let's try something else." I've learned that to change the way you perceive or react to life, you need to understand why you developed the coping mechanisms you use, then you start recognizing when you are using the mechanism, and you can stop it. It takes a lot of work and time, but you can completely change the way you interact with the world and respond to everything.The Sybian wrote: ↑Thu Feb 16, 2017 11:20 pm
Since I've already made this about me... Finally got around to going to a new therapist since my old guy retired at 92. Fucking quitter. After a couple sessions, she pauses and says, "your brain isn't normal. You don't operate the way most people do." As we continued to discuss the way my mind works, she just kept saying, "this is fascinating! I've never dealt with this before!" This should be a fun ride.
I thought I posted about this, but couldn't find anything. I went off meds about a year ago after 17 or 18 straight years of being on various anti-depressants. I've always been terrified of trying to go off and having a relapse or major depressive episode, and found an excuse to wait. Ah, I probably posted in the Rogan podcast thread, because his episode with Johann Hari was the final push to get me to try going off. His theory was that meds dull symptoms, and it's important to feel symptoms to take action. [he discovered this in a Vietnamese hospital when doctors refused to give him anti-diarrhea meds to mask symptoms, saying they can't treat him if they don't know the symptoms].
Anyways, I've probably hit the year mark and have been doing better off the meds than I was on. I feel much more connected and in the moment. My coping methods include disassociation and depersonalization, and anti-depressants made that much easier. I'd then internalize all my stress and anxiety, which heightened depression. Now between being off meds and clued in when I am using unhealthy coping mechanisms, I can stop myself, react to the stress and external factors and deal with it rather than internalizing it and shutting down.
All that said, I know going on meds saved my life and they were very necessary at different points, but I also think our current system relies too much on meds, and they shouldn't be viewed as a permanent fix for depression. Other mental illnesses like bipolar and schizophrenia absolutely require permanent medication, but depression shouldn't, at least not for most people.
Thanks guys. I always feel douchey posting stuff like that, but if any of that rings true for someone else, maybe it can help them.
It's a service, not doucheyness. Glad to hear it.The Sybian wrote: ↑Mon Mar 16, 2020 11:48 amThanks guys. I always feel douchey posting stuff like that, but if any of that rings true for someone else, maybe it can help them.
And Brian, I was afraid to ask about your friend. That just fucking sucks.