Swamp Wrestling Federation 2021 - Gunpowder vs. GoodKarma (Featuring BFJ and DSafe on the mic!)

duff · Post by **duff** » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:48 am

EnochRoot v TT2.0

I am torn. I enjoyed this match, but I am not sure it was really that good. For a bit I was concerned the Eunuch was going to go all Stormtrooper and miss all of his offensive moves. TT looked strong at times, but his skill set and moves are underwhelming. Looks like TT had an ace up his sleeve, and pulled out the win. I do enjoy his standing pin.

2.5 for a meh match. Enjoyable, but not good.

duff · Post by **duff** » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:57 am

Brian v bengal

The Battle of the Big Cats was the best match of the night, but that isn't saying much. Both looked good at times, but I am not a fan of cheap endings. Brian couldn't keep his hands off of bengal's junk or his junk out of bengal's face. He must be getting some tips on giving massages in Vegas. Gotta get them big tits, I mean tips.

Brian got the win with a cheap roll up. I don't even remember seeing any finishers brought out. I guess the dick grind frankensteiner. Need to see more from these guys. They are too good to give such mediocre matches.

3.3 stars

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:11 am

duff wrote:Brian v bengal

The Battle of the Big Cats was the best match of the night, but that isn't saying much. Both looked good at times, but I am not a fan of cheap endings. Brian couldn't keep his hands off of bengal's junk or his junk out of bengal's face. He must be getting some tips on giving massages in Vegas. Gotta get them big tits, I mean tips.

Brian got the win with a cheap roll up. I don't even remember seeing any finishers brought out. I guess the dick grind frankensteiner. Need to see more from these guys. They are too good to give such mediocre matches.

3.3 stars

Correct. he went off script. Not cool, man, not cool.

EnochRoot · Post by **EnochRoot** » Fri Dec 15, 2017 11:23 am

duff wrote:EnochRoot v TT2.0

I am torn. I enjoyed this match, but I am not sure it was really that good. For a bit I was concerned the Eunuch was going to go all Stormtrooper and miss all of his offensive moves. TT looked strong at times, but his skill set and moves are underwhelming. Looks like TT had an ace up his sleeve, and pulled out the win. I do enjoy his standing pin.

2.5 for a meh match. Enjoyable, but not good.

It's ENOCH you quintuplet of digital dunces!

Highlight of the match, despite the loss were the two amazing standing high jumps that would've shattered olympic records had this match been performed between 1900 and 1912.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Fri Dec 15, 2017 12:49 pm

As always, I am a badass.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Dec 15, 2017 12:56 pm

Have some special venues lined up for the regional final matches. Taking suggestions for where to hold our Final Four.

Planning to schedule this so that the championship match lands on Christmas or thereabouts.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:28 pm

I'd stay in Burlington

TT2.0 · Post by **TT2.0** » Fri Dec 15, 2017 3:28 pm

3 matches, never been pinned. fear me.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 7:50 am

[spoiler=MATCH RESULTS]A_B defeated duff by pin
Pruitt defeated GoodKarma by pin
sancarlos defeated rass by pin
brian defeated TT2.0 by pin[/spoiler]

NORTHEAST REGIONAL FINAL - KING OF PRUSSIA MALL
brought to you by Yuengling, Wawa, and Tastykake
duff vs. A_B
https://youtu.be/ky5WWtkofpY

MIDWEST REGIONAL FINAL - CINCINNATI GARDENS
brought to you by Skyline Chili and WKRP
GoodKarma vs. Pruitt
https://youtu.be/zMfplS19DCo

SOUTH REGIONAL FINAL - MCKENZIE ARENA, CHATTANOOGA, TN
brought to you by Krystal and Double Cola
sancarlos vs. rass
https://youtu.be/QaT5Z_Sfnug

WEST REGIONAL FINAL - THE FORUM, INGLEWOOD, CA
brought to you by In-n-Out Burger and Winchell's Donuts
TT2.0 vs. brian
https://youtu.be/wR09-7aqpoU

[spoiler=UPDATED BRACKET]

[/spoiler]

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:29 am

I want to be devastated, but the mat in the first match is so glorious that I can't get too upset.

Though I can't believe Salma just stood there while that old fuck hopped all over the ring and posed on me.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:30 am

In Kentucky, all we do is go to the FInal Four, bitches.

GoodKarma · Post by **GoodKarma** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 9:49 am

I guess the pug head finally got too cumbersome

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:38 am

Too heavy? Too light?

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:41 am

GoodKarma wrote:I guess the pug head finally got too cumbersome

Thought I was done for at 5:15. But pugs were never known for their stamina. And as a bonus for beating the Ohio Champion, I get to accompany the lovely Bailey Quarters to Skyline Chili for a bowl of steaming victory.

Rush2112 · Post by **Rush2112** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:00 am

BSF21 wrote:Seesaw match there! Rush beat the shit out of me for 7 minutes. Thought I was gonna make him tap! Love the John Cena look with the cap. Fun way to start Friday. I'll see you in a rematch you bastard.

Funny, my eyes had been glancing over this thread title and seeing all the posts I thought something had gone down in the WWE or whatever its called now. Forgot all about Carwash's league. Very entertaining read this morning.

Rush2112 · Post by **Rush2112** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:16 am

Pruitt wrote:Too easy.

Pfft. Better submit to a piss test because you were recuperating pretty damn fast for an old guy. Or maybe it's just the free healthcare.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:53 pm

Rush2112 wrote:
Pruitt wrote:Too easy.

Pfft. Better submit to a piss test because you were recuperating pretty damn fast for an old guy. Or maybe it's just the free healthcare.

I've been having neck and shoulder issues recently. My 3rd trip to the chiropractor and a series of x-rays and a consultation with my GP has put me on the road to recovery from what is a relatively minor nerve issue. Total cost? $20 for subway fare.

So yes, free healthcare, ten minutes of mindfulness meditation a day and my adherence to a "no cheap sliced meat" diet, is enough to keep me in prime physical and mental condition.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 5:46 pm

I need to know what the official duff ratings are before I can decide whether these latest matches were a success or not.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 5:55 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:I need to know what the official duff ratings are before I can decide whether these latest matches were a success or not.

Duff might be out of commission for a while. AB really layeth the smacketh down on him.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 6:51 pm

rass wrote:I want to be devastated, but the mat in the first match is so glorious that I can't get too upset.

Though I can't believe Salma just stood there while that old fuck hopped all over the ring and posed on me.

Finally got revenge for the 2016 Stanley Cup Finals.

TT2.0 · Post by **TT2.0** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 6:55 pm

i cant believe i lost to brian......me and bigfatjew against brian and whoe'ver eliminated bfj...lets get some revenge perfect ten style....except i demand a cage match!

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:40 am

Semifinal matches should be up around Christmas or shortly thereafter.

In the meantime, after last week's controversial count-out finish, the commissioner's ruled that Top Talent would retain their tag team title. Here they are defending against their next challengers, the DANK MEMES (Johnnie and Harambe):

https://youtu.be/0qo9YziQCl8

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 9:29 am

I guess the game doesn't have a toddler-sized skin for a third participant Top Talent could have brought ring-side as a distraction?

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 10:31 am

That's just glorious.

Harambe has potential as a brawler, but he should have stayed in developmental a little longer to work on his move-set. He's just not ready for the big time. But the SWF is lacking in crossover stars, and Harambe will give the commissioner the mainstream publicity he so desperately craves.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 11:09 am

Kranepool, there is nothing I can say other than the Swamp Wrestling Federation is a disgrace.

A gorilla.

Not Gorilla Monsoon.
A gorilla.

Not Tiger Ali Singh.

A gorilla.

Not George "the Animal" Steele.

An actual gorilla.

Top Talent was contractually required by this joke masquerading as a professional wrestling federation to wrestle against a gorilla. In what world, no, in what universe, no, in what REALITY is a man wrestling a gorilla "professional"? Clearly, my previous words against Swamp Wrestling Federation Johnny Hogwash were not nearly strong enough.

Is the Swamp Wrestling Federation a circus? Is it a travesty? Is it a sham? Is it a freakshow? Don't answer that last one, bapo.

I will tell you what the Swamp Wrestling Federation is. It is a disaster and sabo and DSafetyGuy will never be participating in it again, contracts be damned. I can tell you what Top Talent will be doing and that is having our retained legal advisors sending the Swamp Wrestling Federation offices certified letters demanding that sabo and DSafetyGuy be released from our contracts. If the Swamp Wrestling Federation is fortunate, these letters won't be including a lawsuit for contract violations, including unsafe working conditions.

I look forward to your response, Johnny Backwash, but I am not counting on a troglodyte such as you to be able to muster a competent one.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 11:43 am

duff · Post by **duff** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 2:20 pm

Sorry for the delay all.

So this is going to be short and to the point. The past five matches will be covered.

Match 1:
AB beat duff in a hard fought battle. The large coal miner is a no-selling SOB. I believe he moonlights as a dead gorilla because that POS no-sold the shit out of the power moves of DSG and sabo. No hard feelings though. We put on a hell of a match. Best of the night.
Match 2:
Pruitt pulled that match out of his Metamucil laced ass. The Canadian Cripple got the best of the pug. Decent match, but JC has it hard for the tribe member from Toronto.
Match 3:
sancarlos is drinking from the fountain of youth. The old man took it to rass all match. Second best match of the evening. Good win sck. I like your style.
Match 4:
Brian chopped down TT. Not as many crotch shots, but damn brian, you love putting faces into dicks. Doesn't matter whose face or dick.

And our special tag team championship match.

John and AB/Harambe vs DSG and sabo.

Always happy when that cheap shot artist known as DSG takes the L. It may have been a joke match, but damn, did AB/Harambe really take it to Not Talent. Maybe if they spent less time working their mic skills and more on their wrestling skills it would have been different.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:56 pm

Guess I need to start calling Duff Meltzer and give him some locker room dirt.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 10:48 pm

DSafetyGuy wrote:Guess I need to start calling Duff Meltzer and give him some locker room dirt.

{gulp}

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 11:26 pm

IM NOT saying im harambe. But I am saying we've never been seen in the same room together.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:24 am

I miss Salma.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:37 am

Hey everyone, sorry about the lack of updates, have been away from the game for the holidays and general chilling.

Plan to have the Final Four matches up starting next week. Still trying to decide on a venue. Burlington has been suggested, I'm also considering Montreal (sponsored by Schwartz's Deli, St. Viateur Bagel, and like 30 different strip clubs!) Still open to suggestions if you'd like.

Accepting proposals for grudge matches for the undercard. TT already suggested one, open to any others.

Also, in case you missed it, the tag team of DSafe and Sabo quit our federation after their controversial loss. I've heard they've signed with a certain other promotion and plan to take on their tag team champions soon. Here is a transcript of an exclusive interview I obtained with one of their upcoming opponents:

TANK YOU VERY MUCH WASH CAR! WEDNESDAY LIVE IN THE HARTFORD CAPITAL CITY OF THE COCONUT, ALL THE INTELLIGENT AMERICAN PEOPLE, ALL THE ITALIAN MY PAISAN, ALL THE ARABIAN, ALL INTELLIGENT JEW BUSINESSMAN LIKE THE PRUITT...WE GONNA FOUND OUT! I RESPECT THE SABO, HE IS GOOD MAN. I NO RESPECT HIS PARTNER THE SAFETY D GUY, HE IS DIRTY PUNK WITH THE BITE FACE AND PUNCH THE BALLS, HE IS NO GOOD MOTHERFUCKER LOWLIFE PIECE OF SHIT JABRONI WORSE THAN THE MICHAEL JACKSON! I DO HIM OLD COUNTRY WAY, SUPLEX HIM PUT HIM IN THE CAMEL CLUTCH BREAK HIS BACK FUCK HIS ASS MAKE HIM HUMBLE! WEDNESDAY IN THE HARTFORD CAPITAL OF THE CONCATENATE, WE GONNA FOUND OUT! CAMERA MAN ZOOM!

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:18 am

As a Montreal location, might I suggest the historic Verdun Auditorium, home of the Denis Savard arena?

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:05 am

SEMIFINALS - STADE OLYMPIQUE DE MONTREAL
brought to you by Schwartz's Deli, St-Viateur Bagel, the Quebec Tourism Board, and Le Cabaret Kingdom

[spoiler=MATCH RESULTS]A_B defeated Pruitt by pin
sancarlos defeated brian by pin[/spoiler]

Match 1 - A_B vs. Pruitt
https://youtu.be/idffRM0ojNE

Match 2 - sancarlos vs. brian
https://youtu.be/6VJ1ditG8N8

[spoiler=UPDATED BRACKET]

[/spoiler]

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 9:54 am

[+] spoiler: Probably spent too much time enjoying the swag provided by three of Montreal's finest sponsors - bagels, beef and broads. Felicitations to A_B who was simply too big for me to handle. And to be honest, his finishing move has filled me with some strange feelings.

rass · Post by **rass** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:24 am

Pruitt wrote:
[+] spoiler
...A_B who was simply too big for me to handle...And...his finishing...filled me...

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:07 pm

Old guys rule.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:11 pm

sancarlos wrote:Old guys rule.

A_B is older than me? Surprised he didn't need a walker to get into the ring.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:12 pm

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Now it's in the past. Liek the song says, I don't care about the last 24. Moving on to the next beatdown. Come get some.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:12 pm

Pruitt wrote:
sancarlos wrote:Old guys rule.

A_B is older than me? Surprised he didn't need a walker to get into the ring.

I'm a man! I'm 40! For five more weeks.

I have no idea how old you are.