Giff wrote:This close to just completely cutting my parents out of my life. They care not at all about my family, so why should I even keep up the pretense? Not to mention my mom sounds like the stupidest version of a Trump voter ever on Facebook and it's embarrassing.
I would never presume to speak to your feelings or your issues with your parents.
But I have for all intents and purposes cut my father out of my life. Back when I was feeling miserable and torn about his behaviour, a cousin of mine said that we can never control the way other people act - we can only control how we react.
Trite? Maybe, but it's 100% true. If certain people are constantly causing you anguish, than you owe it to yourself to do what will make you happier.
It is 100% true and exactly why I cut out my sister. It was a toxic relationship and I hated the thoughts I had whenever we'd fight. It's not fun secretly hoping my brother-in-law doesn't invite my sister on business trips because he's fucking someone else or that I want to throw the fact my niece is a classic closet case to my extremely conservative family.
brian wrote:
Giff wrote:This close to just completely cutting my parents out of my life. They care not at all about my family, so why should I even keep up the pretense? Not to mention my mom sounds like the stupidest version of a Trump voter ever on Facebook and it's embarrassing.
Not an argument for or against, but at this point in your life you don't owe your parents shit.
Personally I made the decision about six months ago to alienate myself from a segment of my family and I'm happier for it. Shit, maybe they're happier too, but I don't really care.
I'm way happier after doing that with my sister and brother. But it feels like another level with my parents. When we see them, we have fun (we don't discuss politics), but they just don't show any care to see us. Multiple times they've come to Houston to see my nieces in their random activities, but can't be bothered to come for my daughter's stuff and even come into town without telling us.
Last edited by Giff on Thu Apr 27, 2017 2:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
DSafetyGuy wrote:My mother and father will be visiting this weekend. They divorced in 1985.
Things get underway with the two of them sharing about seven or eight hours driving here. They've always been civil, but I wonder what they will chat about to pass the time for about 400 miles.
I look forward to telling them after they arrive that it's going to be weird for me at times to have them here together.
(My stepmother passed away in April 2013 and my stepfather passed away on the most recent Valentine's Day - both were remarried for longer than they were married to each other. My dad came to the memorial service for my stepfather and offered to pick her up if she ever wanted to come along when he was coming for a visit - he normally would take a bypass around the town where she lives when coming directly here, anyway. He knew he was coming up this weekend for a month or so and just called her out of the blue a couple weeks ago to see if she wanted to come.)
So, I had a friend with a similar story and the parents ended up back together.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
DSafetyGuy wrote:My mother and father will be visiting this weekend. They divorced in 1985.
Things get underway with the two of them sharing about seven or eight hours driving here. They've always been civil, but I wonder what they will chat about to pass the time for about 400 miles.
I look forward to telling them after they arrive that it's going to be weird for me at times to have them here together.
(My stepmother passed away in April 2013 and my stepfather passed away on the most recent Valentine's Day - both were remarried for longer than they were married to each other. My dad came to the memorial service for my stepfather and offered to pick her up if she ever wanted to come along when he was coming for a visit - he normally would take a bypass around the town where she lives when coming directly here, anyway. He knew he was coming up this weekend for a month or so and just called her out of the blue a couple weeks ago to see if she wanted to come.)
So, I had a friend with a similar story and the parents ended up back together.
Yeah, not counting on that.
“The running, the jumping... a celebration of life.”
DSafetyGuy wrote:My mother and father will be visiting this weekend. They divorced in 1985.
Things get underway with the two of them sharing about seven or eight hours driving here. They've always been civil, but I wonder what they will chat about to pass the time for about 400 miles.
I look forward to telling them after they arrive that it's going to be weird for me at times to have them here together.
(My stepmother passed away in April 2013 and my stepfather passed away on the most recent Valentine's Day - both were remarried for longer than they were married to each other. My dad came to the memorial service for my stepfather and offered to pick her up if she ever wanted to come along when he was coming for a visit - he normally would take a bypass around the town where she lives when coming directly here, anyway. He knew he was coming up this weekend for a month or so and just called her out of the blue a couple weeks ago to see if she wanted to come.)
So, I had a friend with a similar story and the parents ended up back together.
Yeah, not counting on that.
As soon as i read DSG's original post, I started imagining the scenario Giff mentioned, and perhaps the Lifetime channel movie of the weekend (starring John Goodman, Mary Steenburgen, and Ben Stiller as DSafe!).
DSafetyGuy wrote:My mother and father will be visiting this weekend. They divorced in 1985.
Things get underway with the two of them sharing about seven or eight hours driving here. They've always been civil, but I wonder what they will chat about to pass the time for about 400 miles.
I look forward to telling them after they arrive that it's going to be weird for me at times to have them here together.
(My stepmother passed away in April 2013 and my stepfather passed away on the most recent Valentine's Day - both were remarried for longer than they were married to each other. My dad came to the memorial service for my stepfather and offered to pick her up if she ever wanted to come along when he was coming for a visit - he normally would take a bypass around the town where she lives when coming directly here, anyway. He knew he was coming up this weekend for a month or so and just called her out of the blue a couple weeks ago to see if she wanted to come.)
So, I had a friend with a similar story and the parents ended up back together.
Yeah, not counting on that.
As soon as i read DSG's original post, I started imagining the scenario Giff mentioned, and perhaps the Lifetime channel movie of the weekend (starring John Goodman, Mary Steenburgen, and Ben Stiller as DSafe!).
Sounds like The Parent Trap.
And his one problem is he didn’t go to Russia that night because he had extracurricular activities, and they froze to death.
Giff wrote:This close to just completely cutting my parents out of my life. They care not at all about my family, so why should I even keep up the pretense? Not to mention my mom sounds like the stupidest version of a Trump voter ever on Facebook and it's embarrassing.
Not an argument for or against, but at this point in your life you don't owe your parents shit.
Personally I made the decision about six months ago to alienate myself from a segment of my family and I'm happier for it. Shit, maybe they're happier too, but I don't really care.
Have only spoken to my sister once or twice over the last 2 1/2 years, only on my kids' birthdays. Didn't go to her wedding last fall (have never even met her husband). She's a special kind of toxic. She acts as though the rift is my fault, after attacking my wife and my marriage. Have to say, it's amazing how cutting out that kind of negativity can release so much weight off your shoulders. Unfortunately, it seems to have affected my relationship with my mom. They live about 5 minutes apart and I hear pretty frequently that I should get over it, be the bigger person, etc. Don't talk with her nearly as much as I used to because I get so tired of that shit.
brian wrote:DSafe would probably be played by Corey Stoll.
I was asked by another passenger on a plane a couple months ago if anyone had ever said I look like Anthony Edwards. I told her it had been a while. I even got that back in college when ER was in its first couple seasons... and I had a lot more hair.
“The running, the jumping... a celebration of life.”
Giff wrote:This close to just completely cutting my parents out of my life. They care not at all about my family, so why should I even keep up the pretense? Not to mention my mom sounds like the stupidest version of a Trump voter ever on Facebook and it's embarrassing.
Not an argument for or against, but at this point in your life you don't owe your parents shit.
Personally I made the decision about six months ago to alienate myself from a segment of my family and I'm happier for it. Shit, maybe they're happier too, but I don't really care.
Have only spoken to my sister once or twice over the last 2 1/2 years, only on my kids' birthdays. Didn't go to her wedding last fall (have never even met her husband). She's a special kind of toxic. She acts as though the rift is my fault, after attacking my wife and my marriage. Have to say, it's amazing how cutting out that kind of negativity can release so much weight off your shoulders. Unfortunately, it seems to have affected my relationship with my mom. They live about 5 minutes apart and I hear pretty frequently that I should get over it, be the bigger person, etc. Don't talk with her nearly as much as I used to because I get so tired of that shit.
Yeah, nearly the same scenario, but without the living 5 minutes apart. My sister and I live very close, though. I used to talk to my parents at least every other day, but when that shit went down 6 years ago, I maybe talk to them every other week.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
phxgators wrote:They live about 5 minutes apart and I hear pretty frequently that I should get over it, be the bigger person, etc.
This is legitimately the dumbest thing a neutral party can say.
That is in the running with the false equivalency. My sister tried to screw me out of thousands of dollars by conspiring with my ex-wife. I said "you're dead to me". Same thing according to my parents.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
It always sucks to read about broken family situations. I grew up not knowing my real dad (actually did a paternity test when I was 10 and it wasn't the guy), but my step dad was awesome.
However, his other family (ex wife and my step siblings) seemed to just bask in drama. Just a new soap opera every week with the typical twists and turns.
My sister (technically half sister) who is 9 years younger than me married to a good dude. So no issues there. These days everyone is on good terms because they stay away from each other. And when I come home, I have this weird ability to bring everyone together and not start shit.
Having enlisted at 17 and being away from home since, I've avoided whatever happened along the way (outside of the idiocy by my mom after my step dad's passing) and keep a level head. I'm lucky I didn't have to actually kick people out of my life for political reasons.
I feel for you guys on that.
mister d wrote:Couldn't have pegged me better.
EnochRoot wrote:I mean, whatever. Johnnie's all hot cuz I ride him.
phxgators wrote:They live about 5 minutes apart and I hear pretty frequently that I should get over it, be the bigger person, etc.
This is legitimately the dumbest thing a neutral party can say.
But a Mother is not a neutral party.
From personal experience - one of my brothers-in-law is a complete moron. But for a few years, he was a coke-addicted moron who not only ripped off his brother (not a huge amount, but still...) but who actually tried to get his mother to sign over her condo to him. This happened just after his business partner (auto body shop) turned up dead and a later police investigation showed links between the dead guy and a group of crooked cops.
My wife cut all ties, even after the brother moved in with his mother "for a few months" that dragged out to three years. BUT my Mother In Law constantly cried that he missed our kids and wanted to make things right with my wife.
My wife is the best daughter any mother could hope for, but on more than one occasion she threatened to stop talking to her mother if she didn't butt out. But my mother in law couldn't stop herself. Maybe she kept remembering cuter times when her kids were kids and were playing happily in the backyard or something.
(Postscript is that the brother-in-law cleaned himself up and is now making a clean living in real estate. Still completely untrustworthy and thick as a post, but he and my wife have a civil relationship).
"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."
Theoretically should be if its child versus child, no?
Oh, what I meant is that a mother has an agenda. Usually to "make things right" with her kids.
But as was the case with my wife and her brother, merely doing that meant taking sides. Along the lines of, "I know he treats you and everyone like shit, but you should forgive him." So despite his behaviour, my wife was at fault for not reaching out to him.
"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."
Pruitt wrote:Oh, what I meant is that a mother has an agenda. Usually to "make things right" with her kids.
But as was the case with my wife and her brother, merely doing that meant taking sides. Along the lines of, "I know he treats you and everyone like shit, but you should forgive him." So despite his behaviour, my wife was at fault for not reaching out to him.
Yeah, that's about the summary right there. She just wants to make things "right", but when she has regular contact with one and not as much with the other, I think things get skewed in one direction a bit.
Underrated terrible sound: someone chewing gum with an open mouth. Thanks for the reminder, guy sitting next to me in the auto parts store waiting room!
Fanniebug wrote:
P.S. rass! Dont write me again, dude! You're in ignore list!
Johnny Carwash wrote:Underrated terrible sound: someone chewing gum with an open mouth. Thanks for the reminder, guy sitting next to me in the auto parts store waiting room!
Chomping on ice gets me.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
Johnny Carwash wrote:Underrated terrible sound: someone chewing gum with an open mouth. Thanks for the reminder, guy sitting next to me in the auto parts store waiting room!
Johnny Carwash wrote:Underrated terrible sound: someone chewing gum with an open mouth. Thanks for the reminder, guy sitting next to me in the auto parts store waiting room!
Chomping on ice gets me.
Seconded.
You guys would hate me.
I do keep my mouth closed while doing it though.
Until everything is less insane, I'm mixing weed with wine.
The ice thing might be annoying, but I would have paid mouth-breathing-gum-chewing guy to fill his mouth with ice instead. It was that disgusting. Sounded like he was giving the world's saddest, laziest blowjob.
Also, I must have been on a roll today because I encountered the worst human being short of an actual criminal that I had seen in about 15 years. It was eerily similar to the previous incident as well--a middle-aged, overdressed woman coming into a small independent bakery, asking for just a cup of coffee, bitching about things that were a non-issue to any normal person, then squawking that the coffee wasn't any good before leaving in a huff.
Fanniebug wrote:
P.S. rass! Dont write me again, dude! You're in ignore list!
(This is because, 9 times out of 10, they're pulling some "service people are inferior" bullshit and being on the other side but against them is a real wrinkle.)
Johnnie wrote: ↑Sat Sep 10, 2022 8:13 pmOh shit, you just reminded me about toilet paper.
Johnny Carwash wrote:Underrated terrible sound: someone chewing gum with an open mouth. Thanks for the reminder, guy sitting next to me in the auto parts store waiting room!
Gum is a big pet peeve of mine. Almost pathological in my hatred of gum chewing. (I hate the sound of all chewing)
Bad enough when a teenaged girl is doing the gum chewing, but when I see an adult male doing it, I can't help it, I think less of him.
And chewing with an open mouth to me is worse than nose picking in public.
"beautiful, with an exotic-yet-familiar facial structure and an arresting gaze."
Hot take: Publicly wishing someone a happy belated birthday just seems ridiculous. It comes off as weirdly self-centered, like you're calling more attention to your apology than the birthday itself. If it's a close friend or relative, send them a private message; if not, accept that missing their birthday isn't a huge deal and move on.
Fanniebug wrote:
P.S. rass! Dont write me again, dude! You're in ignore list!
I went through the by rote process of buying Mother's Day cards today, including one for my wife from me. I thought it threaded the needle and was plain but sweet without being too sentimental or religious or too "ha ha dads are dumb and/or horny and can't function without a woman". No fancy adornment, not oversized, no music.
At checkout I realized it was $8!!!
On the way back to the office I saw a Honda with one of those aftermarket paint jobs that made it look sort of tourquise when looking at it directly, but the curves and portions of the car you catch at an angle were purple.
rass wrote:I went through the by rote process of buying Mother's Day cards today, including one for my wife from me. I thought it threaded the needle and was plain but sweet without being too sentimental or religious or too "ha ha dads are dumb and/or horny and can't function without a woman". No fancy adornment, not oversized, no music.
At checkout I realized it was $8!!!
On the way back to the office I saw a Honda with one of those aftermarket paint jobs that made it look sort of tourquise when looking at it directly, but the curves and portions of the car you catch at an angle were purple.
It was an Odyssey.
Yeah, seems like only a few years ago greeting cards were like $3 or so. That's quite a fucking racket they've got. (Of course, the capitalist in me sees a market opportunity. Not like you need to hire the next Maya Angelou or Zig Ziglar to write some goddamned greeting cards.)
rass wrote:I went through the by rote process of buying Mother's Day cards today, including one for my wife from me. I thought it threaded the needle and was plain but sweet without being too sentimental or religious or too "ha ha dads are dumb and/or horny and can't function without a woman". No fancy adornment, not oversized, no music.
At checkout I realized it was $8!!!
On the way back to the office I saw a Honda with one of those aftermarket paint jobs that made it look sort of tourquise when looking at it directly, but the curves and portions of the car you catch at an angle were purple.
It was an Odyssey.
Yeah, seems like only a few years ago greeting cards were like $3 or so. That's quite a fucking racket they've got. (Of course, the capitalist in me sees a market opportunity. Not like you need to hire the next Maya Angelou or Zig Ziglar to write some goddamned greeting cards.)
Mrs. Sabo and I have talked about creating a bunch of irreverent greeting cards and selling them on Etsy. Etsy would be the ideal marketplace for that kind of thing.
rass wrote:I went through the by rote process of buying Mother's Day cards today, including one for my wife from me. I thought it threaded the needle and was plain but sweet without being too sentimental or religious or too "ha ha dads are dumb and/or horny and can't function without a woman". No fancy adornment, not oversized, no music.
At checkout I realized it was $8!!!
On the way back to the office I saw a Honda with one of those aftermarket paint jobs that made it look sort of tourquise when looking at it directly, but the curves and portions of the car you catch at an angle were purple.
It was an Odyssey.
Yeah, seems like only a few years ago greeting cards were like $3 or so. That's quite a fucking racket they've got. (Of course, the capitalist in me sees a market opportunity. Not like you need to hire the next Maya Angelou or Zig Ziglar to write some goddamned greeting cards.)
Mrs. Sabo and I have talked about creating a bunch of irreverent greeting cards and selling them on Etsy. Etsy would be the ideal marketplace for that kind of thing.
I have to believe the greeting card market is some crazy cartel. Past shot to disrupt have failed for a variety of reasons. I think shelf space is very important. Mail order has never seemed to work. E-cards are dumb. I wonder if a subscription service model where I could send packets of card for your needs 2 or 4 times a years. Pre stamped envelopes, but not pre signed. Hmmm...need to figure that one out .
