The OFFICIAL Irony thread

[Rex]

Just went to the Titanic Museum in Belfast where they had a very impressive virtual tour of the wreckage through a “glass floor”. Spent about $25, didn’t die, and had a pretty nice meal in the cafe to boot. That was close enough to the real thing for me.

[HaulCitgo]

He described being initially hesitant about going aboard the sub at all because some of the components appeared "off the shelf, sort of improvised".

"You steer this sub with an Xbox game controller, some of the ballast is abandoned construction pipes."

Pogue said he had been reassured by Titan's inventor and OceanGate's CEO, Stockton Rush, that the carbon-fibre main capsule had been co-designed with Nasa and the University of Washington and was "rock solid".

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co ... 957709.amp

[brian]

The North Atlantic hasn’t lost its fastball when it comes to claiming rich, dumbfucks.

[EnochRoot]

This is a pretty good comment in the Gizmodo article outlining what we know so far.

The article could use some more details.

First, the submersible made contact every 15 minutes to its ship. This stopped around 5:30 am on Sunday. The ship only made a distress call at 9 pm that day.

Second, there are seven different built-in “return to surface” systems. One of those systems is set to engage automatically once the ship has been submerged for 14 hours. That timer started as soon as the ship submerged, and is designed to work even if everyone on board is dead.

Third, visibility at its last presumed location (two miles down in the sea) is about twenty feet, even with bright lights. So the most reasonable method to search would presumably be sonar. However, because there is another man-made ship famously sunk in that area, sonar is not especially effective for spotting them. So they’re left with listening via sound for distress calls and searching the ocean surface for the submersible.

Fourth, the reason the Coast Guard is most searching the ocean surface is because if the ship made it back up (as it was designed to do via many failsafes), they can still suffocate to death because it’s airtight and the hatch can only be opened from the outside.

Fifth, the likelihood that they’re at the surface is basically nil, because they had emergency GPS equipment for that outcome. The equipment they did have would not have survived hull compression.

Sixth, hull compression is the most likely reason for failure. There are two reasons why: first, the pressure cycling of going back and forth from the deep sea is highly likely to cause hull fractures over time, and second, because the contact ceased when they were dropping to the ocean floor and pressurizing.

Seventh, if failure was caused by hull compression, then everyone would have died basically instantaneously - within a second or two. There is a very good, but not guaranteed, chance that they were not aware of any hull problems prior to compression. Otherwise, the various gauges and sensors in the submersible would have alerted them to pressurization issues, and they would have reacted by returning to the surface.

If he's taking edits, I think suffocate to death is overkill.

[rass]

It’s like having a guuuuuuuuy
With “Ocean” in his user name
Who stopped postiiiinnng years ago

[brian]

I know no one wants to be the bad guy so I’ll say it. A bunch of rich fucks dying in a dick-measuring contest about how rich they are isn’t a tragedy.

[The Sybian]

The doors on the submersible can only be opened from the outside, so even if it surfaced, which is highly unlikely, they would need to find it to open the doors before they run out of air. Fuck that, I’m not getting in anything you can’t open from the inside!

[Ryan]

This message board, circa 2013

[rass]

Fuck that, I’m not getting in anything you can’t open from the inside!

(cut to Syb attending an event at Mar a Lago for some reason and refusing to go to the bathroom)

[A_B]

Fuck that, I’m not getting in anything you can’t open from the inside!

(cut to Syb attending an event at Mar a Lago for some reason and refusing to go to the bathroom)

"Guys, I don't think I should have switched jobs..."

[Nonlinear FC]

The doors on the submersible can only be opened from the outside, so even if it surfaced, which is highly unlikely, they would need to find it to open the doors before they run out of air. Fuck that, I’m not getting in anything you can’t open from the inside!

I'm not paying close attention to this whole thing, but on NBC News last night I heard something about this thing not being certified. I don't really know what that means, but put "non-military submersible" on the list of things I'm not getting in. Same list that includes "plane where the objective is to jump out with a backpack full of nylon and polyester."

[Johnnie]

My buddy gets paid by the military to jump out of planes with a backpack full of nylon and polyester.

I compare this thing to 'civilian space travel' more than skydiving. Skydiving, itself, is relatively safe. It's the nauseating ascent in the rickety plane that sucks.

But deep sea shit and space shit just aren't on the approachable level that air travel is, IMO. Leave that shit to the government.

[Square Rob]

Guys, trying to find the socially appropriate joke about combining this news story with the Alito and Thomas billionaire buddy trips and am failing.

[EnochRoot]

I know no one wants to be the bad guy so I’ll say it. A bunch of rich fucks dying in a dick-measuring contest about how rich they are isn’t a tragedy.

Sounds like the sentiment shared by most Americans about a certain soulless strip in the desert.

[Giff]

I don't personally know a single person who doesn't love going to Vegas. I also personally don't know a single person who'd be dumb enough to get on this vehicle and go two miles deep in the ocean.

[Steve of phpBB]

I also personally don't know a single person who'd be dumb enough to get on this vehicle and go two miles deep in the ocean.

I would definitely be dumb enough to climb into something like this if it were going into space. And I were rich enough to afford it. But not the bottom of the ocean.

[Giff]

One of their stepsons still going to the Blink-182 concert is hilarious to me.

Also, love how Dan Crenshaw is already blaming Biden on them not being saved.

[L-Jam3]

Not to steal Jerloma's schtick, but I don't think this is irony at all. If anything, this appears completely fucking expected.

[Square Rob]

One of their stepsons still going to the Blink-182 concert is hilarious to me.

Also, love how Dan Crenshaw is already blaming Biden on them not being saved.

It’s amazing. These titan guys are on record complaining about safety precaution rules and laws stifling their creativity and the government being too intrusive. Then they come running begging for help and complaining when they can’t be helped.

[govmentchedda]

One of their stepsons still going to the Blink-182 concert is hilarious to me.

Also, love how Dan Crenshaw is already blaming Biden on them not being saved.

Saw a twitter response to this with a clip from their "Miss You" video with just DeLonge's lyric "Where are you?" posted. Absolutely hilarious.

[govmentchedda]

One of their stepsons still going to the Blink-182 concert is hilarious to me.

Also, love how Dan Crenshaw is already blaming Biden on them not being saved.

Saw a twitter response to this with a clip from their "Miss You" video with just DeLonge's lyric "Where are you?" posted. Absolutely hilarious.

[sancarlos]

I don't personally know a single person who doesn't love going to Vegas. I also personally don't know a single person who'd be dumb enough to get on this vehicle and go two miles deep in the ocean.

If and when I get to Vegas again, I know I can be in full-on party mode, because the usual governor on my party engine has made it clear she has no interest in going there.

[Giff]

I still say that should be the next Swamp meetup.

[sancarlos]

I still say that should be the next Swamp meetup.

Particularly if there was some good live music we all want to attend.

[govmentchedda]

I still say that should be the next Swamp meetup.

Particularly if there was some good live music we all want to attend.

I'm always interested in a Vegas trip. Would need to be 2024 or later for me, but definitely want to.

[Pruitt IV]

From The Onion's classic "Our Dumb Century" - the headline and subheadline are applicable in this case...

[mister d]

Not to steal Jerloma's schtick, but I don't think this is irony at all. If anything, this appears completely fucking expected.

I wasn't going with its failure, just the "dying at sea after going to gawk at the remains of those who died at sea". Like whenever Elon builds a rocket intended to ascend to the exact point at which the Challenger exploded, and then his explodes. I'll also post that here.

[rass]

I'd say that in the reporting that has happened the last few days, the whole "safety regulations are wasteful" stance of the owner/operator might help qualify, too.

[mister d]

Aside from their wealth, is there any reason everyone is committing resources to finding these dipshits?

[A_B]

Aside from their wealth, is there any reason everyone is committing resources to finding these dipshits?

These can be useful training exercises even if they can't recover the people in time. That's a callous way to look at it, but it does make the next time both safer (if it forces more regulation/inspection) and more likely to be successful with experience. There's a good chance those vessels (air and sea) helping with S&R were doing something else less "important" when the calls came in, but they were doing something. Expensive fuck up by billionaires, funded by governments. Par for the course!

[Nonlinear FC]

Meh... The whole deal with seafaring vessels is that everyone is supposed to stop whatever their doing and go help. I don't know if it's official maritime law or whatever, but if not, it's like unwritten code in MLB or the NHL.

[L-Jam3]

Meh... The whole deal with seafaring vessels is that everyone is supposed to stop whatever their doing and go help. I don't know if it's official maritime law or whatever, but if not, it's like unwritten code in MLB or the NHL.

A quick google search indicates that it's an active requirement to assist vessels in distress on the high seas, and US Federal Statute makes it a crime to fail to do so.

[A_B]

Meh... The whole deal with seafaring vessels is that everyone is supposed to stop whatever their doing and go help. I don't know if it's official maritime law or whatever, but if not, it's like unwritten code in MLB or the NHL.

A quick google search indicates that it's an active requirement to assist vessels in distress on the high seas, and US Federal Statute makes it a crime to fail to do so.

Seems like a submersible might not exactly be the easiest thing for a commercial ship to help find, but I suppose if by some miracle it ended up on the surface, more eyes there are better. And I don't know how sophisticated the tech would have to be to help track via sonar on board at those depths where most ships would have no reason to think about.

[mister d]

Interesting. Maybe the same thing always happens for migrant vessels but the attention/framing is different.

[Giff]

Sounds like even if they find it and it's on the bottom of the ocean, it's going to be near impossible to get it to the surface.

[sancarlos]

Interesting. Maybe the same thing always happens for migrant vessels but the attention/framing is different.

Ha! Or, not.

[A_B]

Sounds like even if they find it and it's on the bottom of the ocean, it's going to be near impossible to get it to the surface.

Oh yeah, most shipwrecks are just left. This one being a smaller vessel increases the chance of succesfully recovering, but there's virtually no way that anyone is still alive, because you'd have to ascend them at the appropriate speed just in case. And anything they use to find it will probably have a camera on it and they'll be able to tell if there was a breach, at which point it makes no sense to retrieve.


BUT..if they do find it intact and it's still within the time frame I'd wager some divers are in for the experience of their life and learning some new skills on the fly. So some (badass) jamoke who built the pilings on some deep bridge is sitting on a boat right now consulting what depth they could reasonably take the thing apart and rush in with oxygen.

Remember, it's easier to send the drillers to the asteroid than teach astronauts to drill.[/orange]

Edit: I ain't breaking new ground with any of this, it's just fascinating to me to think about what the engineering, nautical and biological contingencies are at the moment.

[GoodKarma]

Keeping the thing attached to a simple nylon rope like they do with unmanned ROV's would have prevented this.

They'd need 2.5 miles of it but still...

[mister d]

Rope costs money.

[Johnnie]

Man, I'm just now seeing memes and getting sent memes of this ordeal on social media. (To be fair, I've been away from my phone for the last couple days.) And holy shit, some of these are dark.

But not as dark as a broken submarine on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.

Edit:

I full on belly laughed at this shit.