Bathroom Etiquette

testy boxcar · Post by **testy boxcar** » Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:09 am

Johnnie wrote:Civilian friends, does your place of business post urine color charts to remind you how hydrated/dehydrated you are?

This might still be a thing in the Air Force. I remember in my previous maintenance squadron they were up everywhere. I found it equal parts amusing and absurd that you needed to print out a color chart for piss and then recommend how much water I should drink based off of it.

I haven't seen them anywhere but in the military.

Post by **Sabo** » Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:11 am

Is there a color code for a slightly reddish-pink hue because you ate a bunch of beets the day before?

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:16 am

Sabo wrote:Is there a color code for a slightly reddish-pink hue because you ate a bunch of beets the day before?

I'd call Shrute Farms about that.

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:17 am

I need a scratch and sniff poster so I know when I've had enough much coffee for the morning.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Mon Apr 08, 2013 12:13 pm

They have that chart in the UK practice facility.

Hodor · Post by **Hodor** » Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:04 am

Hodor

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Dec 05, 2013 2:21 pm

Someone left anti-circumcision (or pro-foreskin?) paraphernalia in the bathroom here at work. TLC Tugger. Heh.

ZMan · Post by **ZMan** » Thu Dec 05, 2013 2:44 pm

Has there ever been an issue where one side cares as much as the other side cares as little?

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Fri Dec 06, 2013 6:34 am

"15 square inches of exquisite sensual interface"

You can't make this shit up.

rass · Post by **rass** » Fri Dec 06, 2013 6:44 am

Not foreskin related, but heh.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Fri Dec 06, 2013 10:40 am

rass wrote:Someone left anti-circumcision (or pro-foreskin?) paraphernalia in the bathroom here at work. TLC Tugger. Heh.

Seriously? WTF, how do you forget that? why would you use one. Oh, dear G-d! Speaking of G-d, why would anyone undo their covenant with "Him"?

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:41 am

Hand-written sign taped to the men's room this morning:

D'NOT USE
BATHROOM CLOSET

There is no closet in the bathroom. We weren't sure if the note-writer misspelled "closed", or somehow combined "bathroom" and "water closet". I can't figure out how "D'NOT" looked right to someone.

Rush2112 · Post by **Rush2112** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:50 am

rass wrote:Hand-written sign taped to the men's room this morning:

D'NOT USE
BATHROOM CLOSET

There is no closet in the bathroom. We weren't sure if the note-writer misspelled "closed", or somehow combined "bathroom" and "water closet". I can't figure out how "D'NOT" looked right to someone.

Any Scots in your office?

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:07 pm

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:15 pm

govmentchedda wrote:Nae

Everything I know about Scottish spelling comes from reading Trainspotting.

govmentchedda · Post by **govmentchedda** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:23 pm

rass wrote:
govmentchedda wrote:Nae
Everything I know about Scottish spelling comes from reading Trainspotting.

Aye

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 2:43 pm

This is a bit old, but I just happened by it recently. Ya know how the military has a little sexual assault problem? And by "little" I mean "a giant, calamitous clusterfuck of epic proportions." Well this is how the Air Force deals with it:

Here's a link to the Business Insider account of the situation.

And here is a picture of the rebuttal she posted:

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:36 am

So apparently my office building has installed new motion sensor lighting in the bathroom...lights come on when you open the door, etc.

However, they don't give you much time to um, handle business. They went off about 15 seconds later. Do you know how hard it is to read in the dark?

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:47 am

Sounds like you need a Crapper Clapper.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:07 am

Went to snag some batteries from the secretary, mentioned the light issue, and apparently I wasn't the first person to complain, including several of the ladies that work for us!

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:17 am

So, here's a thing:

Do any of you guys use foot to bring the seat down on the toilet. A LOT of folks do that here at work, and the only reason I bring it up.

IT'S REALLY FUCKING LOUD!

If you are in a bathroom and you produce a loud noise, keep in mind that sound is super amplified by all the tile. Dude did that in the stall next to me yesterday and my ears were ringing.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:19 am

Its possible to use the friction of the sole of your shoe to lower it without it slamming down

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:24 am

I'm not sure I can even get my foot that high.

What about power pissers. i'm sitting in the stall and I can hear a guy pissing so hard into the urinal that it echos. Is that just to prove that he's big?

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:29 am

degenerasian wrote:I'm not sure I can even get my foot that high.

What about power pissers. i'm sitting in the stall and I can hear a guy pissing so hard into the urinal that it echos. Is that just to prove that he's big?

I'd think the bigger you are, the closer to the water you'd be, and the quieter the piss would be. Could just be a full bladder and healthy prostate.

L-Jam3 · Post by **L-Jam3** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:42 am

What the hell? I come back to the Swamp, see the bathroom etiquette page, and there's no diagrams? This place has been slipping.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:44 am

Sorry..here's a diagram of my situation:

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:21 pm

I had to take a mid-afternoon dump, my preferred stall was taken and I didn't feel like walking downstairs, so I used the handicap accessible stall, hoping it wouldn't happen again. It's only been a couple of times, but even once was enough to cause me to prefer not to use this toilet. Maybe I should have taken it as a bad sign when I sat down awkwardly and brushed my junk on the seat. Or maybe I figured at that point, what the fuck difference does make? Sure enough, after whatever set of muscles you use to pee relaxed and the poop muscles stepped up, there they go. My giant fucking balls dip into the fucking apparently consistently just a bit too high you would think someone else would have fucking complained by now but yeah I guess not because what are they going to say water. Fuck. I need a shower. I'm going home.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:25 pm

My friend's cousin's dad had a coworker whose balls went into the toilet water in the handicapped stall at his work and now he's handicapped too.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:51 pm

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 4:01 pm

That clip is at least 20 years old. Man.

P.D.X. · Post by **P.D.X.** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 4:02 pm

I think the splash-back alone would keep me from toying with a water level that high.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 4:05 pm

Ryan wrote:That clip is at least 20 years old. Man.

Just as relevant today as it was 20 years ago.

rass · Post by **rass** » Sun Jul 06, 2014 3:38 pm

Someone else's kid just took a giant shit on the floor of my bathroom.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Sun Jul 06, 2014 6:35 pm

rass wrote:Someone else's kid just took a giant shit on the floor of my bathroom.

So... not cool?

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:19 pm

NOT COOL

My wife cleaned it up. Fans and candles everywhere last night. I heroically kept my chocolate soft serve joke to myself when I offered to go out for ice cream last night. Though we did have a power outage here at work today, and when I sent her the email titled "brown out" I added "Second day in a row!!!".

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:37 pm

Yeah, you probably need to go ahead and move. There isn't enough bleach.

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:51 pm

That bathroom was brand new as of this past March, too.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:06 pm

PROSPECTIVE BUYER: So I notice on your disclosure sheet that the bathroom floor has been shat upon...

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Sep 23, 2014 7:31 am

POOP ON FLOOR!

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:22 am

Harper left a single poop on the floor for my wife to walk downstairs to this AM. Something is amiss, fellas.