Godless III - Completing The Trinity

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 3:04 pm

Costco apologizes for labeling copies of the Bible as "fiction"

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 3:26 pm

That is truly the most sensitive cult ever. They should feel privileged Costco even sells that piece of excrement.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 3:30 pm

Jerloma wrote:That is truly the most sensitive cult ever. They should feel privileged Costco even sells that piece of excrement.

Seriously. I have yet to see a Torah on sale at Costco. I demand an apology.

(for the one or two of you who aren't Jewish, Torahs are huge, weigh a ton, and cost upwards of $30,000)

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 3:36 pm

The Sybian wrote:
Jerloma wrote:That is truly the most sensitive cult ever. They should feel privileged Costco even sells that piece of excrement.
Seriously. I have yet to see a Torah on sale at Costco. I demand an apology.

The Bible is more Jewish than it is Christian!

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 4:31 pm

Jerloma wrote:
The Sybian wrote:
Jerloma wrote:That is truly the most sensitive cult ever. They should feel privileged Costco even sells that piece of excrement.
Seriously. I have yet to see a Torah on sale at Costco. I demand an apology.
The Bible is more Jewish than it is Christian!

I don't care, I want to bulk purchase Torahs, dammit! Well, the Old Testament is factually accurate. The New Testament is fiction. The New Testament is considered "the Bible," right?

Speaking of the Bible, my daughter handed my son a book to read to her. It looked age appropriate, about a boy trying to learn to ride a bike. The I overhear "anything is possible, as He gives me the strength. Everything is possible through Him." Then my son pronounced Bible rhyming with "nibble." Not sure if he knows what the Bible is, despite all of the proselytizing he receives from one friend at school. And lucky us, she is in his class again. Out of 10 or so classes. I did love his pleading that he needs to learn about Jesus, otherwise he'd get in big trouble. And I realize how that is going to come off to half of you...

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 5:02 pm

From Cracked.com: 6 Filthy Jokes You Won't Believe Are from the Bible

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 5:15 pm

The Sybian wrote:(for the one or two of you who aren't Jewish, Torahs are huge, weigh a ton, and cost upwards of $30,000)

Yeah . . . and before the interwebs came along everybody had to carry around a set of encyclopedias so they'd know the answer to everything right away. That's why our generation is in such strapping shape to this day.

For those of you who don't plan on opening your own Synagogue any time soon, I'd recommend the Kindle edition Torah as a somewhat less cumbersome alternative. Unless, of course, you enjoy toting clumsy gevil-bound weighty cudgels about your wanderings. Perhaps the schmegeggie shillelagh look may catch on (if it finds the right Crown Heights raised designer).

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 6:32 pm

So since Costco now has to label bibles as non-fiction because they offended the most insecure deity ever...will they have to take all of their science books and label them as fiction?

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 6:33 pm

I thought that said Costas.

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:02 pm

You're making a lot of of a little here. It's a combination error by the distributors and the staff at Costco who likely can't even read simple English and are just opening boxes and stacking shelves. The labelling error is not criticism; it's not a statement. From a business point of view, issuing an apology was prudent. They didn't have to. It got them free publicity that will be viewed as favorable by at least half of their consumer base. The other half won't give a fuck; no difference to them.

Visit any decent book store. Bibbles, Kookrans, and similar hokum pokum typically is filed under neither Non-Fiction or Fiction but rather "Religious" or "Theological" or "Spiritual".

I can understand differentiating department sections to make finding things easier, Fiction or Non-Fiction or Travel or Cooking or Kids or Cooking Kids, but there really is no need to label individual books as being either Fiction or Non-Fiction. Anyone who picks up a book and needs to be told whether it is a work of fiction or non-fiction or, say, an atlas, has bigger problems than reading.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:44 pm

Bibbles, Kookrans, and similar hokum pokum typically is filed under neither Non-Fiction or Fiction but rather "Religious" or "Theological" or "Spiritual".

That's fine but if you're differentiating only by fiction or non-fiction, the books labeled non-fiction should be the ones that are backed up by some sort of historical evidence and don't contain enormous scientific errors and contradictory stories within the book itself. It's deceiving the customer. It's like labeling the rat poison as sugar. The word "truth" has to have some sort of value in the world of literature. You can't just change the meaning because you're trying to give hand jobs to the majority of your consumers so you can make more money.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 8:03 pm

Scottie wrote:
The Sybian wrote: For those of you who don't plan on opening your own Synagogue any time soon, I'd recommend the Kindle edition Torah as a somewhat less cumbersome alternative.

Translated into English? WTF? what's the point of reading or listening to the Torah if you understand it? And the suggested book Learn to Read Hebrew in 90 Minutes, WTF was wrong with my Hebrew school teachers? It took them years to teach us how to read Hebrew. I want my youth back, Temple Israel! (Original name, right?)

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 8:04 pm

You're making way too much out of this. And . . .

Jerloma wrote:You can't just change the meaning because you're trying to give hand jobs to the majority of your consumers so you can make more money.

. . . yes, you can. That's business. Happens in every industry, every day, from politics to Pontiacs.

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 8:08 pm

The Sybian wrote:Translated into English? WTF? what's the point of reading or listening to the Torah if you understand it?

Yeah. It's the same with opera, right? You want your opera in a language that you can't possibly understand so that you remain unaware that the characters are really just singing "C'mon, let's go. It's time to go. Let's goooooooooo! Everybody go. Go go go! Hey, you and me and me and you and you and them and me and them and them and youuuuu! Yes, we're going now. Oh yes were are we're going now. Yes now. Now now now! We're going. Hey! We're! Goooooooooing! Nooooow!"

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 8:23 pm

Scottie wrote:
The Sybian wrote:Translated into English? WTF? what's the point of reading or listening to the Torah if you understand it?
Yeah. It's the same with opera, right? You want your opera in a language that you can't possibly understand so that you remain unaware that the characters are really just singing "C'mon, let's go. It's time to go. Let's goooooooooo! Everybody go. Go go go! Hey, you and me and me and you and you and them and me and them and them and youuuuu! Yes, we're going now. Oh yes were are we're going now. Yes now. Now now now! We're going. Hey! We're! Goooooooooing! Nooooow!"

Your G-ddamned right! If I knew the words to the incantations I was subjected to in Synagogue all those years, it would have saved me years of trying to grasp what I believed in. Sure, there was an English translation on the opposite page in the prayer books, but it was written in Medieval English, so this 10 year old couldn't get past all of the "Thou art"s and "be thine"s. Instead, I focused on sulking that all of my Christian friends were at home playing football, and "whoa, Mrs. Greenblat has huge boobies!" Hee hee, Boobies.

But seriously, those Hebrew incantations due hold a sway in their ancient reverence when you have no idea what is being said. It just sounds and feels really important.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 8:31 pm

Scottie wrote:You're making way too much out of this. And . . .

Jerloma wrote:You can't just change the meaning because you're trying to give hand jobs to the majority of your consumers so you can make more money.
. . . yes, you can. That's business. Happens in every industry, every day, from politics to Pontiacs.

I'm really not losing any sleep over it. I don't know if my tone is misleading but I'm not bagging on this anymore than I bag on anything else in this thread. Unlike the Christians, I'm actually not going on a campaign against Costco and demanding an apology. My deity isn't really that insecure.

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:29 pm

The Sybian wrote:But seriously, those Hebrew incantations due hold a sway in their ancient reverence when you have no idea what is being said. It just sounds and feels really important.

Using a language that only the rabbis/priests understand is a good business model. Freaking out the masses worked for the Catholics for a millennium or two. Introibo ad altare Cleveland.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Thu Nov 21, 2013 7:04 am

The Sybian wrote: But seriously, those Hebrew incantations due hold a sway in their ancient reverence when you have no idea what is being said. It just sounds and feels really important.

And put a choir behind it and man, you are talking awe-inspiring.

My Grandfather was one of those old guys who muttered his Hebrew prayers. Like a chant almost, but I am convinced to this day that he couldn't read the language and merely mumbled his way through the services throwing just the odd coherent syllable into the mix.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 10:26 am

If anyone wants a laugh, Real Actors Read Christian Forums has got you covered...

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 10:59 am

Jerloma wrote:If anyone wants a laugh, Real Actors Read Christian Forums has got you covered...

Those are brilliant. As to the concerned parents, I'd think they would just be thrilled that their 5 year old is exhibiting heterosexual tendencies. Also, I'm not a biblical scholar, but I don't recall hearing anything about Jesus denouncing sending flowers.

ETA: I had to look up Matthew 5:28: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

The Relations Thread is clearly a sin.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 11:07 am

The Sybian wrote:
Jerloma wrote:If anyone wants a laugh, Real Actors Read Christian Forums has got you covered...

Those are brilliant. As to the concerned parents, I'd think they would just be thrilled that their 5 year old is exhibiting heterosexual tendencies. Also, I'm not a biblical scholar, but I don't recall hearing anything about Jesus denouncing sending flowers.

ETA: I had to look up Matthew 5:28: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

The Relations Thread is clearly a sin.

Hell, watching that video was a sin.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 4:21 pm

The Sybian wrote:ETA: I had to look up Matthew 5:28: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

My ex girlfriend told me this once. I flipped my shit. I had no idea, until now, that it was from the bible. When we broke up she said we were "not equally yoked" and had to explain it because I looked at her funny not getting the reference. It was pretty much an admission from her that our relationship was for naught and that she strove to change me into a better Christian (or one to begin with) when I explicitly told her in the beginning to never try to change me.

Of course she had a kid out of wedlock, loved premarital sex, and was striving to be kinky in the bedroom for me. Of course. But hey! The non-Christian was the one full of sin.

Side note: http://www.equallyyoked.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; is a Christian dating website.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 5:19 pm

Johnnie wrote:Bitch, I'll make sure your house and car are equally yolked.

DSafetyGuy · Post by **DSafetyGuy** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 8:04 pm

Johnnie wrote:And I'll shoot my whites everywhere, too.

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:08 pm

The Sybian wrote:ETA: I had to look up Matthew 5:28: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

There's so many differing translations of Al-Bibble. Some say that if you admire yon filly's stargazing pointy tits, you're going to hell. Yet it is a pair of stargazing pointy tits. Whatcha gonna do? Put a burqa on 'em? Really, I'm going to concoct an excuse to follow that down the neighboring grocery aisle so I can get more of it.

This is where the Book of Gadzooks fails. Because it doesn't understand the fundamental complexity of man. Of modern man. Yes, we can produce Shakespearean eloquence in a heartbeat as a species but we also get a raging hardon when face-to-vagina with something yummy. The Bibbler? The Islamo-Christy-Hebriffic "how to" manual? It's the anti travel guide. It tells you exactly what not to do. There's no fun. There's no solid recommendations. There is no Book of Blowjobs. No Epistle of Threesomes. No Apostle of Unnnnnngh. The 69th Psalm doesn't mention gumping each other's goodies.

See, I'm not a T&A guy. That's precisely why Bibbzilla doesn't speak to me. Tits are silly and, as most women will tell you, baggage. I can say quite honestly, very honestly, that I look at women exactly as whether or not I want to fuck them. They wanna wear tight revealing clothing? Marvelous. That makes my job easier. I never look at a chick and wonder what her thoughts are on Dostoevsky or the economy.

I've violated enough Bibblical standards that Jeeperz better have a multi-level facility for me in Hell; the size of The Mall Of America. Hopefully it will have a 24/7 surround sound theatre for all the artsy films I watch. I say that assuming the Jeeguys inevitably got Hell wrong, too, and erroneously believe Tarkovsky films are some sort of torture.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:25 pm

Scottie wrote:
1.) Really, I'm going to concoct an excuse to follow that down the neighboring grocery aisle so I can get more of it.

2.) This is where the Book of Gadzooks fails. Because it doesn't understand the fundamental complexity of man. Of modern man.

3.)I can say quite honestly, very honestly, that I look at women exactly as whether or not I want to fuck them. They wanna wear tight revealing clothing? Marvelous. That makes my job easier. I never look at a chick and wonder what her thoughts are on Dostoevsky or the economy.

1.) Sooo true. Pathetic, maybe, but I'm sure we all do it.

2.) See, I think this is exactly why the Bible and Christianity and Islam have persevered. Guilt and fear only work when you are forbidden from doing something it is impossible not to do.

3.) Yeah, pretty much. I think most women would be horrified to learn this, but yeah.

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:45 pm

The Sybian wrote:3.) Yeah, pretty much. I think most women would be horrified to learn this, but yeah.

They do it, too.

If some lovely little bit of construction wandered by wearing spray paint and I didn't check her out? My wife would wonder what was wrong with me. That works both ways. If semi-superman waltzed down the grocery aisle and she didn't cap a glance, I'd wonder what's wrong with her.

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 12:10 am

Especially if there is some writing on the front of her T-Shirt.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 7:37 am

I always window shop. If a girl is going to dress to be seen, I'll look at her. I just hate that someone, somewhere will twist that to mean that I'm some sort of misogynist pig.

"How DARE you look at the girl with her tits spilling out and her skirt just barely covering her ass! What kind of animal are you?"

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 1:12 pm

Scottie apparently hasn't read the book of Ezekiel.

Scottie · Post by **Scottie** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 4:35 pm

On the contrary. I wrote Ezekiel! The Musical. Also known as "Hey! Ya' Crazy Deity!" and translated into Arabic as Do The Funky Azariah.

But it was completely trashed by critics. I like to believe it was simply ahead of its time.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 9:54 pm

Scottie wrote:
The Sybian wrote:3.) Yeah, pretty much. I think most women would be horrified to learn this, but yeah.
They do it, too.

If some lovely little bit of construction wandered by wearing spray paint and I didn't check her out? My wife would wonder what was wrong with me. That works both ways. If semi-superman waltzed down the grocery aisle and she didn't cap a glance, I'd wonder what's wrong with her.

No doubt, but i don't think girls actively and immediately rule guys out solely based on looks. Men are visual when it comes to mate selection. Sure, if a guy is a 10 women will drool over him, but I don't think women, especially women in a relationship, prowl the mall imaging getting banged by half the men in there. Or mentally checking off the other half thinking, "no, too fat. No, bad hairline..." Maybe I am wrong, though. Difference is that girls can and often do fall in love with a guy they initially don't find attractive. If a guy isn't physically attracted to a girl, it ain't going to happen. Sure, he may still fuck her, but he will never be attracted to her.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 11:05 pm

That's one of the great things about emancipating yourself from religion. I used to feel guilty for being so shallow, now I realize I'm just a slave to my DNA.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Sun Nov 24, 2013 2:07 pm

Jerloma wrote:That's one of the great things about emancipating yourself from religion. I used to feel guilty for being so shallow, now I realize I'm just a slave to my DNA.

Yep, torturing yourself with unnecessary guilt while spending a lot of time and money to do it. But a lot of people get a lot of peace of mind out of it, so it isn't all bad.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Mon Nov 25, 2013 10:47 am

Church to remove painting because it makes parishioners really uncomfortable. No...not because there's something barbaric about a hanging by nails from a cross...

“I looked up at Jesus because it's up by the ceiling on the altar,” said Geri DeBoo. “I immediately saw genitals of a man.”

“I know that I've noticed it. I haven't said anything, mostly because I kind of feel guilty saying something,” said one parishioner who didn’t want to be identified. “I bet if I look back, I can probably find it in my wedding pictures.”

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Mon Nov 25, 2013 10:56 am

Jerloma wrote:Church to remove painting because it makes parishioners really uncomfortable. No...not because there's something barbaric about a hanging by nails from a cross...

“I looked up at Jesus because it's up by the ceiling on the altar,” said Geri DeBoo. “I immediately saw genitals of a man.”

“I know that I've noticed it. I haven't said anything, mostly because I kind of feel guilty saying something,” said one parishioner who didn’t want to be identified. “I bet if I look back, I can probably find it in my wedding pictures.”

Are they referring to the shape of his abs? If so, I can see female genitalia in the folds of his skirt.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:05 pm

Cue Ray "banana Man"Comfort and Kirk Cameron: Crickets chirping slowed down sounds like perfectly harmonized church choir. Suck it, Jerloma.

http://enpundit.com/someone-recorded-cr ... s-singing/

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Tue Nov 26, 2013 10:17 am

Oh Syb...I was just about to convert.

http://www.snopes.com/critters/gnus/cri ... m=facebook" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Nov 26, 2013 10:45 am

Jerloma wrote:Oh Syb...I was just about to convert.

http://www.snopes.com/critters/gnus/cri ... m=facebook" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

The questionable factual accuracy will do nothing to dissuade Ray and Kirk. Either way, it still sounds cool.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Tue Nov 26, 2013 10:52 am

I don't have time for this shit. I'm still trying to figure out why there are still monkeys.