The Swamp

For as much as Deadspin pisses me off sometimes, one of their features I still enjoy is their series of rankings of various everyday things. Been thinking for a while of starting something similar here to see if it might catch on. I'll start with a relatively mundane one that is unlikely to provoke overly hostile reactions (or maybe it will).

Salad Dressings, Ranked:
1. Blue Cheese
2. Ranch (freshly made)
3. Italian
4. Peppercorn
5. Thousand Island
6. Honey Mustard
7. Caesar
8. Red Wine Vinegar
9. Russian
10. Ranch (bottled)
11. French/Catalina
12. Balsamic Vinaigrette
[big gap]
13. weird combination fruit/vinaigrette shit

Miscellaneous thoughts:
-I don't actively dislike any of them except the last one. We have enough good dressings, stop pushing your raspberry/apple/mango/walnut shit on me.
-I have to confess I go for bottled ranch as a default choice more than I should even though it tastes like Elmer's glue with salt in it.
-Thousand Island gets its higher ranking based mostly on its use as a hamburger sauce; it's just meh on salads.
-I don't hate Balsamic Vinaigrette, I'm just annoyed by how it's been slowly replacing Italian over the last decade or so. It's like a bitch-ass substitute for people who think Italian is too "zesty."
-I'm not sure whether I've actually had Russian dressing so I put it in the middle somewhere. Sorry.

Responses and additional entries are not only welcome, but encouraged.

1. Caesar
2. That Ken's one with the three-cheese suspension at the bottom
3. Getting stabbed by a conspirator
4. Anything else

Isn't Russian just 1000 island without the chunks and shouldn't that move up the rankings based soley on the Cornedbeef, Coleslaw, Russian Dressing sandwich? Not many sandwhiches have a salad dressing in the core ingredients.

Also your list seems to be lacking the diversity of dressing type. Creamy Caesar for example and the Godess dressing my wife loves and I want to poke my eyes out from having as the only choice.

1. Blue Cheese
2. Italian
3. Thousand Island
4. Buttermilk Ranch
5. Balsamic Vinaigrette

1) The vinaigrette my wife makes sometimes - the one with the sunflower seeds
2) Japanese sesame
3) Thousand Island
4) Italian
5) Caeser (the non creamy one)

Johnny Carwash wrote: Salad Dressings, Ranked:

2. Ranch (freshly made)

Never occurred to me to make this fresh. Gotta try that.

All about honey mustard over here.

Giff wrote:All about honey mustard over here.

Weird ... I like honey, and I like mustard, but I do not like honey mustard dressing at all.

My rankings:

1. Blue cheese
2. French
3. Caesar
4. Peppercorn
5. Oil and vinegar

howard wrote:

Johnny Carwash wrote: Salad Dressings, Ranked:

2. Ranch (freshly made)

Never occurred to me to make this fresh. Gotta try that.

Holy shit, really?

Or, wait: to clarify, by "fresh" I didn't mean making it 100% from scratch, but using the store-bought mix and adding the milk and mayonnaise yourself. Still vastly better than the bottled kind.

We make the packet kind regularly. So much better.

Outback ranch dressing, ftw.

Oh yeah, I used to make it from the packet, although I haven't done that for a while. I thought you meant from scratch (starting from a mayo or sour cream or both base I guess.)

I haven't even noticed the packets in the store for a long time, I'll look for it.

Giff wrote:Outback ranch dressing, ftw.

Ooo. I haven't had that in years, but I used to like it. Sort of a spicy ranch, right? It didn't hurt that they used to top their salads with a mountain of grated cheddar cheese.

I think ranch would be my #1, and then a good balsamic vinaigrette.

My current goto is a lemon vinaigrette, which I guess is at the bottom of carwash's list. Good thing he encouraged responses, unlike most of the Deadspin lists. That same branding makes a pretty good ranch, too.

rass wrote:

Giff wrote:Outback ranch dressing, ftw.

Ooo. I haven't had that in years, but I used to like it. Sort of a spicy ranch, right? It didn't hurt that they used to top their salads with a mountain of grated cheddar cheese.

Yeah, I didn't really catch on that it was the ranch that made their cheese fries so sinful. I worked there in high school and was addicted to them, but no other place would come close and I didn't understand why until someone pointed that out. Had a 1/3 of a small order this past weekend for my yearly indulgence (worst chain restaurant appetizer you can order, healthwise) and it was so fucking good.

My ranking is a lot shorter:

1. None.

And.... go.

1) Caesar
2) Getting hit by a bus
3) Roasted Broccoli with a little hard Parmesan grated over it (if you're going with veggies, why not go to this instead of a second rate salad?)

Completely Irrelevant In Every Way Big Four Sports Franchises, Ranked

1. Denver Nuggets
2. Ottawa Senators
3. Tennessee Titans
4. Arizona Coyotes
5. Milwaukee Brewers
6. Columbus Blue Jackets
7. San Diego Padres
8. Utah Jazz
9. Washington Wizards
10. Atlanta Falcons

Ryan wrote:Completely Irrelevant In Every Way Big Four Sports Franchises, Ranked

1. Denver Nuggets
2. Ottawa Senators
3. Tennessee Titans
4. Arizona Coyotes
5. Milwaukee Brewers
6. Columbus Blue Jackets
7. San Diego Padres
8. Utah Jazz
9. Washington Wizards
10. Atlanta Falcons

If I really needed a second NFL team on the list, I think I would go with the Jags. And probably the Kings over one of the other NBA teams.

Too well-known for their overall long-term shittyness or dysfunction to be totally irrelevant. Under consideration though.

howard wrote:
I haven't even noticed the packets in the store for a long time, I'll look for it.

Also quite good as the base of a gravy of sorts for crock pot roasts.

Sabo wrote:

Giff wrote:All about honey mustard over here.

Weird ... I like honey, and I like mustard, but I do not like honey mustard dressing at all.

Same. Same.

Homemade ranch (buttermilk-chive) shouldn't even be called ranch because bottled ranch is shit and homemade ranch is tremendous.

Dressings:

1 Oil and vinegar
2 Vinegar
3 Just eat the vegetables. It won't kill you if they still taste like vegetables.

Moreta wrote:3 Just eat the vegetables. It won't kill you if they still taste like vegetables.

What if you're just sick of dry Bacos and croutons?

Ryan wrote:Completely Irrelevant In Every Way Big Four Sports Franchises, Ranked

1. Denver Nuggets
2. Ottawa Senators
3. Tennessee Titans
4. Arizona Coyotes
5. Milwaukee Brewers
6. Columbus Blue Jackets
7. San Diego Padres
8. Utah Jazz
9. Washington Wizards
10. Atlanta Falcons

When Durant and Westbrook leave Oklahoma City (which is going to happen...100% guaranteed), the Thunder will be #1 on this list, with a bullet.

Stadium Names of Minor League Baseball, Ranked

1. Radiology Associates Field at Jackie Robinson Ballpark
2. Classic Park
3. The Diamond
4. Neuroscience Group Field at Fox Cities Stadium
5. Northeast Delta Dental Stadium
6. Ticketreturn.com Field at Pelican Park
7. Volcanoes Stadium
8. Peoples Natural Gas Field

9999. Recreation Park

8. Peoples Natural Gas Field

Dammit, I was saving that one for my firepit area after burritos and beer.

Ryan wrote:2. Classic Park

I've been there! It's a pretty nice stadium for a low A-ball team.

I hate the "[X] Field at [Y] Park" names that are getting increasingly common. Hey, motherfuckers at Radiology Associates: you either think Great American Hero Jackie Robinson deserves his unsullied name on the park, or you don't.

Johnny Carwash wrote:I hate the "[X] Field at [Y] Park" names that are getting increasingly common. Hey, motherfuckers at Radiology Associates: you either think Great American Hero Jackie Robinson deserves his unsullied name on the park, or you don't.

I'd blame the motherfuckers who are selling the naming rights of the park. They're the ones who want to have it both ways.

#5 should be nicknamed the Dam.

Johnny Carwash wrote:I hate the "[X] Field at [Y] Park" names that are getting increasingly common. Hey, motherfuckers at Radiology Associates: you either think Great American Hero Jackie Robinson deserves his unsullied name on the park, or you don't.

I'm still waiting for someone to add a third one. We'll get there eventually.

Bleacher Report Field at Invesco Stadium at Mile High.

duff wrote:#5 should be nicknamed the Dam.

Yes

Ryan wrote:

duff wrote:#5 should be nicknamed the Dam.

Yes

Kind of off the subject, but I like it when locals come up with a halfway-witty name for a stadium. In Denver, when one goes to the Pepsi Center (home of Nuggets and Avalanche), they refer to it as "going to The Can". In San Jose, when one goes to the SAP Center (Sharks), you are "going to The Tank".

I think "The Phone Booth" outlived actual phone booths

sancarlos wrote:

Ryan wrote:

duff wrote:#5 should be nicknamed the Dam.

Yes

Kind of off the subject, but I like it when locals come up with a halfway-witty name for a stadium. In Denver, when one goes to the Pepsi Center (home of Nuggets and Avalanche), they refer to it as "going to The Can". In San Jose, when one goes to the SAP Center (Sharks), you are "going to The Tank".

We tried to use "the Drum" for LOS, but it's only kinda half stuck.

Calgary Flames
Winnipeg Jets
Milwaukee Bucks
New Orleans Pelicans
Orlando Magic

I'm really happy "The Juice Box" hasn't taken off locally for Minute Maid Park.

People tripping on minor levels of power, ranked:

1. guy at a big box store who needs to see your receipt before you can leave
2. customs agent
3. fan club president
4. upscale restaurant hostess
5. homeowner's association/PTA board member (tie)
6. doctor's office administrative staff
7. sports stadium usher
8. school crossing guard
9. Facebook community group moderator
10. youth sports coach

Good stuff, Carwash. From my experience, I would say that 5 and 8 could be moved up in the rankings. And, I'd find a spot for TSA agents, too.