Yo, Jews!

[bfj]

I’m on a Zoom Bat Mitzvah and the cantor is doing Adon Olam to the tune of Backstreet Boys “I Want it That Way”.

[Pruitt]

Take $50 off of the check.

[wlu_lax6]

Take $50 off of the check.

56 off...should be a multiple of 18

[wlu_lax6]

I’m on a Zoom Bat Mitzvah and the cantor is doing Adon Olam to the tune of Backstreet Boys “I Want it That Way”.

So clearly an Orthodox service

[Pruitt]

Take $50 off of the check.

56 off...should be a multiple of 18

Ummm...

[A_B]

Take $50 off of the check.

56 off...should be a multiple of 18

Ummm...

He can make mistakes in any language, even the universal one that is math.

[wlu_lax6]

Take $50 off of the check.

56 off...should be a multiple of 18

Ummm...

He can make mistakes in any language, even the universal one that is math.

To be fair I was not really paying attention when I typed that...I was actually trying to sing Adon Olam to "I Want it That Way" and struggling pretty badly.

[bfj]

Take $50 off of the check.

56 off...should be a multiple of 18

Ummm...

He can make mistakes in any language, even the universal one that is math.

To be fair I was not really paying attention when I typed that...I was actually trying to sing Adon Olam to "I Want it That Way" and struggling pretty badly.

[wlu_lax6]

Okay this is fascinating. Also the last part of the article about the other person is a pretty interesting inclusion.
https://www.businessinsider.com/afghani ... Insider%29

[Pruitt]

Okay this is fascinating. Also the last part of the article about the other person is a pretty interesting inclusion.
https://www.businessinsider.com/afghani ... Insider%29

Honestly, it's like a classic Jewish joke: https://www.rferl.org/a/1098711.html

[The Sybian]

Okay this is fascinating. Also the last part of the article about the other person is a pretty interesting inclusion.
https://www.businessinsider.com/afghani ... Insider%29

Best paragraph of the article:

Simantov became the country's last Jew after the death of Yitzhak Levy, with whom Simantov took care of the synagogue. According to the Post's report, the two men hated each other so much that they were both released from a mutual stint in jail because their arguing was "so annoying" to their Islamic jailers.

[brian]

Just booked a trip to Mexico City for the winter and learned that it is the largest city in the world to have a Jewish mayor.

[sancarlos]

[govmentchedda]

I worked as muscle for the hora at a bar mitzvah last weekend. When will my shoulders stop hurting?

[bfj]

If I do that at our simchas my family all has 9-1- already dialed and ready to go.

[govmentchedda]

The funniest thing is that this family is easily the smallest in stature that we know. The bar mitzvah is no taller than 5'1", his mom is no taller than 5'3", and his dad is no taller than 5'5". This should have been easy, but I'm still struggling over here 72 hours later.

[bfj]

I would not allow that silly chair shit at my wedding because I didn’t want my groomsmen to be injured trying to hoist me. No thanks.

I caught a bride at her wedding once as she slid right off the front of the chair.

I’ve also told my wife that I don’t want pall bearers for my funeral. I don’t want people to have to carry me and their last thought of me to be “good lord you fat bastard, you’re killing us”.

I did get lifted at my Bar Mitzvah and it was fun.

[govmentchedda]

The bar mitzvah (am I using that right?) asked me if I'd done it before and I told him yes, and that I'd only dropped 5 of the last 6 to get in the chair.

[pruitt2]

I would not allow that silly chair shit at my wedding because I didn’t want my groomsmen to be injured trying to hoist me. No thanks.

I caught a bride at her wedding once as she slid right off the front of the chair.

I’ve also told my wife that I don’t want pall bearers for my funeral. I don’t want people to have to carry me and their last thought of me to be “good lord you fat bastard, you’re killing us”.

I did get lifted at my Bar Mitzvah and it was fun.

I don't know the guys in this picture and have never spent much time in the Baltimore area - but damn! it brings back so many memories.

You will not be surprised to learn that my friends at 13 looked remarkably similar to yours. We may have even had the same fake glasses that the kid in the back is wearing.

[bfj]

I would not allow that silly chair shit at my wedding because I didn’t want my groomsmen to be injured trying to hoist me. No thanks.

I caught a bride at her wedding once as she slid right off the front of the chair.

I’ve also told my wife that I don’t want pall bearers for my funeral. I don’t want people to have to carry me and their last thought of me to be “good lord you fat bastard, you’re killing us”.

I did get lifted at my Bar Mitzvah and it was fun.

I don't know the guys in this picture and have never spent much time in the Baltimore area - but damn! it brings back so many memories.

You will not be surprised to learn that my friends at 13 looked remarkably similar to yours. We may have even had the same fake glasses that the kid in the back is wearing.

Not fake. He had horrible eye sight.

[The Sybian]

Not fake. He had horrible eye sight.

Initially saw this on my phone, and the glasses seemed normal. Seeing it on my computer, it looks like those old fake glasses with the Asian eyes. Hilarious.

I'm too lazy, but I was thinking this picture is ripe for the classic "Name the CGuglie" thread, or whatever her name was. Also reminded me I need to get this book:



It's a collection of horrible Bar Mitzvah pictures and essays of embarrassing stories by Roger Bennett and Nick Kroll.

[brian]

[A_B]

Not fake. He had horrible eye sight.

I'm too lazy, but I was thinking this picture is ripe for the classic "Name the CGuglie" thread, or whatever her name was. Also reminded me I need to get this book:

Not too exciting when all of them become accountants in the end. Except for the guy whose face we can't see, who works for the mafia. As an accountant.

[govmentchedda]

Not fake. He had horrible eye sight.

Initially saw this on my phone, and the glasses seemed normal. Seeing it on my computer, it looks like those old fake glasses with the Asian eyes. Hilarious.

I'm too lazy, but I was thinking this picture is ripe for the classic "Name the CGuglie" thread, or whatever her name was. Also reminded me I need to get this book:



It's a collection of horrible Bar Mitzvah pictures and essays of embarrassing stories by Roger Bennett and Nick Kroll.

So, Nick's sister is Rog's wife? I feel like Rog has mentioned for years that Nick is his brother in law and I've never heard exactly how.

[The Sybian]

So, Nick's sister is Rog's wife? I feel like Rog has mentioned for years that Nick is his brother in law and I've never heard exactly how.

Clearly you aren't a regular listener! Yes, Rog's wife is Nick's sister. Nick has been on the pod and the TV show, and Nick hosted a book release event (aired as a podcast) for (Re)Born in the USA, in which they extensively talked about Mrs. Bennett.

How do I not remember the Bar Mitzvah Werewolf video? I think it's time to revisit 30 Rock. I loved that show.

[brian]

How do I not remember the Bar Mitzvah Werewolf video? I think it's time to revisit 30 Rock. I loved that show.

I rewatched it earlier this year and had two main observations:

1) The show throws some jokes out so fast it's impossible to catch them all in one sitting so it's amazing how much stuff you missed when you watch it again, even years later.

2) As good as it was, the show was somehow still 10 to 20 years ahead of its time so the jokes land even harder now in our current hellscape.

[The Sybian]

How do I not remember the Bar Mitzvah Werewolf video? I think it's time to revisit 30 Rock. I loved that show.

I rewatched it earlier this year and had two main observations:

1) The show throws some jokes out so fast it's impossible to catch them all in one sitting so it's amazing how much stuff you missed when you watch it again, even years later.

2) As good as it was, the show was somehow still 10 to 20 years ahead of its time so the jokes land even harder now in our current hellscape.

Good, I thought you were going the other way. I remember it as so brilliant and perfect, I don't want to ruin it. But I can't see how it couldn't still seem great.

Fun fact: I once missed an episode of 30 Rock and decided to download a torrent (is that still a thing?). Almost a year later, I received a cease and desist letter from NBC via Verizon, threatening to sue if I continued stealing their content. One episode, one time.

[bfj]

Not fake. He had horrible eye sight.

I'm too lazy, but I was thinking this picture is ripe for the classic "Name the CGuglie" thread, or whatever her name was. Also reminded me I need to get this book:

Not too exciting when all of them become accountants in the end. Except for the guy whose face we can't see, who works for the mafia. As an accountant.

Not a CPA in that bunch! Hollywood Screenwriter (his dad was a CPA and was in the same CPA firm as my dad), Head of IT for UMD Hospital in Baltimore, Luxury car dealer, NY Lawyer (no face guy), local Houston musician, guy who retired early after his family sold their Mercedes/Toyota dealership and one guy I haven't seen or talked to since high school.

[DaveInSeattle]

Voiceover: As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.

[HaulCitgo]

Your comment makes me keep hearing geto boys damn it feels good to be a gangsta as the music for the bar mitzvah shot

[wlu_lax6]

So nothing in this thread about Max Fried v. Alex Bregman as the first time in World Series history that 2 jewish guys faced each other. With Joc Pederson making 3 members of the tribe in one game (although Joc is "pretty much nothing").

[Sabo]

I absolutely love that picture.

[pruitt2]

Ousted from power, Israel’s ultra-Orthodox lose the final word on what’s kosher

Fuck the Haredim.

Talk about a racket...

Retailers pay more than $100 million a year to religious councils whose inspectors spend almost 6.5 million hours making sure the food, pans, pantries and ovens are all in compliance, according to an IDI study. Most of those payments go to the ultra-Orthodox, making the enforcement of kashrut — the body of Jewish laws pertaining, among other things, to dietary practices — an important revenue stream.

“This is an important source of subsidy for all of their programs, like a guaranteed contract from the government,” Heilman said.

[pruitt2]

Rabbi Shot in Synagogue Attack Is Sentenced to Prison in Fraud Schemes

These scams are a dirty little secret in the ultra-orthodox community.

Prosecutors said that in his plea agreement, Rabbi Goldstein had acknowledged that, while he was director of the synagogue, he had received at least $6.2 million in phony contributions to the Chabad and affiliated charities and had secretly refunded up to 90 percent of the donations to the bogus donors.

After he provided the donors with fake receipts, they claimed illegal tax deductions, and Rabbi Goldstein kept about 10 percent for himself, prosecutors said.

Years ago I was at a Shabbot service at an ultra-orthodox shul and a guy asked me for a donation for a yeshiva. Despite his hustling hard sell (in the middle of a "house of God" for crying out loud!) I passed. Later I checked the address and found that it was just a small house.

Fucking fundamentalists...

[brian]

What’s the best history/non-fiction book about the founding of Israel? Serious question.

[bfj]

What’s the best history/non-fiction book about the founding of Israel? Serious question.

The Torah?

Found a good list here. I like Cordis’ book.

https://www.israel21c.org/12-books-to-h ... s-history/

[brian]

I laughed out loud. Thanks for the recs and correctly interpreting which history I was looking for.

[Pruitt IV]

My parents had the "classic" Israel books that I saw in just about every Jewish household when I was a kid.

Don't think anyone ever opened the books, but it was de rigeur to have Abba Eban's book, the one about Masada, Ben Gurion's book, "Exodus" and a half dozen more.

[sancarlos]

"Exodus"

You could see the film version, starring Paul Newman and his classic Jewish blue eyes.

[Johnny Carwash]

"Exodus"

You could see the film version, starring Paul Newman and his classic Jewish blue eyes.

Paul Newman was half-Jewish though. Goldie Hawn's half too. Put them both togehter, what a fine-looking Jew.