Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2017 - The Final Countdown

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:45 am

Rimworld is no place for an optimist.

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:46 am

The orange coat on bengal is a nice touch (or a fortuitous one).

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:48 am

This puts a spring in my step to start the day, other than I will apparently be dead in 3 game minutes.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:49 am

Johnny Carwash wrote:Swampville II
OK, time to try this again. Here are the lessons learned I've identified from the first game:
1. Keep your doctor away from rodents.
2. Build a smaller, more easily defensible base instead of a big sprawling one.
3. Make the enemy come to you, don't be over-eager to run out to engage them.
4. We can't take in every schmuck that asks for refuge. Consider the values and risks they bring to the table.
5. Not bringing mister d is a generally sound idea.

Here is the next set of brave settlers to embark:

rass grew up in a war-torn environment before becoming a professional mathematician. He has good research and medical skills but basically jack shit else. He has a high tolerance to heat but, ironically, refuses to participate in firefighting activities.

BSF was created as a test subject in an unsanctioned experiment to genetically engineer super soldiers. This failed, but he later became a moderately successful inventor. He is good with a gun and at crafting, but not much else. He is incapable of social interaction or of giving a fuck about anything in general. He has a fetish for prosthetic limbs and has thought of getting one whether he needs it or not.

wlu_lax grew up in a cave complex deep beneath the surface of his homeworld, harvesting fungi for food. He later became a civil servant. He is good at working with both plants and animals. Despite his astoundingly shitty life, he is an optimist.

Sabo, like BSF, was created as a test subject in an unsanctioned experiment. He later became a famous chef. He is good at shooting, working with animals, and cooking, presumably combining all three. He has an annoying voice.

tennbengal grew up in a family of shopkeepers, and became a house-husband as an adult. He is a teetotaler. He wound up with basically the most useless skill set of any character I generated. What the fuck, bengal?

It's eerie, really.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:49 am

Bengal looks like a lesbian trucker. So dead.

Post by **Sabo** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:50 am

Hmm ... my RimWorld self is rather similar to my real-world self. I like to cook, I'm a pretty decent shot and I like animals. No one's told me I have an annoying voice, but I'm sure that will change as soon as AB logs in.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 9:37 am

Sabo has an annoying voice.

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 10:03 am

carwash wrote:wlu_lax grew up in a cave complex deep beneath the surface of his homeworld, harvesting fungi for food. He later became a civil servant. He is good at working with both plants and animals. Despite his astoundingly shitty life, he is an optimist.

This hits closer to home than I would have expected
Cave Complex--Sort of like Baltimore
Harvesting for Food--I am frugal, like a good deal, and generally feel like "for generations we were born and lived in caves and managed..so why isn't a little dirt okay"
Civil Servant--I work for an SRO that is quasi governmental but not actually governmental
He is an optimist---Used to be more so than today...and my high school club soccer team...sponsored by the following

Post by **Sabo** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 10:40 am

A_B wrote:Sabo has an annoying voice.

It's good to know I can count on you, AB.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 10:43 am

Sabo wrote:
A_B wrote:Sabo has an annoying voice.
It's good to know I can count on you, AB.

TWILTS

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:13 am

Bengal is gonna get rekt.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:23 am

I am Schoedinger's character. Both alive and dead until Carwash proceeds. I choose to believe, life.

Rush2112 · Post by **Rush2112** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:24 am

bapo! wrote:Bengal is gonna get rekt.

I have this feeling that he'll last the longest. No one expects the lesbian trucker.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:05 pm

So for our second colony we'll still keep it straightforward, with another temperate zone like the first, this time a little more inland.

We'll call this Swampville II, though the game randomly suggested "Flint" for some reason. Should I check the water?

And here we go. This time we bring along a pet arctic fox named Marshmallow. We land in a mountainous area surrounded by large rock outcroppings, which should help us build a much more easily defensible base compared to the mostly open ground last time. Let's see if that helps.

Weapons are assigned: BSF (rifle), Sabo (pistol), wlulax (knife). BSF vomits on the ground.

Note: The repeated early-game vomiting is a result of sleeping sickness from the stasis pods in which we crashed to the planet's surface. Chronic vomiting is (usually) less of an issue later on.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:11 pm

While out scavenging, Sabo senses an "ancient danger" behind these walls. Tempting to explore because it's so close, but we'll leave alone for now.

OK, here's an early wake-up call: A man-hunting muffalo (like a buffalo, but...different, I guess?) has appeared in the vicinity. Fortunately, since it's just a big dumb animal it can't open doors, but we'll need to camp within our walls for a few days to be safe.

Under siege by the muffalo, we're unable to forage for wild plants while waiting for our crops to grow, and are now dangerously low on food. Time to look to the wildlife wandering around our base who assumed we were gentle souls. Sabo successfully hunts a tortoise after missing approximately 30 times. Nice shootin, Tex!

The muffalo has finally left and we can get on with our lives. I'm told our colony is "joy-deprived," so I build the most rudimentary entertainment device available, a horseshoe pin. Bengal is easily entertained.

We're hit by a heatwave, shooting temperatures up to 118F. Sabo passes out from heatstroke and is on the verge of death until we manage to get him indoors and build an air conditioner (which rass has luckily just finished researching). After a few hours of rest, Sabo is back on his feet and playing horseshoes.

Looking at the social dynamics, Bengal is universally liked, everyone gets mostly gets along, but everyone dislikes Sabo for his annoying voice. There have been no fights between settlers so far. Not having Mister d around helps.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:19 pm

OK, we have our first hostile human. We're told it's a group of pirates from "The Sniper Society" but a closer look reveals it's just one guy named Fjellsmel with a knife and a mohawk. Let's see how this goes.

Here he comes. BSF and Sabo wait behind some rocks. Sabo manages to actually get a good shot early and hits the raider in the head. He must be on PCP or something because he manages to shake off multiple bullet wounds and almost close the distance with us before we finally bring him down. There is an emu in the vicinity just because, I guess.

Rass begins to research brewing (yay!)

Alphabeavers! BSF and Sabo get beaver-slaying duty. A short time later and we now have all the beaver we can eat for the forseeable future thanks to them.

We now have the basics of a decent settlement up and running. We built a communications console, so now wlu_lax can send passing ships links to obscure lacrosse articles.

Post by **Shirley** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:21 pm

Well, we all know bengal can eat a beaver.

Post by **brian** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:21 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:We now have the basics of a decent settlement up and running. We built a communications console, so now wlu_lax can send passing ships links to obscure lacrosse articles.

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:22 pm

How did Moreta get in there?

rass · Post by **rass** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:28 pm

Ryan wrote:How did Moreta get in there?

That's horrible. I'm sorry she had to see that.

Wait. Was that a "nag" joke or a "muffalo" joke?

Sorry! Sorry!

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:32 pm

That's ok

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:38 pm

rass wrote:Wait. Was that a "nag" joke or a "muffalo" joke?

OK, I see now. "Nag" was a randomly generated character who crashed in the vicinity. We nursed her back to health and she split as soon as she was well. I usually edit out less-interesting stuff from these write-ups. Didn't realize she was in that screenshot.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:46 pm

BSF has food poisoning and vomits on the floor of the dining room. Was it the beaver? The wolf? The tortoise?

Oh shit, Sabo has suffered numerous bites across his body from a mad squirrel despite carrying a pistol because I forgot to instruct him to defend himself. Hopefully he won't go the way of howard. I'll proactively assign him to medical care just to make sure. rass has to be dragged away from his research to aid his colleague.

We finally get our first non-hostile visitors, from a group called Growth's Mesa. Let's see what they have to trade. A few basic necessities such as a grenade launcher and drugs. We'll pass (because the prices are a little too steep).

Hey, we now have a brewery set up and are harvesting hops. Let's make some IPA so we can recruit an infinite supply of insufferable hipsters.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:52 pm

It's been a while, but we've got another raid. These are from a tribe called Cambiar Cambarro. They don't look too tough.

Fuck, they set our outer wall on fire! This aggression will not stand. (Also it's raining.)

The first raider kicks down the door and is immediately met by Marshmallow the pet wolf, who begins to savagely maul him. Several rifle shots from BSF finish the job. Sabo misses the raider with all his shots, and accidentally shoots Marshmallow in the leg but it's not bad. The other raider flees.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:55 pm

Fuck, what are you doing, Sabo? You shot our wolf!

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:05 pm

So it didn't take long for Cambiar Cambarro to redouble their efforts. This time there's three, though they're still limited to clubs and bows.

Fuck, one of them badly wounds Marshmallow, putting him in shock. Wlu_lax quickly stabs the raider in the head. The second raider rushes at Sabo, who misses him with every shot, and they tangle. Sabo's jaw is cracked by a club. Wlu_lax rushes over and kills the second raider with multiple stabs.

The third raider tries to flee out the other end of the base, where he is blocked by a locked stone door. Time to fuck this guy up. As he desperately tries to beat down the door, BSF and Sabo approach from behind and unload. BSF takes his hat as a souvenir.

Hey, look, one of the raiders is still alive: the one who attacked Marshmallow and was stabbed in the head by wlu_lax. Her name is Bidueiro. We'll take her prisoner and try to recruit her. She has no social skills and is a pyromaniac. What is there to lose?

After a short time, Biduero breaks out of prison and runs away. Probably for the best.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:10 pm

Fjellsmel is an anagram of Jef Smelll.

Prediction: Animal-lover Sabo domesticates 20 alphabeavers, a muffalo, and a boomalope. Then one of the other villagers goes all Roman Colosseum and puts them in the same pen together. This could be a source of revenue going forward. Charge admission to neighboring colonies. I'm sure that laws on this sort of thing are pretty lax under the circumstances.

I'm excited about the brewing. What would you name your IPA if you lived in a dystopian colony? (There are some terrible beer names out there now, so this couldn't be much worse than, say, Smells Like a Safety Meeting.)

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:16 pm

sancarlos wrote:Fuck, what are you doing, Sabo? You shot our wolf!

Marshmallow... Probably the best name for a savage dire wolf stone cold killing machine.

Post by **Sabo** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:18 pm

sancarlos wrote:Fuck, what are you doing, Sabo? You shot our wolf!

To be fair, I'm more accurate with a rifle than a pistol.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:26 pm

Sabo wrote:
sancarlos wrote:Fuck, what are you doing, Sabo? You shot our wolf!
To be fair, I'm more accurate with a rifle than a pistol.

Stop blaming the equipment and do your fucking job. Wlulax only has a knife, and that's not stopping him from defending you guys.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:28 pm

Sabo wrote:
sancarlos wrote:Fuck, what are you doing, Sabo? You shot our wolf!
To be fair, I'm more accurate with a rifle than a pistol.

Whatever keeps you from vomiting at night, Sabo.

shame

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:29 pm

bapo! wrote:
Sabo wrote:
sancarlos wrote:Fuck, what are you doing, Sabo? You shot our wolf!
To be fair, I'm more accurate with a rifle than a pistol.
Stop blaming the equipment and do your fucking job. Wlulax only has a knife, and that's not stopping him from defending you guys.

rabblerabblerabble

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 7:18 pm

I'm bitterly disappointed by the lack of official recap. (Sorry, channelling Bo/Harbaugh)

Moreta · Post by **Moreta** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 7:23 pm

Ryan wrote:How did Moreta get in there?

Shame.

(Insert photo of GoT bell ringing nun here. Too much trouble on mobile).

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 7:24 pm

Did Bengal even know there was an attack?

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:02 pm

degenerasian wrote:Did Bengal even know there was an attack?

I assume I was making brews for the others. And then watching them drink them. Not weird at all.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:21 pm

BSF the recently rehatted. I'm loving this. Please keep it up.

New Poll: Should BSF shoot Sabo for his transgressions against Marshmellow?

A) Yes
B) Hell Yes

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 9:23 pm

What happened to the Muffalo?

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 10:12 pm

Pruitt wrote:What happened to the Muffalo?

He and Sabo became friends. They shared a room for a while, until the day that Sabo accidentally shot him 30 times while gardening.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 10:45 pm

Man, I picked a really bad time to be busy and only checking the thread where Ryan pretends trading Moncada for an asshole is ok.

"He is a fast walker but ironically is also lazy."

Dead on.

Best moment of Swampvilles I-V