The Swamp

Posted: **Fri Jan 08, 2021 2:50 pm**

Pruitt wrote: ↑Fri Jan 08, 2021 9:16 am Shouldn't Brian be wearing a Luchadores' mask?

Yeah, I really should have worked in some Mexico references for Brian.

BTW, we should be seeing both the singles and tag team title matches soon.

Posted: **Fri Jan 08, 2021 2:58 pm**

Finally watched my match. Take THAT, nonlinear! Way less hugging and cuddling than I expected.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 8:12 am**

MATCH 7 - AB VS. RASS - SWF CHAMPIONSHIP

Here we go. After a hiatus, Swamp champion AB returns to the ring to put his belt on the line against the challenger rass. As always, rass is accompanied by the lovely Salma Hayek, though she's been cautioned to tone down her level of intervention after some past incidents.

Will AB make rass the latest victim of his signature Bourbon Bender, or will rass pull off the upset with his Allegheny Bitch Slap?

Today's match comes to you from the Cincinnati Gardens, brought to you by Skyline Chili and WKRP. Stop by your local Skyline Chili today, where you might meet one of your favorite WKRP characters. Except Herb. Fuck Herb.

I had a chance to catch up with both competitors on their way to the ring. First up, the challenger. rass, what are your keys to victory tonight?

rass wrote:http://www.sportsfrog.net/phpbb/viewtop ... 979#p17979

Wait, that's a thread from 2013 with 9 posts about a seemingly unrelated topic. How did you even remember that exists?

rass wrote:...

So are you doing the thing where you bump an obscure thread because of its presumed relevance to something that just happened in the news, but won't tell anyone why so you can make them look dumb for asking?

rass wrote:What do you think?

Alright, thanks rass. Now it's time to hear from the champion. AB, your opponent had some strong words for you earlier. What do you have to say in response?

A_B wrote:i dont giev a shut wat hhe thimks. im her to fickimg win anf ggo home. another

Well, AB certainly seems to be in his customary pre-match condition. Good luck to both men.

Down to ringside where Gunpowder and BFJ are finally reunited for commentary!

Duff's Review:

[+] spoiler: Next on the docket was Rass challenging AB for the SWF World Heavyweight Title.

AB is a beast. This man is more resilient than the energy sector. AB withstood quite a few Patterson Pattycakes from Rass. Rass put on an offensive showcase for the ages, but AB was immune from being pickled from years of bourbon abuse. And speaking of bourbon abuse, Rass submitted to the second of two devastating Bourbon Benders. Looks like Salma "It's a man, baby!" Hayek couldn't get the needed rise out of Rass to withstand those Benders.

I did enjoy this match. Quite a bit of punishment doled out tonight. Match rating of 130+ Proof.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 8:19 am**

Can't wait to watch. And I clearly didn't get a chance to use the ulfberht sword that Salma stashed under the ring or else this wouldn't have taken 10+ minutes.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 8:33 am**

[+] spoiler: Nothing but respect. We handle our shit in the ring, none of that outside the ropes bullcrap.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 8:44 am**

[+] spoiler: LOOK AT YOUR HUSBAND, RASS!

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 9:54 am**

"quick dick kick on the Bone Lick hick" might be the best rhyme GPJ has ever spat

[+] spoiler: My master E. Honda will never forgive me for submitting. Great match AB.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 9:59 am**

rass wrote: ↑Fri Jan 15, 2021 9:54 am "quick dick kick on the Bone Lick hick" might be the best rhyme GPJ has ever spat

[+] spoiler
My master E. Honda will never forgive me for submitting. Great match AB.

[+] spoiler: A man can only take so many bourbon benders.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 10:04 am**

A_B wrote: ↑Fri Jan 15, 2021 9:59 am
rass wrote: ↑Fri Jan 15, 2021 9:54 am "quick dick kick on the Bone Lick hick" might be the best rhyme GPJ has ever spat

[+] spoiler
My master E. Honda will never forgive me for submitting. Great match AB.

[+] spoiler
A man can only take so many bourbon benders.

[+] spoiler: Looks like I picked the wrong month to give up drinking (for a month)

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 11:10 am**

That was fun to do. Not going to lie, I had to Google Kevin Zeitler after the match.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 12:44 pm**

rass wrote: ↑Fri Jan 15, 2021 9:54 am "quick dick kick on the Bone Lick hick" might be the best rhyme GPJ has ever spat

Yeah, that was the "Giants win the pennant" of wrestling calls.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 1:05 pm**

What a match!

"Skyline chili - you'll be tasting it tomorrow!" & "That was a Manziel-level bender" just brilliant.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2021 1:23 pm**

bfj wrote: ↑Fri Jan 15, 2021 11:10 am That was fun to do. Not going to lie, I had to Google Kevin Zeitler after the match.

Per Joe Thomas, a meathead amongst meatheads.

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 8:25 am**

Next match is going to be the Swamp Tag Team championship: Perfect 10 (TT and BFJ) defend their belts against Top Talent (Sabo and DSafetyGuy). Have at it with the trash talk as you please.

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:17 am**

so who is the NJ Champion?

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:38 am**

elflaco2 wrote: ↑Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:17 am so who is the NJ Champion?

It's currently vacant, but you can challenge someone for it if you want. Or we could have a Royal Rumble between the 46 different Swampers from NJ.

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:42 am**

Just play I Did It over the loud speakers and Mister D will run off.

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:50 am**

Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Thu Feb 04, 2021 8:25 am Next match is going to be the Swamp Tag Team championship: Perfect 10 (TT and BFJ) defend their belts against Top Talent (Sabo and DSafetyGuy). Have at it with the trash talk as you please.

Let me tell you something brother. This quarantine has done nothing but made me more focused on retaining the tag team belts with my brother TT. He may be busy making motherfuckers laugh, but I've been packing on the pounds and focusing on my skills in the ring. If anything I've put on so much weight we may be the Perfect 18 now. I'll be in the corner eating donuts while TT lays the Sweet Tea Shuffle on Top Talent's pair of bird watchin', stimulus check collectin' asses.

I know that the SWF's fantastic announcer team of GPJ and Beefy Frank Jackson will recognize who the champions are and will call this match right down the middle.

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 5:37 pm**

Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:38 am
elflaco2 wrote: ↑Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:17 am so who is the NJ Champion?
It's currently vacant, but you can challenge someone for it if you want. Or we could have a Royal Rumble between the 46 different Swampers from NJ.

ja! what are they gonna do when FlacoMania runs wild on them!!

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 5:57 pm**

Sounds like flaco is pretty amped to go for the NJ title. I could make that the undercard for the next match. Who do we want to throw at him that hasn't been featured recently? LJam?

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 7:04 pm**

Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Thu Feb 04, 2021 5:57 pm Sounds like flaco is pretty amped to go for the NJ title. I could make that the undercard for the next match. Who do we want to throw at him that hasn't been featured recently? LJam?

Syb?

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:25 pm**

s/cerrano lives in NJ, right? I think he posted a couple times in this thread.

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:36 pm**

He does. ljam lived here, but doesn’t at this point I think.

Of the relatively inactive - Denis, I think? Devilfluff?

AB wants to move to Morristown.

Posted: **Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:42 pm**

rass wrote: ↑Thu Feb 04, 2021 9:36 pm He does. ljam lived here, but doesn’t at this point I think.

Of the relatively inactive - Denis, I think? Devilfluff?

AB wants to move to Morristown.

Mo town is trash. I challenge the winner of the NJ royal rumble to a title bout. Bunch of softies actually shoveling your walk instead of drinking bourbon and letting nature take its course.

Whooooooooooooooooo!

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:08 pm**

Taking suggestions for BFJ, DSafe, Sabo's signature move names.

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:19 pm**

Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:08 pm Taking suggestions for BFJ, DSafe, Sabo's signature move names.

BFJ seems like he'd be the master of the "Figure four leg lox" or the "Baltimore crab"

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:01 pm**

I would say Cleveland Steamer for Sabo but that's already taken...

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:04 pm**

Pruitt wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:19 pmBFJ seems like he'd be the master of the "Figure four leg lox" or the "Baltimore crab"

Ha. Absolutely the former.

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:17 pm**

Pruitt wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:19 pm
Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:08 pm Taking suggestions for BFJ, DSafe, Sabo's signature move names.
BFJ seems like he'd be the master of the "Figure four leg lox" or the "Baltimore crab"

Well done Pruitt!
Dsafe and Sabo won't have a chance to use their finishing moves.

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:26 pm**

Pruitt wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:19 pm "Figure four leg lox"

Didn't read closely enough the first time, but that's fantastic. I don't think it fits well with BFJ's wrestling style, though, as he's more of a throw-your-weight-around guy than a technician.

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:28 pm**

The mazel tov cock wail.

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:48 pm**

Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:26 pm
Pruitt wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:19 pm "Figure four leg lox"
Didn't read closely enough the first time, but that's fantastic. I don't think it fits well with BFJ's wrestling style, though, as he's more of a throw-your-weight-around guy than a technician.

So add a schmear

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:56 pm**

I'm looking for a name that combines Judaism and violently slamming your body into people but isn't "Harvey Weinstein."

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:59 pm**

Jeruslam

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 5:05 pm**

Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:56 pm I'm looking for a name that combines Judaism and violently slamming your body into people but isn't "Harvey Weinstein."

The Wailing Wall

The Final Solution (maybe not so much)

The NetanyaHOOOOO

40 Years in the Desert

The Unleavening

Posted: **Fri Feb 05, 2021 5:55 pm**

bfj wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 5:05 pm
Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:56 pm I'm looking for a name that combines Judaism and violently slamming your body into people but isn't "Harvey Weinstein."
The Wailing Wall

The NetanyaHOOOOO

40 Years in the Desert

The Unleavening

Love the Jeruslam as well.

A Blessing on Your Head, and Other Ways to Deliver a Beating in Yiddish

Posted: **Sat Feb 06, 2021 9:46 pm**

New Jersey Royal Rumble is in the books and may be the single most fun match I've watched.

Posted: **Sat Feb 06, 2021 9:48 pm**

Pruitt wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 5:55 pm
bfj wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 5:05 pm
Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:56 pm I'm looking for a name that combines Judaism and violently slamming your body into people but isn't "Harvey Weinstein."
The Wailing Wall

The NetanyaHOOOOO

40 Years in the Desert

The Unleavening
Love the Jeruslam as well.

A Blessing on Your Head, and Other Ways to Deliver a Beating in Yiddish

Yeah the Jeruslam is gold. Which is...never mind.

Posted: **Sat Feb 06, 2021 9:50 pm**

Does dsafe get the orange crush? Or the safety squeeze?

Sabo gets the Cleveland Steamer of course. Or the cuyahoga choke slam. Or to get specific the Declaration of Independence.

Posted: **Sat Feb 06, 2021 10:10 pm**

Nothing bird-related for Sabo? Or would he be cutting in on Koko B. Ware's territory?

The Swamp

Swamp Wrestling Federation 2021 - Gunpowder vs. GoodKarma (Featuring BFJ and DSafe on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - brian vs. wlu_lax (Featuring Gunpowder on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - brian vs. wlu_lax (Featuring Gunpowder on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)

Re: Swamp Wrestling Federation 2020 - AB vs. rass (Featuring Gunpowder and BFJ on the mic!)