The Swamp

CheddaH, or non-lawyers who may have dealt with a similar issue:

My parents just called me, as they are being thrown in the middle of a dispute between my aunt (mom's sister), and my cousin (aunt's son). My aunt is in her 80s, and has a lot of health problems, and she was never quite right in the head to begin with. My cousin and his wife have been handling her finances for several years. They set up an irrevocable trust in their names, and use that to pay for her medical care. This was done to qualify for medicaid benefits, or so my mother thinks.

So a couple days ago, my aunt call my mom, insisting her son is stealing her money. She had bonds come in, and my cousin put them in the trust. She apparently forgot about the trust, or the reason for it. My mom for whatever reason knew about it and explained it to her. My cousin and his wife happen to be on vacation, so my aunt is convinced they are spending her money on this trip. My aunt posted something to this effect on Facebook, and my cousin's wife called my mom to intervene.

I suggested my cousin look into a legal conservator to handle the finances. This way, if my aunt has paranoid delusions, she will blame the conservator instead of my cousin. I haven't spoken to my cousin since my wedding, so 12(?) years, but I find it incredibly difficult to believe he or his wife did anything improper with her money. Anyone have a better suggestion for me to pass along? I'd prefer a scenario where my mother doesn't need to choose sides or get involved. My parents have the same take as me, they can't imagine my cousin did anything wrong, but they can't know for sure. My mother did say she started listing everything my cousin and his wife do for my aunt to persuade her they have her best interest at heart, but I doubt that will help anything.

Man, that's tough. Having aging parents is very hard. Especially when their thinking starts getting muddled. I'm starting to have to deal with it with my folks, but luckily have not had anything this difficult occur. Good luck, Syb.

Not the same thing at all, but kind of reminds me of that scene in Crash, where Don Cheadle's no-good brother dies, but his mother idealizes him and blames Cheadle's character for his death, and gives the brother credit for good things Cheadle actually did himself, like bring groceries to the mother's home.

Talk to a reputable probate attorney. Or, have your cousin do so. Elder law and mental capacity are very tough things to deal with.

govmentchedda wrote: ↑Fri Feb 09, 2018 8:52 pm Talk to a reputable probate attorney. Or, have your cousin do so. Elder law and mental capacity are very tough things to deal with.

I told my parents to have my cousin go to an expert. I sure as fuck don't want to get involved in any of this. My parents are realistic enough to know their involvement can't help anything. My mom is listening to both sides, but hopefully she can convince her sister to let a lawyer step in. I just realized, my cousin has to be over 60 years old now. That's crazy. When I was a kid, he was in his mid 20s - 30s, and I have seen him maybe 2 or 3 times since I went to college. I can't picture him being that old.

Best elder law specialist I've heard of. (Second best is still really good!)