The Swamp

bapo! wrote: ↑Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:53 am Syb has been reduced to the comedy spot of the Royal Rumble: big entrance, then immediately eliminated. That's if you call getting shot by an arrow comedic. It's Syb, so I say yes.

Thanks for putting me in the game, Carwash. Now it's time to hitch a ride on the wind.

Bushwhacker Syb. Yes.

Hey guys, sorry about the lack of updates this week, been busy with work and a few other things. Played a little more, but nothing particularly eventful happened compared to the drama last time. A few more raids, but not much trouble.

Should be back with a more substantial update after the weekend. In the meantime, here's a screencap of when we killed a few raiders and then duff ate one of their heads:

High five, duff!

Look at that meaty chest I left for you.

Alright, here we go. Sorry for the long delay between posts, had a number of things going on between work, preparing for the holidays, etc.

So, to recap, the last time around we were hit by a major raider assault, in which we were able to grind out a harrowing victory, but at the cost of several of our colonists' lives. We're now down to five: Nonlinear, rass, chedda, duff and kranepool.

After the carnage of the previous battle, the rest of the fall is surprisingly quiet by comparison. There are a couple more raider attacks, but we're able to fight them off with relative ease. Our food and supply stockpiles are plentiful as we prepare for the winter.

Until...the fuselage of an alien ship crashes nearby, and some sort of AI onboard begins emitting a psychic pulse that will drive everyone in the vicinity insane unless we destroy it fast. This is an ominous task and I'm not sure we're up for it in our current state. We could use some help.



We're currently being visited by a large delegation from the "Secure Union of Northwestern Verium," one of the few factions on the planet that doesn't hate us—thought they apparently still don't like us enough to offer us any assistance with the defense, despite being well armed. Apparently you have to give a faction a bunch of free shit on a regular basis to have any hope of them putting their lives on the line for you. Note taken.

Alright, so we'll have to do the best we can on our own. We line up behind some cover near the ship, open fire, and...



...four mechanoids emerge and go into attack mode. We were able to take out a couple of the laser ones when we opened the danger room earlier, but this time they're joined by a couple of "scyther" models with big-ass blades on their arms.



The scythers head straight for us, quickly scale the rocks, and are on top us in a whirlwind of metal. First to drop is, predictably, rass. Next to go down is duff, but not before Nonlinear can get off a timely insult.



Then goes chedda. Nonlinear has his right arm blown off by one of the laser mechs and collapses in shock. Kranepool, surrounded, lasts a few more seconds before joining the others, writhing on the ground.

Note that while all this is going on, the Secure Union of Northwestern Verium people are still enjoying our hospitality, indifferent to our predicament. Fuck these guys.

We do get a glimmer of hope in a mysterious stranger named Calbran, a fat guy with a hipster beard dressed as a ninja, who shows up in an attempt to help. I have Calbran grab a gun and take some pot-shots at the mechs in the hopes of drawing them into the base, where our guests will be forced to fight back whether they like it our not.



Unfortunately, the mechs are smart enough not to overpursue, so the effort is mostly futile.

Finally, a couple of the mechs approach the base just as our guests are leaving. At the first sign of actual danger to themselves, the guests whip out their guns and drop the mechs in a quick hail of gunfire. Could have really used that help before. Seriously, fuck those guys. Calbran is sadly mortally wounded in the fray. RIP.

With no one left able or willing to help, our colonists begin to succumb to their wounds in the following order:
- Nonlinear
- govmentchedda
- kranepool
- duff
- rass

rass wrote: ↑Fri Nov 16, 2018 8:02 am Collapsing like a bitch sounds like a solid survival strategy.

rass's strategy "worked" in the sense of ensuring he was the last one living, but while the others died sooner of blood loss, rass, less seriously injured, lasted an extra day laying on the ground, suffering through infection and malnutrition.

So, everyone died. Merry Christmas!

Swampville VI lasted 166 days. Here's a recap of our Swamper colonist fates:
- EnochRoot: Mauled to death attempting to re-tame a feral ground sloth
- tennbengal: Shot multiple times by raiders and captured; died of wounds in captivity
- Pruitt: Leg torn off in muffalo attack; died of blood loss
- BFJ: Died of infected wounds following muffalo attack
- The Sybian: Killed in battle with raiders
- bapo!: Killed in battle with raiders
- Jerloma: Died of wounds following battle with raiders
- Nonlinear: Killed in battle with mechanoids
- govmentchedda: Killed in battle with mechanoids
- kranepool: Killed in battle with mechanoids
- duff: Killed in battle with mechanoids
- rass: Died of wounds, etc. following battle with mechanoids

The before and after pics of us behind the rocks should be the front and back of an album cover.

Johnny Carwash wrote: ↑Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:50 am So, everyone died. Merry Christmas!

And thus a new holiday tradition is born.

There has to be a t shirt design in the recently coined phrase, “Death by Sloth”..

Me to the corpses as I die

Working on a Round 2 if there's interest. Will shoot for next week, in the meantime here's another "guess who" teaser:

Third from the left is obviously Rush.

I really want to the guy in overalls to be AB.

In. So very interested.

Alright, next round.

Swampville VII


wlu_lax led a dreary early life as an orphan working the mines of an industrial world, but rose above his station to become an expert geologist. He is highly intelligent and a fast learner, but can be too smart for his own good, leaving him disproportionately susceptible to mental breakdowns. He hates luxury and prefers to live in a minimally furnished room and eat his food raw.


A_B suffered a childhood accident that left him in a coma until his late teens. This gives him a boost to his Social skill, as people tend to feel sorry for him. After emerging from his coma, he went on to be a janitor on a starship. He has unusually thick skin and strong bones, along with a prosthetic leg. He loves to shoot guns, despite not being especially skilled with them.


Sabo spent his early years working in the burn unit of an infirmary, which gave him such an intense fear of fire that he refuses to engage in firefighting. As an adult, he overcame a serious eating disorder and went on to become a successful counselor to those similarly afflicted—so basically Space Richard Simmons. His background gives him excellent Social skill and some limited Medical knowledge, but otherwise he is almost completely useless. He also refuses to cook.


Space trooper Johnnie is here to bolster our colony's military prowess when not rat-fucking the MRE's. Johnnie had an isolated childhood on an urbanized hive world, but showed an aptitude for war games, and went on to attend the Star Academy and distinguish himself as an ace fighter pilot. He is neurotic and completely lacking in empathy.


BSF21 is obsessed with old machines and arcane technology, and has a habit of talking about his collection long after those around him have stopped listening. His curiosity and tinkering give him high Intellectual and Crafting skills. He is a nice guy who never insults people, and needs less sleep than an average person. He has stab scars on his right arm and leg for unspecified reasons.


brian had a quaint existence working in his family's store before going on to become a professional torturer for a tyrannical monarch on a medieval world. He is completely devoid of social skills and incapable of caring about other human beings, but is very good at beating people up and a surprisingly decent cook.

New poll to choose the biome for our next colony. Boreal Forest was what we chose last time. For the sake of completeness, all biomes are shown, but those toward the bottom would be increasingly inhospitable. Also, please do not choose Ice Sheet, which as the name implies is a sheet of fucking ice and we'd all freeze to death immediately.

Man you hit the nail on the head with these traits this time. Brian and AB especially.

<Sees not on original colony roster>

<Votes ice sheet>

BSF21 wrote: ↑Fri Jan 04, 2019 8:50 am Man you hit the nail on the head with these traits this time. Brian and AB especially.

You grow up in one Podunk Appalachia town and suddenly you're an uncultured simpleton. Who will be my George Milton?

Arid Shrubland won the biome poll by a good margin. New poll up for the next colony pet.

Note: I screwed up last time and neglected to take the taming difficulty of animals into account, resulting in our pet ground sloth going feral and turning into to a useless, EnochRoot-eating waste of space. All of the options above are within our current colonists' abilities to properly handle.

You all don't want an attack tortoise?

You think you know people.

Image from Root’s last moments

Serious question -- can the animals be used for contributing to building up the area around our camp? If so, seems like elephant is the smartest choice since it can be used as a beast of burden.

brian wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:15 pm Serious question -- can the animals be used for contributing to building up the area around our camp? If so, seems like elephant is the smartest choice since it can be used as a beast of burden.

Not to mention that a war elephant is a pretty intimidating weapon versus adversaries.

brian wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:15 pm Serious question -- can the animals be used for contributing to building up the area around our camp? If so, seems like elephant is the smartest choice since it can be used as a beast of burden.

Yes, some animals can learn to do helpful things like haul stuff, release to attack enemies, or rescue downed people. Here's the full list. From the choices in the poll, the cougar, elephant, labrador, and pig can do all of them.

Some animals also provide wool and/ or milk.

Vote for the pet is pretty fragmented, with cougar and elephant tied for the lead, if anyone wants to tie-break.

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 10:19 am You all don't want an attack tortoise?

You think you know people.

Exactly. Comedy potential is high! Come on turkey/caribou voters.

I’ll stick to my guns. I have a soft spot for elephants. They’d make a great pet.

brian wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 7:16 pm I’ll stick to my guns. I have a soft spot for elephants. They’d make a great pet.

And, when the inevitable disaster strikes, that's a lot of good eatin'!

rass wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 7:08 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 10:19 am You all don't want an attack tortoise?

You think you know people.

Exactly. Comedy potential is high! Come on turkey/caribou voters.

Yeah, I've always quietly rooted for the goofy/ironic pets to win, but you guys just go for the biggest animal that can fuck people up.

I assumed Labrador wouldnwin in a landslide then we’d have to convince bsf it was totally a rescue.

Let's get this straight.

MREs ratfuck me.

A_B wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 7:50 pm I assumed Labrador wouldnwin in a landslide then we’d have to convince bsf it was totally a rescue.

OK that’s funny.

brian wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 10:14 pm

A_B wrote: ↑Mon Jan 07, 2019 7:50 pm I assumed Labrador wouldnwin in a landslide then we’d have to convince bsf it was totally a rescue.

OK that’s funny.

+1.

Dick.

Alright, so as you can see from the results, elephant has won the poll to be our next colony pet. Will see about having the first updates later this week.

Note: The sports logos on the character previews I edited in after the fact. Not sure yet if I can actually get them into the game; will see what I can do.

I mean it's obvious that this elephant is going to murder everybody, right?

It's also going to eat us out of house and home.

I've never actually typed that out. WTF does that even mean?

"Hi welcome to my house... and home."

"Um, which is it dude?"

"Well, everything on this level is considered home. The basement, upstairs and patio are considered house."

"..."

I think generally, the house is the domicile while the home is everything inside.

Or, based on various framed quiltings and FB posts I've seen over the years, it could mean the elephant is going to eat LOVE.