The Swamp

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:40 am**

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 12:48 am I promise not to go all Scottie on you guys and delete the Swamp.

Am I making this up, or did he give you the keys once, then you got high?

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:51 am**

Vent away.

And I really don't know how a situation like this is handled in many places, but are there not organizations set up to help people going through this?

ETA - I'd vaguely heard of a group called "Narconon" and just looked it up. It's a Scientology group - you probably don't need that craziness in your life at the moment...

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 6:04 am**

rass wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:40 am
TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 12:48 am I promise not to go all Scottie on you guys and delete the Swamp.
Am I making this up, or did he give you the keys once, then you got high?

He was teaching me when he left. i had the keys for a while but nevermdid anything.

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 6:10 am**

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 6:04 am
rass wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:40 am
TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 12:48 am I promise not to go all Scottie on you guys and delete the Swamp.
Am I making this up, or did he give you the keys once, then you got high?
He was teaching me when he left. i had the keys for a while but nevermdid anything.

OK.

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:03 am**

Like Pruitt said, keep venting and ranting to us. It would be abnormal from you if you didn't.

Keep doing what you are doing towards sobriety. Everything else is secondary at this juncture. There will be people that will help you in times of need. Don't feel like you are taking advantage of them, because you aren't. These people love and care for you and want to help in many different ways. Go back to the mechanic and tell them that the issue is back, and you would like to have it fixed. They should do it at their cost since it wasn't fixed completely the first time.

Check with orgs in the area on getting assistance with the electric bill and food. I am sure there are many in your area that would be willing to lend a financial hand in your situation.

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 10:13 am**

duff wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:03 am Like Pruitt said, keep venting and ranting to us. It would be abnormal from you if you didn't.

Keep doing what you are doing towards sobriety. Everything else is secondary at this juncture. There will be people that will help you in times of need. Don't feel like you are taking advantage of them, because you aren't. These people love and care for you and want to help in many different ways. Go back to the mechanic and tell them that the issue is back, and you would like to have it fixed. They should do it at their cost since it wasn't fixed completely the first time.

Check with orgs in the area on getting assistance with the electric bill and food. I am sure there are many in your area that would be willing to lend a financial hand in your situation.

i have to do very small things at a time. right now going back to the mechanic seems manageable, so im going to go do that

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:22 pm**

TT, anyone who tells you you are talking too much about your detox needs to fuck off. I'm legit furious that someone would tell you that. I'm proud of you for being willing to talk about it so candidly, and I'd bet someone out there reading your posts and getting inspired to finally act and try to kick their addiction or treat their issues. I've discussed my issues on here before, but I can't imagine I will ever feel like I could openly discuss it on Facebook, so I give you a ton of props for that. Talking (or typing) helps. For me, it puts my thoughts into coherent order I can understand, and here, you will get feedback and support. Look at the responses here, we all want to help, and we all want to know how you are doing, so please, keep posting your thoughts, and don't give a second thought on annoying anyone. If they don't want to read it, they can just avoid clicking this thread.

As for people asking how to help, most people want to help, but don't know how. People you know are sincere in offering "help" will be genuinely grateful if you let them know how they can help. Watching someone suffer is a helpless feeling, knowing what you can do to help lets you act and feel good for helping. You asked for a scale, and several people offered. Let people know what you need, and they will happily give it. I'm the worst at asking for help, so I completely get it, but if you ask a true friend for something, they won't think of it as a burden, but they will feel empowered in knowing what you need.

Don't feel weak or like it's cheating to take suboxone. I was surprised your doctor didn't give it to you. It's supposed to be a tremendous help, and there is no reason to make this harder than it needs to be. It's much better to succeed with help than try to go cold turkey and have a lower chance of success and much worse physical symptoms. Like you said, the withdrawal pain is your body lying to you, suboxone quiets the lies a bit.

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:29 pm**

Pruitt wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:51 am Vent away.

And I really don't know how a situation like this is handled in many places, but are there not organizations set up to help people going through this?

ETA - I'd vaguely heard of a group called "Narconon" and just looked it up. It's a Scientology group - you probably don't need that craziness in your life at the moment...

Stay the fuck away from Narconon. Friend of a friend went to a Narcanon inpatient rehab for a coke addiction. He emailed my friend from the retreat, and my friend showed me because he was proud. I warned him that it was a Scientology recruitment tool, and he doubted me. When the rehab stint was completed, the friend decided to stay on as a volunteer to help other addicts. The emails stopped, the guy's parents were concerned because they couldn't contact him, and he drained his bank accounts. Last I heard, he joined Scientology, cut himself off from friends and family, and never returned.

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:32 pm**

The Sybian wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:22 pm TT, anyone who tells you you are talking too much about your detox needs to fuck off. I'm legit furious that someone would tell you that. I'm proud of you for being willing to talk about it so candidly, and I'd bet someone out there reading your posts and getting inspired to finally act and try to kick their addiction or treat their issues. I've discussed my issues on here before, but I can't imagine I will ever feel like I could openly discuss it on Facebook, so I give you a ton of props for that. Talking (or typing) helps. For me, it puts my thoughts into coherent order I can understand, and here, you will get feedback and support. Look at the responses here, we all want to help, and we all want to know how you are doing, so please, keep posting your thoughts, and don't give a second thought on annoying anyone. If they don't want to read it, they can just avoid clicking this thread.

As for people asking how to help, most people want to help, but don't know how. People you know are sincere in offering "help" will be genuinely grateful if you let them know how they can help. Watching someone suffer is a helpless feeling, knowing what you can do to help lets you act and feel good for helping. You asked for a scale, and several people offered. Let people know what you need, and they will happily give it. I'm the worst at asking for help, so I completely get it, but if you ask a true friend for something, they won't think of it as a burden, but they will feel empowered in knowing what you need.

Don't feel weak or like it's cheating to take suboxone. I was surprised your doctor didn't give it to you. It's supposed to be a tremendous help, and there is no reason to make this harder than it needs to be. It's much better to succeed with help than try to go cold turkey and have a lower chance of success and much worse physical symptoms. Like you said, the withdrawal pain is your body lying to you, suboxone quiets the lies a bit.

This.

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 4:20 pm**

The Sybian wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:22 pm TT, anyone who tells you you are talking too much about your detox needs to fuck off. I'm legit furious that someone would tell you that. I'm proud of you for being willing to talk about it so candidly, and I'd bet someone out there reading your posts and getting inspired to finally act and try to kick their addiction or treat their issues. I've discussed my issues on here before, but I can't imagine I will ever feel like I could openly discuss it on Facebook, so I give you a ton of props for that. Talking (or typing) helps. For me, it puts my thoughts into coherent order I can understand, and here, you will get feedback and support. Look at the responses here, we all want to help, and we all want to know how you are doing, so please, keep posting your thoughts, and don't give a second thought on annoying anyone. If they don't want to read it, they can just avoid clicking this thread.

As for people asking how to help, most people want to help, but don't know how. People you know are sincere in offering "help" will be genuinely grateful if you let them know how they can help. Watching someone suffer is a helpless feeling, knowing what you can do to help lets you act and feel good for helping. You asked for a scale, and several people offered. Let people know what you need, and they will happily give it. I'm the worst at asking for help, so I completely get it, but if you ask a true friend for something, they won't think of it as a burden, but they will feel empowered in knowing what you need.

Don't feel weak or like it's cheating to take suboxone. I was surprised your doctor didn't give it to you. It's supposed to be a tremendous help, and there is no reason to make this harder than it needs to be. It's much better to succeed with help than try to go cold turkey and have a lower chance of success and much worse physical symptoms. Like you said, the withdrawal pain is your body lying to you, suboxone quiets the lies a bit.

Dont be angry man. Im greatful for it. Truly. I knew when i started to open this door that all of my friendships and relationships were not going to survive the decision, and him saying that made it so effortless to jjst block him. Effortless almost. If God is going to show me the people to cut off that easily Im going to listen.

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:28 pm**

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 4:20 pm
The Sybian wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:22 pm TT, anyone who tells you you are talking too much about your detox needs to fuck off. I'm legit furious that someone would tell you that. I'm proud of you for being willing to talk about it so candidly, and I'd bet someone out there reading your posts and getting inspired to finally act and try to kick their addiction or treat their issues. I've discussed my issues on here before, but I can't imagine I will ever feel like I could openly discuss it on Facebook, so I give you a ton of props for that. Talking (or typing) helps. For me, it puts my thoughts into coherent order I can understand, and here, you will get feedback and support. Look at the responses here, we all want to help, and we all want to know how you are doing, so please, keep posting your thoughts, and don't give a second thought on annoying anyone. If they don't want to read it, they can just avoid clicking this thread.

As for people asking how to help, most people want to help, but don't know how. People you know are sincere in offering "help" will be genuinely grateful if you let them know how they can help. Watching someone suffer is a helpless feeling, knowing what you can do to help lets you act and feel good for helping. You asked for a scale, and several people offered. Let people know what you need, and they will happily give it. I'm the worst at asking for help, so I completely get it, but if you ask a true friend for something, they won't think of it as a burden, but they will feel empowered in knowing what you need.

Don't feel weak or like it's cheating to take suboxone. I was surprised your doctor didn't give it to you. It's supposed to be a tremendous help, and there is no reason to make this harder than it needs to be. It's much better to succeed with help than try to go cold turkey and have a lower chance of success and much worse physical symptoms. Like you said, the withdrawal pain is your body lying to you, suboxone quiets the lies a bit.
Dont be angry man. Im greatful for it. Truly. I knew when i started to open this door that all of my friendships and relationships were not going to survive the decision, and him saying that made it so effortless to jjst block him. Effortless almost. If God is going to show me the people to cut off that easily Im going to listen.

Perfect response, man.

Posted: **Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:43 pm**

I'll echo everyone as well and wish you all the best.

Talk it out and vent away here, and take all the advice here that you can. This is a wonderful resource that many people don't have.

Posted: **Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:12 pm**

The Sybian wrote: ↑Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:22 pm
As for people asking how to help, most people want to help, but don't know how. People you know are sincere in offering "help" will be genuinely grateful if you let them know how they can help. Watching someone suffer is a helpless feeling, knowing what you can do to help lets you act and feel good for helping. You asked for a scale, and several people offered. Let people know what you need, and they will happily give it. I'm the worst at asking for help, so I completely get it, but if you ask a true friend for something, they won't think of it as a burden, but they will feel empowered in knowing what you need.

This can't be stressed enough. People really want to help, most are terrified of saying/doing the wrong thing. If you provide just a tiny window on how they can do ANYTHING, lots of people are going to jump on it.

Posted: **Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:44 pm**

I got nothing in terms of advice or help but I am happy to read your vents and attempt not to make snarky replies.

Posted: **Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:02 pm**

Its gettimg to a level of bad painwise to where i still have no plans to use but i get why people break around day 7. meetings and group help. im getting a lityle energy back. a friend is gonna back me into a couple small poker tournaments. helps to be around people not in the house. i can hurt anywhere. Suboxone makes it manageabke. Weed makes it manageable. by My own standards, (no pills, dont care about weed), im 7 days sober today. all things considered, pain aside, it was a really good day

Posted: **Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:57 pm**

That is an impressive start.

Good luck with the poker.

Posted: **Fri Mar 15, 2019 10:42 pm**

HaulCitgo wrote: ↑Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:44 pm I got nothing in terms of advice or help but I am happy to read your vents and attempt not to make snarky replies.

Yes, this is a good response. I will strive to do the same!

Posted: **Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:54 pm**

Today is day 7, and the end is near of day seven. I feel almost like two seperate people when I say I am happy and miserable. I cant express how bad the physical pain is.I am truly facing my worst of worst detox nightmares painwise. If anything, the people who told me they wished for death undersold it. Every pain receptor in my body is chemically fucked and randomly firing off signals. Literally everything hurts. Suboxone turns it down from 9.5 to 6.5 when paired with weed. My mom knows, doc knows, rehab counselor all know until im out of physical detox nextmweek Im smoking pot. Its not an impact to my sobriety number.

The flip side to all that pain shit is today I had a little more energy..some od the flulike shit went away, im clear headed, thankful to be alive, i got to have enough energy to drive to my job and say hi to people, my boss helped me figure out how i was gonna pay for the 150$ i owe on monday for treatment, and a friend is putting me in two tournaments this weekend basically giving me two free shots at making the 180$ i need for lights. I talked to some people, made some amends, didnt even feel the urge to use.I amhappy and I am sober. I thank God for today literally. Thanks for being here to listen guys

Posted: **Sat Mar 16, 2019 1:35 am**

also, a couple people here and one on fb have asked me how to help financially. If any of you want to help me with this, the best way would be to pay the rehab facility for my treatment. I talked with my sponsor, and this way i dont have to handle money and deal with that temptation and you dont have to wonder if its going where i say its going. If none of yall want to no big deal no pressure, i will figure out the money, im just putting it out there.

The facility is called New Dimensions

1345 Space Park Dr Suite C, Houston, TX 77058

If you dont know my fullname is benjamin daniel, thats what im registered under. Again please dont feel obligated at all.
Thank you all sincerely for the overwhelming amount of positive responses everytime I write something. Its such an indescribably good feeling to know I can get judgement free advice from people who kind of know me and my life 24/7. I reread this thread a lot when im getting depressed about things and it genuinely does cheer me up to know that i havent fucked up my relationships so bad that nobody cares if I live or die anymore. I used to have that thought a lot and every single time my brain tries to start that loop i pull up this thread and the fb thread and read people telling me they love me and care until the thought goes away. You guys genuinely help me every day. Thank you.

Posted: **Sat Mar 16, 2019 12:18 pm**

TT, you're doing great.

I'm sure it's hard physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, but you're doing a fantastic job because what you are doing is so hard to accomplish. I'm glad you're doing this to take care of yourself and improve your life. Keep focused on your goal, keep fighting to get there, and never forget that you have people who care about you to lean on for support, here or otherwise.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 8:05 pm**

Stay strong TT. Just found out my 33 year old cousin lost his battle with heroin addiction today. I’ll be burying a kid on Friday that my wife and I babysat for when we were 16.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:17 pm**

bfj wrote: ↑Wed Mar 20, 2019 8:05 pm Stay strong TT. Just found out my 33 year old cousin lost his battle with heroin addiction today. I’ll be burying a kid on Friday that my wife and I babysat for when we were 16.

Condolences, BFJ. Such a horrible tragedy.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:22 pm**

So sorry, bfj.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:57 pm**

Sorry to hear that BFJ.

The greatest epidemic that still no one is talking about.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:40 am**

Rush2112 wrote: ↑Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:57 pm Sorry to hear that BFJ.

The greatest epidemic that still no one is talking about.

Are you joking?

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:42 am**

sorry BFJ

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:43 am**

im sorry man. im 33 & its just luck of the draw that you arent telling him about me. it sucks

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:57 am**

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:43 am im sorry man. im 33 & its just luck of the draw that you arent telling him about me. it sucks

While that might be true, you're still here and getting clean and working on yourself. Stick with it.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:01 pm**

God that is horrible.

So sorry to hear this.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:28 pm**

bfj wrote: ↑Wed Mar 20, 2019 8:05 pm Stay strong TT. Just found out my 33 year old cousin lost his battle with heroin addiction today. I’ll be burying a kid on Friday that my wife and I babysat for when we were 16.

Oh, god. I am so sorry.

May his memory be a blessing.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:59 pm**

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:43 am im sorry man. im 33 & its just luck of the draw that you arent telling him about me. it sucks

Don't think like that, you are working very hard to make yourself better.

My condolences BFJ, be strong to support the immediately family.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 3:49 pm**

Condolences, BFJ. And continued support for TT.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 7:27 pm**

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:43 am im sorry man. im 33 & its just luck of the draw that you arent telling him about me. it sucks

Let’s make sure I don’t have to tell anyone anything about you other than you are happy, healthy and clean. Luck or not, you’re still here and you should keep it that way.

Posted: **Fri Mar 22, 2019 1:19 pm**

bfj wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 7:27 pm
TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:43 am im sorry man. im 33 & its just luck of the draw that you arent telling him about me. it sucks
Let’s make sure I don’t have to tell anyone anything about you other than you are happy, healthy and clean. Luck or not, you’re still here and you should keep it that way.

day 13, for those of you that like numbers

Posted: **Fri Mar 22, 2019 1:37 pm**

13 is pretty solid. Keep going!

Posted: **Fri Mar 22, 2019 1:42 pm**

21 is my favorite number if you're looking for future benchmarks.

Posted: **Mon Mar 25, 2019 8:03 am**

Sorry to hear that, BFJ.

Posted: **Mon Mar 25, 2019 8:19 am**

TT, I haven't had a chance to chime in, but I'm proud of your progress so far. At this time all I can do in terms of help is be a person to listen and to tell you you are doing well so far despite the obvious challenges. I've seen loved ones go through addiction and it's a motherfucker, and I know you're dying inside. Here is a safe place to talk about what's going on. Whoever on FB said you're talking too much about your recovery can kindly go fuck himself.

Posted: **Tue Mar 26, 2019 12:24 pm**

at this point things are good. only really fighting energy loss these days. its so fucking insane. you could make the case all i do is eat and sleep and going to walmart gassed me so hard i could not move for hours after.

the sad thing for me is apparently a lot of my personality was the vikes. its weird realizing you dont even really know who you are. im in week 3 of a six week program, but honestly its my last probably. i cant afford to take anymore time for me, and they apparenty want money to treat me, which is reasonable but not manageable. pretty much just gonna wait and see what happens. today is either 17 or 18. im honestly ignoring it til i hit a month

Posted: **Tue Mar 26, 2019 12:37 pm**

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Tue Mar 26, 2019 12:24 pm at this point things are good. only really fighting energy loss these days. its so fucking insane. you could make the case all i do is eat and sleep and going to walmart gassed me so hard i could not move for hours after.

the sad thing for me is apparently a lot of my personality was the vikes. its weird realizing you dont even really know who you are. im in week 3 of a six week program, but honestly its my last probably. i cant afford to take anymore time for me, and they apparenty want money to treat me, which is reasonable but not manageable. pretty much just gonna wait and see what happens. today is either 17 or 18. im honestly ignoring it til i hit a month

Keep it up if you can pal. It's an investment in yourself and an opportunity to remold. You're a smart guy. I'd discourage you from looking at treatment from a strictly cost perspective. If the program is working and you're working for it, I'd encourage you to try and see it through. Regarding energy loss, how's your diet? How's your activity level? I know it can be hard, but have you been trying to wake up early, maybe exercise a little? Eat cleaner? Those can go a long way into boosting your energy level. You surely know it's going to be hard to break multi-year habits and routines in 2 weeks, so start slow. Even if its 5-10 minutes two or three times a day. See where you can cut spending if possible in the short term and explore your local resources for getting back to even keel.

Stay with it buddy. Even if you do choose to leave treatment, keep going a day at a time or an hour at a time or whatever helps you feel like you're making progress. The drugs cause your brain to lie to you, you've written that yourself. Keep those things in mind and keep leaning on the people that care about you. This is a brilliant opportunity to become you, again or for the first time. One foot in front of the other mate.

The Swamp

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