The Swamp

So I almost died In a car wreck tuesday night. I know I used to tend to be prone to hyperbole, but the truck i was riding in hydroplaned, did 2 complete spins at 70 miles an hour across three lanes of traffic, so even though we didn't hit anything objectively we should have died. I had a span of about 10 to 15 seconds when the car was spinning to think about a few things. The second the truck started to fishtail my brain went....this is it. you are about to die. i swear to god, my first thought was, I don't even have to write a suicide note, this was great. I was so chill...I couldn't explain it. Me, the person with the most anxiety on earth, gets in the one spot where panicking is a reasonable thing to do, and my brain suddenly becomes a gangster?
I actually thought about why i didn't have a panic attack so much that that night I gave myself a panic attack. Im dumb. Anyways, I know its pretty cliche to have revelations after near death experiences, but here is what I think I learned about myself.

The only thing that I think now that I didn't before, is that if I die tonight, I feel like I've done enough in the past 18 months to where people will remember me as the person I have been sober, not the person I was. I don't know at what point that mentally shifted for me, but I know I used to spend a lot of time worrying that I was going to die before I had done enough good things to balance out 17 years of bad karma. Im not done living, I'm not suicidal, and Im not saying I've done everything I want to do, but i'm saying that I think I realized I hate myself less than I used to. Most people learn some form of "live every day like your last, but I've pretty much been doing that for the past year or so.

Anybody else have any kind of ephiphanies after one of these things?

JFC man. I saw you mention something on FB but didn't realize how serious it was.

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 8:43 am So I almost died In a car wreck tuesday night. I know I used to tend to be prone to hyperbole, but the truck i was riding in hydroplaned, did 2 complete spins at 70 miles an hour across three lanes of traffic, so even though we didn't hit anything objectively we should have died. I had a span of about 10 to 15 seconds when the car was spinning to think about a few things. The second the truck started to fishtail my brain went....this is it. you are about to die. i swear to god, my first thought was, I don't even have to write a suicide note, this was great. I was so chill...I couldn't explain it. Me, the person with the most anxiety on earth, gets in the one spot where panicking is a reasonable thing to do, and my brain suddenly becomes a gangster?
I actually thought about why i didn't have a panic attack so much that that night I gave myself a panic attack. Im dumb. Anyways, I know its pretty cliche to have revelations after near death experiences, but here is what I think I learned about myself.

The only thing that I think now that I didn't before, is that if I die tonight, I feel like I've done enough in the past 18 months to where people will remember me as the person I have been sober, not the person I was. I don't know at what point that mentally shifted for me, but I know I used to spend a lot of time worrying that I was going to die before I had done enough good things to balance out 17 years of bad karma. Im not done living, I'm not suicidal, and Im not saying I've done everything I want to do, but i'm saying that I think I realized I hate myself less than I used to. Most people learn some form of "live every day like your last, but I've pretty much been doing that for the past year or so.

Anybody else have any kind of ephiphanies after one of these things?

Glad you're safe, and that level of perspective sounds nice.

I was in a really bad car accident once. Shotgun in my friend's Geo Metro, stopped in line at the toll booth on the Mass Pike. We were behind a trailer towing construction equipment and got rear-ended by a Ford F-250 going full speed. Asshole even told the State Trooper he wasn't looking and didn't even hit the brakes. The tiny Metro accordioned, rear window exploded, I was still finding tiny pieces of glass in my hair weeks later. While I didn't see it coming, the time of the impact felt like a slow motion movie scene. I felt hyper-aware of my surroundings, right down to the Sony-discman on my lap flying into the dashboard, and noting that the song didn't skip. When you are in a moment of extreme danger, there are a lot of physiological changes that occur making time feel like slow motion, your pupils constrict and you get tunnel vision, all your senses become heightened... I felt a very weird profound calm feeling during the moment that lasted about 15 minutes, until they towed my friends car and left us stranded on the side of the MassPike. Really amazing we weren't hurt, although the next morning I woke up with a sore neck that took months to heal.

As for the dying thing, I kind of came to grips with mortality at a young age. I think my lack of religion made it easier in a weird way, as I believe we just stop. I imagined it's like before you were born, no conscious awareness, and that seems easy to me, nothing to ponder or worry about.

Fuck, dude. I did something less severe winter of senior year of HS where I was driving on a highway in a snowstorm, lost control, did a full 360 and then was able to just drive on. Terrifying both at the moment and afterwards and a bit eerie knowing a video with ~5 seconds missing would make it look like any other drive.

Syb, I'm sure you saw the story of the dad and daughter killed on the NJ Turnpike in a very similar scenario to yours a few years ago.

I have to admit going on stage an hour later and opening with the story as a bit and getting laughs with it made me feel more like a professional comic than anything else. Jerry Wayne took it and headlined. Was just kind of confirmation that I actually know what I'm doing. I cried all night that night. Made me take a second look at some things and I was surprisingly good with what I've found

I still have this experience I remember from when I was about 18 or 19. I think about it a lot.

I worked the night shirt at the local newspaper in the sports department, doing agate and stringing stories. High school coaches would call in their scores and I'd write up one paragraph summaries and shit. The shift ended when the work got done, usually between 1 and 2 a.m.

The newspaper, like most urban papers, was downtown in a not great part of town so the general idea when you walked out the door was to get to your car and get in ASAP. This night I fumbled with the keys (remember those), dropped them, grabbed them quickly, unlocked the car, got in and took off. The whole process took maybe five seconds.

About one minute later I'm driving down the empty streets towards the highway and I have to describe this intersection for you. There's a stoplight, but with two huge churches on either side of the street, so it's impossible to see the traffic coming in the other direction. I have a green light as I'm approaching the intersection and just about five seconds before I would have gone through the intersection, a car goes blasting through the red light at what had to be at least 45 mph (this being downtown, was a 30 mph zone).

At the exact moment I would have been driving through the intersection if I hadn't dropped my keys. This intersection -- there's absolutely no way I would have seen the other car until it was too late -- you just can't see anything coming from the perpendicular street.

Maybe I would have died, maybe I would have been grievously injured, maybe I wouldn't have -- obviously can't know that. But it's weird the butterfly effects things have sometimes.

Anyway, glad you're safe TT.

These stories fascinate me.

brian wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:58 am I still have this experience I remember from when I was about 18 or 19. I think about it a lot.

I worked the night shirt at the local newspaper in the sports department, doing agate and stringing stories. High school coaches would call in their scores and I'd write up one paragraph summaries and shit. The shift ended when the work got done, usually between 1 and 2 a.m.

The newspaper, like most urban papers, was downtown in a not great part of town so the general idea when you walked out the door was to get to your car and get in ASAP. This night I fumbled with the keys (remember those), dropped them, grabbed them quickly, unlocked the car, got in and took off. The whole process took maybe five seconds.

About one minute later I'm driving down the empty streets towards the highway and I have to describe this intersection for you. There's a stoplight, but with two huge churches on either side of the street, so it's impossible to see the traffic coming in the other direction. I have a green light as I'm approaching the intersection and just about five seconds before I would have gone through the intersection, a car goes blasting through the red light at what had to be at least 45 mph (this being downtown, was a 30 mph zone).

At the exact moment I would have been driving through the intersection if I hadn't dropped my keys. This intersection -- there's absolutely no way I would have seen the other car until it was too late -- you just can't see anything coming from the perpendicular street.

Maybe I would have died, maybe I would have been grievously injured, maybe I wouldn't have -- obviously can't know that. But it's weird the butterfly effects things have sometimes.

Anyway, glad you're safe TT.

It's hard to explain knowing it should have been you. if the car in front of us hadn't lost it a little bit the cars next to us wouldn't have been backing off already and we were in Houston at 630pm on a weekday...there are no open freeways. glad to be here.

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:44 am I have to admit going on stage an hour later and opening with the story as a bit and getting laughs with it made me feel more like a professional comic than anything else. Jerry Wayne took it and headlined. Was just kind of confirmation that I actually know what I'm doing. I cried all night that night. Made me take a second look at some things and I was surprisingly good with what I've found

I think this is good. It's good to have that perspective.

I've had one near-death experience in a car, when I went off an icy road in the Idaho hills, down a steep embankment 20-30 feet, and ended up upside down in a creek. It's amazing the kind of shit that sticks out, like the sound of the grass under the car as we accelerated.

I don't know if I had any "look back at your life" moments after that, but at least it was a good story I could use to impress upon my kids the importance of wearing a seatbelt. (Though the seatbelt almost drowned me, but still.) It also helped me keep perspective when we went off the highway in Colorado last year and ended up in the trees on the other side.

brian wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:58 amAt the exact moment I would have been driving through the intersection if I hadn't dropped my keys. This intersection -- there's absolutely no way I would have seen the other car until it was too late -- you just can't see anything coming from the perpendicular street.

Maybe I would have died, maybe I would have been grievously injured, maybe I wouldn't have -- obviously can't know that. But it's weird the butterfly effects things have sometimes.

Yeah, thinking about my bike wreck from 2009 ... I'm always one of the slower riders going downhill. It has nothing to do with any speed or strength, I'm just a pussy.

So, if I'd been riding faster that morning when I hit the truck, perhaps I would've died. But if I had been going faster, I'd have been through the intersection before the truck. Since that event (or the resulting insurance payout) was a pretty big defining factor in my life since then, I do often wonder what life would be like if that hadn't happened. I'd be a lot braver on my bike while riding on roads, and I'd know less about the health insurance system, but I'd also not have had the money to buy the cabin in the woods.

Steve of phpBB wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 5:57 pm

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:44 am I have to admit going on stage an hour later and opening with the story as a bit and getting laughs with it made me feel more like a professional comic than anything else. Jerry Wayne took it and headlined. Was just kind of confirmation that I actually know what I'm doing. I cried all night that night. Made me take a second look at some things and I was surprisingly good with what I've found

I think this is good. It's good to have that perspective.

I've had one near-death experience in a car, when I went off an icy road in the Idaho hills, down a steep embankment 20-30 feet, and ended up upside down in a creek. It's amazing the kind of shit that sticks out, like the sound of the grass under the car as we accelerated.

I don't know if I had any "look back at your life" moments after that, but at least it was a good story I could use to impress upon my kids the importance of wearing a seatbelt. (Though the seatbelt almost drowned me, but still.) It also helped me keep perspective when we went off the highway in Colorado last year and ended up in the trees on the other side.

brian wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:58 amAt the exact moment I would have been driving through the intersection if I hadn't dropped my keys. This intersection -- there's absolutely no way I would have seen the other car until it was too late -- you just can't see anything coming from the perpendicular street.

Maybe I would have died, maybe I would have been grievously injured, maybe I wouldn't have -- obviously can't know that. But it's weird the butterfly effects things have sometimes.

Yeah, thinking about my bike wreck from 2009 ... I'm always one of the slower riders going downhill. It has nothing to do with any speed or strength, I'm just a pussy.

So, if I'd been riding faster that morning when I hit the truck, perhaps I would've died. But if I had been going faster, I'd have been through the intersection before the truck. Since that event (or the resulting insurance payout) was a pretty big defining factor in my life since then, I do often wonder what life would be like if that hadn't happened. I'd be a lot braver on my bike while riding on roads, and I'd know less about the health insurance system, but I'd also not have had the money to buy the cabin in the woods.

Quarantine and cabin in the woods? When can we expect your soulful indie rock debut album?

govmentchedda wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 6:06 pm

Steve of phpBB wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 5:57 pm

TT2.0 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:44 am I have to admit going on stage an hour later and opening with the story as a bit and getting laughs with it made me feel more like a professional comic than anything else. Jerry Wayne took it and headlined. Was just kind of confirmation that I actually know what I'm doing. I cried all night that night. Made me take a second look at some things and I was surprisingly good with what I've found

I think this is good. It's good to have that perspective.

I've had one near-death experience in a car, when I went off an icy road in the Idaho hills, down a steep embankment 20-30 feet, and ended up upside down in a creek. It's amazing the kind of shit that sticks out, like the sound of the grass under the car as we accelerated.

I don't know if I had any "look back at your life" moments after that, but at least it was a good story I could use to impress upon my kids the importance of wearing a seatbelt. (Though the seatbelt almost drowned me, but still.) It also helped me keep perspective when we went off the highway in Colorado last year and ended up in the trees on the other side.

brian wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:58 amAt the exact moment I would have been driving through the intersection if I hadn't dropped my keys. This intersection -- there's absolutely no way I would have seen the other car until it was too late -- you just can't see anything coming from the perpendicular street.

Maybe I would have died, maybe I would have been grievously injured, maybe I wouldn't have -- obviously can't know that. But it's weird the butterfly effects things have sometimes.

Yeah, thinking about my bike wreck from 2009 ... I'm always one of the slower riders going downhill. It has nothing to do with any speed or strength, I'm just a pussy.

So, if I'd been riding faster that morning when I hit the truck, perhaps I would've died. But if I had been going faster, I'd have been through the intersection before the truck. Since that event (or the resulting insurance payout) was a pretty big defining factor in my life since then, I do often wonder what life would be like if that hadn't happened. I'd be a lot braver on my bike while riding on roads, and I'd know less about the health insurance system, but I'd also not have had the money to buy the cabin in the woods.

Quarantine and cabin in the woods? When can we expect your soulful indie rock debut album?

Or manifesto.

Lol.

I'm my last year of University, I had worked long hours and was studying for finals. I drove home during the day, as I had stayed at the campus over night. I fell asleep at the wheel and drove straight into a snowbank after jumping the curb. Luckily and I didn't hit anything and I had to call my dad to get the car towed out of the snowbank.

If it hadn't been winter and the snowbank hadn't been there, I would have driven into a pole, bus stop, another car, or a house and done some real damage to myself and others.

When I was sixteen, I was driving back home after a day of skiing. Driving too fast on the interstate highway like a stupid kid, my back wheels spun out on a curve, I panicked a bit and turned the wrong way and did a 360 right on the highway, with the Colorado river on my right and a concrete median on my left. Somehow, I then straightened out and continued on as if nothing had happened (other than my brother yelling at me for ten minutes afterwards.)

Three days before my wedding, a bunch of my co-workers took me out and got me absolutely hammered. At the end of the evening, one friend was taking me home to my condo, and when we got to the top stair to my 2nd floor place, I lost my balance and fell all the way down the concrete stairs. My head was in a pool of blood when my friend got to me. Luckily it was just a bad gash in my ear. But, I bled all over my pillow that night and woke up with a huge headache (part hangover, part from the tumble) and had a nice big scab on my ear for my wedding.

I jumped off a bridge once to take a leak and landed on rocks.

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 10:16 pm I jumped off a bridge once to take a leak and landed on rocks.

Second best post of all-time.

summer i was fourteen, my abuelita was visiting from Colombia, we'd only been in country a year or two.. whole family trip up to Niagara, in what would later become my first car, a '74 vw bus.. driving down from the pocono's (on way back to MD via NYC), couldn't tell you exactly where, but we're driving around midnight, my father is driving, i'm shotgun, everyone else in the back sleeping.. he'd been talking about something or other i'm sort of drifting but trying to stay awake so i keep him awake.. he stopped talking.. i'm drifting.. i see a car up ahead in the same lane we're in.. i drift.. the car is closer and closer so close oh fuck, look over at my father, he's got his eyes closed, i yank the wheel, we miss the STOPPED CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HWY and we don''t die. seatbelt or not, we would've gone through the windshield, those buses had no front end.

last summer, family vacation in hwy i nearly drowned off the coast of Maui. snorkeling with the boy for an hour or so, about 300yds offshore realized i was so tired.. fuck.. no noodles. why the fuck did i not a noodle or vest? we're swimming back, my legs die. the boy looks back, i tell him go on, go back to the beach, i'll be right there.. he couldn't have helped me, he was 13 and less than half my weight i didn't want him to see me panic or die.. i was clear headed enough to see the headline, NJ man drowns off the coast in tragic (stupid) snorkeling accident.. i started sinking, panicked.. then calm. bobbed up and laid on my back. remember i had fins and slowly made my way to shore on my back. once back w Mrs. Flaco.. sent the boy away on some errand so i could break down.

as a kid i believed i'd die young. i hope i'm still wrong.

elflaco2 wrote: ↑Fri Sep 18, 2020 7:49 am

as a kid i believed i'd die young. i hope i'm still wrong.

Trust me, you outlived dying young.

Your snorkeling story choked me up, damn that is terrifying.

just shy of 50. the boy has told me for years i'm not old until i'm 50.

Holy shit man.


Would have been sad when the 1st Memorial elflaco Labor Day soccer tournament got canceled due to CV19.

Driving up to Syracuse with my best friend for an indoor soccer tournament. It was winter break, we were both freshmen in college.

Driving on I-81 up near Wilkes-Barre... It's snowing and conditions on the road are shit. We start to see cars spun off on the side of the road all over the place. He's driving a Jeep with less than ideal tires. He's cautious as Hell, but eventually just doesn't matter... We hit black ice and launch into a 720 spin that eventually sees us ***WHOOMPH*** hit the snow on the side of the road and skidding/sliding sideways into a ditch.

Looking back, the fact that he completely took his hands off the wheel and just clamped onto my arms, both of us screaming... It seemed comical in hindsight. In the moment, we both thought we were gonna die.

We pulled off in W-B, grabbed a room at a HoJo's, walked across the street and bought a case of shitty beer, ordered a pizza and called it a day. It was around 2pm. We still had 2.5 hours to go, but fuck that shit.

(Wound up playing a team made up of NC State players, that included our high school teammate Dewan Bader, who caught a up of coffee in the pros. Made the save of my life in that game, which further cemented the surreal nature of that trip.)

rass wrote: ↑Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:25 am Holy shit man.


Would have been sad when the 1st Memorial elflaco Labor Day soccer tournament got canceled due to CV19.

tks rass! i can get you a tshirt or coffee cup

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 10:16 pm I jumped off a bridge once to take a leak and landed on rocks.

Explains why you won't take a leap to whip your dick out.

rass wrote: ↑Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:28 am

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 10:16 pm I jumped off a bridge once to take a leak and landed on rocks.

Explains why you won't take a leap to whip your dick out.

Crackerjack!

The Sybian wrote: ↑Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:50 am

rass wrote: ↑Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:28 am

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 10:16 pm I jumped off a bridge once to take a leak and landed on rocks.

Explains why you won't take a leap to whip your dick out.

Crackerjack!

+1

govmentchedda wrote: ↑Fri Sep 18, 2020 9:33 am

The Sybian wrote: ↑Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:50 am

rass wrote: ↑Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:28 am

Jerloma wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 10:16 pm I jumped off a bridge once to take a leak and landed on rocks.

Explains why you won't take a leap to whip your dick out.

Crackerjack!

+1

Christ this has been a week for some excellent jokes and you just sent it over the top. Well played.