BUSINESS HORSE 2025 NFL MOCK DRAFT EXTRAVAGANZA

[Todd McNeigh]

Sup dogs. Happy tax day! This year has proven to be much more difficult than previous when it comes to “setting aside enough time to waste doing pointless mock draft bullshit” but I'm still about to tax that ass. Actually, that means I’m gonna be mailing this one in. I’m in my Urban Meyer era, y’alls. There will be nothing of value in this entire post. I’m also skipping the intro; if you want more of a window into my rationale or why NFL teams have a Kevin Spacey-esque infatuation with particularly young men in each draft class, you can find it in a previous year’s extravaganza.

So, what do we (me) think of this year’s draft? It sucks. The people who say it sucks are (IMO) right. The ones who say it’s great at edge rusher are (IMO) wrong. I think this draft class is like an even weirder 2013, weirder in that the prospects are arguably better but weirder in that they all just seem to have glaring bright red flags. Abdul Carter falls down every other play. Travis Hunter has never run an actual route in his life. Cam Ward just occasionally checks out. Like, what is this?

In 2013, there did end up being great players, but a bunch of them were taken later in the draft and most of them are like, weird stars. DeAndre Hopkins is great because he’s a ballerina. Tyrann Mathieu was a 5 foot tall Tasmanian devil addicted to what was at the time the world’s most heinous drug, marijuana. Terron Armstead was a tight end. Le’Veon Bell was famous for not running. Sheldon Richardson existed.
That year also had a first round littered with complete disasters, mostly in the top half. You can blame drugs for Dion Jordan’s fall if you want to, but there’s still stringbean Barkevious Mingo rushing off the edge at 175 pounds, two completely useless top 10 guards, a completely uninspiring pair of serviceable at best tackles going 1st and 2nd, Dee Milliner and DJ Hayden, EJ MANUEL, man. What a terrible year. The Steelers took an edge rusher that run a legit 4.95 forty at 17th overall! He did nothing, ever.

I think this class will be similar, a lot of eventual good players drafted in the middle rounds and a top 15 littered with busts. Someone is going to take Kelvin Banks, for instance. Shemar Stewart is going to get drafted high. Jaxson Zappe Dart is probably going in the first round. There are a ton of offensive lineman that can’t block and defensive linemen who can’t rush. Which moveable object or resistable force will your favorite team draft? At least this draft has the benefit of having one legit QB. 2013 had Geno Smith, who could have been legit if anyone was listening while I screamed this for about a decade, but I digress. If 2024 2nd round WR Adonai Mitchell were being drafted this year, I’d almost certainly have him in the top 20.

Also, none of the good players did all the Combine stuff so we just have to assume they are great athletes. As Peter Warrick showed, that’s not always the case.

The Titans are on the clock.



1. TENNESSEE TITANS – Cam Ward, QB, Miami (FL)

I think Cam Ward is being hurt by the overall meh-ness of the other QBs this year. But he is no Shedeur Sanders. Cam Ward is legit and he should go first overall put an early end to the Will Levis era. Surprisingly that a toolsy QB with mediocre tools didn’t work out, but unless you’re the Browns or Jaguars, you don’t get many chances to make this pick and so the Titans appear by all accounts like they are going to. And I mean, they willingly started Mason Rudolph over Levis last year at times. Who does that? Who drafts a guy to play QB and then starts Mason Rudolph over him by choice while it’s still nice outside?

Cam Ward does all the QB stuff. He reads defenses, makes anticipatory throws, throws accurately, gets rid of the ball (or at least he did last season), has an absolute gun, etc. He was a bit of a breakout after transferring to Miami but his numbers were still good at Washington State. Watching him at Washington State does kind of confirm a lot of biases about college-y offenses, as he didn’t look like an NFL-caliber guy until he went to Miami and started getting rid of the ball rather than taking sacks and heaving deep shots to nowhere in particular. Pressure-to-sack ratio is the new hotness and Ward’s was terrible at WSU before he essentially cut it in half at Miami. Your mom has a high pressure-to-sack ratio lololol
I don’t think it was just the product of a better OL; it appeared to me that serious strides had been taken. Strides that Shedeur Sanders has not taken and perhaps he needs to sail away to China in a little rowboat. Ward isn’t a tremendous athlete but he can certainly run and he utilizes it much, much better than Sanders does. To continue the 2013 parallels, he is kind of like a polished Geno Smith. Geno made that offense hum and threw accurate darts all over the field. So does Ward. Both have enough mobility that it is an asset.

But where they are similar positively, they are also similar in the negatives. Ward has a tendency to do weird shit and he just can’t seem to kick this habit. It’s not as bad as it was at WSU but my God man why do you continue to feel the need to run to the sideline and float up a pass directly into the middle of the field? He does this at least a handful of times every single year and it’s just baffling. Please stop. Do they make a Narcan for this? He also just stops moving his feet at times, like the link I added to the opening section. And it wasn’t just that one. He did it multiple times in that game. Really tarnishing the pristine legacy of the Pop Tarts Bowl. On that note - the amount of fucks I give that he only played the first half of the bowl game are so small that they could not be seen with an electron microscope.

Alright that was normal but let’s get dumb.




WE HAVE A (MOCK) TRADE

CLEVELAND trades the 2nd overall pick to NEW YORK (NFC) for the 3rd overall pick, 34th overall pick, and the 154th overall pick
2. NEW YORK GIANTS – Shedeur Sanders, QB, Colorado

Ok you guys have to remember my (new) first rule of mock drafting – weird shit be happening all the time and your draft probably isn’t being weird enough. This would be weird as hell. I based the compensation somewhat on the Mitchell Trubisky fiasco, however made it a bit less as I mean…I am referring to it as a fiasco so let’s press the brakes a little bit. The Browns could very well take Sanders themselves but I just feel like they’ll want to get out of the Watson era first and deal with the QB situation next year.

I hear that Shedeur Sanders is dropping (and I think he should – I think he’s a late 1st-2nd round type of prospect), but I also hear that the New York Football Giants really want him and the New York Football Giants are a Tiffany Franchise™ that needs to have their Franchise Quarterback™ like a diabetic needs insulin.

Sanders has a ton of nonsense around him that needs to be filtered out first. People hate Colorado because, well, because they are annoying as fuck. But that doesn’t mean that Shedeur Sanders “sucks” or “is awful” or “deepthroats ass”. I mean, he deserves to be drafted somewhat high. I just don’t think he deserves to be drafted this high. I have a working theory that playing at Jackson State ruined him, as he could do all that Deion Sanders run away from people and make plays stuff there but when he tried to do it at Colorado, it just did not work. Sidenote: how in the hell are Shedeur and Shilo sons of Deion Sanders? Both are pedestrian athletes by D-1 football standards. These are Deion Sanders’ kids! How does a Sanders kid run a 4.7!?!?!?!

So, he tries to run around making plays and instead just takes sacks and kills drives. This is how you have the sparkly stats that guys like late-stage Russell Wilson and Daniel Jones have. If the easy play isn’t there, sack. Sacks don’t hurt your stats! Man, what a lifehack. It even made Zach Wilson’s numbers somewhat less than atrocious. Zach Wilson, if you aren’t familiar, is the single worst quarterback not named Tim Boyle in the last 20 years of NFL football. The 2023 Jets featuring both of them almost certainly violated the Geneva Convention. He also doesn’t appear to have the arm that you’d like in an NFL QB. If he isn’t set, the ball’s probably not getting there on time. A lot of off-platform throws die on him.

So is like, anything good? Yes! He’s extremely accurate. He throws with a ton of touch. He makes very good decisions. He’s Kirk Cousins trying to be Lamar Jackson. Just needs to learn to let his Kirk flag fly. Can he learn to express his inner-Kirk? I don’t know – he had two years at Colorado to do so and didn’t seem to. And it just felt like such a college-y offense. Like, he’s not making anticipatory throws – he’s throwing short, waiting for crossers to run 5 yards free from coverage, and occasionally heaving a deep ball down the sideline. Yes, his offensive line was a complete mess and there are many times that he had no option whatsoever. But he’s also taking a ton of sacks that he doesn’t need to be taking. Great that he can take a sack, but not great that I’m projecting a sack magnet to Brian Daboll after Daniel Jones damn near gave him an aneurysm. That flea flicker in London will live in infamy. At least Shedeur’s not afraid to pull the trigger. And to his credit, he’s said that he needs to improve his pocket presence and is working on it.

Oh yeah, it’s also a huge market and his dad is Deion Sanders and the coach is probably on the hot seat and Deion will probably be coaching the Giants in 2026 if this happens. So yeah I’m sure Daboll’s gonna be totally on board. And honestly if I didn’t continually read about their interest I wouldn’t think the Giants would be on board for this circus either.

EDIT: Sanders’ odds to be selected in the top 5 have plummeted and the favorite landing spot for him is now being projected to be 9th to New Orleans. I don’t care, I’m changing nothing.


3. CLEVELAND BROWNS – Abdul Carter, EDGE, Penn State Track Club

James Franklin sends yet another freakshow athlete from his disappointing circus to the NFL. Adbul Carter doesn’t have combine measurements but I don’t think he needs them, as he’s regularly doing things that nobody else does. He’s regularly halfway into the backfield before anyone else even gets off the ball. He’s the bendiest edge rusher I have ever seen in my life, and flexibility is one of the most important traits for pass rushing success. Defensive coaches are always looking for players that can suck their own dicks. It’s just difficult to keep this guy off of your QB all game – one of these times, he’s going to get there. So many college rushers get home on coverage sacks and blocking breakdowns. Not this guy. He creates. This guy manufactures pressure. Adbul Carter is the one guy actually manufacturing in America.

So what are the tariffs here? How would someone like this not get taken over His Floaty-ness Shedeur Sanders? Wellllll, that’s about all that he does when it comes to pass rushing. He can get inside of blockers with speed and it’s impressive when it happens but he does not have the power to go through a lineman after he sets them up outside. Oregon’s left tackle (Josh Conerly), who will be drafted somewhat high but whom I do not think is all that good, realized this and immediately jumped back into pass sets all game and Carter just kept running up the arc. I don’t think he even tried to do anything else. In the NFL, this is a serious concern. One thing about NFL linemen is that outside of New York and Cincinnati, they are all generally pretty good. You aren’t doing the Penn State “let’s just beat Iowa by running faster than they can” thing. If this guy had Chop Robinson’s abilities he’d be the single best college edge rusher I’ve ever seen. He’d also be Thanos so I guess there would be bigger concerns but you know what I mean.

Also, uhhh, he’s always getting thrown onto the ground or just throwing himself onto the ground. It’s downright comical at times, like he’ll just be blurring around the edge chasing down a backside run, bump into a blocker and suddenly get sent flying into the air a few yards away. It looks like a roadrunner cartoon. So yeah, my best comp for Abdul Carter is Wile E. Coyote.

The combine weigh-in said 250 lbs but he doesn’t look to be playing at anything near this in the actual games. He is notably skinnier than every top guy outside of James Pearce Jr and unfortunately it’s often noticeable in a bad way. Penn State used him a bit like Micah Parsons in that he’d line up at linebacker and either rush up the middle or drop and while he did look pretty smooth in his drops, his rushes from this spot were not nearly as effective as they were for Parsons.

Soooo uh, is this our 2025 Dion Jordan? Both skinnier rushers, both athletes with a great first step burst and some bendiness? Fortunately for Carter I think the similarities end there, and who knows how much of Jordan’s downfall was drug related. But I mean, he was really fuckin’ good at Oregon and then it just didn’t really work in the NFL. Carter doesn’t have the balance Jordan had but he is more explosive and significantly bendier and it’s very hard to pass on these traits, because they are rarely even available. He’s like the McRib.

Oh and uhh also his foot and shoulder are broken. And he’s got an assault charge from last March. But he won’t turn 21 until December and he’s really bendy so we can ignore that.


4. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS – Mason Graham, DT, Michigan
Another one of my things is that while I often listen to the “rumors” about where guys are going, on some cases – such as this one – I just ignore them if I feel like it. In this case, I am bypassing offensive tackle Will Campbell to slot Mason Graham to the new-look, still-awful Patriots. The reason here, and I don’t want to get too technical, is that I don’t think Will Campbell is very good, and I do think that Mason Graham is good. Plus Vrabes gonna want to get some DL juice in here, right? It’s Vrabes! The Vrabes Titans always had a scary defensive line. You can grab a mediocre OT in the 2nd round, because Mason Grahams don’t just grow on trees. (They grow in uteri).



I’ve read a lot of “experts” with social media handles like “JeffPetersonNFL”, “FootballFilmSuperBoss” and “NFLDraftSlut” with clickbait video titles like “Mason Graham is my 14th ranked DL” and I mean, some of these guys are really good at the whole film studying stuff and yes, I often agree that consensus top prospects (JEFF OKUDAH) are wildly overrated, but it also leads to overthinking on the Will Andersons of the world. So yeah, some of these guys may very well know what they are talking about if they say something like “ya see here, Mason Graham’s hand placement should be about 30 degrees to the clockwise direction” but do the other guys look and move like Mason Graham? I don’t think they do. He looks more like an NFL player than the other guys, in my opinion. Note this will be the first year that I do something about Patriots and hand placement without forcing a Robert Kraft reference into it.



Now, what did I see that may be concerning? One, he’s more finesse than power and that certainly makes scheme fit a thing. Does he fit Vrabel’s scheme? I have no idea. I don’t have time in my day to analyze the defensive schemes and fits for every NFL coach nor would I if I did have that kind of time. Like even if my job were to just jerk off on OnlyFans for US Senators, I wouldn’t spend the remaining 23.5 hours of my day determining which safety is the best fit for Jim Haslett’s nickel defense. Two, he’s almost never drawing any extra attention, but that’s a minor quibble as Michigan’s DL was stacked. Kenneth Grant was right next to them and some of those aforementioned experts think he’s the best defensive lineman in this class.

So yeah I understand that it’s all “protect Drake Maye!” but this team has like 6 good players so they need to add more of them. Drake Maye’s an adult, he can protect himself.


5. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS – Travis Hunter, WR/CB, Colorado

Look, I hate Travis Hunter just as much as the next guy. As a player, at least – by all accounts he has great character and is about nothing but football. NFL GM’s love that. Son, do you love football? You’ve gotta eat, sleep, breathe, fuck and suck football 24/7. That’s Travis Hunter. This guy fucks and sucks football. Not going to make an AI image for that.

Now, the reason people hate him is because of all the “swagger” and he’s just plain annoying. Deion seemed to play him and Shedeur above the rest of the team and that also contributed to it. He is the recipient of a ton of borderline cheap shots and I have to imagine this annoying-ness is the reason. But he doesn’t care, and I think coaches love that shit. Even though he’s built like a praying mantis, he seems to be generally durable. Will he be so durable if NFL players decide he’s the new Terrelle Pryor and just go after him all the time? Who knows, but the confidence seems resolute. Let’s see how long it holds up after some 6 wins seasons in Duuuuvallllll

So Travis Hunter gets a lot of the stuff that Shedeur gets, with people thinking he’s not that great and “how could this guy win the Heisman over Jeanty” even though he played both offense and defense at an elite level at a D-1 school in 2025 holy shit people do you not understand how fuckin’ crazy that is? You people had football Shohei Otani and you stan for the running back? Come on. But that leads to the obvious question, what the hell is going on with the Travis Hunter girlfriend thing? Second most obvious question is the one we’ll address here, and that’s “so what does he do in the NFL”.
Like most people, I thought - well, naturally the most logical scenario would be full time corner who moonlights as a wide receiver. I assumed that this guy was an elite corner, as he was the 2nd highest graded college corner by PFF and I mean teams definitely value shutdown corners higher than slotty-type receivers so yeah that makes sense.

Then I decided to watch 6 minutes of YouTubes. After doing that, I not only think that there is a significant chance that he hits the “no true NFL position floor” but also that this guy’s best spot is actually on offense. People, and by people I mean NFL players rather than just regular-ass boring people – people do not move like this. This guy is fuckin’ ELECTRIC. My comp for him is Blanka from Street Fighter. He also has crazy ball skills. They are legit. This is Kadarius Toney without any of the nonsense.

So what’s the problem? Well, he’s just such a great athlete that he was just kind of winging it. Most of his targets are manufactured short stuff or sideline deep shots (at which he was phenomenal, by the way). But in all of the videos I don’t think I saw him like, run a real route, beat a guy and make a 12 yard catch on 3rd and 9. It’s screen, run across the field, or run straight. Once he gets the ball in his hands he makes magic happen, and he has all of the traits that you can’t teach. The question here is, what about the stuff that we can teach? Can he run a route? I do think that he can, but it’s something that we just won’t know when he’s drafted.

Why not primarily corner? Well, for all the rawness at receiver, he’s just as raw at corner. He just doesn’t do anything that normal corners do. He was so much more plodding than I would have ever guessed and he just simply cannot effectively play press man. What really shined, naturally, were the anticipation and ball skills. Can you learn corner technique? Sure, obviously. Do I think it’s much more difficult than wide receiver? Yes, I do. Can I kick it? No. No you may not.

Given the name cache and the perception of Hunter as a shutdown corner, I don’t think the Jags would pass on him. They definitely need corners and could certainly use some offensive juice as well to see if Trevor Lawrence will ever actually be good. But this is a perennially terrible franchise that had one lucky year so it probably doesn’t really matter what they do. Moving on.


6. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS – Ashton Jeanty, RB, Boise State

Ok I’m spending way too much time on this so I’ve got to shorten it up.

I’m choosing to buy the hype on the Raiders drafting Jeanty. Pete Carroll loves to run the damn ball™, and Jeanty is good enough that this isn’t some crazy reach. It appears to be a great running back class this year, so what sets Jeanty apart other than “wow he ran for so many yards”? Is he really the best RB this year?

All of these guys are natural runners, they all appear to have good vision, they have good contact balance and run through arm tackles, they all have enough speed to break off big runs. So it’s not a slam dunk. But I do think Jeanty is the best because I think his vision and contact balance are the best. He’s just always finding daylight and staying on his feet. It’s nearly impossible to bottle him up for an entire game – I think Penn State was the only team to really do so, and they are the ’92 Bulls when it comes time to play a mid-major. And it wasn’t all scrubs that Jeanty gashed – he damn near carried them to a win over Oregon and probably would have had the Ducks not housed both a kick and punt return in that game. UNLV had a good defense and he just run over them.

Yes, NFL teams should want to be good and stuff and have good offensive and defensive lines and all that jazz, but in the end this is entertainment. And these Raiders would probably be pretty damn entertaining. I’m here for it.


7. NEW YORK JETS – Armand Membou, OT, Missouri

Jets need OL, there are OL available. Jets get OT. Fin.

In reality, if this happened, they’d probably take Campbell just because he seems to be consensus top guy but despite Membou primarily being a right tackle, there is buzz for him as the best tackle this year. The Jets likely want to play Olu Fashanu at left tackle so a right tackle would be fine for them.

Membou tests as an athletic freak at a position where it’s surprisingly hugely important so he checks that box. He doesn’t move as well as I thought he would and he’s particularly lost in space sometimes, but he’s an ox of a right tackle who stonewalls rushers when he locks on. I think he needs to clean up the technique and speed rushers occasionally made him look bad, and he definitely has some drunk moose to him, but the Jets would certainly love to get another Mekhi Becton type and re-live that experience so here ya go.


8. CAROLINA PANTHERS – Jalon Walker, Edge?, Georgia

Now that the Bryce Young era is in full swing, locking the Panthers into ten years of upper-mediocrity, let’s get them some defense. After mangling the Brian Burns situation, they may as well grab one of the plentiful edges.

Georgia must hate their defensive front 7, because they just absolutely do not showcase guys. Walker is a hell of a player overall but he’s rarely rushing. They’ve mostly got him just sitting around spying barely mobile QBs for some reason. Same with Mykel Williams. Way to set the edge, elite pass rushers. We gotta be technically sound! I know they are really good but why wouldn’t they be with literally all of the good players in the nation on their roster, excluding of course the trailer park version of Quinn Ewers they have a QB.

Jalon Walker is an absolute force, he is relentless and violent and all of that stuff that we condition these guys to have and then expect them to immediately turn off in society. He just attacks the shit out of blockers and ball carriers, he rushes like a ball of hot knives, and he’s got a little bend. Not a lot, certainly not an ideal amount, but perhaps enough. However, given that he rushed on like 3% of his snaps, he doesn’t really have any developed moves. I’ve seen enough flashes to prefer Walker over the rest of the guys available. A lot of people think he’ll be an off-ball linebacker but 1.) that skill is not nearly as valuable in the NFL these days and 2.) he is very poor at diagnosing plays. There’s one against Texas where they run up the middle and he reads pass on it and starts dropping into coverage as the entire Texas team runs up the middle and I don’t know if I’ve seen anything quite like that. It’s boss mode Kenneth Murray. He’s best at attacking, so let him attack.


9. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS – Jaxson Dart, QB, Ole Miss

When it comes to draft maneuvering, no team is more unaware than the Saints. They don’t make the worst selections, though they’ve been pretty spotty since the all-time 2017 haul – but they just make insane trade-ups and seem to consider themselves on the doorstep of contending despite all evidence to the contrary. It all came crashing down last year, as they finally had the awful season they’ve been putting off for years. Maybe it’s not good to have your GM pull double-duty with the local NBA team. While all the other teams are playing checkers, the Saints are playing rock paper scissors.

So, while I’d love to mock them making a crazy trade-up into the top 3 or something, the least I can do within the framework of my draft is to give them a wild selection. I think it is ludicrous to consider Jaxson Dart this early, but I’ve also been seeing a ton of buzz that it’s probably going to happen. Watching a Jaxson Dart game makes me wonder if Lane Kiffin is Earth’s greatest offensive mind. I have never seen so many wide open receivers at this level of college football. And Dart finds them. I don’t know if it’s like Goff under McVay where he’s only finding them because he’s told to go there or if he’s actually doing the reading himself, but even if I give him the benefit of the doubt, I still don’t think he’s deserving of this pick.

He seems to be pretty accurate short and midrange, but deep balls are all over the place and the receivers continually bail him out. He consistently melts down and does something stupid whenever the opportunity presents itself. He’s like Will Levis with touch. Maybe that looks good to a team that gave all of their money to Derek Carr. There’s enough there that I know that I may be making a really bad read on Dart but I’m sticking to this for now.


10. CHICAGO BEARS – Will Campbell, OT, LSU

The Bears need a left tackle. By slotting Membou to the Jets at 7 and justifying that, I’ve allowed them to draft one. Love to make these as clean as possible.

Will Campbell seems like he’s just a guy. I don’t think he does anything particularly well. That fits well with the Bears, who also don’t do anything particularly well. Campbell can make me look idiotic, make the All-Pro team every year of his career, and Caleb Williams will still run into 50+ sacks each season.


TRADE NUMBER 2

SAN FRANCISCO trades the 11th overall pick to ARIZONA for the 16th overall pick and the 78th overall pick

11. ARIZONA CARDINALS – Will Johnson, CB, Michigan

I don’t think there’s a great reason to make this trade, as nobody in this range has a pressing need for a corner, but I need more trades. Teams just love to trade now. So here’s a trade.

Will Johnson has lost a bit of his early hype but I still think he’s good. He’s another scheme fit thing, and Michigan insisted on playing their corners 50 yards off the ball last year, but then again so did Quinyon Mitchell last year and that worked out wonderfully for the Eagles. And just because he mostly played deep third last year doesn’t mean that he can’t do other things. In 2023 it seems they had him on the line more and he seemed to be capable of doing so. I’m sure the Warm Birds can figure it out.


12. DALLAS COWBOYS – Treyveon Henderson, RB, Ohio State

What? Why? Because I think Jerry would do something crazy like this. “I miss my ol’ runnin’ back Zeke”, he may think. “We sure could run that football”, he pines.

I do think Treyveon Henderson is really good and will go higher than people expect. Maybe not this high but no one is ever correct on these anyway so who gives a hot fuck.

The Cowboys will continue paying Dak Prescott hundreds of millions of dollars to throw to a checked-out CeeDee Lamb and a collection of scrappy CFL receivers.



OH MY IT’S A TRADEGASM

MIAMI trades the 13th overall pick and the 155th overall pick to LOS ANGELES (AFC) for the 22nd overall pick, 55th overall pick and the 199th overall pick

13. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS – Tyler Warren, TE, Penn State



Fuck yes! Jim gets a footbaw player! “Young man, you need to seize 300% of the day every day until the Sun burns itself out”, Coach Harbs says on his phone call to Tyler Warren. “Every rising of the Sun presents another opportunity to achieve maximum greatness within the soul”.

This trade, in its defense, makes actual logical sense. The Dolphins need OL/DL and the options here are not great. The Chargers desperately need a tight end and would have to jump the Colts if they want Warren. While writing this I’m realizing that the 2nd tight end this year went to Michigan and the Chargers would almost certainly not do this, but I’m pot committed at this point so I’m sticking to the bit.

Tyler Warren is fun because he plays fullback and runs routes and plays wildcat QB and actually throws passes but in the NFL, nobody is going to care that he threw a fade against Akron. However the tight end parts do seem to be done at a genuinely high level and most mocks have him long gone by this point. He can run, catch and block, which are the things that tight ends generally do. These have not been done by a Chargers tight end in quite some time, I guess since Hunter Henry performed them at a middling level.


14. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS – Colston Loveland, TE, Michigan

Yeah I should have just mocked this guy to the Chargers but I didn’t so whatever. The Colts get the consolation prize. Loveland looks just as good as Warren, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s actually better. The Wolverines split him out wide like 2013’s Tyler Eifert and he was also effective as an in-line blocker. I wonder if Tyler Eifert can still walk these days?

He’s also got a hell of an adult film star name. Gonna sell some jerseys in the heartland.


15. ATLANTA FALCONS – Mike Green, Edge, Marshall

The Irrelevant Birds have had about 20 total sacks in the last decade. They need to get more sacks. Mike Green of Marshall is notable primarily for his sacks. Of all the edge guys left, he’s arguably the best pure pass rusher. Dude has moves on top of moves and though he did play against a lot of the Old Dominions and Stony Brooks of the world, Marshall also played Ohio State and Virginia Tech and Green looked the part against those teams. He hit an outside spin move around the edge against an Ohio State tackle that is going to play in the NFL, which was just ludicrous. Easy pick, right?

Wellll, despite those flashes he just doesn’t always dominate the way you’d want him to against all these scrubs. He was productive, sure, but college production doesn’t automatically translate to NFL production. I really can’t tell how good of an athlete he truly is, and he didn’t partake in Combine testing which makes me think that there may be a reason behind this. I get Will McDonald vibes from Green and while I liked McDonald, I knew McDonald was an elite athlete by NFL standards. I don’t know that about Green. But I’d still rather have him than most of the other guys.
Oh yeah, he also is rumored to have ended up in Marshall due to sexual assaults when he played at Virginia in 2022. He denies it but I mean no one’s going to be like “oh yeah man I did some sexual assault back in the day but I stopped doing that”. I’m not sure if the NFL still cares about this, as I haven’t seen any helpful commercials lately reminding us to not beat the shit out of our wives.


16. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS – Kelvin Banks Jr., OT, Texas

The Niners have had an offensive line consisting of “Trent Williams and four randoms” for a couple of years now. And, as well all know, Trent Williams has been 40 years old for the last 5 or so years. Eventually he actually will age. It’s going to happen.

So yeah, Niners need to upgrade that line. Look who is available, top prospect Kelvin Banks, Jr.! Son of the legendary Kelvin Banks, Sr.! Slam dunk A+, right?

Not from me. I think Kelvin Banks sucks. I mean he’s good obviously, I mean by NFL standards. What better team to make this pick than the franchise that gave us Trey Lance and AJ Jenkins? Watching Kelvin Banks reminds me of somebody who is not good at something doing that very thing.

[Todd McNeigh]

17. CINCINNATI BENGALS – Jihaad Campbell, ILB, Alabama

As usual, my favorite defensive player is a middle linebacker who is awesome. I was at that place in Dallas that mimics being in the stadium last year and saw the LSU/Bama game and you could not help but notice #11 just laying waste to the Tigers. Sigfried and Roy didn’t tame tigers as well as ol’ Jihaad did.

Now, he may need to change his name to something like “Steve” for maximum fan approval, but even if he sticks with Jihaad I think he’ll be good enough that fans can accept it.

You may be thinking, “Todd, why would the Bengals draft an ILB?” and I would reply that I have watched a lot of Bengals games over the past two seasons, and you simply cannot watch a Bengals game these days without wondering just what the hell Germaine Pratt is doing. I liked Germaine Pratt coming out, and he gave the Meth Cats some good seasons, but it’s over. It done been over for our boy Germaine Pratt. So let’s get a fun ILB that knows how to play zone coverage and runs to the ball rather than waiting and catch-tackling runners.


18. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS – Jayden Higgins, WR, Iowa State

Another rule is that the Seahawks are probably going to draft somebody you’ve never heard of in the first round. I know that it’s been a few years since they’ve done this but we aren’t that far removed from a stretch of Rashaad Penny>LJ Collier>Jordyn Brooks. They were also the ones who made you Google search for Bruce Irvin. Same GM is there making the picks.

That also gives me an excuse to “overdraft” the guy who I believe is the best WR in this draft. I had never heard of Jayden Higgins before a few days ago but there’s a lot to like here. Higgins is big (6’4” 215), fast and athletic, has a good feel for route running and positioning and can make contested catches. He put up huge production despite a QB who make it very difficult to do so.

I am battling through some Hakeem Butler PTSD here with another big Iowa State receiver, but then again that’s the same thing that had people down on CJ Stroud and Aaron Rodgers. Fool me once, shame on…shame on, uh, shame on you? Anyway you can’t get fooled again.

$10 bet on Higgins to be first receiver taken will pay out $0. It COULD pay out $1,500 and that’s the chance I’m taking but let’s be serious here.



THESE CRAZY KIDS WON’T STOP TRADING

HOW 'BOUT SOME BAY ACTION

TAMPA BAY trades the 19th overall pick to GREEN BAY for the 23rd overall pick, 124th overall pick and a 2026 4th round pick

19. GREEN BAY – Tetairoa McMillan

If Green Bay wants Tet McMillan, who will likely be long gone in real actual life, they’d probably need to hop over Denver to get him.
Tet, which is the French word for “head” and also what Aaron Rodgers would have given to get the Packers to draft him a receiver in the first round, is being nicked a bit in the pre-draft process because he only ran in the low-to-mid 4.5s. I don’t understand this. What did people expect him to run? I guess the concern is that it’s a Pro Day time but we’ve been using Pro Day times with other players without any pushback for years now. McMillan doesn’t look slow, and he doesn’t win with pure speed anyway. This isn’t Quentin Johnston. McMillan is a big-bodied receiver who uses his size well (lolz) has enough speed to run away from defenders and create separation. He also has fantastic hands and makes contested catches all over the field.

I’ve seen some N’Keal Harry (probably mostly from Patriots fans suffering their own draft PTSD), but I see more Brandon Marshall. I don’t think he has as much juice as Marshall did but I do think he has enough that he has a high enough ceiling in the NFL to warrant this pick.

I wouldn’t have thought that the Packers would go wide receiver in the first but the drumbeat for it is way too loud to ignore and it does make sense that they are tired of their pack of middling wideouts and whatever Christian Watson is now. Oh, and a note to NFL teams from Todd McNeigh – STOP OVERDRAFTING CHRISTIAN WATSONS PLZ. Oh he’s big and fast and does nothing else, surely that will work against the best cornerbacks on Earth!


20. DENVER BRONCOS – Omarion Hampton, RB, North Carolina

Sean Payton has always had a versatile RB that he can exploit in the passing game and it must have sliced him to his dark, pill-addled core to watch Javonte Williams and Jaleel McLaughlin do whatever it was they were doing last year. He would have been better handing the ball to Sarah McLaughlin. ♫ Bo Nix I do believe I failed youuu ♫

Since I like havin’ fun and bein’ different and takin’ my disaster scenario Steelers pick off of the board, I’m gonna try and cure all that ails our salty little coach by giving him a top RB. Hampton seems to be the consensus #2 guy this year. Well, consensus for everyone except me, as while it’s so hard to watch RBs on TV footage being different offensive lines in different schemes and situations, I think both of the Ohio State guys are better. But I also think Hampton is plenty good and definitely good enough to justify a pick at the back end of the first round in what appears to be a down year. All of these guys have good vision, good burst and good contact balance. May fate smile upon their ACLs.


ANOTHER TRADE THAT WON’T HAPPEN

PITTSBURGH trades the 21st overall pick and the 156th overall pick to HOUSTON for the 25th overall pick, 89th overall pick and a 2026 5th round pick

21. HOUSTON TEXANS – Tyler Booker, OG, Alabama

The Texans, who have addressed the offensive line somewhat heavily in the last 5 or so years, somehow desperately need offensive linemen. There is one good offensive lineman left in my opinion, and I’m not having these virtual Texans sit around hoping that the Dolphins and Vikings don’t snatch him up. Particularly the Dolphins, as they have absolutely nobody to speak of on either line. Surprisingly, we are no longer doing lines in Miami.

Booker looks like one of the best college guard prospects I’ve ever seen, at least the best since Quenton Nelson, whom Booker may have swapped names with a decade ago. He’s always dominating whoever is in front of him. He has ideal measurables – big, good wingspan, big hands, yada yada. He looks like he moves quite well. So why drop him into the 20s in a bad OL draft?

Well, interior offensive line has been devalued for years, and this is generally where they start to go. Outside of Nelson, I can’t find pure guards that were drafted in the top 10 since….damn it, 2013. The twin busts of Johnathan Cooper and Chance Warmack went 7th and 10th, respectively. There are only a handful who went top 15 in that time.

Secondly, well – Booker’s athletic testing was terrible. Athleticism is not as important for guard as it is for most other positions, but you’d still like to see your first rounder scoring in the top 75%. Between his position and how good he looks on tape, I don’t think it will hurt him a ton but it will probably keep him out of the top 12 or so.


22. MIAMI DOLPHINS – Walter Nolen, DT, Ole Miss

Here come those trenchless Dolphins to the podium.



We all know that football is literal war, and the Dolphins need more manpower in the trenches to compete with the Axis powers in their division – the enormous land army of the Buffalo Bills, the New England Patriots and their countrywide fervor in support of the war effort, and the dilapidated Luftwaffe of the New York Jets. As their Churchill they have some nerd who draws up cool running plays. They just need to be careful of the potential landmine at the wide receiver position. Like Tua, this metaphor has just about reached a point where it no longer functions.

Since the available offensive linemen are terrible and bad, I am going to slot them a defensive lineman in Mississippi’s Walter Nolen. Nolen looks incredible to me – he’s ALWAYS being double-teamed yet he’s still creating problems and blowing up plays. As the adults now say after the kids said 5 years ago, this guy is a problem. His gapping ability is the bees knees – when he lines up cattywampus, offensive linemen tasked with blocking him are typically left with collywobbles.

So what is stopping teams from spending their happy cabbage on Nolen? Well, apparently he is a bit of a pretzel-bender. It seems that everywhere you look there are vague “character concerns” about Nolen. While I can’t find anything of actual substance, they prevailing wisdom is that he has effort and work-ethic concerns. This isn’t something we can brush aside like the sexual assaults of previous selections – we can coach up a rapist. But a couch-potato? That’s a death sentence for NFL coaches. These guys work on left-side kickoff return for 25 hours a day, as that surely is the best way that one’s time is spent. Don’t insult them by not living, breathing and eating football. Son, you need to get your mind right and start injecting football directly into your veins. If you are not hopelessly addicted to football and suffering harsh football withdrawals during the offseason, then you are not welcome on our roster.

I forget where I was at but this guy seems really, really good and he’s the pick. Hopefully whichever team takes him can turn him into Nolen Tryin’.


23. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS – Jahdae Barron, CB, Texas

It is apparently a poorly kept secret that the Bucs will be targeting a linebacker in the first round this year. I haven’t checked the draft odds yet but if you can get good odds on that, you should probably go ahead and make that bet.

In this exercise however, Jihaad Campbell is gone and there is no one that I’ve seen who even merits thought as a first-round pick. Unless you think Mykel Williams can do it, and I don’t believe that any NFL team would actually believe that.

So what else do they need? Well, they also need a corner, and there happens to be one available.

Jahdae Barron has great PFF-type metrics – things like rating allowed, TDs allowed, all of that subjective stuff. He ran very fast, so that’s good. He’s physical and looks bigger on tape than he really is. So what’s the issue here? Well, it’s been a few days since I watched him so I forget exactly what I thought but I do believe it seemed like it was just largely luck and coincidence that he didn’t allow a TD last year. He does get tied up and beat more than the typical elite-level college draft prospect. And secondly, he old. This geriatric, ancient husk of a man will turn 24 during December of this year. 24! May as well petition the NFL to allow him to bring a rascal scooter onto the field. This guy probably remembers Soulja Boy!




24. MINNESOTA VIKINGS – Aireontae Ersery, OT, Minnesota

Every year I say “who is going to be the new man on the Minnesota Vikings haha lol” so I’m trying to break that habit. That song was released in 2019, it’s time to move on. What am I doing, calling Dallas the Rhinestone Cowboys? Let it go old man.

This draft has played out very unfortunately for the Vikes, as their most glaring needs are on the offensive line and at corner, and those players just recently became new men on the Bucs and Texans.

So what is left? Well, Harrison Smith is older than Jahdae Barron and the Vikes may be best served to have someone waiting in the wings, particularly since they tried to do that with Lewis Cine a few years ago and his leg immediately fell off his body when he got on the field. However, I’d instead like to use Starks for something later on in the draft. So instead of safety, let’s have the Vikings reach for a 2nd round tackle in Aireontae Ersery. Remember – if weird shit isn’t happening, then your mock draft is dumb and wrong. The only way to potentially be right is to be stupid and dumb. This is one of Todd McNeigh’s Mock Draft Commandments.

Ersery is a big lumbering ox, just like many tackle prospects in recent years. It’s been a real throwback to the 1990s and early 2000s, and I’m here for it. While he is indeed a large mammoth, he did appear to have a good deal of success against Abdul Carter so I think he can handle speed just fine. I didn’t watch him do anything else but I don’t know man I can’t believe I still have eight more teams to go this is crazy WHY DO I DO THIS EVERY YEAR WHYYYYY


25. PITTSBURGH STEELERS – Nick Emmanwori, Safety, South Carolina

I’ve wishcasted this thing into a situation where the Steelers are unable to select Jaxson Dart or Omarion Hampton, which are their picks that I’ve most commonly seen mocked to them at 1.21. I do not want them to make either of those choices, particularly Hampton. Not because there’s anything wrong with Hampton, but because…just what does this team think it is? The audacity to have been taking and/or talking about taking running backs over the last few seasons is stunning. The D.K. Metcalf move is similar in some ways but at least it makes actual sense. Aaron Rodgers is completely washed but…alright, this could maybe be entertaining? What’s not entertaining is watching Najee Harris catch 138 passes for 200 yards. Four years of ground-and-punt. Running backs can make a difference for sure and I don’t hate the idea of good teams taking them at the end of the first round, but they put your team over the top. They don’t elevate teams from bad to good. It’s appropriate that Saquon Barkley is the guy currently driving the “running back lives matter” discourse, as before helping Philly win it all last season, he spent six years wasting everybody’s time in New York and driving “running backs don’t matter” discourse. I am terminally online and this stuff is always discoursing through my veins.
As for Dart – I’ve covered why I don’t want to see him picked here. If he is, will I freak out? No, because who knows how good he’ll actually be, but as of right now I just don’t think he’ll be good.

I’ve also seen Jalen Milroe mocked here and while I don’t think it will happen, I wouldn’t hate it. Milroe is more of a lottery ticket than the others but his ceiling is so damn high that I would rank him as the #2 QB this year. You could argue – and by “you”, I mean that I would argue – that it is better for a drafted QB to be a complete bust than a mediocre Sam Darnold/Justin Fields type who you continually debate for 4 years as they lead your team to 8 win seasons. TUA. Tua has the Dolphins in such a difficult position as he can run their offense well on a nice day but just can’t elevate them, and what even is their outlook for the next 5 years? Do Dolphins fans have any legitimate hope that they can do something in this period? I would bet that Bears fans think they are in a better position than the Fins.

But hey how about the guy I actually have them drafting? Emmanwori is a physical freak who tested better than any safety in Combine history, who makes plays on the ball and has the size and disposition to play in the box. Why would he be available here? Well, safeties are still devalued – the best safety prospect I can remember in recent years is Kyle Hamilton and he went 14th. He’s also a little stiff given his size but it’s not like he can’t turn and run and carry WRs to an extend in man coverage. It’s impossible to determine how good safeties are from the TV view but he looks good and the Steelers desperately need young secondary talent.



26. LOS ANGELES RAMS – Harold Fannin Jr., TE, Bowling Green

Name a more iconic duo than the Rams and making weird draft picks.

The Rams have continued their baffling run of only having a handful of good players yet continually being good, and that opens this selection up to nearly every possibility. The weirdest reasonable one I can think of is tight end Howard Fannin, who set college football on fire by leading the nation in receiving before becoming a mid-round afterthought after being slightly slower than expected at the Combine.

The thing about tight end is that the Combine definitely matters, as tight end is the position with the highest correlation between test metrics and NFL success. And that makes sense as you essentially need to find players who can be both receivers and offensive tackles to some degree. Fannin didn’t test poorly, he just didn’t test out as elite. He’s also a bit undersized and a lot of this production was against “lesser” competition, though he did also light up the Penn States of the world. James Franklin is like Bear Bryant when it comes time to out-athlete a MAC school.

However, he just looks good at a position that teams are always looking for and in the back end of a bad draft I can see some team “reaching” for the production. I read all of the typical knocks against receiving tight ends like “he can’t block”, he’s “too small to play in-line”, he’s “a card-carrying member of ISIS”, the usual. While it is difficult to find highlights of tight ends blocking for free on Youtube, he did appear to play in-line and block quite a bit in 2023 and I think he looked just fine doing it. PFF graded him as the 2nd best run-blocking tight end in the NCAA, I believe. I think he’ll be fine.

I can’t find any confirmation on his status as a member of the terrorist group ISIS however if this is true, expect the Bills to trade up make this pick.


27. BALTIMORE RAVENS – Kenneth Grant, DT, Michigan

Oh look the Ravens take a physical anomaly that dropped to them in the 20s, what else is new. I don’t know if they need a nose-tackle type or not, I’m just going to assume they’d take Grant and figure it out. While I don’t think Grant was all that dominant, he is an impossibly large man who moves like a much more reasonably sized man and this is a cut-and-dried application of the Planet Theory. The Ravens select Planet Jackson. Alright NEXT


28. DETROIT LIONS – Donovan Ezeiruaku, Edge, Boston College

The Lions don’t need anybody, unless you consider “quarterback who doesn’t constantly melt down at the slightest hint of adversity” to be a need. I guess they could use another edge rusher across from Aiden Hutchinson, just in case he has any long term effects from his injury or in the case that every single Lion gets injured once again next season.

Ezeiruaku is a jack-of-all-trades type who may be undersized but appears to be proficient at all of the things that you want pass rushers to do. He has a decent get-off at the snap, a full bag of rush moves, a good amount of bend, and an ability to finish. Sexy.
I think this dude will be good so good job, hypothetical Lions.


29. WASHINGTON REDSKINS – James Pearce Jr., Edge, Tennessee

How about another shot in the dark at a premium position? The Redskins traded their front seven away for some weird reason, so they should probably start replenishing it.

Pearce is also undersized but he is just lightning off the snap. He moves so quick that he actually looks even smaller on the field than he really is. He doesn’t have the rush moves that a guy like Ezeiruaku has but you can’t teach the speed and quickness.

However, another reason he looks small is that lineman often just hip toss him into a different galaxy. That’s not ideal, as sacks are only recognized by the NFL if they occur in the Milky Way. Speaking of milky way man what great bend and get off these pass rushers have huh



30. BUFFALO BILLS – Darien Porter, CB, Iowa State

Bills still need a corner, as last time they reached for Kaiir Elam despite his inability to do anything at a high level at the University of Florida. This time, they’ve learned their lesson and they are reaching for a guy that does do things at an elite level. Porter is upper-upper-echelon athlete, scoring a 9.99 RAS at a position full of athletic freaks. He’s big, fast and quick. He is aggressive and can play the ball in the air. What’s the problem here?

Welllll he spent 6 years at Iowa State, 3 of them as a receiver and then two more slapdicking around at corner before figuring it out. Did he figure it out simply by being a great athlete and old enough to be the uncle of the receivers he was going against? Maybe. That’s the Bills job to figure out. Porter will turn 25 before the end of the 2025 season, which makes him old enough to be Jahdae Barron’s grandfather. Hopefully he can still produce enough body-heat to survive the cold Buffalo summers.


31. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS – Nic Scourton, Edge, Texas A&M

This is the spot where the Chiefs annually select a random stiff defensive lineman. This year the honors go to Nic Scourton. At least he’s a young buck – he won’t turn 21 until August, which means we can expect him to really burst onto the scene in the 2031 season. Scourton has a Karlaftis-ey profile, which the Chiefs are comfortable with and which has worked for them previously. Scourton isn’t the most explosive edge but he’s big and strong and sets the edge and is a physical presence and gets blocked like an alpha dog or something. He did have a good “pass-rush win rate” in 2023 at Purdue, so I think the potential is there to fit well on an NFL defensive line. FUCK CAN THIS PLEASE BE OVER


32. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES – Malaki Starks, Safety, Georgia



Everybody bust out your kneepads, for it’s time to suck off the Eagles for drafting an SEC player that they’ve heard of.
Starks is the annual “doesn’t test well but looks good playing safety on a great defense” safety. Sometimes that guy is 2023 Georgia draftee Christopher Smith, and other times that guy is Brian Branch. Starks has a lot of similarities to Branch, right down to the size and testing. He’s also from Georgia, which means the Eagles just once again ran circles around the rest of the league. Howie does it again!

[Todd McNeigh]

OTHER DUDES I WATCHED FOR 2 MINUTES
Here’s a sentence on some other guys so I can come back to them in a few years to award or deduct McNeigh’s carrots.


QB

Jalen Milroe – As I mentioned earlier, I’d have him ranked 2nd this year. The running ability is just absurd from a QB. This is a legit 4.4 guy. The arm is good, the accuracy is mostly much better than people seem to believe, in my opinion. He’s just not pulling the trigger soon enough on mid-range routes and he does have a tendency to throw right into the chest of a linebacker. He also seemingly regressed last year but it was a completely new regime for Alabama and I don’t think their new OC impressed anybody. In the later 2nd or 3rd rounds I’d be happy to roll the dice on this guy.

Will Howard – No. I thought there might be something here but was quite unimpressed after watching his Just-a-Guy masterclasses. He’s just stiff and unimpressive, like you, dear reader. With your small-ass penis.

Quinn Ewers – I did not even watch him during this exercise. I saw enough during the actual games to know that I do not want.

Tommy Mellott – A fast guy from Montana State, kinda fun and ran a 4.3-something but he throws like a child. Is there a John Rhys Plumlee factory operating somewhere?


RB

Quinshon Judkins – He is also good. A little more of a power-type than Henderson. They all look similar though.
I do not have time to watch more RBs. Come on.



WR

Matthew Golden – An explosive Christian Kirk. The NCAA does not produce functional receivers anymore but the speed is legit here. Probably going to be a first round pick and the upside is Steve Smith without the insanity.

Emeka Egbuka – A regular receiver that does regular stuff but teams always want guys who do regular stuff well. I think he’ll be fine.

Luther Burden – You can’t have a 2013-type of draft without having a Tavon Austin. Burden is not as explosive as Austin was but he’s the same type. Everything is manufactured, he’s big on YAC after a catch 2 yards downfield, but can he like, line up and run a route and get open? I was less impressed than I thought I’d be and I’d bet that his NFL career is mediocre at best.

Tre Harris – Seems to be pretty good but he’s doing it in that Jaxson Dart scheme and it’s hard divorcing players from that scheme. At least for me. He’s probably good, though.

Jack Bech – Tall and fast, he runs tall fast guy routes and I don’t know how it will translate. I don’t have an opinion either way.

Elic Ayomanor – Now I have an opinion. This guy destroyed Travis Hunter and he’s also tall and big and is good after the catch so why not? Well, watch him try and make a contested catch. Yes, my friends, we’ve done it – we’ve made a slower Chase Claypool.



OT

Josh Simmons – Did not appear to be impressive at all.

Josh Conerly, Jr. – Did not appear to be impressive at all but was less unimpressive than Simmons.



IOL

No



IDL

Derrick Harmon – I did not see this guy do anything. Not even one time. Oregon sent a guy like this to the NFL last year. His name is Brandon Dorlus and he did nothing in his rookie season.



EDGE

Shemar Stewart – If you missed your chance to draft Robert Nkemdiche and you’re still kicking yourself over it, I’ve got good news! All time elite athlete at the position with a 9.99 RAS score and whose three best on-field qualities are 1. Jack, 2. Fucking, and 3. Shit. He did not ever once even consider doing a productive thing. This is the dice roll that gets you sent to gambling rehab.

Mykel Williams – One reason Georgia players go to the Eagles lower than expected is that as I mentioned earlier, they seem dead-set on killing their players’ draft stock. Williams was essentially just used as an edge-setter against the run. Could he be good? Yeah, but I’m not betting that he’ll be a productive NFL edge-rusher and he seems way too big to be an off-ball LB.

JT Tuimoloau – People seem to like this guy and he’s explosive but it seems like he’s always exploding into easily being blocked.

Princely Umanmielen – This guy is interesting. He looks to be big af and strong and all that and an intimidating presence but there just isn’t any bend. He may have a decent NFL career but he’s a Bud Dupree type and those guys usually have their decent career for 5 different teams over 9 seasons.

Jack Sawyer – Arguably the worst non-Shemar Stewart player that I watched. I don’t understand why this guy is projected to be a 2nd rounder. Is it because he recovered a fumble? Do not want at all anywhere.

Bradyn Swinson – This guy seems to be good and I’d consider him to be a dark horse end-of-first-round draft surprise candidate. I think he’s better than most of the guys projected ahead of him. On the negative side, it took him until his 5th season to breakout and he played for LSU in 2023 as well so it can’t all be transfer related.

Kyle Kennard – I feel similarly about Kennard as I do about Swinson. Impressive player but it also took him until his 5th college season to break out. It was after a transfer as well but he only played a single season at South Carolina so there’s a better chance this was a scheme-fit thing.



CB

Maxwell Hairston – 4.29 guy and it shows. Productive as well, at least in 2023. A bit small and also a bit rapey perhaps? There are a few accusations against this guy but they are of the Snapchat variety and man why does it come down to looking into this so often every season

Shavon Revel Jr – Apparently would have likely been a first round lock before tearing an ACL this past season but I don’t think he was impressive enough at a small school when the ACL was intact to be confident in that. I couldn’t tell if he was good or not.



KICKER

Bro



PUNTER

Come on.



LONG SNAPPER

Austin Brinkman – The GOAT of snapping the ball long. My God did you see that thing!

[Todd McNeigh]

[Ryan]

Fuck the Masters. Now it's spring.

[tennbengal]

Yeah. What Ryan said.

Thanks SL, gonna sit with this a bit later today.

[tennbengal]

Skimmed to the Bengals bit and...YES...this is accurate as fuck -

You may be thinking, “Todd, why would the Bengals draft an ILB?” and I would reply that I have watched a lot of Bengals games over the past two seasons, and you simply cannot watch a Bengals game these days without wondering just what the hell Germaine Pratt is doing. I liked Germaine Pratt coming out, and he gave the Meth Cats some good seasons, but it’s over. It done been over for our boy Germaine Pratt. So let’s get a fun ILB that knows how to play zone coverage and runs to the ball rather than waiting and catch-tackling runners.

[bfj]

Oh look the Ravens take a physical anomaly that dropped to them in the 20s, what else is new. I don’t know if they need a nose-tackle type or not, I’m just going to assume they’d take Grant and figure it out. While I don’t think Grant was all that dominant, he is an impossibly large man who moves like a much more reasonably sized man and this is a cut-and-dried application of the Planet Theory. The Ravens select Planet Jackson.

The Horse is back!

The Ravens do need a new planet at NT since Planet Pierce (of the INT fame) retired in the off season. Also, Grant was probably recruited by Jim Harbaugh while he was MI's coach (no idea if this is true).

[Nonlinear FC]

I mean, Jim was most certainly the head coach when Grant was being recruited.

[Gunpowder]

[sancarlos]

Thanks for doing this SL!

[GoodKarma]

Skimmed to the Bengals bit and...YES...this is accurate as fuck -

You may be thinking, “Todd, why would the Bengals draft an ILB?” and I would reply that I have watched a lot of Bengals games over the past two seasons, and you simply cannot watch a Bengals game these days without wondering just what the hell Germaine Pratt is doing. I liked Germaine Pratt coming out, and he gave the Meth Cats some good seasons, but it’s over. It done been over for our boy Germaine Pratt. So let’s get a fun ILB that knows how to play zone coverage and runs to the ball rather than waiting and catch-tackling runners.

I second this…the Bengals DL and secondary gets all the chatter but the LB corps is just as weak…why they don’t invest in a top tier guy blows my mind. I’m surprised Pratt is still on the roster.

[tennbengal]

He’s as good as gone. Whether the replacement is in the first round or not is an open question.

[mister d]

Annually the beginning and end of me caring about the NFL draft.

[Todd McNeigh]

Adding to the a "watched a guy, here's a blurb!" section:

QB

Tyler Shough: A 7th-year breakout who will turn 26 in September. Has a live arm but is absolutely petrified of taking another hit and throws from an inexplicable arm angle. Getting a lot of hype lately as the thought of drafting another black QB 1st overall has the NFL looking outside of the box. My best comp for Tyler Shough is Jim Crow.

[tennbengal]

Adding to the a "watched a guy, here's a blurb!" section:

QB

Tyler Shough: A 7th-year breakout who will turn 26 in September. Has a live arm but is absolutely petrified of taking another hit and throws from an inexplicable arm angle. Getting a lot of hype lately as the thought of drafting another black QB 1st overall has the NFL looking outside of the box. My best comp for Tyler Shough is Jim Crow.

open laughter

[rass]

During my five minute sample of local sports radio this morning it seems the Giants are out on Sanders and in on Dart. Or at least have the local media running with that idea for whatever reason.

[Gunpowder]

During my five minute sample of local sports radio this morning it seems the Giants are out on Sanders and in on Dart. Or at least have the local media running with that idea for whatever reason.

Yeah I should have stuck to my original guns and dropped Sanders. I think he's like a lesser version of the Brock Purdy archetype.

[rass]

Phil Simms thinks Dart is "pudgy".

[tennbengal]

Re: Travis Hunter - the thing that would give me some pause, at least on his idea of playing both ways (demanding to play both ways if reports are correct) is that he is 188 pounds - no way he holds up playing both at a high level in the NFL. He's gonna have to choose, or make his peace with choosing. And, even then, he's...not big. For NFL longevity he should probably focus on DB in my opinion, and play offense occasionally. Dunno. I think there is more risk here than people are allowing for.

[brian]

Re: Travis Hunter - the thing that would give me some pause, at least on his idea of playing both ways (demanding to play both ways if reports are correct) is that he is 188 pounds - no way he holds up playing both at a high level in the NFL. He's gonna have to choose, or make his peace with choosing. And, even then, he's...not big. For NFL longevity he should probably focus on DB in my opinion, and play offense occasionally. Dunno. I think there is more risk here than people are allowing for.

No you’re exactly right. IMO. He’d be a great weapon for 12-15 offensive snaps a game especially in high leverage situations (late game, short to mid yardage, etc)

[tennbengal]

I'm almost positive this is who the Bengals will take...(in round 1)

Shemar Stewart – If you missed your chance to draft Robert Nkemdiche and you’re still kicking yourself over it, I’ve got good news! All time elite athlete at the position with a 9.99 RAS score and whose three best on-field qualities are 1. Jack, 2. Fucking, and 3. Shit. He did not ever once even consider doing a productive thing. This is the dice roll that gets you sent to gambling rehab.

[sancarlos]

I’m just relieved that we’ll finally get a break from all the mock drafts at The Athletic/Yahoo/espn, etc.

[Gunpowder]

Re: Travis Hunter - the thing that would give me some pause, at least on his idea of playing both ways (demanding to play both ways if reports are correct) is that he is 188 pounds - no way he holds up playing both at a high level in the NFL. He's gonna have to choose, or make his peace with choosing. And, even then, he's...not big. For NFL longevity he should probably focus on DB in my opinion, and play offense occasionally. Dunno. I think there is more risk here than people are allowing for.

I am concerned that he's super raw on both sides, but I'm not concerned about him demanding to play both ways. He'll do whatever his team tells him to do.

[degenerasian]

Hey, Browns trade the pick!

[Gunpowder]

I think I have a bet at some pretty long odds that travis hunter went to the jags

[Rex]

Oh yes…..YES

[A_B]

I'm almost positive this is who the Bengals will take...(in round 1)

Shemar Stewart – If you missed your chance to draft Robert Nkemdiche and you’re still kicking yourself over it, I’ve got good news! All time elite athlete at the position with a 9.99 RAS score and whose three best on-field qualities are 1. Jack, 2. Fucking, and 3. Shit. He did not ever once even consider doing a productive thing. This is the dice roll that gets you sent to gambling rehab.

Someone should check in the abbatoir for bengal.

[tennbengal]

I'm almost positive this is who the Bengals will take...(in round 1)

Shemar Stewart – If you missed your chance to draft Robert Nkemdiche and you’re still kicking yourself over it, I’ve got good news! All time elite athlete at the position with a 9.99 RAS score and whose three best on-field qualities are 1. Jack, 2. Fucking, and 3. Shit. He did not ever once even consider doing a productive thing. This is the dice roll that gets you sent to gambling rehab.

Someone should check in the abbatoir for bengal.

I know my team - five decades of seeing this kinda thing play out.

[mister d]

Kinda thinking McNeigh doesn’t know shit if the guy he had going #2 might not be picked in the first three rounds.

[Ryan]

Kinda thinking McNeigh doesn’t know shit if the guy he had going #2 might not be picked in the first three rounds.

Todd hypes the shit out of players who bail on HBCUs. Trash human-horse.

[rass]

Maybe time to send him upstate to the same farm that they sent Berman to.

[Gunpowder]

McNeigh's an idiot.

In all seriousness though I didn't stick to my guns and drop Sanders out of the first round. I think his talent dictated a second round pick or somewhere in that range; the point where Dillon Gabriel was taken was where it seemed to get personal.

[tennbengal]

McNeigh's an idiot.

In all seriousness though I didn't stick to my guns and drop Sanders out of the first round. I think his talent dictated a second round pick or somewhere in that range; the point where Dillon Gabriel was taken was where it seemed to get personal.

Then the part where he was eventually drafted by the team that took Dillon Gabriel it went back to being unbelievably weird...

[degenerasian]

McNeigh's an idiot.

In all seriousness though I didn't stick to my guns and drop Sanders out of the first round. I think his talent dictated a second round pick or somewhere in that range; the point where Dillon Gabriel was taken was where it seemed to get personal.

Then the part where he was eventually drafted by the team that took Dillon Gabriel it went back to being unbelievably weird...

I dont know, if you've had as bad a history of QBs as the Browns, you should be willing to acquire as many QBs as possible in the hopes one of them works out

Kenny Pickett
Joe Flacco
Dillon Gabriel
Shedeur Sanders
whatever is left of Deshaun Watson

[Todd McNeigh]

Honestly the Browns should probably be taking QBs with every single pick they have

[tennbengal]

Honestly the Browns should probably be taking QBs with every single pick they have

Next they should try taking good ones.

[garyclark]

Pleased that Washington selected the least least impressive of the two tackles that Business Horse didn't like enough to rank.

[A_B]

Honestly the Browns should probably be taking QBs with every single pick they have

Next they should try taking good ones.

Or not completely fuck over the only halfway decent one in the past ten years.

[Gunpowder]

Pleased that Washington selected the least least impressive of the two tackles that Business Horse didn't like enough to rank.

Everybody else seems to like him and really, I mailed this in harder than ever this year. Barely watched anything compared to usual. I will stand firm on Kelvin Banks isn't good, though.