Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
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Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
With Brian resurrecting the Friday discussion last week (Most Beloved Athlete) and getting a pretty healthy response, I thought we could make this a regular thing. Apropos of nothing, I'll share an idea that's been kicking around in my head for a while:
If you held a Royal Rumble-style match of all historical U.S. presidents, at their relative physical peaks, who would be the last man remaining?
Here are my top five contenders:
- Washington (father of the country, etc.)
- Jackson (survived a British prison camp during the Revolution; later personally attacked a would-be assassin with his cane)
- Lincoln (was an actual wrestler in his younger years)
- Teddy Roosevelt (self-explanatory)
- LBJ (big guy, tried to intimidate the shit out of anyone who crossed his path)
As for the first man out, you might be tempted to go with James Madison, who weighed less than 100 pounds, but I prefer to see him as a tenacious little fucker who would at least take a few others out first. I might go with someone like James Buchanan, just because he seemed like such a big pussy.
What are your thoughts?
PS: If there's interest, I'll run a detailed scientific simulation (i.e., make shit up) and post updates here.
If you held a Royal Rumble-style match of all historical U.S. presidents, at their relative physical peaks, who would be the last man remaining?
Here are my top five contenders:
- Washington (father of the country, etc.)
- Jackson (survived a British prison camp during the Revolution; later personally attacked a would-be assassin with his cane)
- Lincoln (was an actual wrestler in his younger years)
- Teddy Roosevelt (self-explanatory)
- LBJ (big guy, tried to intimidate the shit out of anyone who crossed his path)
As for the first man out, you might be tempted to go with James Madison, who weighed less than 100 pounds, but I prefer to see him as a tenacious little fucker who would at least take a few others out first. I might go with someone like James Buchanan, just because he seemed like such a big pussy.
What are your thoughts?
PS: If there's interest, I'll run a detailed scientific simulation (i.e., make shit up) and post updates here.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Taft. He'd just blubber 'em all.
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.
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Over a long time ago
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Teddy has to be the odds on favorite, no?
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
In a one-v-one tournament you'd like the chances of Teddy, GW, Jackson and Abe for sure.
But you have to take into account the alliances that would inevitably form. You're gonna get some shrewd guys ganging up on the biggest threats.
But you have to take into account the alliances that would inevitably form. You're gonna get some shrewd guys ganging up on the biggest threats.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Always bet on black.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Teddy was a soft rich kid. Andrew Jackson was mean and violent by nature. Tough enough to stand up to a British officer as a little boy and get a scar on his face from a sword as a result. The guy on the twenty wins it.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
We did this before and it was awesome. First off, fuck James Buchanan - I immediately accuse people who say "Obama/Bush is the worst president ever!" of being idiots for not realizing that James Buchanan's legacy should be continually face-fucked with dicks. Thanks for the Civil War Buchanan, you cocksucker.
Is Franklin Pierce still grieving over his lost son like he did throughout his Presidency? If Zachary Taylor had not died, I think American history would look radically different during that period.
I still gotta go with Abe or Teddy. Nixon and LBJ leading alliances is intriguing, though.
Is Franklin Pierce still grieving over his lost son like he did throughout his Presidency? If Zachary Taylor had not died, I think American history would look radically different during that period.
I still gotta go with Abe or Teddy. Nixon and LBJ leading alliances is intriguing, though.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
sancarlos wrote:Teddy was a soft rich kid. Andrew Jackson was mean and violent by nature. Tough enough to stand up to a British officer as a little boy and get a scar on his face from a sword as a result. The guy on the twenty wins it.
Teddy was anything but soft, but good call on AJax.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Can FDR add any weapons to his wheelchair? Maybe some sort of go-cart engine or something.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
I thought of including Nixon as a dark horse for this very reason. I could see him building a tag team based on national security and economic prosperity, then switching at the last minute to whichever side hates blacks the most.AB_skin_test wrote:But you have to take into account the alliances that would inevitably form. You're gonna get some shrewd guys ganging up on the biggest threats.
So...Warren G. Harding?The Sybian wrote:Always bet on black.
Couple more points about Buchanan:Gunpowder wrote:First off, fuck James Buchanan - I immediately accuse people who say "Obama/Bush is the worst president ever!" of being idiots for not realizing that James Buchanan's legacy should be continually face-fucked with dicks. Thanks for the Civil War Buchanan, you cocksucker.
- A shift in political winds during the 1990's could have led to him being only the second-worst president named Buchanan.
- Depending on which historians you believe, calling him a "cocksucker" might be literally correct.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Gerald Ford was a pretty good football player. I'd also vote for andrew jackson - sounds like he was a tough son of a bitch.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Can we vote for a Canadian Prime Minister?Pruitt wrote:Gerald Ford was a pretty good football player. I'd also vote for andrew jackson - sounds like he was a tough son of a bitch.
Pruitt, imagine the screeching from the media party if Harper did anything remotely close to that.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Well if it was "at his peak" he was a strapping young lad before he was stricken with polio.Giff wrote:Can FDR add any weapons to his wheelchair? Maybe some sort of go-cart engine or something.
and his wheelchair he used was typically one that he designed that used a kitchen chair so don't know how well it would stand up.
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
This is just because I haven't done this in awhile, and should in no way be considered a complaint about the existence of this thread.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Johnny Carwash wrote: - Depending on which historians you believe, calling him a "cocksucker" might be literally correct.
Wonder if he ever fucked Lincoln
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Rush2112 wrote: Well if it was "at his peak" he was a strapping young lad before he was stricken with polio.
Guillan-Barre!
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Eisenhower was not only a war hero, but he had a tattoo on his ass. Don't sleep on Ike.
I was going to give this to SL as a Gold Star trivia question, but while we are talking Presidential tattoos, who are the other two US Presidents that purportedly had tats?
I was going to give this to SL as a Gold Star trivia question, but while we are talking Presidential tattoos, who are the other two US Presidents that purportedly had tats?
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Nobody thinks Dwight D Eisenhower?
Not real big at 5'11, 185lbs, but:
Farm boy, middle child of 8 boys, college football player, fencer, gymnast, soldier.
He's got a pretty solid resume.
Sybian got to him as I was typing....
Not real big at 5'11, 185lbs, but:
Farm boy, middle child of 8 boys, college football player, fencer, gymnast, soldier.
He's got a pretty solid resume.
Sybian got to him as I was typing....
Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Eisenhower would certainly be closer to the top than the bottom. Ford was the greatest natural athlete to ascend to the Presidency, that's gotta mean something. Presidential history makes me hard.
Was gonna make a Prime Minister thread but Scottie beat me to it. Who's the beastliest Prime Minister ever? Diefenbaker or some obscure dude like that?
Was gonna make a Prime Minister thread but Scottie beat me to it. Who's the beastliest Prime Minister ever? Diefenbaker or some obscure dude like that?
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Great question Syb - I've read it but forgot. Looked it up and one is guessable, the other is basically one of the last guesses you'd make if you had the aid of a list of Prezzes.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Yeah, the surprise value in the last one is what made we post the question. That, and I was really curious to see if you'd know. Judging from your series of Presidential bios, you know tons of facts about Presidents that nobody else knows.Gunpowder wrote:Great question Syb - I've read it but forgot. Looked it up and one is guessable, the other is basically one of the last guesses you'd make if you had the aid of a list of Prezzes.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Carter? (Navy)
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.
Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…
Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…
Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
The Sybian wrote:Yeah, the surprise value in the last one is what made we post the question. That, and I was really curious to see if you'd know. Judging from your series of Presidential bios, you know tons of facts about Presidents that nobody else knows.Gunpowder wrote:Great question Syb - I've read it but forgot. Looked it up and one is guessable, the other is basically one of the last guesses you'd make if you had the aid of a list of Prezzes.
I'm President, sports and geography guy during trivia night....but still didn't know that one.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
howard wrote:Carter? (Navy)
Carter has an undeserved puss rep but this raises a question - are they all in their prime, or is it 42 year old JFK v. 70 year old Reagan?
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
To be fair it should be their constitution while they were president, IMO.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Teddy was a bad ass and 43 when elected.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
I was proposing James Earl as a tattoo-having ensign.
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.
Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…
Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…
Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
He wasn't on the list.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
And really, up until Reagan, weren't basically all of them in the military?
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Obama, Clinton, FDR, Hoover, Coolidge, harding, Wilson, Taft, Cleveland, Van Buren, and Both Adams were not in the military at all.
So basically 25%
So basically 25%
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
But he was Assistant Secretary of the Navy, close enough right?AB_skin_test wrote:Obama, Clinton, FDR, Hoover, Coolidge, harding, Wilson, Taft, Cleveland, Van Buren, and Both Adams were not in the military at all.
So basically 25%
(and you forgot GW...not like he was really in the military.)
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Underrated guy to go sooner than expected? Jefferson.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
Going soon for jefferspin would be expected.Giff wrote:Underrated guy to go sooner than expected? Jefferson.
And the only answer to this query, hands down, is old hickory.
Via history.com
'Nuff said.On May 30, 1806, Jackson and Dickinson met at Harrison's Mills on the Red River in Logan, Kentucky. At the first signal from their seconds, Dickinson fired. Jackson received Dickinson's first bullet in the chest next to his heart. Jackson put his hand over the wound to staunch the flow of blood and stayed standing long enough to fire his gun. Dickinson's seconds claimed Jackson's first shot misfired, which would have meant the duel was over, but, in a breach of etiquette, Jackson re-cocked the gun and shot again, this time killing his opponent. Although Jackson recovered, he suffered chronic pain from the wound for the remainder of his life.
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
According to Caro's biography (at least the first part) LBJ was a puss. Despite his size and his intimidating style, the moment a fight started he would start screaming and crying and would lay down and kick his legs like a little girl.Johnny Carwash wrote: - LBJ (big guy, tried to intimidate the shit out of anyone who crossed his path)
And I don't know why, but Truman seems to me like he'd be a tough out. I bet he would fight dirty.
Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
"Tough" in Canada means "someone who can read Canadian history without falling asleep". You have to be seriously badass to do so.Gunpowder wrote:Eisenhower would certainly be closer to the top than the bottom. Ford was the greatest natural athlete to ascend to the Presidency, that's gotta mean something. Presidential history makes me hard.
Was gonna make a Prime Minister thread but Scottie beat me to it. Who's the beastliest Prime Minister ever? Diefenbaker or some obscure dude like that?
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
I guess this is as good a place to put this as any.
I saw this at the store today. I don't intend to buy Gunpowder Jones a Christmas present, but if I did, it would be this! Who wouldn't want their own Grover Cleveland Pez dispenser? Or, Franklin Pierce? Or... Rutherford B. Hayes!!! (I got way too excited about this...)
I saw this at the store today. I don't intend to buy Gunpowder Jones a Christmas present, but if I did, it would be this! Who wouldn't want their own Grover Cleveland Pez dispenser? Or, Franklin Pierce? Or... Rutherford B. Hayes!!! (I got way too excited about this...)
"What a bunch of pedantic pricks." - sybian
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
The head of the fourth one not only tilts back, but also to the left. (sorry)sancarlos wrote:
That reminds me, I have been meaning to get the Franklin Pierce set, and then throw the other chumps out.sancarlos wrote:Who wouldn't want their own Grover Cleveland Pez dispenser? Or, Franklin Pierce? Or... Rutherford B. Hayes!!! (I got way too excited about this...)
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Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
The Buchanan one should be empty
he’s a fixbking cyborg or some shit. The
holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The
holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The
Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
OK, I gave it an hour. I claim the Kennedy joke.
Who knows? Maybe, you were kidnapped, tied up, taken away and held for ransom.
Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…
Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago
Oh yeah…
Re: Friday Discussion: Presidential Royal Rumble
I felt aswirl with warm secretions.