The Official Swamp Dating Thread

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 1:08 pm

I am completely ok with that. Financial stuff isn’t remotely a consideration. It’s fine. I will find a way to make it work. This ain’t about that.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 3:13 pm

I’m with Steve. I think the partner who wants out should be the one to have to find a new residence. But, of course I am completely ignorant of all the other pertinent details, so I’ll shut up, now.

(eta: I posted that before I saw TB's response to Steve.)

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:00 pm

yo guys, I am not moving, the only issue will be if I can afford to stay here with the other stuff. This isn't happening tomorrow. Gonna be almost a year to get things squared away. So no hilarious awful awkwardness from me for awhile in terms of "getting back out there".

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:20 pm

Without knowing more details, this sounds like a midlife crisis for her.

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:24 pm

tennbengal wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:00 pm yo guys, I am not moving, the only issue will be if I can afford to stay here with the other stuff. This isn't happening tomorrow. Gonna be almost a year to get things squared away. So no hilarious awful awkwardness from me for awhile in terms of "getting back out there".

Aren’t you glad you shared?

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 6:00 pm

I mean, jeebus.

rass · Post by **rass** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 6:12 pm

YOU picked this thread man!

Could have gone with the good old “official casually devastating pending life changes thread” but nooooo

travzilla · Post by **travzilla** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 7:34 pm

Is Atlantic Canada still on the table?!?
I know several middle-aged men and zero middle-aged women, so that's probably not helpful.

Sorry you're going through stress/tension/unease of this process but I have no doubt you'll come through this for the better. I imagine there will be a lot of exciting and enjoyable new experiences in the coming months and years, and an online community of dudes who will enviously want to hear about them (as well as help you through the shitty parts).

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Sun Aug 21, 2022 7:35 pm

hey trav! thanks for the words.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:40 am

Really sorry, tb. I can't imagine the feelings you're experiencing, but know I'm always here for you if you need to vent. Luckily mine was nowhere near the length of yours, but I've been through it.

Rush2112 · Post by **Rush2112** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:50 am

Man, sorry to hear this...and on Bronto's wedding day to boot.

Post by **brian** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 11:26 am

I can tell you if and when it does come time to "get out there" that the dating situation is much different in your late 40s/early 50s than it was in your teens/early 20s. If you're a decent guy with a good job, you will clean up. If you're even remotely attractive (and I'm confident enough in my sexuality to say you easily fall into this bucket), you will have to bat away women with a stick.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 11:39 am

(Files under self-esteem - note to self)

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 1:08 pm

Add this one as well:

Giff wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:40 am...mine was nowhere near the length of yours...

Sorry to hear, hope it all works out as best it can.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 1:09 pm

brian wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 11:26 am I can tell you if and when it does come time to "get out there" that the dating situation is much different in your late 40s/early 50s than it was in your teens/early 20s. If you're a decent guy with a good job, you will clean up. If you're even remotely attractive (and I'm confident enough in my sexuality to say you easily fall into this bucket), you will have to bat away women with a stick.

I think the innerwebs will back me up in noting that there are a lot more single women in the market than men, as you get older.

Post by **brian** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 1:53 pm

sancarlos wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 1:09 pm
brian wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 11:26 am I can tell you if and when it does come time to "get out there" that the dating situation is much different in your late 40s/early 50s than it was in your teens/early 20s. If you're a decent guy with a good job, you will clean up. If you're even remotely attractive (and I'm confident enough in my sexuality to say you easily fall into this bucket), you will have to bat away women with a stick.
I think the innerwebs will back me up in noting that there are a lot more single women in the market than men, as you get older.

This may be true in general, but it won't be true if you do the online thing. That said, the women online are very accomplished at sniffing out losers, which outnumber "normal" guys 5 to 1 (at least). So it all works out.

rass · Post by **rass** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:10 pm

GFD does any other thread deliver the constant laughs as often as this one??

degenerasian · Post by **degenerasian** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:34 pm

Dating later in life both parties know exactly what they want.

duff · Post by **duff** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:37 pm

degenerasian wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:34 pm Dating later in life both parties know exactly what they want.

Related.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 3:40 pm

rass wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:10 pm GFD does any other thread deliver the constant laughs as often as this one??

the swamp when this thread gets bumped

OH NO

but yay!

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 3:49 pm

tennbengal wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 3:40 pm
rass wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:10 pm GFD does any other thread deliver the constant laughs as often as this one??
the swamp when this thread gets bumped

OH NO

but yay!

Hate to see anyone going through a difficult time, but OTOH, it's been too long since we had a thread like DiS' early dating stories. JLo gave us the shaft going from infuriatingly clueless to being in a relationship.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 4:32 pm

"She asked me favorite sexual position while taking off her shirt.... Do you think it's a go?"

/Captain Slight Exaggeration

Post by **Shirley** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 7:55 pm

Bronto and Johnnie got married, JLo settled down... and now God opens a window for this thread.

Sorry, TB, I do feel for you. FWIW, I'm pretty sure that 100% of the people I know who've gotten divorced have been happier for it.

Rush2112 · Post by **Rush2112** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:07 pm

Is Baller shacked up with the girl with the lisp?

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:27 pm

Now ithh not thh thime.

Steve of phpBB · Post by **Steve of phpBB** » Tue Aug 23, 2022 7:18 am

Shirley wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 7:55 pm Bronto and Johnnie got married

Yeah the world really has changed since 2004.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Tue Aug 23, 2022 8:54 am

four straight posts of laughs. this thread does rule.

The Sybian · Post by **The Sybian** » Tue Aug 23, 2022 9:50 am

tennbengal wrote: ↑Tue Aug 23, 2022 8:54 am four straight posts of laughs. this thread does rule.

Thanks for reviving it, buddy!

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Tue Aug 23, 2022 6:27 pm

Shirley wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 7:55 pm Bronto and Johnnie got married, JLo settled down... and now God opens a window for this thread.

Sorry, TB, I do feel for you. FWIW, I'm pretty sure that 100% of the people I know who've gotten divorced have been happier for it.

VOUCH!

Yeah I kind of just got lucky so obviously I'm not equipped to offer advice here, TB. Never really figured out how to navigate that shit. I'd say not to treat them like dates and it's less awkward but according to Swamp, it seems that was my problem.

Post by **brian** » Wed Aug 24, 2022 12:49 am

Ironically, our soon to be single friend TB probably has the most instances of "running the board".

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Thu Aug 25, 2022 9:04 pm

Not so random thought - I cannot think of anything more potentially upsetting for one's mental health at the age of 51 than the swipe left/swipe right stuff.

Also, I have no idea how hook up culture works. Or anything along those lines. Keeping it casual was never my thing.

This is gonna be a genuine disaster. Excited for you guys, really.

A_B · Post by **A_B** » Thu Aug 25, 2022 9:08 pm

tennbengal wrote: ↑Thu Aug 25, 2022 9:04 pm Not so random thought - I cannot think of anything more potentially upsetting for one's mental health at the age of 51 than the swipe left/swipe right stuff.

Also, I have no idea how hook up culture works. Or anything along those lines. Keeping it casual was never my thing.

This is gonna be really a disaster. Excited for you guys, really.

Play your cards right, open your mind and you’ll be beating them off with two hands in no time.

Jerloma · Post by **Jerloma** » Thu Aug 25, 2022 9:33 pm

tennbengal wrote: ↑Thu Aug 25, 2022 9:04 pmAlso, I have no idea how hook up culture works. Or anything along those lines. Keeping it casual was never my thing.

I would swipe left on certain women that looked and sounded awesome just because I didn't want to insult them by thinking I was in their league, so yeah. Senseless fucking terror.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 01, 2022 6:08 pm

Gonna try to play a little matchmaker here ...

rass wrote: ↑Wed Aug 31, 2022 7:07 pm Wind blowing between your toes is a feeling that is underrepresented in song. At least compared to something like sand between your toes.

bfj wrote: ↑Thu Sep 01, 2022 5:56 pmDon't be telling me about foot massages, I'm the foot fuckin' master.

rass · Post by **rass** » Thu Sep 01, 2022 6:10 pm

Baltimore Foot Jostler

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Mon May 08, 2023 8:54 pm

This is a parody account, but I laughed.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Thu Sep 28, 2023 10:16 am

So...a small update. After a year of seeing where things stand (she ended up not making an immediate life change earlier this summer), we have decided that it would be better to part as friends, and so that is the plan. Gonna be a slow process even from here, as we don't need to rush into this and need to de-tangle some things. But after Q graduates in May sometime next summer we will physically separate.

And then...whatever it is that comes with "and then". I am working on myself in meantime, some long long long overdue therapy and on the physical side, trying to find some stuff that works. Was diagnosed diabetic a year ago and tried to control with diet but finally gave in and started Ozempic a month ago. So far, a miracle for me - appetite completely changed. It has helped, my energy is better and I have dropped an initial 10. 30 to go, ideally... I also took 'Loma's lead ( I think it was Jerloma) and had ADD/ADHD diagnosis finally made and am on my first month of Adderall. I think it is helping.

In any event, we are NOT telling anyone in our sphere yet until we tell the kids - and we will do that around Thanksgiving. She wants me to stay in the house and have the dogs, and wants to move back into the city, and that piece falling into place helps. I think if we do this right, we remain a part of each other's lives and good friends, and that is what we want. Fingers crossed.

In the meantime, in the passingly small chance I/we run across any of you in real life, please do not say anything on facebook or wherever until we make it public (I feel like this is private enough to share here and not be "public"). And, weirdly, you all are probably my closest friends (yes, I know, not great, one of the threads to pull at therapy) even though I haven't met most of you in person, and I need to tell someone.

PS - a glance at "liberal dating site" has Match at the top. When the time comes, I am pretty sure I will have to dip my toe into on-line waters, no idea how I will run across available middle aged women otherwise, my life is pretty insular between home and work and the dogs take priority in terms of being home in evening etc. And, again, when the time comes, the awkwardness potential for me in this world is hilariously off the chart.

Weirdly, I am at peace, I think, for the most part.

Giff · Post by **Giff** » Thu Sep 28, 2023 10:20 am

Been thinking about you TB and wondering how things are going.

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Thu Sep 28, 2023 10:25 am

Well then read above your post!

Best of luck, TB. I assume the kids being older makes this a lot easier than it otherwise would be.

tennbengal · Post by **tennbengal** » Thu Sep 28, 2023 10:26 am

Giff wrote: ↑Thu Sep 28, 2023 10:20 am Been thinking about you TB and wondering how things are going.

Long overdue clean-up under the mental hood underway. Baby steps at finding a better me and what not. Cautiously optimistic (for a change).