HaulCitgo wrote: ↑Tue Nov 07, 2023 3:16 pm
Yeah, yeah... just make sure to come back with the creepily descriptive Zaz level sexcapades.
I mean, I truly think this will be an all-time lowered bar on that front. Genuinely hilariously unfit and unready for...whatevs might arise along those lines. It's not that I am out of the game, it is that I have never ever been in that game.
I met my wife when we were 16. I would have zero knowledge on how to date.
I'm glad you are getting healthy, bengal. Sucks to go through the tumult, but it sure sounds like you guys are handling it at the very highest level of thoughtfulness and compassion.
You can lead a horse to fish, but you can't fish out a horse.
tennbengal wrote: ↑Tue Nov 07, 2023 12:42 pm
Small update - looks like we will start the physical separation portion of the festivities in January as opposed to next summer. She found a great place in our old neighborhood in the city (basically a whole first floor apartment in a cool old house and we went and looked at it and it would be ideal). She signed the lease for 1/1 but we can move her in over a few weeks after the new year I guess as we figure out her furniture etc. No massive rush still. We are still doing really well, in fact, still better than it has been in a long time, but that is probably related to our decision to separate, paradoxically enough. I think. Dunno. There are still no rules for this.
And this isn't something you really want, is it? In other words, if your wife changed her mind and said she wanted to stay together, you'd be excited about that, right?
We both want/need this time apart. It is important for me for a number of reasons that I can't get into here. She has her own reasons. Goes back 30+ years, frankly, on my end. As for her, we met when she and i were 19, she's never known herself apart from "us" really, and, I want her to have that space. As for me, it is something else, but that's what therapy is for and I finally have a good therapist and some decent work is getting done - long, long, long overdue. In a strange way, us deciding to separate is going to help with that. It's a literal PTSD thing on my end (not from an abuse situation) but from something else traumatic when I was 16 and I was WAY too close to that still when we met and I defined myself in those moments and it carried into our marriage and the seeds of this were planted frankly from when we first met and that's not great, really. And she's lived with and loved a person with pretty awful ptsd issues and that has been a lonely place for her for a lot of years and I am really happy for her to get some space. Even if I am now finally getting to a better place. Like I said, a paradox in a lot of ways.
It is weird for everyone who is not us because we are good friends and good together and so it is puzzling as fuck from the outside but from where we are, it makes sense.
That all makes sense and I think that's great progress for you. I was just worried that it was more her idea AND she was dragging you along to pick out her new home. That was gonna piss me off ... but it's not that so I'm happy for both of you.
Yeah, that's not it. Her being happy and well settled is absolutely the most important thing to me - need that piece in place so I can work on the personal stuff, frankly.
Pretty great news - she landed a job in Balt City Public Schools central office that is right up her alley. She's been trying to get on with them for years. Coupled with her moving back to the city, it is a load off for each of us. Also means given the sizeable bump in salary from her current gig that she can take a few of the bills with her, which will help me. It is great news all around, really. We went out last night to celebrate and talk over some logistics of the upcoming six weeks and beyond.
For the first time in awhile we can both breathe a bit.
For my part, starting to mentally actually consider what dating etc might look like. I think I have settled on match.com if I do the online thing. Won't do any of that actual signing up until she makes the full move out in January. Again, I've never really "dated". I have no idea what to expect when the time comes. I should probably consider taking good notes and writing a humorous book. Or a tragic one. Could go either way.
update as 2023 closes - everything on track for her to move out over the next week. She gets the key tomorrow and we will take a few boxes and rugs but the bulk of the move will be next Saturday when the furniture is delivered and we bring a small u-haul of stuff down from the house.
We've talked extensively, lines of communication remain really wide open and we are both in a good place emotionally and mentally, it appears. She knows I will be looking to date, and i have encouraged her to do so if things break that way for her (she's not getting on an app anytime soon apparently). We have set to, other than emergencies with the house or things with the kids we need to talk about, check in with each other every three weeks or so but otherwise maintain communication silence. We can adjust that as need be but it is nice to have a plan.
As for me, the work I have been putting in with regard to the ozempic/diabetes management (as I have outlined in the getting shape thread) along with the hiking (if you have seen my facebook posts - I am hiking a ton - at least 44.5 miles since just Dec. 23) and general food intake reduction has really helped me feel better physically and improve my self-esteem. That came at a pretty ideal time, all things considered. Not where I want to be yet but feel confident enough in how I currently look to feel ok about dating apps etc.(34 inch pants are back! It has been decades since I last was in that size). Speaking of which, I think it's gonna be match.com. I've looked over a bunch of the options and I think match is probably the best fit for my situation (not looking for a quick fuck and not looking for a soulmate so tinder and eharmony are out and all like that). Probably will try and get that fired up mid-month. Oh, and I was tired of the gray on the goatee - so - this morning - no more goatee. Q said he's seen me maybe twice in my life without the facial hair. Will see how long this lasts but...it's nice not being assaulted by the reminder of being 53 when I look in the mirror...
In an effort to push myself out of my default social anxiety I joined several meetup groups and actually have attended two bar trivia dealies and I like that crew so will keep trying to go to that weekly and fell into the hiking club by accident through that app (Mountain Club of Maryland ftw). Am keeping an eye on a table-top gaming community hoping to get to one of their events, and am trying to be open to other social possibilities. So far, I have enjoyed meeting people and have avoided second-guessing my conversations etc too much, so, progress there. I am doing those clubs/events just to have something to do, not looking to "meet" someone there - will save that for match - but yaneverknow I suppose. Just enjoying doing social things again, to be honest.
Therapy continues weekly, still the best attempt at this I have had in terms of dealing with some stuff (finally lucked into a good fit with a therapist - go figure that part is important - huh), and continue to feel like I am making some progress in terms of managing depression and finding a place of peace beyond the PTSD from my teenage years.
So that's the update. Looking ahead to 2024 with some hope at this point. It will be...different. Again, I have appreciated having this space to share some of this with this friend group, a group that means a lot to me despite, you know, it not being a normal friend paradigm.
Bengal, I know this is a big change you’re going through. It sounds like you have a relatively good mental outlook going forward. If you got my number, let me know if you want to talk. Or I can come down, I’m only an hour away.
My avatar corresponds on my place in the Swamp posting list with the all-time Home Run list. Number 45 is Paul Konerko with 439.
L-Jam3 wrote: ↑Sun Dec 31, 2023 5:20 pm
Bengal, I know this is a big change you’re going through. It sounds like you have a relatively good mental outlook going forward. If you got my number, let me know if you want to talk. Or I can come down, I’m only an hour away.
thanks l-jam - will reach out for sure at some point. Was up your way today - 8.62 miles with a hiking group along the Susquehanna River. 1000 feet of elevation gain over the hike. Saw two Eagles (the actual birds not the currently disappointing football version). Not a far trip at all and we can meet in Bel Air or Aberdeen perhaps.
I don’t know what to say. Happy for you is what I’m thinking but that doesn’t feel appropriate. But in the situation you’re in, I feel like you’ve handled it like an absolute fucking champ and I’m happy for you. I predict a great conclusion to this chapter of your life.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
L-Jam3 wrote: ↑Sun Dec 31, 2023 5:20 pm
Bengal, I know this is a big change you’re going through. It sounds like you have a relatively good mental outlook going forward. If you got my number, let me know if you want to talk. Or I can come down, I’m only an hour away.
If I lived within an hour of any of y’all we’d be hanging out all the time. The Jersey thread blows my mind tbh.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
Fantastic update, TB. Really happy for you and proud of you for getting out there. I can definitely relate to the social anxiety and that's a huge step joining all those clubs. Looking forward to hearing how it goes.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
Wow, what a great post to read, TB. I know you aren't doing it for our entertainment or approval, but we're all really impressed and proud with what you've been doing. It's truly inspiring.
Despite the headwinds against it (only being home for a few days a month for example) decided to put myself back out there and trying a dating site and just came across a profile there they listed a “movie they can watch over and over again” is Schindlers List.
Now it’s a great movie mind you but the only way I could imagine wanting to watch it over and over again is if you were actually a Nazi.
brian wrote: ↑Wed Jan 10, 2024 8:49 pm
Despite the headwinds against it (only being home for a few days a month for example) decided to put myself back out there and trying a dating site and just came across a profile there they listed a “movie they can watch over and over again” is Schindlers List.
Now it’s a great movie mind you but the only way I could imagine wanting to watch it over and over again is if you were actually a Nazi.
I got one of those posters with 100 great movies where you scratch off the foil when you watch it and we are workign our way back through it instead of marking off everything we'd already seen. When I saw schindler's list we had a long debate over whether we even wanted to try to watch that again.
You know what you need? A lyrical sucker punch to the face.
Giff wrote: ↑Thu Jan 11, 2024 12:49 pm
I didn't even want to see it for the first time until a girl I dated in the early 00s insisted. I'm glad she did, but I'm not going to watch it again.
Did you try to kiss her during the movie?
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
Giff wrote: ↑Thu Jan 11, 2024 12:49 pm
I didn't even want to see it for the first time until a girl I dated in the early 00s insisted. I'm glad she did, but I'm not going to watch it again.
Did you try to kiss her during the movie?
I tried that joke during and it didn't go over well.
well this is gonna be someone's new signature - bronto
Pruitt IV wrote: ↑Fri Jan 12, 2024 7:51 am
"Midnight Cowboy" is another one.
I never saw Midnight Cowboy and if I'm not mistaken it was my dad's favorite movie so I should probably rectify that.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
Pruitt IV wrote: ↑Fri Jan 12, 2024 7:51 am
"Midnight Cowboy" is another one.
I never saw Midnight Cowboy and if I'm not mistaken it was my dad's favorite movie so I should probably rectify that.
Just be warned - it's not a barrel of laughs.
"I'M WAWKING HEAAHHH" is kind of funny.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
So..I have been on a few dates with a few different women. Each went well. Got a second date Saturday - doing dinner and a jazz club show and will likely progress to a second date with the other person too. I think I've handled the process ok so far - was a little bit of a learning curve on Match but both of my persons so far came from that process. actually, pretty nice to message for awhile on that site before exchanging numbers and moving to texts. It was weird, those were technically the first "first dates" I've ever had - Earlham is/was VERY small (1200 or so students) so when you met someone there you hung as friends first before moving on to couplehood so we knew each other very well so no awkward first date etc. So this process remains hilariously new to me. I feel like a newborn foal shakily trying to stand and take a few steps.
tennbengal wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 11:31 am
So..I have been on a few dates with a few different women. Each went well. Got a second date Saturday - doing dinner and a jazz club show and will likely progress to a second date with the other person too. I think I've handled the process ok so far - was a little bit of a learning curve on Match but both of my persons so far came from that process. actually, pretty nice to message for awhile on that site before exchanging numbers and moving to texts. It was weird, those were technically the first "first dates" I've ever had - Earlham is/was VERY small (1200 or so students) so when you met someone there you hung as friends first before moving on to couplehood so we knew each other very well so no awkward first date etc. So this process remains hilariously new to me. I feel like a newborn foal shakily trying to stand and take a few steps.
Proud of you for jumping in. If you need a boost of confidence, read JLo's early dating posts.
An honest to God cult of personality - formed around a failed steak salesman.
-Pruitt
tennbengal wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 11:31 am
So..I have been on a few dates with a few different women. Each went well. Got a second date Saturday - doing dinner and a jazz club show and will likely progress to a second date with the other person too. I think I've handled the process ok so far - was a little bit of a learning curve on Match but both of my persons so far came from that process. actually, pretty nice to message for awhile on that site before exchanging numbers and moving to texts. It was weird, those were technically the first "first dates" I've ever had - Earlham is/was VERY small (1200 or so students) so when you met someone there you hung as friends first before moving on to couplehood so we knew each other very well so no awkward first date etc. So this process remains hilariously new to me. I feel like a newborn foal shakily trying to stand and take a few steps.
Proud of you for jumping in. If you need a boost of confidence, read JLo's early dating posts.
Right? Dude is light years ahead of me.
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
sancarlos wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 11:58 am
Jerloma, based the FB posts where she has tagged you, it sounds like your girlfriend has a great sense of humor.
She does and she's absolutely unoffendable* which is fantastic for me.
*This is not a word. Does anybody know a good word for that?
And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - God
sancarlos wrote: ↑Thu Feb 01, 2024 11:58 am
Jerloma, based the FB posts where she has tagged you, it sounds like your girlfriend has a great sense of humor.
She does and she's absolutely unoffendable* which is fantastic for me.
*This is not a word. Does anybody know a good word for that?
